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September 20, 2005


So the wind and the rain are dying down, and we're saying, "Guess the storm is about over!" And up on the utlility pole outside our house, Mr. Hypersensitive Transformer overhears us, and goes, quote, "bang." And our power goes out.

Time to get out Mr. Generator.

Update: The power is back, thanks to the hardworking power guys driving around in trucks and working hard. But I'm worried about Mr. Hypersensitive Transformer up there. God help us if another storm comes. Or a moth farts.


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Hello Mr. Generator Man.

woo woo

Oh dear, gotta hook up the generator to the beer cold!

to keep the beer cold, duh!

somehow, this is probably a squirrel's fault.

Crossgirl speaks the truth. Hidden from view on the other side of the transformer was a squirrel with a pair of jumper cables.

Isn't irony a cruel thing?

There aren't any dangly things now, are there?

People try to put me d-down
Just because it's the last in town
It keeps my beer so awful c-cold
Hope it don't die ,worth its weight in gold

This is my generator, my generator ,baby

Why don't you all just b-b-buy your own!
And don't try to touch my walrus b-b-bone!
If the weather outside's an indicator
I really need my g-g-generator.

Well Dave, at least you were here for it this time ;)

I'm glad that after the power went out you sought out electricity just so you could blog about it.


G.R.: I am live in Miami at the home of David Barry. Mr. Barry, did hurricane Rita knock out your generator?

D.B. Yes, we are without power. And so far, FEMA has done nothing.

G.R. Did you here that America? There is a man without power and FEMA is doing nothing. Sir, are you worried about looters?

D.B. No, I am armed (pulls out walrus penis).

G.R. My god, we are sinking into anarchy outside Miami. This man has just pulled out a walrus penis to defend his powerless home against looting. President Bush, are you listening? This situation is grave.

Bill O'Reilly: Geraldo, is the power out all over Miami?

G.R. No Bill, just at this man's home. If the camera will pan up to that utility pole, you can see that a transformer was blown. But still, where is FEMA? Where is the National Guard? Where...

(meanwhile, power restored to home)

G.R. It's a miracle I tell you!! While we were talking, power has just been restored to this man's home. Sir, I think you can put your walrus penis away now. It is safe. Power has been restored.

D.B. It's my generator. I need to go drink my beer now. Bye.


Dave, the one good thing about this year of hideous weather: you will never have to listen to Mrs. Blog telling you "I told you we didn't need that lousy generator!"

Good luck.

Dont worry Dave I am sure there are many gas station attendants that would be willing to trade the walrus member for a few gallons of gas.

Wolf Blitzer: We're looking now at a man in Miami trying to start a generator. Look at him. He is soooo middle aged and his shirt is soooo blue.

Transformer: BANG!

Generator: WHUT

Dave: @#^&$*&^**!!!!!!!!!!!

I dunno, I was thinking maybe it's time Mr. Barry talked to Mr. Realty Person. I get the occasional 3 foot snow drift, but I haven't received a death-threat from Mother Nature in I dunno, decades. I own a propane fired emergency heater in case of power outages in the winter to keep the tropical fish from freezing, but I've never had to secure my penis to the porch for fear it would blow away.

Sure mud, you've never had to. But it's not as if that's stopped you.

Dave, if the walls start to bleed, I'd say it's time to spend way more time on the road promoting something or another.

Ooooh, I've seen that movie! If the walls start to bleed DON'T GO BACK IN FOR THE WALRUS PENIS!

elle, that sounds like the makings of a children's song:

And the blog went, "Dang!"
And the transformer went, "Bang!"
And the generator went, "Whut!"
And the green grass grew all around and around,
And the green grass grew all around.

And Walter went, "Wang!"

1. Now that Mr. Generator is blasting away again, I hope Walter has a pair of tiny earmuffs.

2. You know things are bad when you start naming your stuff.

Dave - if you're looking to relocate, consider Grand Forks, ND, home of the "Dave Barry Sewage Lift Station No. 16."

Sure it was 8500 degrees below zero the last time you were there, but they have Summer too (it lasts for about 28 minutes, usually around the end of July or so - actually, ND Summer is several months of high temps, high humidity, and mosquitos, but I digress)).

Also, Grand Forks is 800+ feet above sea level, so you don't have to worry about hurricane-related flooding (although the Red River is sometimes a problem).

but bring your generator - you don't want to have to burn the furniture to stay warm when the power goes out in January

*Chortling over the merriment Dave's misfortune has provided us*

As always, thanks, Dave.

Stay safe! Walter needs more clothes :)

oh yeah, I forgot one thing - you should never secure your penis to the porch in North Dakota - if it's Winter, the thing might freeze down permanent


No, not Grand Forks...Omaha!!! It's not quite as cold as Grand Forks and I don't remember the Missouri flooding in my lifetime...(the Platte's a different story)....Nice place, GREAT zoo!! It'd be great to have 2 Barry's in town! Come on up!

I actually was thinking of Dave's generator last night when our electricity was out for four hours thanks to a midwestern storm.

I was jealous.

In related news, there was a brief rainshower here in Northern California this afternoon. In September. I tell you, I don't know what this world's coming to.

But the important question is: Does Mr. Generator have a tiny hat?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Angie ~ I had the same problem last night, except our electricity was only out for about 5 minutes. Resetting all of the clocks is a pain. But at least my milk stayed cold.

On the funny side, my daughter woke up this morning and her clock was flashing 8:45 (must have missed that one). She jumped up and looked out the window and started hollering about being late for school.

Yes, even my seven year old is as anal rententive as me.

We hear Gov. Jeb Bush issued the standard 'Turn around, don't drown' advisory today. Is that some sort of code?


I bet the Walrus penus would fetch more than $1050 on eBay for Katrina relief. Think of it this way. Half the population knows how to play with a penis. Not many people can play a guitar.

(a) The generator needs a name.
(b) Don't forget Mr. Gasoline.

But when you start dressing it up... Well, there is obviously a strong emotional, sentimental attachment here.

Wouldn't "Sparky" be a good name for a generator? If it's female, something Greek and classical, Electra, perhaps?

daisyj -
And here in SoCal we had a thunderstorm with lightning and rain and all that stuff last night!

The whole town is talking about it!

.....Dave, don't even THINK of climbing up the pole to restore that transformer switch that will restore the power because you just KNOW there's a squirrel up there just WAITING to ambush you...............booger!

Walter: An oosik says what.
Generator:/b> Whut
Walter: Hahaha you're an oosik.

*shudders at bad memories of Jr. High*

*off to html jail, with my tail between my legs*

Eleanor - this morning at 1 am found me staring out the window the the 2 kids, 8 & 6, marveling at nature's display. Wasn't it great? Even saw a rainbow on the way to dinner!

*goes off in search of additional caffeine*

my, aren't we all BOLD today?

jamester, it was really something! We're just not used to weather here and so it's very exciting when we get some!
(as long as it's not too bad), of course...

bold no more

Yes, Dave ... Nodak has some wonderful weather ... it was 89 degrees above zero (Fahrenheit) when I came home from work today ... this is in western Nodak, where we're even more above sea level (1790 feet) than Grand Forks ... and we don't (yet) have a name for our sewer lift stations ... or for our walrus penii, either, now that I think about it ...

(This whole walrus conversation give a new meaning to the phrase ... and then there's the whole penis thing ... )

Bang, bang, Barry's transformer
Blew out all the lights
Bang, bang, Barry's transformer
Shut the Blog down for the night.

Hooray! Now you won't have to try to sleep with noisy Mr. Generator running.

Yeah, Dave, those moth farts are really deadly - to the moth, anyway, when power lines are involved.

i hate the putrid smell of those moth farts.. and it is nice to know that florida and texas got their states of emergency declared, and a lot of evacuees in houston are being moved to arkansas. of course, with jebbie the gov of fla, and goodhair perry the gov of texas, you can be sure they would be prepared.
but i'm glad your power was restored..... you gotta move some place safe dave... so we have a little snow up here in the nawth. beats having to move and evacuate every 3 weeks..... in spite of the politics, etc., i'm glad that people will be safe.
batten down those hatches galveston.

I can't believe it takes 43 comments before someone (okay, me) points out that Moth Farts wbagnfarb.....

dave - don't listen to 'THEM'.... move to sunny southern arizona (or at least visit when I'm not traveling for my job.) ok, so we have dry rivers, coyotes, psychotic wild pigs (javelina), illegals swim across our dry rivers to "migrate", more druggies than we can ever hope to bust, rattlesnakes, scorpions, spiders tougher than walter, jumping cacti, triple digit heat.... **reads back and tries to remember the punchline**

BUT IT'S A DRY HEAT! and gorgeous skies too....

Yeah, Dave ... I've been to AZ and SoCal ... some wonderful people there, and if you really think you'd miss the daily shootouts and traffic, then that's the answer to all your dreams ...

OTOH ... Nodak has very few (like, nil, for most systems of measurement) drive-by shootings, and the traffic here is considered to be "congested" when there are more than two autos per mile of roadway ... except on the freeways ... there, the tolerance level is a bit higher ... four cars per mile is heavy traffic on the four-lanes ....

And we don't have any aggressive porcines (javelina) here, either ... our aggressive fauna are the skunks, weasels, minks and raccoons ... oh, and the coyotes ... and the wild turkeys ...

No gators, a few rattlesnakes, no scorpions, some spiders, ground squirrels, tree squirrels, prairie dogs, deer and antelope (pronghorn) (and they play a lot) and buffalo roaming around the range ...

Ooops ... got into that song pretty easily ...

Oh, yeah, and the infamous 7-gallon High Flow toilet ...

Dave, don't worry about the moths.

They only had a digestive system when they were caterpillers.

Well, since we are all trying to give Dave a new place to live...

N. Michigan is good, in the UP. No crime (at least nothing compaired to Miami or AZ), no hurricanes, no sweltering summers, etc. The fall is beyond gorgous (people travel here just to see it) and being snowed in, in the winter, simply gives you a good excuse to blog! Or purhapse write a few articles....

Your side pleases good day, me very well.
I was already repeatedly here
and will probably also soon come back over
will look whether there which new is.
Love of greetings,

Chris Fly,

All your base are belong to us.

The Blog

I guess I'll plug Washington. We've got volcanoes, earthquakes, rain, and stinky traffic. But we have a Monorail!! Hmmm? Not yet? Well, sometime in the next 20 years we'll have one. Oh, and skiing. And Bill Gates! And Tom Skerritt! (my dad saw him once, really) Come on up Dave and watch the Nisqually do the Boogaloo!

Q: Where is Miami?
A: On the tip of a peninsula.

Q: What's that?
A: A narrow strip of land that sitcks way out into the ocaean.

Q: Where do hurricanes come from?
A: Way out in the ocean.

Q: How many hurricanes does Florida get?
A: 1900-2004 Florida has been hit by 64 hurricanes.

I love Washington, despite the fact that I'm pretty sure that it has the most meth labs of any state.
But hey, you can choose your climate here: wet and cold on the Western side of the state, and hot and dry in the East! And the closest we've come to a natural disaster was an earthquake a couple of years ago.


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