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August 17, 2005

"WHO KNEW?" HEADLINE OF THE DAY

(Thanks to Lt. Woman)

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so funny we forgot to laugh! bwaaha.

Dang! Almost first again . . . I guess I bombed out . . . .

Also, any music by George Clinton and the P-Funk All Stars is considered contraband on any flight under the new rules.

Screener: Next!
Osama: Hello, infidel! I am going to kill you with a bomb I have in my luggage, it is wired so that you will die painfully with images of imploding kittens chasing you all the way to hell. Failing that, I'll shoot you with this gun.
Screener: Ha ha. You people are a riot, you know? Seriously. I'll be looking for you on Leno. If you don't make it big, there's just no sense on this marble in space, I say.
Osama: Who is this Leno? Is he also infidel? I'll kill him too. Where is he?
Screener: Geeze, give it a rest. Next!

I'm sitting here wondering: has an actual airplane bomber _ever_ made an obviously innocent joke about it during the gotta-show-the-masses-we're-doing-something "security" screening?

Offhand, I can't remember it ever happening... I'm pretty sure an actual criminal would smile and say "yes, sir" and "no, sir" and behave as much like a sheep as possible...

I realize the security people are just huffing and puffing after the fact to try to distract people from the errors of their conduct, but sheesh, you'd think a reporter would call them on it once in a while...

Sorry, just tired of this kind of nonsense. Now, back to the booger and penis jokes...

And be careful saying 'hi' to your friend Jacques . . .

Aw c'mon. The reason these guys are so ticked off with the bomb jokes is because they accidentally let the guy with the bomb through last week, not to mention the guy with the TNT, the woman with the box cutter and the three teens with the heroin. Apparently you only get caught if you confess.

And in late breaking news, CNN reports we may now be allowed to take boxcutters, lighters, and ow and arrows on the flight. Still no nail files though.

i'm sure the carry on/carrion baggage jokes are wearing a little thin too.

Now the terrorists are taking away our right to be a smart-a$$?

Off topic: For the mullet lover.

OK. Don't carry nail files or sewing scissors, don't have sex in the bathroom and don't make bomb jokes. Got it. On a totally irrelevant note, I have to have my wisdom teeth out tomorrow, so I won't be here for any fun which might come the blog's way. Even if I were coherent enough to turn on my computer, I probably wouldn't come to the blog since laughing will probably hurt. *whimper* To any bloggits who have been through this fun procedure, tell me. Is it as bad as I've heard?

Have to say I agree with Wondering on this one.

A real terrorist would never make jokes about it.

I was checking my luggage a few months back and the baggage dude asked me (and I don't think he worded this correctly, "Has anyone handled your luggage without your knowledge?"

I looked at him and said, "How would I know?"

The ensuing delay as they searched my luggage almost made me miss my flight..... I guess I should have said, "Nope. No one has ever done anything without my knowledge. I'm certain of it."

So Ted Hairy-Graba$$ has a summer home in Alamagordo??? Who knew?

And if we're not allowed to make jokes, the security people shouldn't either. The first time I flew on a plane, a security guard told me he was going to have to confiscate my Beatrix Potter Treasury.

Bumble, I had my wisdom teeth out on a Thursday, and ended up having to take Monday off work, too, I just wasn't ready yet. Or maybe I was enjoying the pain killers too much to give them up?

bumble: yes. be brave but get the drugs lined up before hand.

1. Wondering is correct.

2. Still this seems as obvious as the "never ask a woman when her due date is, unless she has already told you that she is pregnant, and you are certain that she has not already delivered the baby" rule.

3. Tooth extractions do hurt, but they give you pretty cool drugs to take home.

4. Insert your own joke using the word "cockpit" here.

5. Booger.

ceeg22~ I really hope that's not the case here. Classes start Monday. Oh crap. crossgirl~ Got the drugs already. *goes to defrost the homemade applesauce*

*meanwhile, at the airport*

Screener: Next!

Passenger: Knock knock!

Screener: Just come thru the metal detector.

Passenger: Knock knock!

Screener: *sigh* Who's there?

Passenger: A terrorist with a bomb hidden in his luggage!

Screener: A terrorist with a bomb hidden in his luggage WHO?

Passenger: Erm. How many terrorists like me who have a bomb in their luggage does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Screener: I don't know, how many terrorists like you who have a bomb in their luggage does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Passenger: Gosh, four I guess. Aren't you going to yell at me?

Screener: No, I had them lose your checked bags instead. Next!

There was once a policeman on my flight who had been cleared to carry his gun on the plane. However, the alert TSA officer had confiscated his nail clippers.

good luck, bumble, I hope your classes Monday aren't too hard and don't require too much concentration...

*zips in*

Bumble - I didn't think it was bad at all - and the drugs are great! If they put you out (or under) you'll get a nice little buzz!

Good luck!

*zips out to floss*

bumble - one time my brother put a handful of wasps in my mouth as I slept, you know, as a joke.

Now that hurt.

Not as much as getting my wisdom teeth out, mind you.

Christchurch Airport's top policeman wants travellers to stop making "stupid comments" and jokes about bombs in their luggage at airline check-in counters.

This just makes me wonder...what types of comments are "stupid" and which ones are "smart"? Why do the check in counter people get to be the ones to judge, when so many innocent lives are affected?

Example A
Customer: So did you hear the one about the bomb in my suitcase?
Check In Counter Person: That is a "stupid" comment about a bomb in your baggage. Off with the police with you.

Example B
Customer: Did you know that the IED in my suitcase is made from C4, a pressure sensitive timer and nails for extra effect?
Check In Counter Person: Wow! That's a "smart" comment. You're obviously well educated. Here's your boarding pass...have a nice flight!

I don't know...it all just makes me wonder.

Bumble,

They tell me that after I had my wisdom teeth taken out I slept for four days. Great stuff that Demerol and Hydrocodon.

Bumble, It's not too bad. I had all four done at once and spent the next three days in a drugged stupor. Kind of like a vacation.

Just a few tips: Regular tea bags. Not the flavored or herbal type. Something about them helped, I'm not sure why, but the dentist will probably tell you.

Keep lots of mashed potatoes on hand. They're good with cheese and sour cream.

Get a babysitter. Your kids could burn down the house and you wouldn't notice due to pain and/or drugs.

Save some of your drugs for when you're feeling better.

Bumble,
May need to change your screen name to "Mumble" for a few days.

Here in Canada, home of the Coveted Most Terrorist Groups Operating in the World trophy, we accidentally hired Hells Angels to do security at the Airport. I don't think they put it on their job application, but a highly organized and very effective group of employees they were! Very few bombs got through, but a lot of drugs.

And Bumble, I had 4 impacted wisdom teeth taken out all at once. I was fine. They gave me Tylenol 3, I ate lots of applesauce and jello and watched lots of movies and had a few days off work.

Don't sweat it. Now the stuff they give you to put you under, that is good stuff!

Zero tolerance policy? That's three of the scariest words in the English language. It occurs when thinking stops and mindless actions take over.

Bumble - seriously though, if you're going to a surgeon, no sweat. I had one out last year - took all of 20 minutes from the time I parked to being done, didn't hurt a bit, and I was eating fine the next day.

Now, if you're going to a dentist, well, it's best not to think about it.

Hope all goes well, Bumble! I had mine out in high school, and remember it as a rather good experience. The drugs were insane ... I'm told that I snuck up on the guy who was there to fix our furnace, sliding on my knees and softly singing "It's Not Easy Bein' Green" with a mouthful of wadding. Mom says I scared the crap out of him. Enjoy.

Jilly, that was priceless. I had mine out (only had 3) and all I remember is the doctor telling me to count back from 100. I think I made it to 98. And Bumble, if you eat red jello then you won't be able to tell, when you throw up, which is blood and which is jello. Cause you swallow blood when they're pulling them. But hopefully you won't know.

Jillywilly ~ That's hilarious. Coincidentally, I did the same thing at a party a few weeks ago.

Only moderately off-topic, here's some good news

My father, a retired dentist, put six children through college, paid for five daughter's weddings, and paid for tranquilizers and insulin for a lunatic, diabetic geriatric beagle for 12 years by putting "four on the floor." (Four teeth from your face into the pre-biohazmat days of a bucket on the floor.) So it is very routine. I think the bloglits have covered the pharmaceutical benefits (medicate early and often) but I can't emphasize the importance of lots of ice to the face, post op. Lots of it. Siberian tundra amounts of it. You'll be fine. Now back to the topic at hand.

My uncle is a dentist. He extracted one of my wisdoom teeth last year and I felt fine right afterwards. Maybe it's just because it was one tooth, but the drugs didn't make me feel woozy or strange at all.
*sends good dentist appointment vibes in Bumble's general direction*

In case anyone cares... while it may not be illegal (yet) in Christchurch, it is illegal in the US. And the TSA gets rather uptight about it (hey, considering they're likely to get blown up by any bombs they are looking for, they've probably got a right to be uptight).

Explosive/Explosion isn't a good word to use around them either.

Bumble/Mumble:
I had all four third-molars (aka "Wisdom Teeth", but say "Third Molar" to impress the oral surgeon) removed a few months ago. They say it took an hour and a half. I have vague memories of a few moments of the procedure, if that. The i.v. "conscious sedation" is definately the way to go.
That said, I still am having a slow recovery. It wasn't the procedure, but the slow healing for me. I think I had a rough time of it because I waited until my early thirties (they say it's not so bad for late teens/early twenties) and because three of the four were "impacted" i.e. not through the gums. They took those out in bits, they say.
In any case, as mentioned above: Ice for the first few days and pain meds as needed.

I don't think anyone mentioned this: avoid smoking or drinking through straws for a good while. They can raise your risk of getting "DRY SOCKET" which is very painful. My wife got that (even though she doesn't smoke and didn't use a straw) and had to go back a few times for new dressings in the sockets.

Wow, this is a long post. Sorry. As you were.

Thanks everybody. I don't know whether to stop worrying or get more hysterical. Yes, I'm going to a surgeon. Dr. Peik. He's known in the area as "Painless Peik" and seemed reasonably competent, so I'm trying not to dread this too much. Ice, check. Red Jell-O, check. Applesauce, check. Working DVD player & cabinet full of favorite DVDs 4 feet from my bed, check. The pain killer prescription I got filled says "Ibuprofen." Now why couldn't I have gotten that over-the-counter? I think I'll stick with my extra-strength Tylenol. Victoria, at least I have no kids. One less thing to worry about. Now, if anyone needs me, I'll be whimpering in my closet until one hour before 8:00 tomorrow morning, at which point I'll be taking a pill "to relax me" and riding off to face my doom. *end of mile-long post*

Don't fret about the pain.

I'd be more concerned about all the pointing and giggling they'll be doing while you're under.

Yeah, Dr. Peik warned me about the smoking and straws. I don't smoke, so no problem there. He's going to put me under and take all four of them. I saw the x-ray yesterday. The ones on the bottom are perpendicular to the rest of my teeth. It's very surreal to look at. He said my case is going to be more difficult than average because of that. But I'm 21 now, and he says better now than later. My dentist was on me to get them out all through high school. I guess it's time. *continues whimpering* Now then, anyone got something funny while I can still laugh comfortably?

That's a good point, Amy.

Also, now that they've embedded the Walrus Penis clauses in the sedation consent form, you pretty much have to just figure you're going to have to pay for the negatives, or else Dave will start posting pix of you on the Blog (by federal law, he recieves copies of all these pix).

Christobol, you rock and all, but I'm very glad you won't be in the same room with me tomorrow morning.

My favorite line "Offenders recently detained by airport police were aged between 17 and 70." I was expecting it to say that offenders were BOYS aged between 17 and 25. But I suppose every age group is entitled to stupidity.

Bumble,

Here's what I did--get a few washcloths nice and wet (not soaked) and put them in the freezer. They're great to hold on your face and not as much of a pain as ice bags. There's also the option of a bag of frozen corn (mama's answer to ice bag/thaw out dinner). And the ibuprofen you got is much stronger than what you get in the store (store=200mg, prescription=400-800mg) and it really works for mouth pain. Long post, must go to break.

The washcloths sound like a good idea. I hate messing with baggies of ice. Thanks for the tip. Now I'm going to go eat some of mom's fresh baked cinnamon rolls until 8:00, after which I can eat nothing.

Bumble, you should have known when you asked this group what kind of "help" you'd get. Anyway, I'm sure that "Painless" Peik isn't really meant to be ironic, so realax and go with the flow.

Back to the topic at hand, it doesn't really matter what you say: if you're too young to talk you can still be considered a potential terrorist.

So now not only 80 year olds with walkers have to be searched, but infants in their parents' arms.

Great.

Mmmmmm. Did I mention my mother is wonderful?

As Mrs. s (sort of) indicated, taking 4 regular ibuprofen is the same as one of the Rx 800 mg strength. When my wife had phlebitis she had to take them and rest on the couch - as a bonus it took care of her heel spur as well. And it helps on arthritis.

I figured as much. I just found it amusing.

Bumble - a bag of frozen peas alternated with a bag of frozen corn for the outside of your face (one re-freezes while you're using the other one) combined with a quart of ice cream without nuts (!) for the inside of your mouth, and you'll be fine!!!

"Get your nuts out of my ice cream, I just had my wisdom teeth removed."

"Oh. Sorry."

Be prepared to feel nauseous from the surgery afterwards - my dr told me to go immediately and get a milkshake to settle my stomach. (Don't remember if it helped or not.) Sno-cones or frozen slushies are GREAT afterwards for 3 or 4 days. And try to open and close your mouth as often as possible even if it hurts, because that helps the swelling go down.

COURAGE!

Thanks again for all the advice. Christobol, *snork* Let's see. I can eat for the next hour and a half. What should I have?

I am a big proponent of eat whatever you want. Of course, if that will affect the drugs, then maybe you shouldn't.

We stopped for my wife to grab a Quarter Pounder w/Cheese meal on the way to the hospital for the birth of our son, even though they told us she shouldn't eat. It worked out fine.

Except for that kitten that died, but I still don't see how that's our fault.

Mmm. Quarter Pounders with Cheese.

Guin - the nauseous thing happened to me too. I couldn't understand why they gave me the anti-nausea (sp?) pill to take BEFORE the surgery and not one to take afterward!

I didn't get any anti-nausea drugs, and I have a very weak stomach. *pouts* All I got was the relaxing pill, three days worth of blood clotting pills for post op, a painkiller prescription and penicillin prescription. Mom says they'll probably put that in the IV?

Jeff: re: extra-strength ibuprofen. I routinely take 8 of the regular strength ones for cramps. I used to take only 6, but 8 works better.

Last time it happened, I decided to try Percocet instead, but discovered that 8 advil actually work better.

/TMI

*making notes for future reference*

...8 regular strength ibuprofin will cause cramps.

That'll be handy.

Christobol- Two Extra Strength Tylenol will take them away.

Hey, Bumble - I had my wisdom teeth out at 16, and the most discomfort I encountered was actually from the Tylenol 3 they gave me for "afters" - it made me woozy. Since you're getting Ibuprofen, you shouldn't have to worry about that. They gave me laughing gas for the operation itself, which was a truly weird thing (they decided against IV knockout drugs when their probing for a vein made me faint) - I actually experienced the traditional "whirlpool sucking you down" sensation.

But as I said, the painkillers were actually worse than the pain, for me. (And two of the four teeth extracted were impacted, so it wasn't lack of complications; they gave me my teeth after the surgery, and they'd sawn the impacted ones in half to get them out.) Nor did I really swell up, either; I just ate soft foods for a couple of days till the ache in my jaw muscles settled down. So don't let C-bol et al horrify you unduly.

I must admit that a very good friend of mine had her wisdom teeth out about 6 months after me, and she swelled up just like a chipmunk - so perhaps I'd best not paint the picture too rosy, either. I think reactions vary wildly from person to person.

On that encouraging note, perhaps I'd best sign off for now . . .

Bumble - Are you having your last snack right now? What did you decide?

p.s. Ask the dr for compazine - an anti-nausea pill - works great!

I pray I'm one of those who comes through it pretty easy. I only ended up having a little popcorn and some sprite mixed with cran-apple, El. Mom made hot rolls and cinnamon buns earlier, and they filled me up.

Well, I'd better get to bed, where I'm sure I'll have nightmares about Dr. Peik coming at me with a giant saw while Amy and a couple nurses point and laugh and Dave posts pictures of me on the blog for Christobol to photo-shop in such a way that I'll never be able to show my face in public again. And mudstuffin and insom will write appropriately horrific songs and poems. Aaaaahhhh! Help me judi! Aaaaaahhh! judi's coming at me with a giant walrus penis! Hellllllp!

I suppose after all these comments I shouldn't mention my upcoming (har) hemorrhoid surgery. (not really)

8 ibuprofin at a shot on a regular basis will also kill your kidneys. Don't do it. 600-800 mg is really the highest recommended dose, and that's for _extreme_ pain. Really, I find 200 mg works for a headache, 400 mg for a bad one.

I'm told Tylenol #3 (acetimenophen with codeine) is sold over-the-counter in Canada. Can anyone confirm? And if it is, ship me some?

I survived a double extraction 2 weeks ago, both upper wisdom teeth, with only Tylenol #3 and Motrin. Pain was very intense once the meds wore off, but it goes away within a couple of days. You'll be back on your feet in no time at all.

Oh- and IF YOU EAT WITHIN 6 HOURS OF SURGERY, YOU CAN'T GET THE IV DRUGS (you might vomit and aspirate). I hope you read this before you eat breakfast, but then again, the local works just as well, except you feel like you're swallowing your tongue until it goes totally numb.

On a related note, has anyone heard Bill Cosby's classic routine on dentists?

Oh, and ice helps keep the swelling down and reduce the pain. But I think people mentioned that already. I slept on the couch with the icepack over my face. Felt great.

Okay, after all this poor Bumble won't even go near the toothbrush aisle in the store without a weapon. And Josh is right about the kidney thing. And here's some more momly advice (I have a 15 year old)--warm salt water (fairly strong) swished around in your mouth is also great for pain, just don't swallow it it's (not its) gross. Although given the time of day I hope Bumble is fast asleep, dreaming of being knocked out, interesting as that would be. Good night all.

hugs n best wishes bumble.

n don't forget the cold chocolate reddi-whip if all else fails;)

josh,
fiber!

Well, I'm up now. *whimper* They warned me about the no eating and advised me about the ice and the salt water. So, assuming I remember all the things I know now when this is over with, I should be fine. Yes, I love Bill Cosby's dentist routine. It's hilarious.

I'm glad to know the government is finally getting around to punishing teens for annoying slang phrases. I've long thought comments like "Those kicks are da bomb" (translation: "those shoes are quite fashionable) should be punishable by jail time. Also, anything ending in "izzle"... with the possible exceptions of "sizzle" and "fizzle".


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