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August 02, 2005

WALRUS PENIS UPDATE

Since some people apparently do not believe this blog owns a walrus penis, judi graciously agreed to pose with it. She was pleased to learn that it is single.

Judiwalrus

Comments

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Come on, Judi, throw us a bone!

so that wasn't a carrot in the rhino picture?

What's the best way to communicate with one of those?

Wow.

I am very disturbed.

I think you put your two lips together and blow. Oh, wait. That's whistling.

The fact that it seems to be jointed in the middle worries me...

One thing that I have never seen is
a paddle as silly as a penis
it seems strong and reliable
but turns soft and pliable
and then it's owner turns sqeamish

Where's the walrus that that thing is *supposed* to be attached to??!

*crosses legs and tries to not imagine that poor creature's fate...*

*airgun*

Now the crapcam is back to its old form.

"What a lovely courtyard; we could hold the reception here, don't you thi. . .OMG is that lady holding a walrus penis?!"

Dang i guess a walrus is real hung

My grandfather is from Alaska. When he moved down to the lower 48, he brought with him his fine collection of ivory that he'd bought from the various local eskimo tribes. Mounted on his wall are two, very large, oosiks. "Oosik" is apparently the correct term for a walrus' penis. Displayed proudly alongside the Oosik is the poem Ode to an Oosik. I'll try to grab the text of the poem and post it here for you all tomorrow. It's actually pretty funny.

-Azamiel

The last time I went to Seaworld I saw a walrus stroking his paddle from one of those underwater observation rooms. I remember people agree that it was disgusting while turning the dials on their disposable cameras.

Well, the first spammer has hit the new blog. Apparently, Mr. "Lakers Tickets" is inordinately drawn to walrus penis photos.

Also Mr. "Adult Dating," though to be fair he may have just searched for "walrus penis" looking for sites that would interest his customers and stumbled here by accident.

Judi congrads your pic is now on my desk top. Now I am going to have to explain to people why i have a semi retired humor columnists research pciture on my computer i have havent figured what to tell them what she is holding.

Judi certainly seems happy.... of course that smile could also just be repressing the gag reflex.

And OMG SHE'S TOUCHING IT!!! yich!

*hums*
Lookin' for love in all the wrong places...

JUDIIIIII!!!! YAAAAAY! Lookin good, girl! :)

Nevermind that all...apparently it exists on the web. Though not as nice as the old parchment and the native illustrations provided on my grandfather's copy, but nonetheless still funny.

Ode to an Oosik

Strange things have been done in the Midnight Sun,
and the story books are full --
But the strangest tale concerns the male,
magnificent walrus bull!

I know it's rude, quite common and crude,
perhaps it is grossly unkind;
But with first glance least, this bewhiskered beast,
is as ugly in front as behind.

Look once again, take a second look -- then
you'll see he's not ugly or vile --
There's a hint of a grin, in that blubbery chin --
and the eyes have a sly secret smile.

How can this be, this clandestine glee
that exudes from the walrus like music
He knows, there inside, beneath blubber and hide
lies a splendid contrivance -- the Oosik!

"Oosik" you say -- and quite well you may,
I'll explain if you keep it between us:
In the simplest truth, though rather uncouth
"Oosik" is in fact his penis!

Now the size alone of this walrus bone,
would indeed arouse envious thinking --
It is also a fact, documented and backed,
There is never a softening or shrinking!

This, then, is why the smile is so sly,
the walrus is rightfully proud,
Though the climate is frigid, the walrus is rigid,
Pray, why, is not man so endowed?

Added to this, is a smile you might miss--
though the bull is entitled to bow--
The one to out-smile our bull by a mile
is the satisfied walrus cow!


Hope you enjoyed!

-Azamiel

That would be a great weapon to use when you have an intruder in your home. He would be the laughing stock of the jail when word gets around that he was subdued by a walrus penis.

HI Judi!
Koo koo ka-ju.

az, funny.

cute picture of the SBG, but the, the, Gross!
yuk. ewww.
reminds me of the shamu "collection" picture. Grody.
EWWW.

Azamiel - too cute - thanx

My great grandfather had a walrus moustache, but I bet great grandma would've preferred one of these...

"judi, I want you to pose for a blog picture."

"only if you have a walrus penis I can hold in the picture."

"here you go."

"why didn't I predict Dave would have a walrus penis?"

"She was pleased to learn that it is single."

I bet she'd have been even more pleased to learn that it was double. (I don't know what that means, either.)

I'm detecting a pattern in the crapcam product. Pix of Dave are generally good, but those he's not in - presumably taken by Dave - are dreadful. I cast no aspersions on anyone's picture-taking skills. I merely mention it.

"Is that a three-foot walrus penis in your hands or are you...."

There is no good end to that sentence...

judi! Finally a picture of judi!

You look great! And so satisfied!

Just had to steal and share the video from this link as featured on today's Good Morning Silicon Valley.

NOTE: The video's kinda long so you might want to start around the middle. Evidently a new (and very talented) video editor took over then.

Really Higgy? What about...

"Is that a three-foot walrus penis in your hands or are you....holding a Lunchables Safari Penis Stack-Pack® with Real Sausage Gravy?"

Judi- You should be proud! It looks as if it would be extremely hard to communicate with a Walrus, but you pulled it off!

Thanks Judi.. the suspense relating to the nature of the WP was (not quite) killing us, but my wife was mighty interested, esp. after she saw it was dbl jointed.... forget size, but around corners..whooo

Looks like judi really got the shaft.

Thankfully, judi is carefully handling the oosik, which at least is a fairly benign and somewhat scientific way to show it. Because we all know how Dave or any other guy would hold it out to display, and we do not need that kind of vulgarity on this blog.

Yes, we do. Definitely.

I saw a nice collection of these particular bones from various kinds of animals at Ye Olde Curiosity Shoppe in Seattle. I'd pay the way for Dave & Judi to visit and report on the weird and wonderful things to be found on display. I have a 2-headed bobbing calf souvenir from a recent trip there. Where else could one find one of those? Alas, short of funds this month.

*Sigh* So nice to hear people speak favorably of my hometown! Wax, residents go there too, just because they get new (old?) stuff in a lot. The mummies (I can't remember their names) are worth it as well as the well-dressed insects.

The dude mummy is Sylvester, if memory serves. The store (YOCS) has a web site and the female's name is probably on it. I adore my 2-headed calf bobber, both for what it is, and that it reminds me of that great place *&* Seattle.

BFD. You can go down to Petsmart and buy one of those for a couple bucks. The doggies luv 'em.

Yayyyyyy! judi finally posed for a picture! What sort of dirt did Dave dig up to bribe you into this?

Judi, you're hot!!! NTTAWWT!

Um, guys? The way I heard it, an oosik is the bone that goes [b]inside[/b] the walrus's actual penis, not the organ itself....think of it as a perpetual hard on. */pedantry*

...and if you read Jerry Pournelle/Larry Niven/Steven Barnes "The Barsoom Project" you'll even see where an usik (as it's spelled in the book) is used as a weapon... apparently something from Inuit folklore.

"That walrus penis really brings out the color in Judis eyes, don't ya think?"

"oh yeah, she's bonified"

"Did you see Judi?, she's looking so fabulous these days"
"yeah, but walrus penises, were, like, so last year"
"shut up"

Judi is one hot mamma.

I don't think anyone beat me to this...I can't belive no one beat me to this...
*Had to* Gives a whole new meaning to the term "boner"*/had to*

Dear god ... i took one look at that photo and ran, and I mean RAN, to my bedside table and checked to see if there was something missing.

Thankfully there are two of those things in this world.

Phew.

Judi ... you hot mamma ... come up and see me sometime. Bring the W.P. *wink*

Punky

Mr Fisher: *SNORK* I know why it's double.....

Yay, a pic of Judi! Since she's finally revealed herself visually to we bloglits, surely she won't mind if I blurt out that her birthday is on the 9th. She'll be turning 29 of course.

Mikey! Feeling better?

Azamiel--loved the poem!

judi--I've got one of those things, too. I bet mine's bigger than yours.

Azamiel -

That's hilarious, but clearly a takeoff in rhyme scheme (and opening line) on Robert Service's "The Cremation of Sam McGee." (The opening lines are below; for the full text, you can follow this url
http://www.wordfocus.com/wordactcremation.html
or Google "The Cremation of Sam McGee." Since Service was a Canadian poet of all things Yukon, I guess it makes sense that someone would copy his style for the Ode . . .

There are strange things done in the midnight sun
By the men who moil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales
That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
I cremated Sam McGee.

Ahhhhhh. It looks to me like that walrus has been using the penis mightier! Wouldn'cha agree Trah-beck?!?

I bet Judi wishes the Blog had stayed in Minnesota.

hmmmmmmmmmmmm... no symbolism here, just realism.... and Judi ALMOST looks embarassed!!!!

If human female anatomy is convoluted, what does the poor female Walrus's look like???

BTW, recent conference I attended,the Human Bone actually is Boomerang shaped. They showed a couple under MR...... whoops.. gonna get censored....

EB

Bit--I recognized it, too. Service was actually English, and he was only in the Yukon for a brief period. But he made an impact. Spent last summer driving around the Yukon--we even went for a boat ride on Lake LaBarge. And named our boat Marge in his honor.

Say! That's a nice penis you have there, Dave. (Not a sentence I ever thought I would write.)

And Dave.... Judi is still cuter than you!

I hope they have an ISP in Heaven (or the afterlife of his choice). Because and if so, John Lennon is laughing like hell at this:

"Bloody hell -- they finally got the joke! I can't believe it took that columnist bloke from Miami to lead them to it, though -- I thought that funny smile Yoko always wore would give it away. Never mind that even funnier gargling sound she made whenever we... ah, memories."

Goo-goo-ga-joob, indeed.

After a bit of thought I'm no longer worried about the Irish Afterlife Admonition, because no matter how much booze I've spilled, I'll probably go to Hell for that post alone.

I go away for a few days and what happens? The blog moves, Judi appears with a walrus penis, Dave talks to the animals on his carrot phone... in other words, same old same old.

It looks like a piece of bamboo to me.

...or a really big daikon radish.

My anthropology prof announced during a cocktail party that those neat swizzle sticks in the drinks were actually kangaroo penis bones. Then he got the mop because everyone spit their drinks on the floor. Hell of an ice breaker.

Investigation determined that
Jeremy Padie, 21, of Houston, Alaska walked into the cafe and took a Walrus Usik (Oosik-the Walrus penis bone)
valued at approximately $850. Padie was contacted following a traffic
stop near Lucas Rd. and Parks Hwy. in Wasilla and initially provided a
false name to Troopers. The Usik was later located in Padie's vehicle
and returned to the owner.

source

oh! now it's Walrus Envy!?!

Judy's my kindda voman, ja!!

i'm telling u right now...that sint a wlarus penis...number one if it were it wouldnt be hard while not attached to the walrus number two it would be limp and saggy between the width of her hands...

You can buy the bone from a walrus penis for about $350 in gift shops here. $700 and up if you want fancy carvings on it.

wtf, this is great... (if only... thinks all the guys)

woooow ,, the biggest penis in the world ,, just kidding ,, I also know a lot of info about attaining penis at http://www.thetruescience.net/

i got left one of these were can i sell it 207-787-2504

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