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August 23, 2005

URGENT BREAKING BRITNEY SPEARS UPDATE

Ohmigod. OHMIGOD.

(Thanks to the Giant-Headed Scary Teeth Gossip Lady)

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Actually, I wasn't going to say anything, but ... She married me too. Twice.

Whew. It feels good to get that off my chest.

Where's Groucho MArx when you need him?

"That's bigamy!"
"Yes, and its big of me, too".

What a stupid putz.

Ratings must need a boost.

markhh - I was thinking of the same quote. Wasn't Groucho a genius?

Wow, that exact same thing happened to my uncle.

Only instead of Britney Spears it was a bowl of tapioca pudding and instead of being married he threw it out because he thought it was bad, but how can you really ever know?

thus proving that britney will marry anyone who asks. line up guys, no tortoise needed.

AN: Wasn't Groucho a genius?

Past tense. Which pretty much answers my questions "where is he?" Yes, I knew.

And that reminds me of a totally unrelated joke.

A man walks past Beethoven crypt late one night and haers some very strange noises. Incensed that hooligans may be desecrating the grave, he goes to investigate. On entrance, the man finds the great musician, himself, tearing up what looks like the original manuscripts to some of his greatest works.

Man: What are you doing?
Beethoven: Decomposing.

I heard a bunch of strange noises by Beethoven's crypt one night, but when I went to investigate all I found was Richard Simmons trying to teach coqui frogs to play the didgeridoo.

No wait, it was soup. That's it. I found soup.

Groucho was the king of kings, the genius of all comedians. he died 18 yrs ago on aug 19, but because elvis died two days before, Groucho didnt get too much coverage. i vote we celebrate his birthday - October 2nd - make it national day of humor or something. he was born in 1890.
My favorite groucho line: Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

last night, I married Britney Spears in my pajamas,
what she was doing in my pajamas I'll never know!

From Britney to Groucho - just proves that when discussing Britney, you can only go up from there.

Christobol: didgeridoo

Is that what they call it? I thought they were still calling it Yu-gi-oh. I am so unhip.

In fact, I'm so unhip, I use the word "unhip". And I have no idea what Snoop is saying in that commericial with Lee Iacocca. And I know how to spell "Iacocca".

Can't we just make it all stop, stop STOP?!

I need more coffee before I read this stuff.

I need sleeping pills after I read this stuff!

Update on a famous Groucho line:
"Who was that lady I saw you with last night?"
"That was no lady; that was Britney Spears!"

Insom: *snork*

Interesting custom the Brits have: Interviewing a celebrity in a hotel room means you are legally married.

When it comes to Brittany Spears news there are few instances where the word URGENT applies: It is urgent to change the channel, urgent to snap off the radio, ect.

Who is Britney Spears?

Y.B. - she is the distant cousin of that famous grocery store star, Dill Pickle Spears.

Nancy:

I didn't know she was Jewish!

Amy - I didn't know the pickles were kosher! Were they wearing chaps?

Artchick: SNORK! Brilliant, couldn't have snarled it better myself!

hee is too hot.

My girlfriend Britney is an athlete at Hilton High School.

Britney tried out for girls wrestling and for girls boxing. Britney didn't care for girls wrestling, because her singlet pulled up in Britney's crotch and let everybody see Britney's panties. The audience would chant, "We've seen Paris, it's in France; we've seen Britney's underpants." She tried wrestling without underpants, but everyone started a rumor that Britney went commando or Britney is allergic to underpants. Her coach Rosie said Britney should put some panties on.

Britney preferred boxing because people couldn't see Britney's underpants. Britney soon realized she was a better boxer than wrestler. Others agreed.

Kevin, the bus driver, is like a lot of people. He knew about Britney's wrestling, but he'd never seen her box. So after driving Britney's team to the Class AA girls boxing finals last season, Kevin decided to see for himself what all the fuss was about. Kevin said "Now I understand what everybody's been talking about, Britney can't wrestle, but you ought to see her box."

Britney is a credit to her sex, but the future for girls' boxing is a little hard to predict. Boxing is badly funded for boys, let alone girls, and there is still a resistance to girls boxing. Whatever happens, I'm glad I got a chance to say, "Britney can't wrestle, but I got to see her box."

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