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August 19, 2005


Who knew there was such a thing as £30,000 worth of tortoises

(Thanks to Collins69S)

¹We are very sorry the tortoises suffered, and some died. We realize this is not funny. However, we maintain that it is okay to have blogged the story because we have it on good authority that these particular tortoises do not have internet access.


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They do have Internet access, it's just reeeeal slow . . .

There's no internet access in tortoise heaven? Then I don't wanna go.

That's alot of soup ..

(thank you to Marvin, whose 'hold down Ctrl and use the wheel thingie on the mouse' trick allowed this geezer to read the starred portion)

We geezers can't read the fine print. Reminds me of the "speed talking disclaimers" after a radio ad.

"Airport staff nursed them back to health with lettuce and water before taking them to a nearby zoo."

Finally, proof that airport staff are of use to someone.

Thanks, Marvin, for teaching an old dog something new.

There were 30 dead tortoises in a suitcase, and they needed dogs to find them? You'd think the smell would've been a dead give away.

Oops, bad pun. Sorry.

My eyes hurt from trying to read judi's fine print.

Bumble Buzz:

Howz it going, honey?

Whoa! I just tried Marvin's trick....way cool (as they used to say in this geezer's day)!

Okay now I am having way too much fun...big print, small print, big print, small print! I am very easily amused.

Don't be so
about the internet access!

Amy~ I've been better. Still pretty sore and swollen. Tummy's better though.

Russ: 'yer

. . . right
(I know, 'preview first', . . . )

*hold down Ctrl*

*spins wheel on mouse*

*watches page scroll up and down*

Is that what's supposed to happen? I had to copy and paste the fine print into Word, then enlarge the font. What am I doing wrong? I mean, besides breathing.

Bumble - glad your tummy's better. I suggest consuming chocolate milkshakes. That's the first thing I had after I had my wisdom teeth out, and I felt better almost immediately. Of course, chocolate anything helps me feel better almost immediately.


With each little click of the wheel, your print should be getting larger or smaller, depending upon the direction you twirl. Maybe you're going too fast. It's not a vibrator, ya know.

Although that description was surprisingly steamy.

And, of course, I don't have any personal knowledge of that appliance.

Amy - I just figured out that the control button + wheel trick doesn't work in Netscape, only in Internet Explorer. Small yet important detail.

*makes note to try Explorer when Netscape doesn't work*

*checks to see if husband is watching*

Neither do I! *innocent look*

Marvin - very cool trick!

Bumble - glad to hear you're doing better, and ditto on the chocolate milkshake - that's what I did and it worked like a charm!

Amy: v-v-v-vibrator? I hear there's a video floating around the internet *snork*

glad he wasn't trying to smuggle them in his pants.

the big type trick is very cool marvin. thanks.

bumble, don't drink that milkshake through a straw.

Aunt Nancy/Eleanor/crossgirl~ I would, but we have no blender. My mom just went to the grocery store, and I hate to send her back out again when she gets home. I think all this is wearing on her almost as much as it is on me. Besides, I don't feel much like eating. I had some applesauce and a little pudding so I could take my drugs. Now I'm back to watching TV with two frozen washcloths tied around my face. In between checking the blog, of course. :-) Did I mention I love you guys?

Sounds like a photo opportunity to me!

Hey Bumble , in a few days or so you'll be better than new , Good Luck! And also " Little Pudding " WBAGNFARB !!!

Bumble ~ We love you as well. If your mom goes back out, ask her to grab a frosty from Wendy's. That will feel awesome, plus there are no straws.

I wish I'd thought of the washcloths when I had mine done.

I recommend some mashed potatoes or something similar. You need something that will fill you up. Applesause and pudding are more of a snack.

YES! to Wendy's frosty - that's what I had - it's milkshake size, you eat it with a spoon, and it only comes in one flavor - CHOCOLATE!

Amy, if anyone were to take a picture of me right now I would have to kill them, non-violent as I am. You remember the photo shop picture of Ted where someone puffed out one of his cheeks? I look kind of like that, only on both sides. And that's without the washcloths. *sigh* Frostys, huh? I'll keep it in mind. And mom is planning to make mashed potatoes tonight, so that's covered. Thanks again everybody. I know my whining isn't exactly the fun-filled entertainment we come to the blog for. :-)

*looks at mouse* hmm, that won't work with mine. I've got one of those with track ball the size of a billiard ball and it sits on top of the mouse. It's to help prevent CTS.

Finally. after hundreds of asinine emails I am acknowledged in the blog even though it was in an underhanded, sneaky, and surreptitious (thank god for online thesaurus') way. Thank you Judi.
Back to the matter at hand. I take great umbrage in your assumption that ALL tortoise don't have an internet connection. When we assume we make an ass of all those that ume.


Do you UME?

UME - University of the Middle East. Link

U·me ( P ) Pronunciation Key (m, üm)

A river, about 459 km (285 mi) long, of northern Sweden flowing southeast into the Gulf of Bothnia.

Hey, who bogarted all the umbrage?

"...30 tortoises had not survived the journey and the other 345 were in a very bad State."

I'm confused. So these tortoises were about to leave from Germany and 30 died. How on earth did the others end up in Florida?

Bumble - blender, schmender. Just put a couple scoops of ice cream in a dish, microwave it for 10 seconds if you need to soften it, then mash it with a fork until creamy. Then stir in whatever you like in a shake. Granted you'll have to eat it with a spoon, like a Frosty, but that's the whole idea, isn't it?

Gee, long-distance "aunting" is soooooo much fun!

AC: if you don't find excaped snakes or a guy trying to get like 400 turtles in a suitcase through airport security funny, this may not be the blog for you (and no, I am not one of the asinine e-mailers, although I did get a letter today from a guy accusing me of being both "scandelous" and "scurrilous")

Aunt Nancy - next time I need an Aunt, can I call you?

I'll try that Aunt Nancy. But I must beg to differ on long-distance aunting being fun. I miss my nephew terribly. *sigh* OK, seriously done whining now. Booger.

Hey, anyone want to help me write about 200 thank you notes?

mrs. s., only if i can make up all the gifts and leave your friends and relatives wondering who bought you the as-seen-on-tv pasta twirler/marshmallow toaster/hair curler thing by ronco and why are you thanking them for it.


"The alleged smuggler has been charged with cruelty to animals and violating international species protection laws and faces up to five years in jail."

Not to mention international feces protectioin laws...

Crossgirl, I just might take you up on that. Some people weren't paying attention and we got 3 (count 'em) sets of Pyrex cookware when the registry only said one...sad to say they probably bought it because it was the cheapest thing on the list...my new relatives, gotta love 'em!

Memo to Mrs. S.

Will work for chocolate.

Memo to Eleanor

Have no chocolate, but will pay in LARGE AMOUNTS of wedding bubbles.

Memo to Mrs. S

Sooooo sorry, but I just checked my calendar and I see that I'm totally booked for the forseeable future! Best of luck with your project!
Must run - ta,ta!!

Mrs. S~ Better sell your wedding bubbles discount to a bride-to-be and buy some chocolate to clear El's schedule with. :-)

mrs. s,
"we got 3 (count 'em) sets of Pyrex cookware"
wonder if your new hubby is related to kfed (bratney's spouse)

Cyn, Not that I know of but he DOES bear a striking resemblance to Doogie Howser MD! Yum!

must be a cutie;)

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