SNAKES IN THE NEWS

They are getting mighty brazen.

Key Quote from person in middle story named Brenda Boozer: ''I glanced down and did a double-take and said, 'OK, he's big.''

Most Troubling Statement: "The snake was later captured by a neighbor and taken to a veterinarian who was treating it for pneumonia."

Comments

[MOTW]

Maybe it Schnuck into the UPS truck.

[MOTW]

"the snake was just there, staring right at me"
What did he expect it to do, tap dance across the room?

[Christobol]

That's good reporting in the middle story.

Where did the snake come from? How did it get pnumonia? How did the neighbor catch it (the snake, or its pnumonia). Why did Brenda Boozer have a grilled cheese sandwich with the likeness of Elvis in her pants?

Apparently, none of that matters.

[Punkin Poo]

They were supposed to get that snake to Omaha! That's the last time I pay for Express shipping...

[TCK]

"Brenda Boozer" has a certain cartoonish quality to it, don't ya think?

Also: On Thursday, the python rested comfortably at the St. Charles County Pet Adoption Center, where it happily devoured three rats...

sure, the snake's happy, but did anyone ask the rats how they feel about this?

[MOTW]

Brenda Boozer ==>
Brazened boor
Barber no doze

[seatazzz]

Brenda Boozer and the Boas WBAGNFA(girls)RB. Kind of like the GoGos but with snakes.

[queensbee]

well, in some neighborhoods in New York, a boa in the closet isnt such a bad thing.....

[seatazzz]

Also Bra Bend Oozer.

[MOTW]

also ==> bored bra zone

[Eleanor]

Last story;
So the brother went to jail and that made them think the snake was gone??
Huh???

[duffer]

Favorite quote from middle story:
"I glanced down and did a double-take and said, 'OK, he's big."
*snicker*

[MOTW]

also, Darn beer bozo
*wonders how Brenda's parents could name her thusly*

[Vyvyan]

Christobol, it's obvious that the snake caught pneumonia while trying to hunt down the grilled cheese sandwich with Elvis' likeness in Brenda Boozer's pants to sell on e-bay as a sign from God.
Sheesh, I thought that was obvious. :)

[innocent bystander]

I've met this snake! Its owner used to bring it to my son's baseball games a few years ago! I don't know the guy, but if you try to imagine what a person would look like that would own that snake AND take it to the public park to watch baseball games, you would probably be on target.

[Christobol]

Well then, they should at least explain where Elvis got Brenda's pants, Vyvyan.

[TCK]

Eleanor - maybe the brother-in-law had been hiding in the closet with the snake?

Also, when Hardy discovered the snake, "He quickly barricaded the door and called the cops"

just closing the door wouldn't work? he thought maybe the snake would grow hands and come after him?

[M.C.]

Another example of bad reporting, from the third article:

Imagine Michael Hardy's surprise when the New York man opened his closet and came face-to-face with a 3-foot boa.

The omitted details are, of course, how was the snake balancing on its tail, and what was a midget doing walking into a closet in the first place?

[MOTW]

TCK - did you ever see the end of Shrek when Lord Fahrquad was singing inside the dragon's belly, "Ah, ah, ah, ah, Stayin' Alive! Stayin' Alive!

[Christobol]

Poor little boa. It's hard enough to come out of the closet as a reptile - the other reptiles are cold blooded about this type of thing, but then to run into an alarmed midget who barricades the door...

[Charlotte]

I want to know how these snakes are getting lose. I have a 3 foot ball python and the only time he moves is when there is a mouse in the cage with him or we are holding him. Confused snake owners want to know.

[mudstuffin]

a hiaku

don't be too jealous
but I was the one that made
Boozer double take

another

bragging about size
much funnier in hiaku
than in bad hip hop

one more

I saw him, supine
the snake, Adonis uncoiled
come hither, Boozer

[mudstuffin]

did you notice how I tastefully left judi out of all those poems about big weiners?

[TCK]

so, if i've got this straight:

Hardy, the alarmed midget, upon coming face to face with a 3 foot boa balancing on its tail, and looking him straight in the eye, mistook said boa for the dragon from Shrek, theby compelling him to barricade the door before calling the police, so as to prevent said serpent from escaping the closet and devouring him, much in the fashion of the untimely demise of Lord Fahrquad?

does that sound about right?

[seatazzz]

*choking on tootsie roll* SNORK!!!!!!!

[Bumble]

I said through rain, sleet, snow or hail
I would get you your mail without fail.
But nobody said
I'd have snakes in the bed
of my truck. So I'm going to bail!

[sct72]

Brenda Boozer and the Pneumonia Snakes!

[Somewhere North]

TCK - exactly. Of course you left out the part about the snake's owner being a convicted and currently incarcerated criminal and how this someone caused the snake to disappear, probably due to the emotional issues involved in the separation, but when he got back from his trip and accepted his sexuality and attempted to come out of the closet suddenly he found that his former family could not accept him for who he is and forced him back in the closet despite the fact that his aforementioned owner probably now has a boyfriend named "Big Bob" and thus is confronting his own issues about closet snake sexuality.

[Somewhere North]

Other than that, you were right on.

[MOTW]

Bravo, Bumble!
yes, mud' Darlin', you exhibited the utmost restraint ... yet we know not why nor for what end.

[MOTW]

TCK and S'North - *snork*

[TCK]

Big Bob and the Closet Snakes?

[Somewhere North]

...would not be a good name for a rock band although it would make a fine title for a porn flick.

[TCK]

of course, the cast would have to include at least one alarmed midget, and one 3 foot boa that could balance on its tail and do a passable impersonation of the dragon from Shrek

[Punkin (ouch) Poo]

Here is one way to lock up your snake!

http://www.seacoastonline.com/news/08052005/news/56211.htm

(It won't let me post a link! Help!)

[Punkin (ouch) Poo]

Trying again....

snakelock

[Punkin (sad) Poo]

CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Judi, why does it tell me "This blog does not allow HTML comments"???

:(

[KOW]

"Those terrorist bastards"

Sorry, it had to be said.

[Eleanor]

hello

[Maud]

I got stuck on Schnucks Shopping Center. Their (presumed) commercial jingle is echoing in my head:

Let's go shop at Schnucks!
Let's go shop at Schnucks!
For anything we need, but ducks
Let's go shop at Schnucks!

Of course, you can substitue any *ucks word you like for ducks...trucks, whatever.

(and yes, it is easy to set off an echo in there.)