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August 23, 2005

NEW YORK

Land of Troubled Brows

(Thanks to queensbee)

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Thank goodness there was no picture!!!!


Like tweez-ers
Over a troubled eyebrow
I will pluck you out

I wonder how they know it's an eyebrow hair - could've been plucked from the vicinity of another body part

Hey El, here is a picture

That is bound to be able to be turned into a sweet mullet

This could give a whole new meaning to the word 'combover'.

You just know this beauty has a major harvest going of ear hair and nose hair, not to mention butt crack and upper back moss.

I wonder if he's single?

*runs to call local paper*

Thanks, BigD!

That's cute!

Having spent 4 years in Plattsburgh for my "higher" education, I have to say - dude with big eyebrows is pretty normal compared to some of the other weirdos you'll encounter up there...*shudder*

Our prime minister (Australia's Little Johnnie Howard) could easily beat that record on a bad day... Just look at him. 'Course, that was before he got himself a "stylist" and started trimming 'em, but I still think he could beat the record...

Measuring expert?

=========>>>>>>

It had been five years since Tony had decided to start his own hotdog stand, and things were going well.

Tony had developed his single lone standing hotdog stand into a franchised business, with locations statewide, serving all sorts of weiners.

He decided to start a web site with a mail order link.

He called it Weiners 'R' Us. The repercussions were immediate.

Luckily for Tony, "he knew a guy", and things were settled not only out of court, but without costing him a cent.

"The Guy" Tony knew was named Uncle Carmine, and Uncle Carmine knew a guy who knew a guy who everybody knew, yet didn't know.

With that problem out of the way and with Uncle Carmine, et al on retainer, he proceed to inspect personally all his hot dog stands for quality control. And to get away from Mrs. Hot Dog who was making him crazy by constantly nagging him to take a bath to get the hot dog smell off him.
When he got to John's Hot Dog Stand in Honolulu he discovered, much to his dismay, that they were putting pineapple spears on his hot dogs.

With everything having gone so smoothly for such a long time, it's no surprise that Tony completely failed to see the significance of this development.

Tony realized that the pineapple spears were the least of his worries when he saw that the weinies were also being toasted and then used as drink stirrers.

*wonders when Tony changed his name to John*

*changes it back to Tony*

But it turned out the toasting part was the least of it, the worst being when he saw them putting little umbrellas in the top of each hot dog.

He boarded a plane immediately back to New Jersey, calling Uncle Carmine on the way.

Uncle Carmine was dispatched to deal with the pineapple-sticking hot-dog toasting Hawaiians, which didn't take long. He spent the rest of his trip snorkling and trying to get rid of his headache. Meanwhile, back in Jersey, Tony.....

Tony decided he'd go to the Bada Bing and spend a little time with the Soprano "family". However, when he got there, it was closed. The sign in the window said Gone on Hiatus.

Since Tony only had a 3rd grade education he didn't know what "hiatus" meant so he went down to the lake, thinking they had just misspelled "fishing".
When he got there....

he saw a little girl who had caught a bunch of bluegills. She had filled-up a personal-sized plastic toy boat with lake water and had put all the bluegills into the boat. She was sitting in the boat with the fish. She noticed the giant wiener logo on Tony's too-tight t-shirt and asked him,

Tony immediately recognized Johnny's rump as it floated down the river. "Whoa," he thought to himself, "They got to him before I could." He wandered up the river a little farther and eventually he stumbled upon...

IGNORE MY POST, GO WITH LEETIE'S, Please? and thank you!

"Hey, buddy, wanna buy a fish?"

That night, maybe it was fate, maybe it was too much time in California, regardless, during a restless sleep Tony kept dreaming about the little girl with the fish, pineapple, and hotdogs.

When he woke up the next morning, he couldn't get the dream out of his mind, which was unusual because he didn't normally remember his dreams.

He was determined to go back to the lake and find the little girl. He stopped first at one of his hot dog stands, took 3 (one with onions, one without, and one with chili) which he thought he could use to lure offer to the little girl so she would 'talk' to him.

When he got there....

he discoverd the same sweet little girl, in the same plastic toy boat, though it was hard to tell whether they were the same blue gill or not; Tony'd never had much use for fish... until now.


the little girl was there again. This time, she was poking something in the water with a stick. It looked like...

*takes DDi's place in the penalty box*

(Gak. How can we be stepping on each other here? Ok, so the little girl is in the boat AND she's poking something in the water with a stick. It looked like... ?)

O/T (as they say on the MB)

First it goes 3 hours, then 4 without a post and then doubles, yesterday and today. Too funny.
/end O/T

T/O
I'm going to try to set something up elsewhere. My buddy Scott and I (and a couple others) used to do this story thing, and I wrote a program / web page to handle it. I should have that saved on the computer somewhere.
/T/O

... a slab of pork. The bluegills were picking at it with their little fish lips. It was cute to watch. Tony and the little girl were fascinated by the fish picking and darting around. Tony wasn't sure if pork was an appropriate food source for bluegill. Upon closer inspection, his mind reeled and his stomach dropped when he realized that it wasn't a slab of pork.

OMGWTFBBQ, he thought (because in his spare time he reads the blog, so he talks like us)!

It's a human torso. Trying to act quickly so the little girl wouldn't realize it too, he scooped her up in his arms, stick and all, and....

..Tony ran as fast as he could to the nearest pay phone booth. Except, much to his dismay, the pay phone had been removed and was replaced with candy machine. WTD!? He quickly set the little girl down, and dropped to his knee, putting a quarter in the turn dial and putting his ear up against where the candy falls out...

there was a voice coming out of it: "Hello? What number are you calling?"

Maxwell SmartTony: "I'm calling my uncle Carmine, Operator…"
Operator: "You have dialed incorrectly. Give me your name and address and your money will be refunded."
Tony: "Operator, I'm calling from a candy machine!"
Operator: "What is the number of your candy machine?"
Tony: "It's an unlisted candy machine, Operator!"
Operator: "Please hold."

...can you hear the drums, Fernando?...

Operator: "I'm sorry but you can't make a call from a candy machine."
Tony: "Then what are you doing in there?"

*click*

Thwarted by a non-working candy machine, and with the little girl (Phoebe) still in his arms, he ran toward the road, hoping to find help.
As he got to the road, a police car slowed to a stop. In it was Phoebe's mom, who had reported the plastic toy boat missing. Mom screamed at the officer, "There's Phoebe, ask her where the toy boat is!"

I moved the story to here.

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