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August 24, 2005

MOST FASCINATING OPENING SENTENCE OF A NEWS STORY YOU ARE LIKELY TO READ TODAY

Right here.

(Via Mr. James Lileks)

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That lede should be taught in journalism classes across the world.

Village People-style cap, emerged from the surf on an inflatable turtle.

The turtle was not actually part of the canine nuptial ceremony.

I feel the need to comment, but I lack the words. Just absurdum from stem to stern.

I think the happy couple is registered at Petco. I got them a nice set of his/her poopy-pickup bags.

I think this story is from the one thousand monkeys at one thousand typewriters school of journalism. Clearly, that's the only way that lead sentence could ever have been created.

Wasn't that exact sentence somewhere in Revelations? Right around that part about the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

"Golden Retriever Star and the Chihuahua Nuptuals" wbagnfarb


also

"Dog Wedding Crashers" would be a good premise for a movie

Sascha Baron COHEN. H'mm. Jewish rap singer??

"I'll introduce myself, I'm Ali G,
My ancestors walked across the Red Sea,
Don't belong to no gang or practice urban horror,
I just stay home and read the Torah!
You homies in the hood think you're so wise,
Let's see you get circumcized!
From the tribe of Cohen and proud of it too,
Don't mess with me, 'cause I'm a Jew!
GET DOWN!!"

I can see where he would be at a total loss for how to mock Pam in this particular event. It was already pretty much as absurd as it could get.

"What ya gonna do, Ali?"

"Guess I'll rugby tackle her."

"Yeah. Good. Let's roll."

Hmmm...let's see. Ali G. has an inflatable turtle. All he needs now is an inflatable female and he can propose marriage.

Hmmm...let's see. Ali G. has an inflatable turtle. All he needs now is an inflatable female and he can propose marriage.

*applause* Excellent, Candy!

*seem to have lost my post*
Bravo (again), Candy!

Anybody else think it's kind of cruel to rugby tackle someone with Hepatitis C?

BRAVO, CANDY!

Excellent work!

I only pressed the POST button once, I swear!

I just can't get the doggy wedding out of my head. A Golden Retriever and a Chihuahua??? I don't even want to think about that. Pam Anderson (while wonderful fodder for celebrity gossip and blogs) needs to be put out of my misery.

are we sure this wasn't a cricket update because when i read it, i had that same cocked head, what-the-heck-was-that-all-about look.

Mrs. S - look past the wedding at the beautiful beach landscape: shining sand...soft, rolling waves...palm trees swaying in the breeze...scantily clad, muscular men...

Meanwhile, behind you, Pam Anderson realizes that Ali G just rugby tackled her into a big pile of dog poo.

ROTFL AN!!!!!

There IS justice in the world!!!

So whose inflatables were bigger ? Pam's or Ali G's ?

"Pam was presiding over the nuptials of her Golden Retriever Star to Chihuahua Luca".....
i'm still LOL over that visual. um, is the Golden gonna crush that poor lil chihuahua? what will their kids look like?
Ali G is a weirdo. but a good poem there candy. i love the concept of a jewish rapper.

Ali G: "Pamela Anderson, I am honored and grateful that you have invited me to your dogs' wedding. And I hope their first Golden Retriever/Chihuahua mix be a masculine Golden Retriever/Chihuahua mix. I pledge my ever-ending loyalty.
Wait.
This is sick.
You're going down Pam."

*fears waking up to horse head in bed*

A'int nuffink finah dan Pammy, bruv.

Candy, very nice, yo.

Reminds me of
The Hebrew Hammer

Let me try that link again...
The Hebrew Hammer

Somebody made up all of that crap!

If not, it's just too sad to think about.

That was def, Candy!

Numba one in da kibbutz, G!

I KNOW there's a joke in here somewhere about the dangers of gigantic exploding water balloons; somebody help me out--Cbol? Beuller?

Chianica--I recall the passage in Revelations:

On such a day whence the little dog weds, and the beast which bears the swollen breast is felled, the end is nigh.

But most importantly, James Lileks is a blog contributor!!!
THE James Lileks!
Wow.
Creator of one of my favorite websites of all time...
Gallery of Regrettable Food!

Wow.

Idle, I have the book and it's a scream. He also has one out now about 60s and 70s furniture. I forget the name of it, but it is also hilarious.

I had STACKS of old recipe cards that had belonged to my mother from the 50s, 60's and 70s.
I LOVED to look through them and laugh at the ridiculous way they portrayed food items in the photographs. I could have easily become a collector of those things. Alas, they were lost in the great "Wife Cleanout" attack of '99. I did not come across Lilek's "gallery" until some time later.
His other assaults on the style of those days are very funny as well. In retrospect, if I still had those cards I'd send then to him.

I just love the matter-of-fact tone of the opening paragraph--yes, Pam Anderson was presiding over doggy nuptuals....but that's not the weird part!

By the way, it sounds like quite a few here have not yet experienced Ali G. For those not yet up to speed, go here --> http://www.hbo.com/alig/

can anyone explain the difference between a "rugby tackle" and - uh - well, just a plain old regular tackle? Is there some special technique involved - maybe an elbow to the head or something?

Idle and Suzy - I love James Lilek, who I "discovered" by way of DB a while back, and I read his blog The Bleat every day - it's great!

A rugby tackle is different.

ignore this test, please

Spinner8: Eeeww...
*vows never to play rugby*
*vows to ignore smiles on rugby players' faces*

Julio: You have failed the test. You're much too talented to ignore. I'm a great fan of "All the Girls I've Loved Before."

This is only a test.

In the advent of a real emergency, we'd be playing "taps", not that annoying siren.

What are you blithering on about, thee art fucktards!
Ali G, what dost thou know of it - american tossers!
It may be worth noting, that the whole world considers America to be the smelly kid, that everyone pokes fun at in the playground - you know, the one who got a tummy infection from playing with is dogs balls.

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