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August 23, 2005


Give it up for Saparmurat Niyazov of Turkmenistan.

(Thanks to Becky "Becky" Roser)

UPDATE: We just realized that Saparmurat Niyazov is Dan Ackroyd!


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See?? If we only lived in Turkmenistan, we'd never have had to suffer through Milli Vanilli!


But think of all the comedy we would have lost without Milli Vanilli.

Sorry, but he looks more like John Candy.

Punkin, to me- he looks like a lovechild from the loins of William Shatner and Steven Segal.


Targetgirl ~ That earned a snort.

Standing on the steps of the capital, Mr. Niyazov entertains the crowd with his karaoke rendition of "My Way."

Well, crap, there goes my secret plan to ship Ashlee Simpson and Britney Spears to Turkmenistan!

Oh, well. I guess we could still send them Paris Hilton and the entire cast of Laguna Beach (who, by the way, all look exactly alike so I can't ever tell them apart when my girlfriend forces me to watch the show)...

Come to think of it. Maybe I'll move there. I wonder what Niyazov's thoughts are on all-night keggers and strippers?

Wait a minute. He bans opera and ballet...then forbids lip-synching because of "...a negative effect on the development of singing and musical art."
That leaves the kazoo and guys who can armpit-fart 'Yankee Doodle.'

He earned his political clout as a provincal leader with his ban on root beer for children, suggesting that it encouraged the young ones to move on to beer, and then harder drinks.

His cause that root beer and sarsaparilla were "Gateway Beverages" hit the right tone with teetotling Turks.

Bans opera, ballet, AND lip synching? I could like this guy. What's his position on the Designated Hitter and rap?

It no longer costs US$50,000 for a foreigner to marry a Turkmenistanier.

However, the months are still named after Turkmenbashi (Niyazov), his mother, his cat, and the like.

Turkmenbashi, the man who got Switzerland into the UN.

So my seven year old is standing by me, and when I snork loudly over Candy Tutt's "armpit fart" remark, she asks me, "What's an armpit fart?" So (idiot that I am) I explain it to her, and now she's going to go back to school with a new musical skill.

My daughter - a blogit in the making.

As I read this, Mel Brooks is in my head saying "It's good to be the king."

Dave didn't make up Turkmenistan? It's a real place?

All my life, my daddy told me, "America's the best country in the world." Since he had traveled around the world a few times, it probably wasn't prejudice for his homeland, but still I thought I ought to see the world and decide for myself. The internet has helped me do that. I've got to say, even with the foulest president in our history in office, daddy was right.

In other words: This guys a meglomaniacal dufus!

Just finished Dave's hilarious Boogers Are My Beat, published by Crown, 2003. Although I'm not a typo cop, I did pick up one on page 221 (It's All About Cloning...):
"...a tiny genetic code that is found in all living hings (sic)..." Or is this a Dave Barry humor

Another minor correction:
On page 210, "Send In Your Weasel Jokes...", the UK Laugh Lab did NOT pick the Sherlock Holmes joke as the "funniest". It placed 2nd. The 1st place funniest was:

"A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"

Dave is probably the funniest man in Christendom; maybe even Muslimdom. Keep us rolling, Dave ;-)


Not this again. I thought we all agreed in the Airline Travel: An Oxymoron? thread from the 22nd to "put down our political clubs". After all, this is a humor blog!



World Leader?
Just gimme that ole time religion!

Robertson Calls for Chavez Assassination

By Alan Cooperman
Washington Post Staff Writer
Wednesday, August 24, 2005; Page A02

Pat Robertson, the television evangelist and Christian Coalition founder, has set off a diplomatic fracas with Venezuela by calling for the assassination of its populist president, Hugo Chavez.

Niyazov, The President (for life) of Turkmenistan, is a seriously weird dude. He might even be crazier than Kim Jong-Il. This lip-synching ban is the tip of the iceberg. He calls himself "Turkmenbashi" ("King of the Turks" or something like that) and declared a book that he wrote to be the Bible and forced it upon their schools. He even renamed months of the calendar, rewrote their alphabet and spends a good portion of his poor country's GDP on statues of himself. He's a egomaniacal dictator of the highest order.

Anyway, my point is that he looks more like Jonathan Winters.

Hey, glenn, your guy reminds me of someone else...Uhh...oh, that's right - this guy!

Well, it's true that you never see them both in the same place at the same time . . .

and we complain about our leaders.... yeah. they arent nearly as weird. right? right. uh..... but at least we can lip synch.

I'm lip synching RIGHT NOW!

I think he looks like Luca Brasi.

so when will we be invading liberating this country?

Crossgirl: Do they have any oil, uranium, natural gas or precious metals? If not, forget it, -- they're on their own with Turdman-bashi.

Crossgirl, as soon as Pat Robertson's hit squad gets done with Mr. Aykroyd.

The weirdest part for me was Niyazov has led the former Soviet republic for 20 years, creating a vast personality cult around himself and issuing decrees regulating behavior in all walks of life.

I think I'm fairly knowledgeable about what's going on in the world and yet this is the first time I've ever heard of Mr. Aykroyd's double!

Oh, and pete, I guess you missed the correction from Pat Robertson today. He really said we should kidnap Mr. Chavez, not kill him.

"You know, I don't know about this doctrine of
assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to
assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go
ahead and do it."


He looks more like John Candy with a bad dye job.

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