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August 17, 2005

DOES TEXAS CARE ABOUT THE IMPORTANT ISSUES OF THE DAY?

You are darned tooting Texas does.

(Thanks to Boo Augustus)

Comments

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That Barry Gibb will do anything for attention.

Perhaps Bigfoot could join that poor mom sitting outside W's ranch - or, better, EAT W.

How was Sophie's first day of kindergarten, Dave?

Guin: It was actually last week, on Aug. 8. At this point she's Harvard-ready.

Don't worry Dave, I'm sure by Christmas they'll have her ready for a good school.

Hey, we were just discussing the Fouke Monster on my blog recently and we uncovered the following startling facts which I swear I am not making up:

Okay, it was more of a mention than a full-blown discussion.

At $10 bucks a day, it's a bargain. Bigfoot and the Jefferson High commons- both on my list of things to do before I die. Would've paid $12.50 for this, easy.

I want to be a Bigfoot Expert. I'm going to have my boyfriend dress up in a furry monkey suit. Then I'm going to take lousy pictures of him next to the tree outside of my house, and then I'm going to be FAMOUS.

Now, can any of you think of ways to convince The Boyfriend to wear a big ape suit?

The page won't load for me :(

Summary, anyone?

Yeah, you put your hands on your hips and tell him it's either the monkey suit, or this.

Amy, that guy is way scarier than the Fouke Monster.

I'm waiting for the Texas Big-Foot-In-Mouth Conference.

Keynote Speaker: W

Merciful Heavens, Amy! That guy looked like Ron McDorman, a freaky boy in my homeroom who I convinced to eat a piece of soap because he thought it was candy. Don't scare me like that!!

...president of the Masonic Stamp Club

Get it? Sasquatch stamps his foot!

I wanted to join the Freemasons, but I wasn't qualified. So, I've joined a similar secret society, the Cheap Drywallers.

"The Cheap Drywallers" WBAGNFARB!

I did notice that none of the participants (or BF for that matter) were sporting mullets...'tho Rick Noll does possess quite a mane...

pretty good for us TX folk.....

El,
(With apologies to any o' y'all pardners that might be offensed)It's about a "Bigfoot" convention in Texas. A bunch of the local yokals get together and swap stories and sell each other crap about caveman sightings. Imagine Area 51 only with chili and cowboy hats instead of freeze dried ice cream and antennae.

Guin - the last time something big ate a president, it almost got him impeached. Although I doubt you'll ever see Bigfoot in a thong.

A.N.
Actually, I did see that once on G.L.O.W. although my wife still insists it was Janet Reno.

Louis, thanks for THAT image. Now I have to go bleach my brain to get rid of it.

WOW, how did they get Robin Williams to pose for their logo like that?

nice to know that texans have their pulse on the important things of life...

Yea! I finally got a "thanks to."

My life is complete.

I appreciate Dave Barry's humor, and I see where this forum is going. It's easier to ridicule something not fully understood than take it seriously. But cryptozoology is alive and being factually discussed at such conferences as this forthcoming event in October in Jefferson, Texas.

I look forward to exchanging ideas and data with those that wish to scientifically acknowledge the possibilities that all is not known under heaven and on earth. Nothing woo-woo or bubba about it. It's actually straight zoology.

Sincerely,
Loren Coleman
Cryptozoologist, Author, Bigfoot! The True Story of Apes in America
Portland, Maine
http://www.lorencoleman.com

*wonders if he should take this post seriously*

*hopes Loren continues to support Dave for President*

*also wonders how he can "...see where this forum is going." when kibby's been here for over a year and still has NO IDEA!*

Loren, glad to see you've unblurked. Strange that it was on this post, but.... hope to see your interest expressed in other posts too!

Keynote: And so, in conclusion, I hypothesize that bigfoot is likely a fantastic dancer who communicates telepathically with Nessie on Tuesdays. Questions?

Loren: Are you sure that isn't a bit woo-woo or bubba?

Keynote: Absolutely.

Loren: How can you know these things?

Keynote: May I remind you that this is the study of hidden creatures. As such, none of it is verifiable using normal scientific means. I have painstakingly assembled my data by communicating with the aliens who routinely abduct and probe me.

Loren: Wow. Do you have any evidence?

Keynote: Of course! This slide depicts a friend of mine in a rubber suit shaving his dog.

Loren: Awesome!

Dave,
I live in Texas, so I know it is spelled tootin'. We don't usually end words with the letter G down 'round these parts; we end them with an apostrophe.

Dang. Too bad Loren had to come on here and be all... you know... intelligent and sensible and stuff. (just kidding, Loren... glad you stopped by. Although I'm mystified as to how you found us... were your ears ringing? :-)

Actually, cryptozoology sounds pretty cool. But it was the look on Bigfoot's face, which reminds me of a young Ernest Borgnine (albeit with a tad more back hair), that cracked me up.

Soooo...

If I'm reading things correctly this Cryptozoologist feller is so concerned with his studies being taken seriously that he is pleading his case on The Dave Barry Message Board???

I suppose next he'll preach a message of sexual abstinance to all the patrons of this nation's strip clubs, and lobby the Jack Daniels company to produce a non-alcoholic bourbon.

KNOCK...KNOCK...KNOCK.... Who is it?
Is Dave there? Hey Dave..... you need to read about what's "happening" in your own back yard! We're doing our own Sasquatchin in Texas...

Source: CARA BUCKLEY, cbuckley@herald.com
David Shealy's life mission is singular, a little lonely, and sometimes jinxes him with the ladies. None of this may be surprising, given that for more than a decade Shealy has tried to convince the world that outsized, lumbering ape-men call the Everglades home. ``It opens up a whole Pandora's box of bull--,'' Shealy, 41, conceded one recent sweltering morning as the sun made soup out of the air in Ochopee, a blip of a town in Big Cypress Nation- al Preserve,

Published on April 19, 2005, Page 1A, Miami Herald, The (FL)

The real question is,

"Does FLORIDA Care About the Important Issues of the Day?"

According to this article from the Tallahassee Democrap...

http://www.tallahassee.com/mld/tallahassee/living/12360304.htm

I think I used to know one of the founders of that group. He used to be a college buddy's stepfather. They've come a long way...

cool. cara sits about 20 feet from us ;)

There is only one important issue in Texas: how quickly we can secede so people stop blaming us for GWB...

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