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August 21, 2005

ATTENTION, MEN ABOUT TO POP THE QUESTION

You may want to reconsider the traditional but unexciting diamond ring.

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First 2 kids, then a marriage proposal. These super models get brighter every year.

Wanted to have a slow engagement apparently.

Finally, a new variation on the old joke about the snail that got mugged by two turtles. In this version, a guy proposes to a supermodel with a tortoise; when her friends ask her what happened, she says, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"

Hey, doll, how 'bout a massage?

My other favorite joke involving a snail: Guy's sitting watching TV when he hears a knock on the door. When he opens it there's nobody there, but he looks down and sees a snail on his doorstep; he picks it up and throws it as far as he can. Ten years later, the same guy's sitting watching TV when he hears another knock at the door. When he opens it, there's the same snail. Snail looks up and says, "What was that all about?"

MKJ: You never fail to make me snarf.

If Mr Swooshman had offered me a tortoise he would be sporting a tortoiseshell for a codpiece.

Maybe this is a fine tradition from whatever planet her betrothed sprung from?

I'm guessing the giant enormous box (with airholes, I hope) was a giveaway, something was amiss...

She says, "He completely swept me off my feet, we are so similar in so many ways.

You never really get over your first love, especially when it's yourself.

So, how many carats was this tortoise? Was it larger than the one Dave sat on at the zoo? The last thing I'd want to do is show up with an under-sized tortoise at the next romantic moment.

Maybe she got confused and he was actually proposing to the tortoise.

For his first engagement present my true love gave to me... a tortoise on bended knee

For his second engagement present my true love gave to me... well, there wasn't one, we broke up.

Let's see......

a rare gemstone, or an amphibian. Decisions...decisions.

*zips in*

Chianca - love the snail joke - too funny!

*waits around to see which one sly chooses*

insomniac said " giant enormous box" heh heh, heh heh

Michael Vaughan (or Vaughn, the story isn't clear):
Here, darling Claudia, for you...! Will you marry me?

Claudia Schiffer: A tortoise! How 'interesting'! Yes, I will!

MV: WTF! That's not what I planned!!!

David Copperfield(in the background): Heh heh heh...

With apologies to Country Music legend Dotty West:

"He's just leading you on.
Honey, he'll be gone
Before that tortoise on your finger turns green."

Am I missing somnething?
I have the right man, I'm going to have kids right away, let's not waste time."

She falls for the man with whom she has already birthed 2 kids? Does it strike anyone else that Claudia is not quite as quick as the herpetologic-zirconia she received as a gift?

Am I missing somnething?
I have the right man, I'm going to have kids right away, let's not waste time."

She falls for the man with whom she has already birthed 2 kids? Does it strike anyone else that Claudia is not quite as quick as the herpetologic-zirconia she received as a gift?

Martinishark, the only thing you're (not your) missing is the html code to turn off the italics.

Oh, you guys better get this fixed before FDCA finds out, she'll turn this blog around and take us all home RIGHT NOW!

FCDA! ARGHHHHH!

*zips in*

Did I hear someone calling me????

yesm' but while you were out (havin' an ELegant dinner with "cute guy"?) louis fixed it - yea!

The hard part was mounting the tortise on a cold band and getting it on her finger.

I meant "Gold" band.

I will proofread before clicking Post.I will proofread before clicking Post.I will proofread before clicking Post.I will proofread before clicking Post.I will proofread before clicking Post.I will proofread before clicking Post.I will proofread before clicking Post.I will proofread before..........

*blogs self-portrait hoping he will get asked to EL-egant dinner*

*ahem*
best have a large and highly polished tortoise handy.

Uh, turtles and tortoises are reptiles, not amphibians...

*zips in on a cool Monday morning here in su.so.ca.*

Thanks for the self-portrait *snork*, louis - I'll pass but I sent it on to Carson! He wants your phone number!!!

*zips out*

Hey, Chianca at Large -- wondering if you're a Hamell on Trial (part of Ani's RBR label) fan? The snail jokes are part of a trio of silly jokes he tells onstage...?

Actually, believe it or not my mother told me those -- maybe she's a Hammel on Trial fan! Although I doubt it. Now you have to tell the third joke ... I may not be able to sleep tonight if I don't hear it.

Some women prefer a slow poke.

slow Poke! HA!

But how does she balance the tortoise on her finger?

All it took was a turtle?

Man! I got a turtle!

does anyone know precisely what kind of a tortoise it was?

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