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July 29, 2005

WHY MUSICAL TRAINING IS SO IMPORTANT

It builds character.

(Thanks to this blog's little brother Sam Barry)

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Accosting Pianists wbagnf something... it should have pianos... and stringed instruments.

a hiaku

a few Chopin notes
gave the piano teacher
a dithering snit

another

beware the chill wind
that foretells the dog's passing
a large, vinyl doot

whoops, thread warp

Having had the piano top thingy slammed on his fingers, the question is:
Will he ever be able to play the piano again?

I see big bucks, kiddo! Call me!!!

*waiting for the video*

Chopin, Beethoven...
why have to chose betwixt them?
rock on, Rocketman!

"How do you get to Carnegie Hall?" apparently is an incomplete scenario -- 'How do you keep from getting thrown off the stage at Carnegie Hall' is the question of the day.

I'm glad that I played viola, where I was expected to be a sloucher and lazy.

When captured, the shooter said,
"You just can't be too careful these days!"

(kibby's link *snork*)


If this article was made into a musical comedy, this would be the finale:

Melody clears her throat and sings "You say Chopin, I say Beethoven. Chopin, Beethoven. CHOPIN, BEETHOVEN. Let's call the whole thing off."

My kazoo instructer did the exact same thing to me, except instead of berating me in front of hundreds at Carnegie hall she stripped and bought me ice-cream.

those daffy russian pianists. some people take this stuff waaaaay to seriously.....

Well, come on, Chopin's Scherzo No. 2?? He was just asking to have his fingers slammed, playing that inferior, prosaic triviality. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be listening to old "Badfinger" records.

*signs up for Cbol's kazoo lessons!*

ME! ME! I'M BAD!

Kibby,Cbol,
You are awesome. ROTFL.
Thanks.

This item is begging to be mispronounced.

"What? She slammed the cover on a pianist?!?"

The first few notes of Chopin's Scherzo No. 2 sound remarkably like Chopsticks. No wonder the teacher pitched a fit.
I'm with you, kibster. We'll see what we shall see with that videotape. "Portions of practice or performance may be videotaped and/or monitored.

Well, guess that's better than doing it to a Flute-ist!

I KNOW!!!

For those who haven't heard it:

Q: "What's better than roses on a piano?"

A: "Tulips on an organ."

The first few notes of Chopin's Scherzo No. 2 sound remarkably like Chopsticks. No wonder the teacher pitched a fit.
I'm with you, kibster. We'll see what we shall see with that videotape. "Portions of practice or performance may be videotaped and/or monitored.

Student (allegedly) assaulted by teacher.

Dead woman shot in the hip during a gun battle.

Maybe I'm just tired, but this sounds so depressing.

Got any more good jokes, M.C.? *snork*

Didn't they see the small print on the bottom of the marque?

"Portions of practice or performance may be videotaped and/or monitored for training and employee evaluation purposes." I get it all the time!

*goes to get Nixon-era video tapes*

What!? Blank spots!? Who.....

Teacher makes me mad
I'm wringing my hands in shame
I hit a sour note

Wow. I'm a music teacher, and I've known some uptight people in the business before, but this lady takes the cake. (And incidentally, that would probably only take place in classical music; we jazz folks are generally way more laid-back than that.)

I think that teacher's behavior was "Pathetique."

*Groan*

There once was a teenage pianist
Who played some Chopin at his weeniest
His teacher yelled, “Stop!”
Gave his fingers a chop
Good thing he didn't play with his penis!

Thanks to Sam B!

For Nancy, and anyone else who likes musician jokes:
- - -
Q: "What do you throw a drowning bass player?"
A: "His amp."
- - -
Q: "How do you get a drummer off your porch?"
A: "Pay him for the pizza."
- - -
Q: "How do you get two piccolo players to play in unison?"
A: "Shoot one."
- - -
Q: "What's the difference between a viola and a cello?"
A: "Who cares? Neither one's a guitar."
- - -
Q: "What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?"
A: "A drummer."
- - -
Q: "How can you tell if a violin is out of tune?"
A: "It's being played."
- - -
Q: "What do trumpet players use for birth control?"
A: "Their personalities."
- - -
Q: "What's the difference between a toilet and a soundman?"
A: "A toilet only takes sh*t from one @$$hole at a time."
- - -
Q: "What's the definition of an optimist?"
A: "An accordian player with a pager."
- - -
Q: "What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?"
A: "A fiddle is fun to listen to."
- - -
I got a million, but my personal favorite:
Q: "How many lead singers does it take to change a light bulb?"
A: "One. He just holds the light bulb up and the world revolves around him."

*bows out, trips off stage*

*snork* can't breathe; love the musician jokes, so I'm adding the one I know:


what do you call a hundred bass players at the bottom of the ocean?


a good start

*loud applause from the vicinity of Aunt Nancy's computer*

Bravo, M.C., Bravo!!! Encore, Encore!!

*whistles, stomps*

*loud applause for neophyte coming from the vicinity of Aunt Nancy's computer*

M.C. and neophyte - the next Hope and Crosby!

*SUPER-SNORK*

- - -
Q: "What's the difference between God and a conductor?"
A: "God doesn't consider Himelf a conductor."
- - -

Q: What's the difference between a dead possum in the road and a dead trombone player in the road?

A: There's a chance that the possum was on his way to a gig.

In case anyone wants a few more:

Q: “What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?”
A: “Homeless.”

Q: “How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?”
A: “One, but the guitar player has to show him how to do it.”

Q: “How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?”
A: “At least three. One to do it and all the rest to stand around and say talk about how much better they could’ve done it.”

Q: “How do you make a guitar player play quieter?”
A: “Put sheet music in front of him.”

Q: “How do you make him stop?”
A: “Put notes on it.”

Q: “What the difference between a lead singer and a sack of fertilizer?”
A: “The sack.”

Q: “What does New Age Music sound like when you play it backwards?”
A: “New Age Music.”

Q: “What about when you play the blues backwards?”
A: “You get out of prison, your wife comes homes home, your dog comes back to life, your pick-up starts like brand new, and you become wealthy, successful, and happy.”

Q: “What’s the difference between an oboe and an onion?”
A: “Nobody cries when you chop up an oboe.”

Q: “What do most bass players say the first time you meet them?”
Q: “Welcome to McDonald’s, can I take your order?”

;-)

Sam?
As in Sam and Dave?
Who knew.

There are lots more of those; here are a few:

Q: What's the range of an oboe?
A: About thirty yards, if you have a really good arm.

Q: How can you tell when a trombonist is on the playground?
A: He can't use the slide and doesn't know how to swing.

Q: What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra?
A: A bull has the horns in the front and the @$$hole in the rear.

Q: How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Ten--one to do it, and nine to stand around and say that they could have done it much better.

Q: What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
A: The viola burns longer.

(Seeing as how I once worked at a music store that burned down, I found that the last joke I listed is actually true!)

There are lots more of those; here are a few:

Q: What's the range of an oboe?
A: About thirty yards, if you have a really good arm.

Q: How can you tell when a trombonist is on the playground?
A: He can't use the slide and doesn't know how to swing.

Q: What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra?
A: A bull has the horns in the front and the @$$hole in the rear.

Q: How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Ten--one to do it, and nine to stand around and say that they could have done it much better.

Q: What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
A: The viola burns longer.

(Seeing as how I once worked at a music store that burned down, I found that the last joke I listed is actually true!)

Whoa, how in the world did I double-post? I only hit the button once, I sweah...

*reads music jokes*

*goes into laughing spasms*

Oldest daughter: Mom must be reading the blog again.
Youngest daughter: Is her face blue yet?
Oldest: Almost.
Youngest: She's gonna need oxygen.
Oldest: Well, OK, I'll go plug in the air compressor.
Youngest: Fine, but this time you stick the hose up her nose. I did it last time.
Oldest: No, you didn't. I did.
Youngest: Did not!
Oldest: Did too!

*both girls argue - mom gets up*

Sheesh! Nothing like a sibling squabble to ruin my blog reading. Now both of you go to your rooms!

Girls: Aw, Mom!

...as they walk up the stairs...

Its your fault! No, its your fault! Is not! Is too! Is not! Is too!...

My piano teacher hurt my toes trying to teach me to pedal properly. She stomped on my feet. *contemplates getting a lawyer* Nah. You can't get blood out of a turnip.

For a great book about Iwo Jima, and about a great trumpet player, (or at least based on his life) read "For Love of Pete", now being sold at Barnes and Nobel, and soon to be posted on Amazon.com. There is a tribute to those slain at the end of this book with a list of all known who died on Iwo Jima. For additional information go to: http://bellissimapublishing.com/ForLoveofPete.html

Read About Sgt. Peter Thomas Sirna, The Boy Who Played the Taps on Iwo Jima

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