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July 26, 2005

ADVISORY TO SNAKES

Stop messing with Lottie Stanford.

Key Quote: "This is one of those hoes to cut snakes' heads off with."

Related Question: Why are TV "news teams" always posing so as to look like total goobers?

Comments

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She grabbed one of those hoes.

She sounds like a fun date.

When I grow up, I wanna be just like Lottie!

You hoe girl!

A snake slicing ho(e)?!?

exactly HOW is Lottie's story related to the goober news people?

Maybe we could strip James from the waist down and send him into Lottie's garden. I'll bet her eyesight ain't the best and we would solve some future problems at the same time.

She's single, I take it?

Allow me to quote a very smart, Pulitzer prize winning author on snakes:
"If we are patient and understanding with the, if we seek to understand what 'makes them tick,' we can succeed in modifying their behavior and bringing them more 'in tune' with modern society."

I think the blog will agree with me when I point out that snakes, like guys, are hopeless.

ref the goobers: the two on the left are siamese twins joined at the head. no accounting for the other two.

They're contractually required to pose so as to look like total goobers. This allows the common man and woman, assumed to be goobers themselves by the stations' marketing staff, to identify with them, thinking, "They're not highfalutin' - they're goobers, just like me and mine. I will watch them and believe every word they say." This works more often than we might hope.

On a brighter note, you don't even need to anagram, just be mildly dyslexic, and goobers becomes: boogers!

Re: The Goobers--
None of them are wearing pants.

The kindly fellow in the plaid shirt is available on weekends for home repair work.

May I ask the herpetological question "What the heck is a copper belly moccasin?"?

Unfortunately that is not a pose, Dave.

Can you imagine having Lottie for a grandmother?

"Run out to my garden and fetch a couple tomatoes for dinner."

"But grans, the snakes!"

"Take a hoe with you."

"I'd rather just do without the tomatoes."

"You *edited*"

Re: the goober picture. I think that they started with individual pictures, and somebody used Photoshop, with its dreaded Goober Filterâ„¢.

Actually, the hoe is the perfect garden implement with which to combat snakes. I caught a garter snake once by pinning its head down with a hoe. I picked the little booger up and flung him into the alfalfa field. He looked like a helicopter rotor.

The Discovery is in space. Which in on-topic because....because....the solid fuel boosters look like short straight steel snakes!

Regarding second Update:
Well, you have a lot of room to talk, Dave, seeing as how the journalist pictures posted above are so manly.

Regarding second Update:
Well, you have a lot of room to talk, Dave, seeing as how the journalist pictures posted above are so manly.

The snake's PR agent has issued the following statement: "My client is extremely sorry about the entire incident. He thought her wrinkly old hand was a muskrat. And remember: Get to know a snake before you chop of its head ... It just might surprise you. (Copyright 2005, all rights reserved)."

"Carnsarnit! There's that snake again. Fetch granny her hoe."

"Granny, the snake's holding up a little hand-lettered sign that says 'nanny nanny boo boo'."

"....Bring granny her howitzer."

"I went back to try and chop it's head off."

This comment is so rife with grammatical and punctuation errors, I'd like to take a hoe to it.

Who edits this newspaper? The Siamese twins?

Spinner8: The copperbelly water snake is a non-venomous snake that is also protected. There are small populations in Ohio, Michigan, and Illinois, I think. So, obviously some fact-checking should have taken place with this article.

The only poisonous snakes in Georgia are rattlesnakes (pigmy, eastern diamondback, timber), the copperhead, and... er... eastern coral? And the cottonmouth. None of them look like a copperbelly.

Personally I find the spade a more effective weapon when faced with a potentially threatening moccassin. But then, my slippers rarely atteck me.

Ahem.. or rather "attack" me. My apologies - I used the Canadian spelling...

(Hoping all American bloggers believe me...)

SN- I've never been jumped by moccassins, but I had a pair of galoshes go bad back in '92. It was a tough choice, but we had to put them down.
The vet did it for free, just so we'd leave.

The goober on the far right wearing the blue shirt (no, not that goober, the other one) looks like he is trying his best to remain cheerful while a certain copper-head mullet-belly pepper-corn snake crawls up his a$$.

LOL, FedDuck - another monitor ruined - but worth it! :-)

"Lottie Stanford" = Noodle Tits Fart

I'm not sorry.

Fed - so sorry to hear about your galoshes. I've had violent encounters with army boots but I think the boots were provoked by the guy wearing them...

Hmmmm...never been jumped by moccassins...have jumped in moccassins...have been jumped while wearing moccassins...NTTAWWT, it was my husband, anyway...something about wearing leather...shoes...

I think I need to stop now.

I really have to stop reading this on the bus on the way home. I am frightening the fellow passengers. On the other hand, It does give me more room to stretch out. On a related subject, my Teva sandals once rebelled on me and swam for their freedom. I think they are in Cuba now because I lost them at Key West.

Go, Lottie!! You gotta heckuva lot more guts than I do!! Bravo!

I think we can safely say that wasn't a water moccasin, nor any other type of poisonous snake, or Lottie would be pushing up daisies now, hoe or no hoe...

Whoever wrote this article should be taken out and shot for journalistic incompetence.

Little Lottie & the Snake Killing Hoes WBAGNFARB

That one goober looks like Gary Burghoff (Radar from MASH).

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