(All hail the victor, Mighty Thor)
(All hail the victor, Mighty Thor)
Otherwise we might be posting totally unbelievable crap like this.
Put your hands together for Corn Rootworm and the Stem Weevils
Ponce De Leon : David Hasselhoff :: Fountain of Youth : ___________
(Thanks to Gavin Taylor for the link and the analogy)
Nobody should take this personally, but: As a nation, we could stand to lose maybe 117 trillion pounds.
(Thanks to Denny Guge)
The God of eBay.
(Thanks to Kendall Avery)
(Thanks to Doug Boeringer)
(Thanks to Burp)
Key quote:"What was unsettling was that the fluid just kept coming," Stuart Claxton of the Guinness Book of World Records told the Daily News. "It was quite a lot of fluid. On a hot day like this, you have to move fast."
(Thanks to Drew Harchick)
I'm going to be spending the next few days in a secret undisclosed location that rhymes with Palt Pisney Porld, where I will experience the magic and wonder of standing for hours with a 5-year-old in lines the length of the Canadian border. So I'm thinking that if you're bored – and let's be honest: if you're reading this blog, you're bored -- you might want to participate in our annual Poetry Project.
For some background on this concept, you can go here and read about the first Poetry Project, which we modestly believe produced some of the most memorable poems ever written in the English language containing the phrase "the dog ate mother's toes."
This year we will once again be submitting our poems to the fun-loving guys and gals at poetry.com, who, we are sure, truly enjoy being a part of this effort. Just click on "ENTER CONTEST" and write your poem. To identify yourself as a participant in the Poetry Project, you should enter a "nomme de plume" (literally, "hors d'oeuvre") that includes the name "Habte," followed by a hyphen. The only restriction concerning the content of your poem is that it should include some reference to a mullet hairstyle. For example:
THE PAIN OF LOVE
By Dave Habte-Barry
I love you, dear, with all my heart
And infinite desire
And so I cry each time you set
My mullet hair on fire
I'm sure you folks can do much better.
Update: I've been reading your poems, and I just want to say that I am very proud of all of you. I'm also hoping that none of you are operating heavy machinery.
If you think your child's yearbook photo is unflattering, a really brilliant way to handle it is to make a big stink, so that instead of just appearing in a yearbook, the photo will appear on the Internet, where millions of people will see it.
(I'm just glad MY hideously embarrassing yearbook photo isn't on the Internet, at least until judi posts it.)
Everybody have fun tonight;
Everybody wang chung tonight.
Elected officials are taking care of business.
A goat scheme has floundered.
Apparently this is viewed as a bad thing.
Take a gander at Michelangelo's David. We mean the mullet.
(Thanks to sookeyjane)
We have bad news.
It has its perks.¹
(Thanks to MOTW)
If he's interested in a new career.
(Thanks to Sean)
(Thanks to nigh on everybody)
We report; you decide.
My son gave me a remote-controlled submarine. It is excellent
It's your day. Go on back to bed if you want.
Hey Dave? My name's Craig. Craig Kilborn. And I'm being accosted here by Ted in the Farmet's Market, and he's a big fan. But anyway, he wants to know if he has a mullet or not, and it's a really tough call -- I've been staring at him for quite a while from the profile. And I'm going to go no mullet, because he has kinda curly hair, and you know, cool guys -- you don't remember Guillermo Vilas, the tennis player from Argentina -- but, similar hair. So I'm going say no mullet. And now I'm going to go back and take a nap. Thanks.
Because without them, there would be no justice.
(Thannks to Theresa Valentine)
Turner "Snake Man" Roberts of Nuclear Plant Road loses a pet.
We can no longer stand the sight of Ted's face. Our only comfort is in knowing that Ted will never again be able to get a job. Or a date, with or without a barf bag.
Someone did, of course, send in an unforgettable likeness of Ted as a barf bag. Also burned into our brains are images of Ted as Betty Grable, Peter Pan, Atticus Finch, a fetus, a mermaid, Phil Spector and Jesus. Is there enough beer in the world to make us forget tedchimp, outhouseted, and barrymanilowted? And we don't even want to think about the one of Dave with Ted's hair.
But choosing a winner was tough. There were too many wonderful, awful entries from all of you talented, completely unbalanced people, many of whom got away with creating these masterpieces at work. We congratulate you, and thank everyone for participating.
First runner up: Marvin the Paranoid Android's photo illustration of Ted ready for church
Champion Mullet Manipulator: Atticus, creator of Tedbert
Congratulations! Please send in your snailmail addresses so we can mail you your valuable prizes: ShowerShock Soap and Octodog Frankfurter Converter for Atticus, and some other
crap coveted gift guide items for Marvin.
,,,and we're feeling nostalgic.
(Thanks to Kendall Avery)
Gizmodo is handing out awards. They will make you proud to be part of the work force.
It's got something for everyone, and we mean everyone.
(A quick wave of thanks on the way to the shower to Catherine Conner)
If this does not lessen America's dependence on oil and cars, then this blog frankly does not know what will.
(Thanks to Ted Mullet-Mullet)
Can't they go to the bathroom before they start the ascent?
Key Quote: "Mountaineers who ascend North America's loftiest peak are often brought down to earth by 'virus-laden poo'."
Which of course is not a bad name for a rock band.
(Thanks to Mollenkamp)
This is ridiculous. Miami is number four? NUMBER FOUR?? Yes, Phoenix, Las Vegas and Tucson are hot. But -- as the residents of these cities are always pointing out -- it's a dry heat. Whereas Miami is a WET heat, which makes it a much sweatier city.
Q. How sweaty is it?
A. Our statues have armpit stains.
(Thanks for the link to Jess Rigdon)
(Thanks to Debra Beller)
(Thanks to Stupendous Man)
We'll be announcing the winner(s) later today. If you have any more entries to send in, please
just stop. We beg you. send them asap. Thanks.
(Thanks to Mikey Weasel)
Also, we have:
Proof that there's more to Ted than anyone dreamed (with my personal thanks to Mighty Thor)
(Thanks to Steve Berlin-Chavez)