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June 22, 2005

NO ONE EXPECTS CRIMINALS TO BE SMART

But...

(Thanks to Burp)

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"I would chalk it up to either inexperience or plain stupidity," Clark County prosecutor Frank Coumou said Tuesday.

Well put.

"I would chalk it up to either inexperience or plain stupidity,"

That 'or' should be an 'and'.

Deputy Public Defender James Ruggeroli said the clerk at the pizza parlor could not be certain of her identification of Martinez during a preliminary hearing. He also said the job application was not presented as evidence at the hearing. "The actual identity (of the suspect) is still in dispute," Ruggeroli said.

I guess no one expects their attorneys to be smart either.

HaHa. Great minds...

Yeah, what an idiot! He could have just had them deliver the pizza, then he could rob the delivery guy in the comfort of his own home. It would have saved him a trip all the way down there.

I just noticed this:

Alejandro Martinez, 23, of Las Vegas is charged with burglary and robbery...

Burglary AND robbery? Apparently the LVPD has a Department of Redundancy Department.

Just as a technical note, Atticus...Papa Murphy's doesn't deliver. And, as I'm sure you all know, it's the Papa Murphy's where all the money is at in pizza hold-ups. Quite frankly, you just have to be willing to go the extra mile to make something of yourself. Mr. Martinez is an inspiration to petty gang-bangers everywhere!

-Azamiel

Just as a technical note, Atticus...Papa Murphy's doesn't deliver. And, as I'm sure you all know, it's the Papa Murphy's where all the money is at in pizza hold-ups. Quite frankly, you just have to be willing to go the extra mile to make something of yourself. Mr. Martinez is an inspiration to petty gang-bangers everywhere!

-Azamiel

There was a young man named Martinez
who attempted to flee the crime scene as
he made off with bling
the police soon did ring
for his brain was akin to his penis

If "burglary" is "breaking and entering" a house, how does a pizza place fall into that category?

Also, is "Bulgary" breaking and entering an Italian jewelry retailer? 'Cos that sounds like robbery.

Burglary is generally a non-violent offense.
Robbery is a violent offense.
You CAN burglarize a business, but if you threaten someone and make them give you something, you are guilty of robbery.
You cannot rob from an unoccupied premise.
I'm not quite sure where they get the burglary charge.

gwidow - depends upon what the meaning of is is. Different states and municipalities define crimes differently, but burglary generally refers to entering a premise without permission, and robbery is stealing things without regard to whether you had permission to be there.

But did he get the job?

Police: Mr. Martinez, you're under arrest for burglary.

Martinez: You've got the wrong guy. I only commit robbery.

Police: I'm sorry, but I have to take you downtown in 30 minutes or less. Otherwise, your bail is free.

Martinez: Don't I get a phone call?

Police: Your application didn't leave a phone number. It did, however, list the Hamburglar as a reference.

Martinez: I thought it was asking for an alibi.

Police: In any case, you can only rob pizza places if you are in their (not there) delivery area.

Pizza Guy: Plus he didn't leave a tip.

Police: What are you doing here?

Pizza Guy: He ordered a pepperoni and pineapple.

Police (to Martinez): You sick bastard!

Martinez: I thought you said I was out of the delivery area.

Pizza Guy: Yeah, but the boss wanted me to pick you up for work. He says if you're (not your) late on your first day he'll take it out of your (not you're) paycheck.

Martinez: Now who's getting robbed?

Police: Sorry. You'll have to tell the boss that Martinez won't be coming in today. I'm taking him downtown. And gimme that pizza. It's... uh... evidence.

Martinez: I tell ya I didn't do it. My neighbor will vouch for me.

Neighbor: Robble robble.

Burglary is the act of entering a building or other premises with the intent to commit theft (i.e. steal stuff). Robbery is the act of unlawfully taking the property of another by the use of violence or intimidation (threaten/bash you and steal your stuff in person).

If the burglar runs into you whilst taking your stuff, it turns into a robbery. Unless, he's interested in your husband's hat collection or the clock shaped like the state of West Virginia made of coal that your Aunt Earlene gave you as a wedding, in that case, when you assist the burglar in removing it from your home, that is "abetting".

a wedding present that is ... my bad

Thank you, Crabby, and have you seen Tom Terrific lately?

*gets back on geezer bus*

Thank you, Crabby, and have you seen Tom Terrific lately?

*gets back on geezer bus*

A double! I haven't done that in months.

wow. we have great legal minds on this blog. maybe he didnt come off as moronic in person. sorry. never mind.
IDJIT!!

Everyone knows that bulgary is stealing wheat.

I guess this means a personnel interview is going to be out of the question.

"Stealing Wheat" WBAGNFARB.

Attention:
I have no idea who this person who SAYS he is my brother is. I know for a fact I have only two UGLY sisters. I disown you, whoever you are. You need to cease and desist from using my name, likeness, or a bad facimily of my biting sarcasm. If you do not, I will seek reparations in Internet Court. I will pursue, and receive from YOU, the sum of 1 billion internet dollars (to be redeemed at one of three online casinos). I realize this seems harsh, but I WILL have justice. Also, my name will now be "jaws" as I can only post intermitantly for fear of my job. I will sweep in and out when you least expect it and destroy Ted Habte-Mullet all over again. That is all. ("b&d's brother" is a freak! Avoid him like the plague!)

Atticus: good one (twice). Especially the Hamburglar line. Ditto to Mudstuffin (once).

Let's face it, Mr. Martinez is at the top of the future Darwin Awards finalists' list for today, just ahead of whoever thought the first day of summer was a good day to take a 3,500 pound popsicle out in Union Square.

Burglary and robbery?

Can you say overcharging??? The cops do that to raise the bail set by the bail schedule.

Given that his IQ's about equal to his shoe size, I'm surprised he didn't point the gun at the box and say, "All right, give me the money or the pizza gets it!"
There was a Darwin Award winner in Strawberry Point not long ago with a similar lack of IQ. Apparently, he grabbed a perch one of his friends had caught, said "Hey, y'all, watch this!" and dropped the fish into his throat, attempting to swallow it whole without realizing that the fish in question was entirely too big. Friends tried to pull the fish out, but the perch's spines caught in his throat and the paramedics arrived too late to save the fish, so there's one less mullet in the world, and one less perch, too.

That's natural selection in action. If you're stupid enough to choke to death on a perch, you lose. I guess Joe Dirt will never find his father now, though.

Damn! MKJ got my line!

I wish I had the kind of job where I could geton the blog in the morning instead of at night, when every one has already gotten off the good lines!

**stomps out in a snit**

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