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June 21, 2005

ATTENTION, PARENTS

If you think your child's yearbook photo is unflattering, a really brilliant way to handle it is to make a big stink, so that instead of just appearing in a yearbook, the photo will appear on the Internet, where millions of people will see it.

(I'm just glad MY hideously embarrassing yearbook photo isn't on the Internet, at least until judi posts it.)

Comments

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judi? If you would be so kind as to post that picture for us please?
Pretty please?
Does His Daveness have a mullet in it?

And did they show the Ugly Picture on Good Morning America too?

Swift move, Mom.

Because heaven knows she's going to care about that sixth grade picture still in thirty years. I walk past my sixth grade picture every time I'm home, but could I tell you which one it was without counting the pictures before or after it? I think not.

I love this quote from the kid herself: "I started to ask my mom, why did this happen?"
Now, the response i would've gotten from MY mother would be something like: "Well, this happened because you didn't smile when the photographer took the picture. Now that you understand the concept of cameras, i expect you to not look like a moron in next year's picture."
It's a different world than when i was a kid. I'm only 33! I'm way to young to be saying crap like that! Aren't i?

It's much worse than a mullet.

My senior picture was fanTAstic!

The frizzy poof on the top of my head was truly formidable.

((Sigh))

*slips in a cassette tape of The GoGo's*

In the future, when this girl is older and has a date, and her date googles her name, and this picture pops up, and her date dumps her, the girl will sue her mother.

Ohhhhh pleeeaseee judi.. you have to post it now.
I'll beg if I have too.
What's worse than a mullet? 'I'm a Fan-ilow' concert shirt?
Is it the beginning of the whole 'blue shirt' phase?
Mohawk? Womans dress? Feathers? Loincloth and headband?
I love Cher t-shirt?
*ducks*

This mother doesn't realize that she just made her daughter the target of ridicule for the rest of her yearbook-signing life.

Too late Dave, Judi has already posted it.

Allow me to point all of your faithful and inquiring fans to a picture of you as a young lad:

Check out the first picture in the Tour of the Office of the President.

You know, to me, getting the cool kids to sign my yearbook was always much more important than whatever dorky looking picture would have my name next to it. I don't think ANY kids will be signing this poor girl's.

my 6th grade picture was going to be fine, but then Matthew Brady said he had to go back and take pictures of Gettysburg.

So what's wrong with this picture? It doesn't look any worse than any other 6th grade picture I've ever seen. Truthfully, I think these people have their priorities all mixed up. At least her picture is in the yearbook! My smiling, picture perfect (not) image is missing from both my Freshman and Junior year highschool yearbooks. For all my posterity knows, I never went to high school during those years.

...not to mention that ABC spelled her name incorrectly under her photo: Asheana instead of Asheasa.

*somewhere in Asheasa's grade 6 yearbook*
Hey Girl! Wasn't grade 6 the absolute BEST year ever! That Brad Diggledorff is so HOT! You just keep sending him those stalker letters. I just know he's gonna ask you out soon!

And who's going to forget that you got to be on GMA! That's just SOOOOOOO cool.

Too bad about your picture in the yearbook though. Say "hi" to your mom in the mental institute for me.

Your dad is so HOT! Tell him I said so.
Lolita Bodswanna-Yew

I'm dying to see Ted's sixth-grade picture, for compHAIRison purposes only.

all my early photos were cut up into guitar picks. however, this mother needs to GET OVER HERSELF and her kid. its not that bad a picture. GET a Grip!

Bah...looking through my old yearbooks. I only have the ones from high school. Quite frankly, I think those are the only ones anybody really gives a hoot about.

Oh...and the "Bah" is because I only appear in my sophomore yearbook. *smiles proudly* After I left high school with a 50% attendance rate, they had to revise the attendance policy. Guess sophomore year was the only one I made it in for picture day.

This is not a story worth printing or viewing, folks. I saw something a couple weeks ago that made my skin crawl.

A local school yearbook showed a photo of some girls sitting on bleachers and the caption showed their names. Except for one girl, a girl 'of color'. Seems that when the yearbook was being compiled and this photo was selected to honor these gals, no one knew the name of this one girl. So as a 'placeholder', they labeled her 'black girl'. And it got past all the proofreaders and was published that way. My thought: If you didn't know her name, why not just put 'girl' without any note of her skin color? This high-achieving kid was one of the top ten in her class, etc., and felt humiliated. The school ordered emergency reprints of the offending page to be delivered and distributed before the last day of school.

I am what some politically correct would call "pigment challenged" (white) and this story just bothered me. Sometimes I think people make too much of skin color because it's not what is on the outside, but what is on the inside (in the heart and in the head) that makes a person and matters.
* end of soapbox *

cuzn ed - you nailed it on the head, Darlin'. I tell my kids the same thing - SMILE.

I'm guessing that this girl will get over the bad photo a lot faster than she'll get over the fuss her mother made about it.

I feel we should have a contest for the ugliest sixth grade picture.

I am quite sure I could give just about anyone a run for their money. If only my mom had spent her time suing the school board instead of giving me homemade haircuts.

Are you telling me that they couldn't fit 2 more sentences on that page and they had to make you click to the next one? Those are some pretty strict rules they must abide by.

And did you know that Gene W. did the exact same office tour piece this week that SteveB linked to? He's ripping you off, Dave! Of course, you probably ripped it off from some else. coughandyrooneycough Naaah.

I think all of you should be ashamed. This poor girl had a hideous picture taken and is fortunate enough to have a great mother with enough free time to crusade over anything she mentions in passing. BTW, I have a sneeking suspicion that this girls picture wouldn't have gotten much better even with professional help. She looks like her face caught on fire and someone put it out with a chain. Yikes, have fun working in a warehouse in the future.

Someone call Letterman - this is perfect for "Stupid Parent Tricks".

I never had yearbooks until high school. Now, I'm considering suing my elementary school for not providing us the joy of yearbooks all of those years. The pictures were taken, so I'm sure they'll be able to compile them into a yearbook now.

This case should start a whole slieu of new lawsuits in America. Way to go Asheasa and parents!

ah yes...school picture day...
how fondly i remember tryna get those torterous wire n bristle rollers outta my Hair.

She looks like her face caught on fire and someone put it out with a chain.

I hope you're happy BnDFan. I snorted coffee all over my keyboard. The IT guys are gonna kill me.

Last week my daughters who are 8 & 11 got their school yearbooks and the FIRST thing that BOTH of them did was to scribble over the faces of all the kids they didn't like. (Which changes on a daily basis anyhow...) I'm pissed that I spent good money, $13 each, just to have them defaced. Believe me, they WONT be smiling for next year's pictures.

yeah. when she goes on her first job interview - they will ALL remember this episode. sure. grow up. 'cept for you dave.

permission to slap the cr*p outta this mommie dearest.?

EVERY single year in elementary school, the one candid shot they took of me was in the school cafeteria eating something gross! (like cafeteria food)

Then again, EVERY single year within 48 hours of the official portrait taking I would somehow have some sort of skateboarding, bicycling, tree climbing or road rash accident, leaving my face a scabby mess or my eyes sunken purple pits of bruised flesh.

Still, being a guy, as Dave has pointed out, I did not worry about the actual pictures in the yearbook since the pages were simply for writing stupid remarks to my guy friends about how they were:

2 Good
2 Be
4 Gotten

or

Cows moo, ducks quack, I was the first to sign your crack. (Signs crack of yearbook)

or

I'm the clown, who came to town and signed your yearbook upside down

or

When life gives you lemons, throw them back and tell life to make its own damn lemonade!

or

school is a lot like toilet paper, you only miss it when its gone

or

Remember how cool we were this year?
Well... Remember how cool I was this year?
Never Mind

or

Remember when your mom complained about your yearbook photo and your ugly picture ended up on National Television? That was friggin hilarious! Enjoy your time at the institution!

When I think back on the glorious picture days when I attended St. Buford's School for Unusually Ugly Brats, I still get a twinge of nostalgia. Or gas. It's hard to tell sometimes.

Wait... nope, that was gas.

I looked cute in my first grade picture, but then I got glasses. My next good picture was my senior picture because I had about 20 shots to choose from. oh, yeah, my first driver's license picture looked good,too, don't know how the heck that happened, and why I didn't have the brains to keep it to cherish forever, considering that my current driver's license photo looks like death warmed over. Can't wait to get a passport photo, I hear those turn out well, too.

That Mom should be applauded! Oh wait, I meant slapped with both hands.... good thing she "saved" her from embarrassment!!

Maybe Asheesha Mailbox ought to marry Ted Happy-Gabber....can you just picture the pale kids with enormous hair?

In the future, this mother will be the one ordering hits on her daughter's cheerleading competitors.

People, people, and you call yourselves fans....Pffft.

Take out your trade paperback of Dave Barry is Not Making This Up (the Fawcett edition, copyright 1994, published 1995). Turn to page 231.

There you go, Dave's yearbook photo.

How could not have memorised this?

Hey, thanks Vic. That's an old family joke so I can't take credit. Yeah, I heard that all the time growing up. No, wait, what I meant was . . .

marlodianne ~ You are the ultimate fan. We bow down before you. We are in awe of your powers.

Now scan that photo for us.

That's one ugly picture. Of course, all of mine were gorgeous and perfect.*heavy sarcasm* In my junior year picture I look like I'm about to blow lunch. Everyone asked me if I was sick that day. I wasn't. People will forgive ugly pictures, but her mother made it about a thousand times worse by having a hissy fit and getting it posted on the web and on ABC news so the _whole_country_ (at least) could see it. The mom can't even claim she was befuddled by Ted's mullet, because she hasn't seen it. Or has she?

I remember vividly my mother giving me a home perm with those horrible plastic clicking rollers that could no better make an actual "curl" than I could give birth to a puppy. It was the freakin' day before a gymnastics meet in 8th grade that was at MY school. I looked like Shirley Temple, and I'm not kidding. It was hugely traumatic. And the hairdo was oh-so-lovely when it started growing out. The top of my hair was flat and then gradually ended up frizzy at the bottom. We just kept a cuttin' off that dam frizz till it was all gone.

The funny part is kids didn't make fun of me -- they just looked at me with true empathy, thanking the powers that be that their mothers hadn't had the same brilliant idea!

I remember seeing a High School Year Book photo of Dave Barry when he finished High School, just don't remember where, and if I try to remember, I'll die, which is not a good thing!

I'm suprised Dave said anything about his pictures. I think he WANTS us to see it. For HIS sake marlodianne, please post the picture. Please.

Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Cry, and you cry alone. (And we make fun of you.)

We had a great time in jr. high, trying to decide which picture was the worst.

"You think yours look bad, look at mine." LOL

That is one ugly kid. Her Mom needs to find a new sperm donor. And she needs to have a plastic bag permanently implanted over her head. Yuk!

Let's look at this from a positive perspective. Until now there were only very select number of categories subject to discussion on this Blog: snakes, lobsters, squid, stupid lawyers, politicians, BM, and ramparts (plus throw in the occasional men when judi blogs). Now we can add 6th graders, which, when you think about the humor level often displayed around here, is quite appropriate.

Well, let's see... junior high, too ugly to think about...sophomore year in high school, braces (reminiscent of a Chrysler grill)...senior year, halfway decent picture ONLY to have them spell my freakin' NAME wrong...
Hey, the yearbook will be lost in months but she'll have that weirdo name forever. Thanks, mom!

Man, at least that kid can have a worthwhile career in the future opening tomato cans for Chef Boyardee. I have a strong suspicion we are all evil.

Candy, how did they spell your name? Was it "Candy Butt"?

A lot of people look different than their yearbook picture later in life . . .

When I went to college in New York City we had a party at my apartment and someone stole my yearbook. Or ate it. Or smoked it. Fortunately that was a long time ago, and I got over it. can't you tell?

Reddsuss ~ I had the same problem at one of my parties a few years ago. But it wasn't my yearbook. It was my couch cushions.

And I didn't get over it. I'm still trying to find out who did it.

(Quoting the article linked by Sarcasmo) "his family said he did not have a good sense of direction" Duh, if he couldn't find his way from the climbing wall to the chow house by nose alone would make that true.

bwahhhaahhaha mahatma. nailed it.
and maybe that kid in utah effing ran away. why did they keep trying to make it look like somebody kidnapped him. and pardon me for being difficult, but do we have to cover EVERY lost child????? and their heartbroken parents??? do they have to face the cameras? ugh. NOT good enuf!!!! you may be in UTAH, but your loss isnt legitimate until katie couric interviews ya. BAH!

Oh please, that picture is about a zillion times better than my grade school pictures ever were.

Man, my life has been just FULL of things my parents could have sued for! I was born too early!

Oh please, that picture is about a zillion times better than my grade school pictures ever were.

Man, my life has been just FULL of things my parents could have sued for! I was born too early!

spinner8: WTF?!?!

Writer's Cramp: ah, yes, that brought back many happy (hah!) memories. My high school yearbook was named "The Log" which naturally led to such witty repartee as this:

"Hey, dude, wanna sign my Log?"
"Whip it out."

Ah, good times.

Geezer bus leaving in 10 minutes.

Asheana Maihepat =

I'm a heat anaphase.
A ham tap. Ease in. Ah!
A heap is anathema.
Ha! I name a pasta, eh?
Ahem, Satan? Ah, a pie!
A-Ha! A Seaman pita!

Thank you very much. Back to work I go.

Blast, my mistake. I usually manage to avoid double-posts.

Am I the only one who has Dave's yearbook photo on a t-shirt? Suddenly I feel very self-conscious...

Holy Crap! That little girl can summon three lions at will! Not only that, their really rare lions, not just your garden variety kind

MC: Brilliant! Love the last two lines the best.

reneviht: Did you notice the second to last paragraph that said appx. 70 % of marriages in Ethiopia are by abduction according to marriage custom? I have nothing humorous to say about that article. My heart is breaking. I need to go have a good cry.

I will send some Ethiopian Lions to protect you. (I repeat I am not calous. I dig the chicks. Please Renee do not hate me!)

Oh B&D! I could never hate you (even if you did misspell SYNERGY earlier). Strange Brew is one of my all time faves. I appreciate your sarcastic wit and have only been posting most recently myself. Although I have been perusing the Blog off and on for several years. I posted quite a wonderful little limmerick about a booger not too long ago...

Anyhow, (ADHD at it's best) as a mom this article made me sad. That's all.

I've heard about this before and it still makes me mad. I like to fight bad things with humor as I am not very physically strong. Still, you have to admit it would be cool to summon LIONS! But, by definition, if you were a christian they would eat you, so I think its a wash. (I'm sure I meant to misspel SYNURGY.)

I happen to be a Christian Clown, so the lions would just spit me out because I'd taste funny. Thank you very much....

Summoning lions would be a cool superpower don't you think? Sort of like Ace Ventura. Only funny. And smarter.

I shall start calling you "B&D: Fighter of bad things and defender of soft hearted babes". Are you up for spandex tights, cape and mask? Or is that just your "Gettin Busy on Wednesday" outfit?

(When you have time see if you can find the song "Business Time" by Flight of the Conchordes. It's worth the search)

I am wondering if that little kid could ever be truly beautiful.

Idea: How about another Photoshop contest trying to make the little munchkin appear to be more human and less Muenster'ish.

I think I'd have to take out a loan to get a real superhero outfit, plus I don't have any real powers, except the ability to swiftly stuff my foot into my mouth! Ta da! I'm Loserman!

We all fondly remember Renee's wonderful "booger" limerick!

Ah....good times.

I think she'll grow out of it. Looing like that, I mean. You never know, she could turn out to be Miss Teen USA by the time she's seventeen or something, and then no one will care if there was a bad picture of her when she was little. I don't she should forgive the mother. I think she should sue.

I meant _looking_. Bloody Hell. *hates typos*

hahahahahhhahahahahahah! Who's the SYNERGY now? HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AND, I'm recending that lion order!

This poor girl!! Her whole life will be ruined....ruined I say, by this one photo!!! I hope she already has a therapist (with a mother like that, she'll need one)!!!

Well, the reason I sent it was as part of the "making fun of the girl's mother for complaining when there are so many important problems." Although the thing about the lions lets it stick in your memory.

Jeff, and anyone else puzzled by my earlier post.

First, if you click the link on my "WTF?!?" inspiring post, there's a picture of two kids hanging on the front of a fridge like magnets.

Second, they aren't my kids and I didn't take the picture.

Third, I only found the picture when I typed a google image search for "Dave Barry," though he doesn't appear to be in the picture himself.

Fourth, sorry to have been off topic at all.

wowser the lion story reneviht
makes you think about fortunate we all really are.

♫ We Three Kings Of Orient Are ♫


i just love musical thingys

True enough. I didn't think the boy's picture was that bad. He looks like every other blond 6th grade boy on the planet, but a boy scout? With his sense of direction? *snork* As if.
The girl's picture is really bad, but she probably would have been able to get past it and just grow out of it if he mother hadn't had a hissy fit the size of Madison Square Gardens. I think she should sue her mother for being such a complete idiot.

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