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May 31, 2005

WHY CRIME IS OUT OF CONTROL

They're letting the chicken walk.

(Thanks to Matt)

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FIRST!

Walking Chickens wNOTbagnfarb.

Of course they let the chicken walk. Its not like the stupid thing could fly or swim or whatever.

But we still don't know why the . . . ah, fuhgeddaboutit!

You have to admit it was a plucky venture.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Earlier that morning the farmers daughter had inadvertantly left the gate to the yard open as she was preoccupied by her worry over a maths test set for that day. She hadn't studied for the test as she was still deeply distressed over her fathers recent heart attack. This, coupled with the added burden of household chores now delegated to her because her mother was out trying to get the west field prepared for sowing, had made her quite forgetful and distacted of late.

Whilst several chickens escaped, only one strayed so far that it actually encountered the road facing the farm. After crossing the road and gorging itself in a soybean crop, the chicken was struck by a furniture removalists van as it attempted to make its way home.

Several hours later the dead chicken was spotted by a Community Mental Health Worker who was doing his bi-weekly rural clinic run. The chicken, being a bantam caught the eye of the Mental Health worker, who was a keen trout fisherman.

"Cool" thought the mental health worker- "those feathers will make for excellent trout flys". He stopped and plucked a handful of the most irridescent blue, green and orange feathers and placed them in an envelope. He rolled himself a cigarette, sat on the trunk of his car and admired the clouds. "God, I love this job", he muttered to no one in particular.

But we still don't know why the . . . ah, fuhgeddaboutit!

"Walk Like A Dumb Chicken"
(sorry)

All the old paintings on the barns
They cross the highway just like us
If they move too slow
It's roadkill stew for dinner tonight

All the policemen all the while
They got the money on a bet
Jaywalking fines
They slap their fines on even your pet

Farmer guys with no brains inside say
Walk like a dumb chicken

Weather vanes take their course
They spin around and they cross the roof
They've got the moves
The wind changes and they tell you where

All the farm kids so sick of work
They like to play not feed the birds
But when the buzzer rings
They're walking like a dumb chicken

All the kids from the city say
Walk like a dumb chicken

Strut your feet up the street bend your back
Flap your arms until they crack
It's kinda hard you know
So strike a pose on a chicken shack

If you want to find all the birds
They're hanging out in the chicken coop
They sing and dance
Every morning when the sun comes up

All the roosters with their hens
The party boys leave the farm
Then they try to cross the road
They walk like a dumb chicken

All the roosters in the coop say
Walk like a dumb chicken

"But when our chicken escaped and crossed the road once it became a huge issue."

And they spent HOW many taxpayer dollars on this fowl situation?

(Sorry. I'm so sorry.)

F*&^ng Chickn's

Most Excellent, Alex.

Alex - don't be sorry. That was brilliant!

Thanks for the Simulpost, Aunt Nancy.
*Igloo goes hunting for some smokes*

Great! Let the chicken on the country road off and it is only a matter of time before you have a massive bovine protest march across the major transportation routes of all major cities. Then the terrorists have won.

When will our elected officials learn! These two points are not necessarily related.

Alex - *snork*

What you gotta understand here is that Jo'burg has, like, 14 residents. (No, I am not making that up.) It's a creosote-and-rattlesnake pile of shacks on the edge of Edwards AFB. If you've seen "The Right Stuff," Pancho's place was just down the road a bit.

Apart from the highway that runs through town (which is one of the loneliest roads in California), the "roads" are just dirt tracks through the tumbleweeds.

Evidently, this is what the chicken crossed -- and what got everybody's feathers ruffled.

These people need something better to do with themselves.

Another activist judge.

This site is a complete internet resource for Household Chores. You'll find all you wanted or needed to know, here.

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