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May 25, 2005

UPDATE ON TED'S MULLET HAIRSTYLE

Ted Habte-Gabr, Field Coordinator for the Dave Barry for President Hurtling Juggernaut of Doom, takes issue with the poll conducted on this blog yesterday concerning the issue of whether or not he sports a mullet (correct answer: yes). Ted has conducted a poll of his own, and sends this report:


Just so you know: The poll results are in --

1. Joseph (Orthodox Jew) -- my dry cleaner........"Mullet? What is Mullet?" Thinks my hair looks just fine. So I asked him about the Jewfro? "Why you hang out with people who talk like this?" Translation: Not a Mullet

2. The Fed Ex Guy when he gets here (this could be a weird exchange, 'cause if its the regular guy, he definitely has a mullet).........He does in fact have a mullet, so i chickened out and didn't ask him. I like getting my Fedex, so I hope you understand....No Vote.

3. I did call my hairstylist, who said "They don't know what they're talking about, I don't do mullets." Translation: Not a Mullet.

4. The honey at Starbucks on my way to a meeting in an hour...."definitely not a mullet...is this a pick up routine?" No vote.

5. The receptionist where my meeting is. (she's a babe). She laughed, and said it wasn't a mullet -- "Not at all, been to kmart lately?"

Conclusion: Not a mullet.

Denial is not a pretty thing.

Comments

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Not so much a Mullett as Flock-of-Seagulls-esque hair....

1982 called, they want their hair back

(no they don't, no one really wants it back)

Sounds like he's at least had plenty of time to mullet over.

I agree with Joseph regarding the term Jewfro. Someone else commented yesterday that that was not a nice term.

But mullet is as mullet does. Besides, we're talking hair here, Dear, not your impeccable character.

Someone should send Ted's picture in to mullet.com's "Mullet of the Month" contest.

Definitely not a Mullet.
More like a Beaver.

Dear Ted "Pretty Boy" Habte-Gabr,
Sorry curly Mullet.

Not a mullet. Perhaps there should be a new name for that one -- the "hurling hairstyle of doom," perhaps?

Ted - Well, duh. Just as you didn't wish to point it out to FedEx boy, nobosy is about to tell you to your face.

I know this has probably been anagrammed to death, but,

Habte-Gabr=the bar bag; breath bag; bath barge;
...
etc.

Ted, it's not a valid study unless it's "double blind". That's where you ask a blind person, and then to double check their answer you poke them in the eyes and ask again (so many people fake it).

If you can't do that, you need to set up the study like this:

Have an associate walk around a public space in which you stand prominantly on a table singing your favorite Village People song. He will say to people: "Check out the mullet on that guy singing on the table over there!"

If they say, "That's not a mullet!" more than 50% of the time, then you win.

If you want a real test, send Ted's image to a Mullet site and see if they post it. That'll quell any denial.

Field Coordinator for the Dave Barry for President Hurtling Juggernaut of Doom, takes...
IS that a mis-print Dave. Shouldn't it be...
Field Coordinator for the Dave Barry for President Hurling Juggernaut of Doom,...

permed mullet
pullet?

Ted had a hairstylist?

igloo - either way, I'm not convinced the Juggernaut of Doom will be able to hurl or hurtle Dave Barry once he's president, field coordinator or no.

Ted,
I'm on your side here. Not a mullet. Too long on the sides.

But, as I said yesterday, you're so close to mulletdom, that you need to decide which side of that fence you want to be on, and quit straddling.

To mullet, or not to mullet. Isn't that the real question?

A mullet by any other name...

is still a mullet.

good one elle.

As a previous (8th grade) sporter of a mullet, i gotta say Ted, it's not looking good (literally and figuratively)

Dave - can we get a phonetic spelling of "Habte-Gabr?" I'm at a loss.

So tally your 3 'no mullet votes' and your 2 'no votes' against our 87 affirmatives and you get..? That's correct, sir:

MMMMMMMMMUUUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!

If you really don't want to have or be associated with a mullet and you're concerned that this might be an issue for you, denial or not, cut all that crap on the back of your neck and be done with it.

The only way to truly 'deny' a mullet's existence is to put it out of its misery (and stop showing off that picture).

Unless, of course, you want a mullet and you're just having a hard time growing one . . .

B.J.: It is pronouced "Smith".

King Wingbipeekaboo SIMPLY REFUSES to believe ANY of the stories this blog has linked to for today. But he will have an anagram of Ted Habte-Gabr-Definitely-a-Mullet shortly, possibly even today.

Ted, you could market your fro/mullett on eBay. It'd make great advertising space. A few snips here and there and you could be sporting Disney characters. Or a Dave Barry for President campaign. Or shave it ALL off, hold your arms out to your sides in two giant circles and enter that logo contest posted the other day.

I couldn't agree with Master Chief more. The fact that this is even an issue at all should tell you that you need to accept your "mullet" and fire your hair "stylist". Unless you moonlight as the lead singer of an 80's cover band. Then you are well within your rights to defend your unfortunate choice of coiffure.

I couldn't agree with Master Chief more. The fact that this is even an issue at all should tell you, Ted, that you need to accept your "mullet" and fire your hair "stylist". Unless you moonlight as the lead singer of an 80's cover band. Then you are well within your rights to defend your unfortunate choice of coiffure.

I agree with Brainy Jello, I'd really like to know how to pronounce "Habte-Gabr".

Also, what is the source of the hyphen? I ask because I have a male freind who recently married, and BOTH he and his bride changed their names to something hyphenated, we'll call then Mr. and Mrs. "Shephard-McGillicutty". So if Ted's son marries my buddy's daughter someday, will the grandkids be named "Shephard-McGillicutty-Habte-Gabr"? And when THEY get married, will the kids end up with names like "Parker-Jones-Hazen-Shaughnessy-Shephard-McGillicutty-Habte-Gabr"?

It's gonna get mighty tough by the eight generation to memorize all 256 surnames. On the other hand, it will enable the kids to complete their 7th grade geneology project in an afternoon.

Filling out government forms will suck even more than usual.

Bill _/)_

Denial is not a pretty thing.

I find that most U of Iowa grads are in a constant state of denial, as in:

1) our marching band is better that ISU's
2) Hawkeyes don't wear mullets
3) Kirk Ferentz, Steve Alford (et al) are the new Olympian gods.

Wake up and smell the Starbuck's, Ted. MULLET!

Ted, acceptance of the mullet is the first step towards recovery.

Doots - nice shot! I'd habte to have to refute that argument.

Renee - Maybe his acceptance of his mullet is as on-the-fense as his mullet itself. Perhaps we can change his ways...

JM - I did my time in junior high (and destroyed the evidence thereafter). Plus, your apparent stretching is a non-issue in 1024 x 768. ;-)

Mullet or no mullet, Ted needs to buy a couple of vowels for that last name. I think I sprained my tongue.

Master Chief,
But we will all be dead in 1027 x768, which is more that 786,731 years from now. I'm not even sure if Cher will be alive then. Or at least stopped touring.

Oh, I'm a real helper. (I swear - she just had the urls written out. I was trying to help!)

Due to the overwhelming amount of evidence newly presented by the prosecution, we the jury find the defendant guilty on all counts. It's a mullet.

What does Ted "Mulletboy" Habte-Gabr know? He's a Field Coordinator, for Pete's sake! It's a baby mullet, at the very least.

Of course, if you (the reader) happen to be a Field Coordinator for anything, then the above statement should not be taken to mean that I find anything wrong with being a Field Coordinator, or that I believe Field Coordinator's are stupid and fashionably challenged or incapably of determining if their hair is a mullet or not. So please put away your machettes.

Due to the overwhelming amount of evidence newly presented by the prosecution, we the jury find the defendant guilty on all counts. It's a mullet.

Judi,
Please tell me that exhibit B looks the way it does due to an angular/photo/optical illussion.
Or maybe silicon.

WOW! What mullet?

I think it's a wannabe mullet.

Mr. Heskett - You have a point. Ted got to lean against one of her ramparts.

Sorry Ted, your hairstylist is an 80's hard rock wannabe of the Guns N Roses School of Hairstyle. Mullet it is. The curls don't a denial make. Besides, trust me, that hot babe Star Bucks girl would have asked for your number but she was thinking "Check out that mullet. That is soooo 80s."

ted works hard for the campaign. you guys really should check out davebarry.com sometime. lol

Please call me at 323-938-5325 if you like my "do". Don't call collect.
Here in LA, this is the rage in hair.

Who said we didn't like it? It has given us vast amusement for several days now. We LOVE your hairsytle.

By the way, you want me to slip your number to the Starbucks honey?

It's this kind of thing that derails presidential bids all the time. Does anyone remember Ratfink Crotchpuss's run for the Oval Office?

Didn't think so. The ONLY reason he failed is because it was revealed he had a field coordinator with a mullet.

Will people ever learn?

Denial is not a pretty thing.

I agree.

We appreciate all your hard work. We all voted for Dave for President too (me included but they said something silly about me being Canadian...).

Raging hair is a recognized medical condition however. Trimming it is the generally accepted solution.

judi,
Checked out davebarry.com and no Ted Hatbe, habet, habte-garb...Smith to be seen.
Is he the Web Goddess? The Alledged SSimpson?

Excellent work, Mr. Jello.
I'm saving the butt look photo for later use.

Ted, we luv ya, huney! Don't go changing to try to please us. I haven't laughed this hard in a while.

Does Dave have any other friends we can make fun of?

Mullet has always been defined to me as "business in the front and party in the rear".As we can clearly see, Ted is all business with that blond.

Dave has never sported a mullet. His adorable Beatle cut has long been my gold standard for hairstyles on my men. It was just a bit grown out in that shot, is all.

Ted totally has a mullet; in fact, it's that worst of all mullets, a stealth mullet, otherwise known as the Zen mullet or the unmulleted mullet, the mullet that dare not speak its name. I dare, though. That is a freaking mullet.

Exhibit 9D, V2R1

The only thing worse than wearing a mullet is wearing a near-mullet that can be described as not-up-to-snuff mulletwise. The field coordinator should just shave his head...

Ted, I am in the distinct minority, but I vote with you. However, rather than your heair stylist merely saying "Not mullet", I would be curious how she would describe it...

I like, you know, think Ted's kinda cute. Hey Ted, wanna go for a drive? I've got like, a real bitchin camaro...

A mullet classic, capturing the style and essense of the typical mullet bearer.


YEE_HAAAAWWW!

YEE_HAAAAWWW!

Speaking as a licsenced hair stylist (yes, I really do have a cosmetology license, even if I can't seem to spell it right.) Yesterday I called Teds hair a "Quasi-Mullet." Taking another look and noticing the long side hair slicked back (with God knows what) I would have to correct myself and call it a "Faux Mullet.

Speaking as a licsenced hair stylist (yes, I really do have a cosmetology license, even if I can't seem to spell it right.) Yesterday I called Teds hair a "Quasi-Mullet." Taking another look and noticing the long side hair slicked back (with God knows what) I would have to correct myself and call it a "Faux Mullet.

Mullet or not, Ted's pretty cute...*wink, wink* Hi Ted!

I think Ted's cute too!

Curly hair long enough to run my fingers through? I don't care what you call it; I vote with the "Ted's cute" crowd. *blush*

>
.
.
.
but still, HEL-LO! GRrrrrrrr....

Jury is really still out, perhaps a more representative pic and an independent panel.....

***Blushing***
.
.
.
but still, HEL-LO! GRrrrrrrr....

Jury is really still out, perhaps a more representative pic and an independent panel.....

Hi, cute Ted with the curly maybe mullet, maybe not, hair!!!!!

Do we have any shots of Ted prior to his leaning against Linda Largelungs? I'm wondering if that's what put the curl in his mullet!

It's not really a mullet. It's a faux-mullet . . . a hairstyle that's trying really, really hard to be considered "cool" by observers wearing undersized & overstained Led Zepplin t-shirts while driving primered 1972 Trans Ams, yet still be accepted in normal society. Basically, it allows the wearer to feel good about wearing a mullet in public, cuz it's technically not a real mullet but still feels "cool" to a certain mindset.

Ted is really cute... and i think he should consider a lawsuit for the damage caused here by all these assertions that he has a mullet... and he doesnt. You go Ted!

Short in front, long in back. Conclusion: Mullet. And I'm a child of the '80s who grew up in south Georgia, so I know from mullets.

Sorry, Ted.

please really .... get a mullet if your trying to rock a mullet....no imposers...and don't use religion as a scapegoat to not rock a real mullet.. admitt it your wife would never sleep with you again.

A Simple Explanation of Mullets
http://tvrefill.com/2010/07/mullets/

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