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May 18, 2005

NOT-SO-DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE

"That's okay, honey, you stay here and watch TV; I'll be happy to go to the store."

(Thanks to Debby Witt)

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Can I be the first to suggest that "The Orgasmatronics" would be an excellent name for a female rock band?

OH MY GOD

I was also "FIRST" on this thread.

(waits for orgasm, so often claimed to be felt by all the others who have been first, in the past.................................still waiting........)

OH MY GOD

I was also "FIRST" on this thread.

(waits for orgasm, so often claimed to be felt by all the others who have been first, in the past.................................still waiting........)

From the looks of things Roggie, you should not have any trouble achieving multiples.

Uh, roggie...was it good for you?

roggie,
didja "ring" yet?

If roggie is a guy, of course he was first. How very typical. pfffttt

*runs from impending spanking from male bloglits*

While I sat here, staring at the moniter, thinking, I should post about an hour from now:

STILL WAITING

....it dawned on me that about ten minutes had passed, while nothing happened...so I hit "go" up top, to see what would occur from THAT---and of course, what I FEARED may happen (a double posting) DID.

While I sat here, staring at the moniter, thinking, I should post about an hour from now:

STILL WAITING

....it dawned on me that about ten minutes had passed, while nothing happened...so I hit "go" up top, to see what would occur from THAT---and of course, what I FEARED may happen (a double posting) DID.

I SWEAR I did not get impatient and clik the "go" button, that time...ya gotta BELIEVE me!

Not the headline of the day, but inadvertant comment of the day:

"Staff handed her back the Passion Pants upon discharge"

"......the Passion Pants upon discharge....."


I don't think any comment is necessary.

Oh. Oh my.

Oh YES. Yes, YES YES!!

Has roggie passed out?

Doncha just love the below linkage:

"Related stories
Vibrating Nokia self-pleasure - yours for £1.50"

This actually happened to ME. But I was not stupid enough to leave the house when my little electronic friend got stuck.

I tried to find a doctor to make a housecall. The only one I could find was my Vet. So I told him to come quick, my pussy had swallowed a foreign body! It worked and now we're engaged.

TOTALLY TRUE STORY. (Sad as that is)

I think roggie has the vapors. Or the batteries ran down.

Cheri,
May we assume then, that you no longer have need for your little electronic friend?

...gives new meaning to 'Bite The Bullet'...

"Are you wearing Pants or are you just happy to see me?"

"The Pants."

"Oh."

Igloo,

'The vapors' are gas. Think about it. The ladies fanned themselves when they had the vapors for a reason.

roggie, unca roggie, ur

GO HERE for helpful advice from Eleanor, How To Stop Double Posting.

roggie, unca roggie, ur

GO HERE for helpful advice from Eleanor, How To Stop Double Posting.

Thanks, Sondra.
So that's why people fan themselves when I walk down the hall. I thought is was due to my Hunkiness, not my muskiness.

Sorry, gang...was over (or UNDER???) reading the "24" comments, as I missed those, yesterday...my tummy hurts from laughing...or is it from still waiting for that promised "warm fuzzy" feeling, from posting first, here?

What cracked me up the most, was how so many of the kids here got all into doing the MATH of the missile's flight...the only mathematics that COUNT on that show, is how many episodes are left! You gotta realize they'll shoot it down, at 6:59 am, (the SHOW time) when we're in commercial break, watching to see if Dennis Haysburt is smirking during his latest Allstate commercial (knowing some of us are wise to the whole subplot of how Allstate insures Washington, D.C., so there's no WAY they'll let anything explode there.)

To paraphrase...
MOTW, heal theyself.

hiccup, hiccup - I'll try, igloo.

pass the kudzu

hiccup, hiccup - I'll try, igloo.

(don't wanna hog up this thread, usually try to limit myself to ONE posting per topic, and to have it appear on here only the ONE time...but this idea popped in while thinking about how I should be WORKING now instead of playing in here, and I gotta post this, THEN go back to the real world:)

It would be just SO cool to be able to claim you have a degree in "Orgasmatronics" wouldn't it? I may put that on my resume, anyway, just to see if anyone ever actually READS those things, past the point where you list your reason for losing your last job. (by the way, for the younger folks in here: "Beat the crap out of nosey manager" is not a good entry for that part of your resume)

Uh, MOTW
It is not safe to blog at the same time you are using your "little electronic friend." May cause double posting and in some instances, blindness.

paramedic 1 : they found a bullet inside the woman

Paramedic 2: oh! she was shot?

paramedic 1: not exactly...

off-topic:

*steps off geezer bus*

okay, so I was driving home yesterday and stopped at a red light, when a beat up car pulled up beside me with a male teenager behind the wheel.

anyway, in this teen's mouth was a pacifier - that's right, a PACIFIER.

now, help me out here - is this some kind of newfangled craze going on, or some kind of drug paraphenalia, or what?

I ran into the Kroger in a hurry to buy items from the basic food groups at our house: beer, poptarts and microwave popcorn. As I was scurrying in, I noticed a hole near the hem of my t-shirt so I decided to tuck it in real quick-like because whenever you look like a Bulgarian immigrant you see everyone you know at the Kroger. As I tucked my shirt in the front, my wedding ring became ensnared in my lacy underpants and I could not remove my hand. So I started frantically tugging, hoping the ring would fall off. I look up and see that all the security cameras that feed the monitors all over the store, are trained on me.

I realize belatedly that it looks like I am violating several sections of Vatican II regarding self-abuse and public displays of sexual activity. With my adrenalin pumping, I yank my hand out of my ... groinal ... area and take at least a four inch swatch of my undies with it, which are then hanging off the end of my wedding ring. Panicked, I turn to flee the store and run into Father Chuck from my parish. He declined to shake my hand.

After reading this, I realize I am glad I maintained consciousness.

Texan...pacifier in mouth of someone over 5...drug involvement.

Crabby,
Lacy underwear? I hope you're a woman. Otherwise you may have some issues that need to be addressed.

"Excuse me, ma'am, why are you back in the store after what happened last week?"

"But sir, the sign said "Thank you, come again!""

lol elle

and crabby...LOL!!!

CA, you are right about one thing...the worse you look in the grocery store, the more likely you are to see people you know...who will all look far more presentable than you.

Days I have the well styled hair, makeup, good clothes, I don't see a soul I know.

Let me run in, no makeup, hair less than great, old clothes, and I'll see lots of people I know.

Can a random ramparts auction be somewhat appealing at first, but then repellant?
[warning on link: do not open if . . . aww, use your own judgment] The answer is a resounding YES
(not kidding 'bout the warning, open at your own peril, it's some trailer park woman in a too-tight blouse *shudders*)

I am, indeed, a woman. No need (yet)to call in a mental inquest warrant.

After reading a story of this magnitude, I have no choice but to praise the Register with all my earthly being for its excellence in reporting.

jeevey,

that's Irlene right there......and she's no trailer park queen, she's my wife!

and my cousin!

As a proud Welshman, let me just hang my head in shame at this coming from one of my countrywomen....

Then again, at least it's not a sheep-fondling incident....

knickers seems so much more, i dont know, intimate, than panties. teehee

earl: please tell her:
"Size Type: Petites" (=wrong size)

"What knickers."

"Oh, sank you, Doctor."

Dear Igloo... I am happy to report that the Energizer Bunny has left the building!

Unfortunately, my Vet sweetie doesn't like to do it Doggy Style.... (brings back unpleasant memories from vet school, perhaps?)

Unsettling Vet story #1:

Tick season is a real problem here in NH. One day a guy called my fiance to say his dog had ticks all over her and he was trying to pull them off with tweezers but she was crying. We told him to bring her in.

Turns out the idiot was trying to pull off her nipples.

long tall texan
Are you sure the 'pacifier' wasn't this OR this ?

long tall texan
Are you sure the 'pacifier' wasn't this OR this ?

cheri - ooouuuccchhh!
wasn't dog owner aware that ticks don't usually bite 'in formation'?

I dunno, but Rampart Ticks WBAGNFARB.

Unsettling Vet story #2:

This backwoods Goober had a tiny little kitten that he evidentally thought would enjoy playing outside in traffic because he found her one day lying limp and crying. So he brings her in, my fiance looks her over and discovers she has a broken pelvis. He brings Goober into the back room and says "Well, it looks like she got pretty banged up in the rear end"

Goober says: "She was RAPED?"

What the hell kinda neighborhood does he live in????

Am I the only one who never, ever wants to see the phrase "trying to pull off her nipples" again? Ever. I may never sleep again.

That has got to be the FUNNIEST thing I have ever heard in my life. I have heard of really intense orgasms that make people faint, but, my god, people would actually pay to have one as good as this woman. LMAO!!!!!!!!!

Kitten Raping Goobers - WAGNFARB? prolly not...

Nipple Tweezing Idgits?

Am I the only one who is reminded of the joke about the guy on the beach with the potatoe?

Tell us, Ty! (or email it if it's as bad as I hope)

Crabby A,
hooooo,yeah.

cubie: people DO pay to have one that good, hence why there are vibrating knickers to start with (end with, whichever)

Okay, so between the horrifying vet stories and vibrating panties, the people I work with now think I am insane over here laughing at my computer!

Well, this guy goes to the beach and can't pick up any girls. So he asks his friend what the secret is. His friend tells him to stick a potatoe in his speedo. So the guy does this and goes back to the beach and now all the girls run away. He asks his friend what he did wrong and his friend says, "the potatoe goes in the FRONT of your speedo".

Did I mention that you can now but my Ty Pennington colors at Sears? I would suggest Ty Pennington Pink® and a Ty Pennington fondu pot from appliances.

"Is that a potato in your pants, or are you just incontinent?"

Ty's got some killer fondu pot. Pass it around.

Judging by his spelling of potato, I have to surmise that Ty Pennington is actually former vice president Dan Quayle. Coincidence? I think not!

If you have a weasel in your pants you don't need vibrating nickers.

Cheri reminded me: I visited the old folks at the clubhouse in Del Webb's Sun City in Palm Desert, awhile back, and suggested they change the name of their "service club" to "The Incontinentals"--(thinking they'd chuckle but not like me being so cheeky...they DID use that name! "Older people" are a lot cooler now, than they used to be.)

Ty and cheri - I IM'd that to several buddies immediately.

MKJ - I can't handle it. You post it and I am compelled to click, even against your advice.

Compelled to Click Annon.
Step 1) Acceptance
Step 2) Click

why r u guyz picking on ty? he is sooooo cute. i wish the boyz in high school were more like ty. all they want is sex. ty wants to redecorate my room.

Roggie & Brainy - Glad to be appreciated! Crabby - Leave Ty alone.
What with all the time it takes for him to gel his hair, how can he be expected to learn how to spell.

Did you know you can now buy MY colors at all participating 4 Star Nursing Homes? A lovely chocolate brown called "Oops, I did it again" and a soft antique ivory called "Old Dentures"

14 year old girl - fell off my chair laughing at that one.

Cheri, I also enjoyed your fragrances "Pureed Cabbage A Go Go" and "L'eak Du Bladdaire"

Finally Dave puts up something hysterically funny. And He changes his name.

Finally Dave puts up something hysterically funny. And He changes his name.

14 year old girl - fell off my chair laughing at that one.

So here's the haptic panties. Ah.

private note 2 wondering - i am actually a 54 year old man serving a 20 year term in state prison. still wondering? perhaps interested?

Crabby - Let's not forget "Colostomy Beige" and "Bloodthinner Bruise Purple"

I wonder if they have Passion Pants with built-in Depends?

In Dallas, I heard the following story related on the radio as true (so it had to be):

A woman was shopping at her local grocery store, and at the checkout her son asked for a candy bar. Upon being told "No", he proceeded to pitch a class-A fit. After a couple minutes of this, the woman knelt down to deliver a deadly warning to the child that he had better button it up and I mean right now or he wouldn't have the use of his ass for a month.

Undeterred, the child yelled back: "You're buying me a candy bar or I'm telling gramma that you had daddy's hee-haw in your mouth last night!"

The woman left her groceries there, took the child, and never returned. I assume the child got a candy bar on the way home, or on the way to a cliff. Something.

But what the hell is a "bootnote?"

i am 13 years old and i still take the pacifire

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