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May 25, 2005

GRANNY 911

But she was really hungry.

(Thanks to Paul Roub)

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I told my parents that grandma really needed to be put in a home.

First!

You gotta eat.

Unfirst!

What a crazy old broad....now, if we were talking about the CHOCOLATE delivery guy, (food, not color - let me cut you all off right now), then she, in my cocoa-tinted eyes would be justified in seeking emergency help. (A hot chocolate I.V. drip at the very least!)

*yes, Punky's still PMS-ing*

Thanks, Jeff! *salivating*

This is off topic, and I'm pretty new to the blog so maybe y'all have covered this
but it still makes me cringe....

This week's version of the finger in the chili story?

The pizza place is gonna get some bad p.r. outta this, I'd bet ... just sayin' ...

... and either Granny goes to jail as a criminal mastermind, or some dweeb @ the pizza place gets fired for dissing the customers ... film @ 11 ...

**OT**
"When an officer arrived at her apartment, the 5-foot (1.5-meter) -tall, 98-pound (44.5-kilo) woman"
I thought CNN was an American Company. What's with all of this subversive, commie, meter crapola?
It's a plot, I'm telling ya.
First Soccer. Telling us that it is really Football. Then numbers that don't make sense. Meter? Bah. There are electric meters, water meters and even a Vaughn Meter--Geezer Ref--but no feet meters. And a Kilo is a Russian submarine.
Well, we got rid of Earl Warren and by God...Wow, look! Something shiney.

Sorry, Jeff.....maybe that's what happened to the little Phillipino guy and he had no choice but to do what he did...... (fish taco?)

And the article was from 2000, the author says it's not true, but I guess last year a guy showed up at some Amazonian ER holding his penis with the little toy surprise inside!

Have a nice lunch!

Us'ns here in Charlotte like our pizza a whole lot.

Yesterday, I heerd a local pizza delivery person complaining of the frequency of delivery requests where the caller doesn't know their own address.

I have a really long story about the pencil fish and the British expedition mentioned in the article, but I'll truncate it to this: Read Redmond O'Hanlon's travel books. He's funny!

RBA -

Good geezer reference on Vaughn Meter ... anyone else recall what happened to his career?

(Meter = Meader, if ya gotta Google it ...)

I heard something on the radio about a woman who called 911 because she wasn't getting good service at a fast food window. She actually expected the police to come and enforce the restaurant to make her burger right.

UO,
Literary licence on the Vaughn Meader spelling.
I seem to recall that he passed away(Geezer way of saying Croaked) not too long ago. His career, of course, passed away that long ago day in Dallas.
Jeopardy Question. Wasn't his first Album(large disc that spins around and plays sounds when a needle is applied to it)titled "First Family" or something like that?

casey - there's a new service where the pizza restaurant has a fleet of radio cars constantly on the move, and when a call comes in, if three or more cars pick it up they can triangulate your location, go to your house, and for an extra 2 bucks ,they'll work your jaws up and down to chew it for you.

This is off topic, and I'm pretty new to the blog ...........

Do you have amnesia, Punky?

Sly,
Punky has PMS. NTTAWWT.
But she has found chocolate and reports of stabilizing behavior are starting to filter in so...OH, I Punky. How's tric...
**DUCK**
Quick! Abandon this thread! The Chocolate is not, I repeat not working.
OH, the Humanity...

Dear Sly - I think you have me confused with a previous Punky.... Sorry if I've chosen a "pre-owned" monniker. Here's a challenge to the Blog:

The "Help Punky Find A New Name" Contest!

Fine Print:(All entries become the property of Funk & Wagnall's accountant, offer only good while supplies last, void where prohibited - and it's pretty much prohibited everywhere - no purchase required, please do not cast your vote until the END of the show)

Iggy........if you were inside my head 4 days of the month, you would understand true horror....

If you were inside my HUSBAND's head those 4 days, you would understand how some men kill their wives....

*scarfs down her 14th Snicker bar of the day*

You just know that back in her day, that was an emergency. Not like today where the average 911 call is a berzerk teenager on crack holding up a nursery school which he/she has mistaken for a virutal reality video game...

i sent this one in too, and i cant believe they would arrest a lil ole lady, come on!! ya think maybe she was a little unravelled? get her some help! she only wanted pizza!

ig' --

That clarification wasn't for the geezers ... merely for those who din't catch the drift -- nice catch, BTW --

yup, that album title sounds perty close ...

BTW again ... I almost had my poetic license suspended once, but I plea bargained it down to looting and plundering Helsinki ... (old Hagar the Horrible gag, there)

BTW again, again ... I'll be MIA tomorrow and thru prolly Fri.-Sat. -- surgery on my busted appendage ... hold the fort (but not the far*s) whilst I'm hors de combat ... O-tay, Duckwheat?

So, you're, like, the alternate Universe (i.e. PMS) Punky Brewster and not that other one?

Well, its cliched, but I kinda like "Bizarro Punky." It has a certain ring to it, don't ya think?

So, you're, like, the alternate Universe (i.e. PMS) Punky Brewster and not that other one?

Well, its cliched, but I kinda like "Bizarro Punky." It has a certain ring to it, don't ya think?

Is that a clever cross reference to being the alternative Punky AND having PMS?? HUH????
IS IT??????????? GRRRRRRRRR.....

I love you guys

*licks brownie batter bowl*

"Thank you for calling 9-1-1, your number one superstore for human justice! For quality control purposes, this call may be monitored, recorded, and played back on morning talk radio. If you are being murdered, please press (1) now. If you are the victim of a Ponzi scheme involving infertile goats, please press or say (baaaaaaa) now. If you have received substandard service from a nondescript male who might could be a minority, please press (3) now. If you are that gramma lady, please hold the line. Officers are on their way to let a camel sit on you and bite you."

I'm not sure if it was Vaughn Meader's first album or not (I'm thinking not) but he indeed was the star of the Kennedy parody album The First Family. I remember it well...

"Vote for the Kennedy of your choice, but VOTE!"

I believe years later there was another First Family album with Rich Little impersonating Nixon, but ICBW.

Ah well... she'll get free health care in prison. Maybe that's what she was after. They have cut back Medicare... or whatever you Americans call it.

I even remember the album cover, it was a photo of the entire Kennedy clan (look-alikes)...

UO,
Be sure they don't remove the appendage. Just repair it. Too many appendages on this blog have been removed and eaten.

Is it just me, or does she really look like a Muppet.

re: crazy old coot:

MAMA!!!!

Instead, police came to arrest her, and she resisted, Giannini said.

LOL. I would pay big money to watch that.

Punky- I kinda think that "Phunky Rooster" might be a good new bame

ig' --

No, I'll try to keep all the other functional attachments unharmed ...

Inneresting to note the cast on the Meader albums ... Stanley Myron Handelman is the only one I recognize that still kept a bit of a career going after that ...

Seems as if I recall that Meader tried to branch out after 11-22-63, but his newer material wasn't accepted very much -- sorta like the audiences ignored/condemned him for some role in the nation's loss ...

one line I remember from these albums:

We must move fowahd, with vigah!

i liked "Punknstien":)

you spelled it Punkenstein...sorry.

UO,
Was Meader was the first comic impressionist to do impressions of Presidents? I was only 14 when Kennedy was elected, but I don't recall any one doing Eisenhower and I was too young to remember many events dealing with Truman.
We only had two tv channels CBS and NBC, but I don't recall much Presidential humor on the Variety shows of the time.

Punky will take your suggestions under advisement.....

whatever you choose Welcome...you is a "keeper"
*passes Punky? a nice cuppa hot cocoa*
just keep those chuckles coming.

Chunky Punky FA

Punky (Bizzaro version)- I don't believe you are new. I've been seeing PB's posts for years and your writing style/tastes are too similar.

Punky (original beta version)- It's OK to let go... we understand if you want to re-invent your blog personna. I've done it, as have many. Fear not.

PS to Bizzaaro version: the real Punky will kick your ass - use caution.

ig' --

I do know that there was humor based on presidential traits or characteristics -- Will Rogers, Bob Hope and (I think) Groucho Marx, Victor Borge, Sid Caesar and Henny Youngman may have all done "jokes" with that theme ... the first "impressionists I recall working successfully came from that late 40s-early 50s era ... but I don't recall that Ike was very humor-inducing ... remember, he had a couple of heart attacks while in office ... and Truman had taken over from the "beloved" FDR, so that may have slowed the comic in his search for material ... The "gentler" attitude toward the office also prolly stifled this line of material ...

In earlier eras, vaudeville and the Chataqua circuit had humor based more on the slapstick, or "local" jokes ...

Certainly, the satirist or editorial cartoonist (Twain, Swift, Juvenal, Voltaire, Nast, Mauldin, Block, to name a few ...) crticized authority with ridicule or parody, but few (I think) made it the keystone of their work ...

Two cartoonists who DID have a recurring theme of ridiculing elected or business authority (pre-Kennedy) were Capp and Kelly, tho I'd hardly categorize either as "impressionists" per se ... and neither had this line as their sole plot device ...

Sorry to take such a roundabout route to an "answer" ... esp. when I couldn't make it funnier ...

Punky - I'm with sly here - I think you have amnesia - you are remarkably similar, if not identical to our punky brewster!

Have you seen the movie Memento? If not, do so and maybe it will jar your memory :) LOL

Vaugh Meader was a fellow Mainer (or Mianiac) like myself. He passed away earlier this year, possibly last year. There was a big service in Maine for him.

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