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May 27, 2005

CHESS

The thinking person's game?

(Thanks to Rich Klinzman)

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Just...absolutely genius (or maybe I mean absolut vodka)

I own one of these. Seriously. I use it to display my extensive shot glass collection.

It is things of this nature that kept me out of the really good schools.

Geez, what's next? Shoots and Ladders with syringes?

yeah the drink, whoops THINKING man's game.

This is popular with the college crowd. A couple of matchbooks are thrown in by the manufacturer at no extra cost.

Whooda thunk? And now you're drunk!

So the object is to get your pieces taken so you can get fuzzy, right?

the advantage of being ahead in the game is offset by increased inebriation and a rapid deterioration in performance!

I used this same strategy in college.

It looks almost as fun as the awesome board game "Pass Out". When that game is brought out, you know you're at a par-tay!

Woo, I'm gonna get my Xmas shopping started early with this!

Intramural Fraternity Chess:

*hic*

"Rook to, uh, Kingsh *hic* Bishopsh Forecastle."

"No dumbash, it'sh *hic* called Newcastle."

"Huh huh. Newcastle. *HORNK* Sh'funny, I don't remember eating a goldfish."

"Hah! King me." *hic*

"You can't jump *hic* piecesh you maroon, this ish chessh."

"You did it with *hic* that horsey piece, so shhhaddup."

"Check out the rack on that lil' hottie!"

"That'sh your sishter."

And it's only $9.99 less 5% for Memorial Day!

Not that you'll have any memory left after playing, oh, about 15 minutes.

And Cin, I too remember "Pass Out." That was the name - and the object - of the game. Man, that was something else. Booze AND weed. Whew.

This is a quality product, as shown by the high-class magazines at the bottom of the page that reviewed it.

This is the board they used in The Fish for Bobby Searcher.

The only way I would play this game of chess is with my favorite drink, water from the sink!

Thanks Dave. You just dropped my college GPA by about a point. Now I have no future!

Water is your favorite drink?

Cod liver oil is MY favorite drink.

Produces some mighty fine burpage.

I never heard of Cod Liver Oil, Burp!

What's it made of?

Didn't they do something like this on Fear Factor, except with maggots, live scorpions, and bull testicles?

Yes, Brad. And there was also no chess board. Otherwise it was exactly the same. ;-)

...not many songs about chess...
(Yes, "Your Move/All Good People")

Take a strange and crooked course to the corner where you barf.
Drink the white queen down so fast, you haven't got time to call your wife.

'Cause you're fine, I'm fine, we're fine and it's true, we're hammered!
For our spleen's abuse.
Move me on to any black square
Losing all the pawns at once.
Just remember the horsies move
in anyway we want.

Don't confuse yourself with the rules
Move on back a square
Tastes like Aqua-Velva to me
Finish it with Everclear!

'Cause you're fine ,I'm fine etc...

I see all black spiders on my skin each day, I'm terrfied, I've got D.T's ,I'm on my way...

(repeat in various keys)

It's fake! It's fake!

White square goes in the lower right corner.

That's the only way I could get through a game of chess.

Variations:
Make Black from porter and White from pale, weissen, lager or whatever. Using the figures for each piece given, the total consumed (if you captured ALL your opponent's pieces) would only be about 19.5 ounces (assuming, too, that a "part" = 1.5oz). Since that's not much more than a pint, I would recommend speed-chess.

Use two different colored "energy" drinks, Red Bull and Amp, for instance. Of course, whether you wanted to or not, halfway throug the game it BECOMES speed-chess.

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