A READER'S PLEA

Dear Dave,

I am hoping you can help me...One day my spousal unit burst into song (the result of being married to me for 25 years) and chose the delightful ditty "There's a place in France." He proceeded to sing it this way:

There's a place in France
Where the naked ladies dance
There's a hole in the wall
Where the boys can see it all.

To which I immediately replied, "No! No! That's wrong! It goes like this:

There's a place in France
Where the ladies wear no pants
But the boys don't care
'Cause they like to see them bare.

After our usual 72-hour argument: "You're wrong!" "No, you're wrong!" it suddenly occurred to me -- maybe we're both right! Maybe there are dozens of lovely heartwarming verses. Maybe we're missing out on something really special!

Can you, great Dave Barry, send forth a request to your readers, with the hopes of enriching the arts? Can we ever really learn what transpired in the place in France?

I'm counting on you, Dave.

Your loyal friend,
Sherrie Holcomb

Hmmmm. Do you suppose poetry.com would have any of the missing verses?

Comments

[Korky Day]

That tune is in a children's piano lesson book and titled Snake Dance--strangely, WITHOUT WORDS. The book is PlayTime Piano Favorites, Level 1, 5-Finger Melodies, copyright 1989 The FJH Music Co., Fort Lauderdale, FL, p. 24, 0-929666-15-1, arranged by Nancy and Randall Faber.

[Korky Day]

Might be the same as Snake Dance Song in the collection by Noel Josephs, Folk Music in America, Vol. 15, Religious Music, Solo & Perform. . . , Library of Congress, LBC-15, LP (1978 re-issue), cut # B.09. From: www.ibiblio.org/folkindex/s12.htm

[Tara]

We three bums of Solomon's Bar,
Tried to smoke a rubber cigar,
It was loaded and exploded,
BANG BOOM, and that was the end of our rubber cigar.

[Tara]

There's a place called mars, where the ladies smoke cigars.
when the cigars were gone they put roses in their hair.
when the roses died, they put diamonds in their eyes.
when the diamonds cracked, they put mustard on their backs.
When the mustard dried they baked a cherry pie.

[Steph]

Theres a place on mars
where the babies smoke cigars
where the men wear bikinis
and the children drink martinis
...i forget...but the end is
and when the mustard dries
they put diamonds in his eyes
and when the diamonds break
it is 1948

[Armitage112]

Oh little Angel
Come down and play with me
And bring your dollies three
Climb up my apple tree
Slide down your rainbow
Into my cellar door
And we'll be jolly friends
Forever more
1 2 3 4

It was a rainy day
Could not go out to play
My dolly had the flu
Boo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo
Ain't got no rainbow
Ain't got no cellar door
But we'll be jolly friends
Forever more

Oh little Devil
Come out and fight with me
I'll kick you in your knee
Ha ha ho ho hee hee
I'll scratch your eyes out
And knock you to the floor
And we'll be enemies
Forever more
1 2 3 4

It was a rainy night
Could not go out to fight
*My doggy had the flu
And barfed up on my shoe*
Won't scratch your eyes out
Won't knock you to the floor
But we'll be enemies
Forever more

*-* Not sure if those lines are correct--it's been over 30 years.

[bizzybody]

"The (1893) Chicago exposition would be profoundly influential for American culture introducing Arabic Dance (the tune for "There's a place in France/where the naked ladies dance" was created in Chicago),"

So now you know how old the tune is, and whom to blame...

[bizzybody]

The URL http://www.metafilter.com/mefi/34839

[musta_paratiisi]

There's a land on mars
Where the mothers smoke cigars
And the fathers wear bikinis
And the children drink martinis
Every breath they take
Is enough to kill the snake
When the snake has died
They put diamonds in its eyes
When the diamonds crack
They put mustard down its back
When the mustard dries
They call the man of Spain
And the man of Spain says FREEZE!

[K]

Oh they don't wear pants in the Southern Part of France, but they do do the Hootchy Kootchy

[Teenie]

This is all way too funny! My dad used to sing a version, but I don't think that he could remember all of the words:
There's a place in France
Where the people where no pants
do-do-do-do-do
do-do-do-di-do-do-do

I am interested in hearing more about the Venus song! :-)

What about...
sung like the Jackson 5 Rockin Robin

Tweetle leetle lee (repeat 4 times)
Tree Top, Tree Top, Your momma stinks!
momma's in the kitchen cookin' up rice
daddy's out back shootin' dice
brother's in jail sittin' on a pail
sister's on the corner selling fruit cock tail
Rocki'n Robin Tweet Tweet a lee!

[Teenie]

found this on wikipedia.com!

The Hootchy Kootchy Dance is the title of a traditional children's folk song common in the USA that is sung to the tune of "The Streets of Cairo". Alternate titles for this song are "The Girls in France", "The Southern Part of France."

[edit]
Lyrics
As will most children's songs, there are wide variations to the lyrics of what is sung.

Variant #1

Oh the girls in France
Wear their whiskers in their pants
And the things they do
Would kill a Russian Jew
And the cloths they wear
Would freeze a polar bear.
Do what you mama says
And do what your papa says
But don't split your pants
Doing the Hootchy Kootchy Dance

Variant #2

Oh the girls in France did the hokey Cokey dance
Singing Annie put your fannie close to mine:
Oh the girls in Spain did the very, very same
Singing Nellie put your belly close to mine.

Variant #3

There's a place in France
Where the naked ladies dance.
There's a hole in the wall
Where the men can see it all.
The way they shake
Is enough to kill a snake.

[mememe]

In the land of mars
Where the woman smoke cigars
While the men wear bikinis
And the children drink martinis
Every breath you take
Is enough to kill a snake
And when the snake is dead
You put roses on his head
When the roses die
You put diamonds in his eyes
When the diamends crack
You put mustard on its back
And when the mustard dries
They call the king of Spain
And the king of Spain says FREEZE!

[Candy]

This is fun to read. I remember the song as

Miss SUZY had a STEAMBOAT, the steamboat had a bell, Miss Suzy went to heaven, the steamboat went to Hello operator, please give me number 9, and if you disconnect me, I'll chop off your behind the 'frigerator, there was a piece of glass, Miss Suzy sat upon it and broke her little Ask me no more questions, I'll tell you know more lies, the boys are in the bathroom zipping up their flies are in the meadow, the bees are in their hives, Miss Suzy and her boyfriend are kissing in the D-a-r-k, D-a-r-k, P-a-r-k, Dark dark Park.

[funny bunny]

It goes:
miss molly had a steamboat the steamboat and a bell TOOT TOOT miss molly went to heaven the steamboat went to HELL- O operator please give me number 9 adn if you disconnect me i'll kick you in behind the yellow curtain there was a piece of glass miss molly sat upon it adn broke her little ASS- k me no more questions, please tell me no more lies the boys are in the bathroom zipping up their FLIES are in the city the bees are in the park miss molly and her boyfriend are kissing in the D-A-R-K spells dark is like a movie a movie's like a show a show is like a cartoon and that is all i know. I know i know my ma i know i know my pa i know i know my sister with the 80- meter bra

[Chris]

There's a place in France
Where the women wear the pants
And the men go 'round
With their dingies hanging down.

Eastern Kentucky, ca. 1960

[stephie]

ooh i remember the crack an egg on your head lety the yolk drip down, stab a knoife in your back let the blod drip down. its a kids game called concentration!

[kathy]

I got the first line of this ditty stuck in my head and went searching for more lyrics....We sang it in the early 50's when I was in grade school as well as the "playmate song". Our version went

come see me playmate
come out and play with me
and bring your dollies 3
climb up my apple tree
slide down my rain barrel
climb up my cellar door
and we'll be jolly friends
for ever more

[amber]

i know the verse of theres a place called france it goes :
theres a place called frane where the naked ladies dance theres a whole in the wall where the man can see it all but the cops dont shot cause they think it kinda cute theres a place called mars where the women smoke cigars and the men wear bikinis and the children drink martinis every breath they take is enough to kill a snake when the snake is died put mustard on its head when the mustard dries put a dimond in its eye when the dimond breaks the king and queen say freeze!!!

[Therese S]

I remember making up my own verse as a child.
It was "There's a place on venus where the women have a penis. And the men go round with their boobs ahangin' down"

[kaer]

on the planet mars where the babies smoke cigars and the woman drink martinis and the man they where binkis every step you take it a enough to kill a snake when the snake is dead you put musturd on its head when the musturd dry you put diamonds in tts eye when the diamond breaks you can tell its 1968. freeze!

[anne a]

ok, circa 1978 - Nashua, NH playground...
We had the Ms. Soocie had a baby and Ms. Soocie had a Steamboat songs...(I'm sure it was supposed to be Suzie, but we always referred to it as Soocie). We also had this version. I love seeing so many others too!

on the planet mars
where the ladies smoke cigars
every puff they take
is enough to kill a snake
when the snake is dead
they put roses in it's head
when the roses die
they put diamonds in it's eyes
when the diamonds fall
there's a little chrystal ball
when the chrystal breaks
it's the year of 1968! (*this is when you punch someone special*)

[Paul]

Worcester, MA, 96'ish. We always had

In the land of France where the naked ladies dance there's a hole in the wall where the men can see it all, but the cops don't shoot 'cause they think its kinda cute

and then one that i can only remember one part to:

Big green globs of ooey-gooey gopher guts

Anybody remember any more of that?

And:
Miss Mary Mack Mack Mack,
Sat on a tack tack tack
...again, i don't remember the rest =\

[Marcia]

This is how I know the song, clear as day after 30+ years:

All the girls in France
Do the Hootchy Kootchy dance,
And the way they shake
Is enough to kill a snake.
When the snake is dead,
They put roses in its head.
When the roses die,
They put diamonds in its eye.
When the diamonds break,
Then it's 1968!

I just taught it to my 7-year-old (hey, it's timeless) but she changed it to "2058"

[Paul B]

In the land of OZ, where the women where no bras
and the men don't care, cause they have no underware.
There once was a gini, with a fifty foot winnie,
who lived with the girl next door.
She thought it was a snake, so she hit it with a rake, and now it's only 2.4

[Ed H]

My version of the girls in France I heard in the 1960's:

All the girls in France
Do the hoochie coochie dance
But the boys don't care
Cause they don't wear underwear

[Callon]

In the Land of Oz where the woman where no bra's,

And the men dont care cause they wear no underwear,

And the children play peek through the hole in the wall,

There once was a genie with a 10 foot weenie,

He showed it to the girl next door,

She thought it was a snake so she hit it with a rake,

And now its 5 foot 4"

Thats the most i can remember of the song. Theres more though.

[Sabrina]

I know different one!

There's a place on Mars were the women smoke cigars
and the men were bikinis and the children drink martinis
every step you take is enough to kill a snake
When the snake is dead you put musturd on its head
when the musturd dries you put diamonds in its eyes
when the diamonds fade
You must call the quenn of spades

I think this is the one i hear most often now, and the france one

[Kelly and Katie]

This is how it really goes,

There's a place on Mars where the women smoke cigars and the men wear bikinis and the children drink martini's every breath they take was enough to kill a snake when the snake is dead they put diamonds in there head when the diamonds crack they put mustard down his back when the mustard dries they put roses in his eyes when the roses fades they call the king of spades the king of spades says, no talking or laughing or showing your teeth put your hands behind your back,,,,
"CLAP, CLAP"

[fred]

Actually the words I remember being sung at school circa 1959 were:

The boys in France don't where any pants
and the girls is Spain do the very very same

[Darkness and MoonMommy]

This is the way we sing it:
All the girls in France
Do the hoochie coochie dance
And the dance they do is enough to kill a jew
And the jew they kill isn't even worth a dime
And the dime they spend is enough to buy a hen
And the hen they buy lays the golden egg
And the egg it laid made the old men beg
for the ooh la ooh la do de dum dum dum

[Wendy]

A big plate of
Greasy grimy gopher guts
mutliated monkey meat
little dirty birdy feet,
french fried eyeballs sitting in a pool of blood
and me, without my spoon.
But I gotta straw.
sluuuuuuurp.

[adam]

what is the music called that goes along with this? the version i knew was:

there's a place in france where the women wear no pants
there's a hole in the wall where the men can see it all

[maddyyy]

no i remember in elemerntary school we had on that went:

Theres a place on mars
where the women smoke cigars
and the men wear bikinis
and the children drink martini
every breath they take
is enough to kill a snake
when the snake is dead
we put mustard on his head
when the mustard dries
we put crystals in his eyes
when the crystals fade
we have a big parade
when the parade is over
we freeze

[maddyyy]

no i remember in elemerntary school we had on that went:

Theres a place on mars
where the women smoke cigars
and the men wear bikinis
and the children drink martini
every breath they take
is enough to kill a snake
when the snake is dead
we put mustard on his head
when the mustard dries
we put crystals in his eyes
when the crystals fade
we have a big parade
when the parade is over
we freeze

[Dana Lee Ling]

Micronesia 2007:

There's a place in France
Where the naked ladies dance,
There's a hole in the wall
Where the men can see it all,
There's a snake down there
Where it chews the underwear
The underwear don't care
Costs a dollar ninety-nine a pair.

[CM]

NO!!! okay so the one i know goes like this:
theres a place in france
where the naked ladies dance
theres a whole in the wall
where the men can see it all
the cops dont shoot cuz the think it's sorta cute

[becky]

on the planet mars where the children smoke cigars and the men wear bikinis and the woman suk martinis
every breath they take is enough to kill a snake
When the snake is dead the put diamonds in his head
when the diamonds break it's in 1968.

[Lopsi]

I LEARNED:
there's a place called france
where the naked ladies dance
there's a hole in the wall
where the men can see it all
but the men don't care
cause they're wearing underwear
and the chones that they choose
cost a dollar fifty two (2007)

MY MOM LEARNED:
there's a place called Mars
where the ladies smoke cigars
and the men don't care
so they eat their underwear (1969)

MY GRANDMA LEARNED:
there's a place in France
where the ladies wear the pants
and the dance they do
is enough to kill a Jew (in racist 1936)

[lopsi]

my mom also remembers:

tra-la-la-boom-de-ay
we had no school today
our teacher passed away
she died of tooth decay
we threw her in the bay
she scared the fish away
and when we pulled her out
she smelled like sauerkraut...

[jessica]

The version i know is....

there's a place in Oz,
where the women wear no bras,
the men don't care cuz they wear no underwear,
Theres a hole in the wall,
were the children see it all...

My friend told me this version

[Jen]

the south jersey version of the mid 70's went like this:

In the Land of Mars
where the ladies smoke cigars
and the men wear bikinis
and the children drink martinis
every drink they take is enough to kill a snake
when the snake is dead they put roses on it's head
when the roses die they put diamonds in it's eyes
when the diamonds break it's enough to make you - SHAKE!
(you sang this while locking arms - first person to shake when you yelled it at the end of the song was out of the game - boy were we dorky kids :)

[Samantha]

Theres a place in France
Were the naked ladys dance
Theres a hole in the wall
Were the man can see it all
Theres a King and a Queen
With a rubber Ding-a-ling

[Samantha]

Theres a place in France
Were the naked ladys dance
Theres a hole in the wall
Were the man can see it all
Theres a King and a Queen
With a rubber Ding-a-ling
Wheres a snake in the grassW
With a built up its ass!!!!!

Thats how it goes so get over it

[Colette]

I searched here to find the words to
"In the south of France where the ladies wear no pants..." because I read that the tune was written for the Columbian Exposition in Chicago in 1893. A piano player came up with it's "exotic" sound because he needed music for the belly dancers from Algeria.

I regretfully cannot contribute a version, but I can offer this!

Great green gobs of granulated gopher guts
Ground up monkey meat
Little turdy birdy feet
French fried eyeballs
Rolling down the street
And I forgot my spoon
So I sipped it with a S T R A W

I can't believe I just typed that.

On the same note...

Comet - it makes you turn bright green
Comet - it tastes like gasoline
Comet - it makes you vomit
So eat some Comet and vomit today....

The stuff we remember!

[slruff]

My 8 YO was coming home from 3rd grade with all the wrong words to these rhymes, so we've had many long, involved discussions about it.

I can add this variation that I haven't seen yet:

Great green gobs of greasy, grimy gopher guts
Mutilated monkey meat,
Little birdie's bloody feet.
All these things are very, very good to eat,
But I forgot my spoon.
And boy am I mad!

Levittown, PA 1968

[Alaina]

OK...my version of the naked lady song has been said, and said, and said, so here's for the more recent convo:

Great green gobs of greasy, grimy gopher feet,
Mutilated monkey feet,
Chopped up parakeet,
french fried eyeballs
Rolling down the street
And boy, does it taste good!

and, these ones had accompanying hand gestures and clapping, sort of the like the Miss Suzie (Miss Mary) song:

Miss Sue,
Miss Sue,
Miss Sue from Alabama,
Sittin' in a rocker, eatin' Betty Crocker,
Watchin' the clock go:
Tick, tock
Tick tock banana rock
Tick, tock
Tick tock banana rock
ABCDEFG,
Wash those spots right off of me
Whoop-da! Whoop-da! Alabama freeze!

and then you were supposed to freeze until the other person moved. And, we sang it in CA, so I don't know where the Alabama bit came from...

and...

Down on the banks of the hankie pankie
there's a bullfrog jumps from bank to bankie
with the eeps, opps, soda pops!
and he eeps like a jelly and he goes kersplash! (or kerplop)

[Delta]

Great big gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts
Mutilated monkey meet
Chopped up parakeet
French fried eyeballs rolling up and down the street
oops I forgot my fork

[Roxy Lee]

There's a place in France where the naked ladies dance.
There's a hole in the wall where the men can see it all.
There's a king with a ring on his ding-a-ling-a-ling.

Anyone else? No? Okay.

[Mika Selm]

Here's a couple from my childhood...

This to the tune of the Marine's Hymn (apologies to any in the service)

From the Halls of [name] school,
to the shores of bubble gum bay,
we will fight the teacher's rule,
with spit wads and with clay,

First we'll fight for longer recess,
then to keep our desks a mess (A MESS!),
We are proud to claim the title of United Teacher's Pests!

(Which is all a bit funny now that I'm a teacher...)

The other one, to the tune of (sorry again) The Battle Hymn of the Republic

I wear my pink pajamas in the summer when it's hot,
I wear my flannel nightie in the winter when it's not,
and sometimes in the spring time, and sometimes in the fall,
I hope right in between the sheets with nothing on at all!

Singing: Glory Glory Hallelujah,
Glory, Glory, What's it to ya?
Balmy breezes blow right through ya,
With nothing on at all (STARK NAKED!)

Apparently we were rather irreverent children...

[Mika Selm]

Oh, and this was the one that the camp counselors taught us, and then our parents swore they'd never send us back to camp:

Wee, wee wee, wee wee wee wee wee wee
wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee
When I was a wee wee tot, they took me off my wee wee cot and put me on my wee wee pot to see if I could wee.
Wee wee, wee wee wee wee wee wee
wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee
When they saw that I could not they took me off my wee wee pot and put me on my wee wee cot AND THEN I GAVE IT ALL I GOT!
Wee wee, wee wee wee wee wee wee
wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee wee

Used to drive my parents crazy.

[Maria]

Oh man, all of these songs reminded me of one my friends and I used to sing:
(to the tune of joy to the world)

Joy to the world, that Barney's dead!
We barbecued his head!
What happened to his body?
We flushed it down the potty!
And round and round it goes. And round and round it goes. And round and round and round it goes!

[Lily Payne]

My version of Planet Mars is different from ya'll's, My Savannah version went like this:

On the planet Mars, they say babies smoke cigars,
And the men wear binkies, while the ladies drink martinis,
Every step it takes, its a enough to kill a snake,
When the snake is dead, they put mustard on its head,
When the mustard dries, they put diamonds in its eyes,
When the diamonds shine, they say 1999, FREEZE

[Sarah]

i heard one go like this.

In the land of oz,
where the women wear no bras
where the men dont care cuz
they wear no underwear

[average joe]

Theres a place in France
Where they do a little dance
And the dance they do
Was written by Magoo
But Magoo couldn't dance
SO they kicked him in the pants
and the pants he wore
Cost a dollar ninety-four
Plus Tax

[Mya]

I've heard a lot of different versions, but the one i hear the most is:
In the land of Oz,
Where the woman smoke cigars,
Every breath they take,
Is enough to kill a snake,
and when the snakes are dead,
they put diamonds in their head,
and when the diamonds break,
they've killed another snake

[Holly]

I had big plate of some
Greasy grimy gopher guts
mutliated monkey meat
dirty little birdy feet,
french fried eyeballs
sitting in a pool of blood
and me, without my favourite spoon.
But I gotta straw!

100 bottles of beer on the wall
100 bottles of beer
If one of those bottles should happen to fall
What a waste of alchohol.....

[Holly]

I had big plate of some
Greasy grimy gopher guts
mutliated monkey meat
dirty little birdy feet,
french fried eyeballs
sitting in a pool of blood
and me, without my favourite spoon.
But I gotta straw!

100 bottles of beer on the wall
100 bottles of beer
If one of those bottles should happen to fall
What a waste of alchohol.....

[june]

i learnt it like this:
on the planetmars
where the babies smoke cigars
and the guys where bikinies
while the women sip martinies

every step the take
is enough to kill a snake
when the snake is dead
they'll pour mustard on his head
when the mustard dries
that's the ends of 69

[Rosalie]

On the planet Mars
Where the ladies smoke cigars
Every breath they take
Is enough to kill a snake
When the snake is dead
They put roses on its head
When the roses die
They put diamonds in its eyes
When the diamonds crack
They put mustard on its back
When the mustard sticks...
Hello operator, this is 1966!

[John Garst]

In about 1944, in Jackson, MS, the men went around with their "hammers" hanging down.

[April]

Since mine has and entirely different ending, I thought I should add it...
This is Central CA, circa 1985

There's a land on mars
where the women smoke cigars
and the men wear bikinis
and the children drink martinis
every breath you take
is enough to kill a snake
when the snake is dead
they put roses in your head
when the roses die
they put diamonds in your eyes
when the diamonds crack
they give you cheese snacks
when the cheese snacks are gone
they mow your lawn
when your lawn turns green
you are nowhere to be seen
when you're nowhere to be seen
they FEAST!

[Kt]

There's a place on Mars
where the women smoke cigars
and the men wear bikinis
and the children eat zucchinins
every breath you take
is enough to kill a snake
when the snake is dead
you put roses on its head
when the roses die
you put diamonds in its eye
when the diamonds crack
you put mustard down its back
when the mustard fades
you call the kind of spades
and the king of spades says...YOU

[MYKA]

In the land of oz
Where Women Wear no bras
Men dont care coz they never wear underwear
Children dont mind coz there najedall the time
Heere comes the Geenie
With the 60 foot weenie.

[Rick]

My brother used to say this all the time when we were younger, I still don't know where he got it from:

There's a place called Mars
where the babies smoke cigars
and the women have no knees
and the men wear bikinis
every step you take
you are off to take a snake
when the snake is dead
you put diamonds in it's head
when the diamonds break
it is 1998

[lumariss]

THIS IS WHAT ME AND MY COUSINS USED TO SAY:

in the planet mars
where the babies smoke cigars
and the men wear bikinis
and the ladies have no titties
every step you take
its enough to kill a snake
when the snake is dead
you put mustard on his head
when the mustard dries
you put diamonds on his eyes
when the diamonds break
it'll be 1998!!!

[davyboy]

Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack,
all dressed in black, black, black.
With silver buttons, buttons, buttons,
all Down her back, back, back.

She asked her mother, mother, mother,
for fifty cents, cents, cents.
To see the elephants, elephants, elephants,
jump over the fence, fence, fence.

They jumped so high, high, high,
they touched the sky, sky, sky.
And didn't come back, back, back,
'til the 4th of July, July, July.

[Ivory Bill]

Second Grade Glenwood Elementary School, Chapel Hill NC, ca 1962-63:

Great big gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts,
Mutilated monkey meat,
Little dirty birdy's feet,
French fried eyeballs rolling in the dirty street,
And me without my spoon....

There's a place in France
Where the alligators dance
And there's one alligator
Who didn't want to dance
So the shot him in the pants
And the pants he wore
Cost a dollar forty-four
PLUS TAX

Glory, glory hallelujah
Teacher hit me with a ruler
Met her at the door
With my loaded .44
And she ain't my teacher no more.

Tarara boomde ay
There is no school today
Our teacher has passed away
We threw her in the bay
She scare the fish away
To Cal-i-for-ni-a
Tarara boomde ay
There is no school today

Sheesh-- I just realized how classically American these versions are -- rampant violence is lionized, but any reference to human sexuality has been deleted.

[visitor]

All the girls in France wear paper underpants
and the boys don't care 'cause they're guaranteed to tear

[Who knows ???]

Here goes...

There's a place in France where the naked ladies dance.
There's a hole in the wall where the men can see it all.
But the men don't care cuz they smoke their underwear.
And the children drink martinis from the sink.

[toad772]

there's a place in france where the naked women dance and the men don't care because they don't where underwear and the kids don't mind because they see it all the time

[S]

The version I remember....

On the planet Mars
Where the women smoke cigars
and the pills they take
are enough to kill a snake
When the snake is dead
They put ice cream on it's head
When the ice cream melts
It is 1968

Park Forest, IL circa 1967

[M]

From southern california, early 70's

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school
We have tortured every teacher, we have broken every rule
We are marching toward the tetherballs to hang the principal
Our troops are marching on.
Glory, glory hallelujah
Teacher hit me with a ruler
Bopped her on the bean with a rotten tangerine
And she aint in school no more!

[K]

St Anthony's is our prison, our cell is number 4
Johnetta is our warden and she can go to Hell-
O operator, give me number nine, if she doesn't
answer it I'll kick from behind-
the frigerator, I found a piece of glass,
If she doesn't sit on it I'll stick it up her ass-
K me no more questions, tell me no more lies,
cause I found a boy down there with baby blue eyes.

Sung At St. Anthony's school back in the early sixties about our teacher, Sister Johnetta.

[Me]

I think I learned this one from my Jewish Dad..Pardon the spelling.....

Oh, the girls in France
Go without their underpants
If they wouldn't wash the dishes
They would potch them on the tuchas
Singing yie yie yie
Singing yie yie yie yie yie

[SweetPea]

I always heard it this way -

All the girls in France
do the boogie woogie dance
and the way they shake
it's enough to kill a snake

[Me]

hey guys....what song is this from ? like was it a camp song or something ???

[kayla diehl]

there's a place on mars
where the women smoke cigars
and the men wear bikinis
and the kids drink martinis
every breath you take is enough to kill a snake
when the snake is dead you put a crystal in it's eye
when the crystal cracks you put mustard on it's back
when the mustard fades you call the king of spade
and the king of spades says:FREEZE!

[Vivian]

On my own playground, I remember it going something like this:

In the land of Oz
where the ladies wear no bras
[2 lines I can't remember]
when the snakes are dead
they put roses in their heads,
when the roses die
they put diamonds in their eyes,
when the diamonds crack,
[another line I can't remember]
Freeze!

I hope to fill in the blanks on day.

[Beth]

The girls in France
do the hola hola dance
and the way they shake
is enough to kill a snake
If the snake dies they'll put diamonds in his eyes.
If the diamonds brake its 1968.

[Christina F]

Wow. I found this old blog by Googling a asong we used to jump ropeto as kids..I'm thirty.. I found myself singing it as I was cleaning the house and thinking "Where the hell do kids get these things from?"..
My friends and I had a few..
"In the land of Oz wherethe ladies smoke cigars, every puff they take is enough to kill a snake. When the snakes are dead they put roses in their heads. When the roses die they put diamonds in their eyes. When the diamonds break it's 1958"....
I never knew if that mean the diamonds cost $19.58, $1958.00? Perhaps they were to break in 1958.. Hmm, never knew where that song came from.
Then we had.
" In the land of Oz where the ladies where no bras , the men don't care cause they wear no underwear".

[Dan]

All the girls in France
Do the hoochie coochie dance
And the way they shake
Is enough to kill a snake
When the snake is dead
They put roses on their head
When the roses die
They put diamonds in their eyes
When the diamonds break
It is 1988

Of course we used to sing that around 1970 or so.

[lily]

On the place on mars were the woman sleep in cars
and the babys smoke cigars
every step they take they kill a snake
when the snake dies put mustard in his head when the mustard dries put diamonds in his eyes
by the time the dimonds break it will be 1988!!
FREEZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

when i was a little girl we all used to sing this with a little hand game thing (like miss mary mac) then at the end whoever moves on frezze loses!

[lily]

on the one i just posted i remembered more after 1988 you say theres a hole in the wall were the men can c it all! then u say freeze!

[cher]

In a land called mars
where the ladies smoke cigars
every puff they take is enough to kill a snake
when the snake is dead
they put roses on its head
when the roses die
they put diamonds in its eyes
when the diamonds fade
it's 1968
and there's a place called france
where the naked ladies dance
there's a hole in the wall
where the men can see it all
but the men don't care
so they show their underwear
and the cops don't shoot
cause they thinks it's kinda cute
and the babies come
and they show their naked bum

[Scot]

Does anyone remember the numerous schoolyard variations on the Popeye song? One I recall from my elementary school days goes:

I'm Popeye the sailor man
I live in the garbage can
I eat all the worms and spit out the germs
I'm Popeye the sailor man.

This one is an original:

(To the tune of "Shut Down" by the Beach Boys)

Puke it up, puke it up,
Janitor will have a job.

It happened at the school, down in room 18
The teacher's Mrs. Jones, yeah, and she's real mean
It's early Friday morning when I get a hunch
A little later on I'm gonna lose my lunch.
Puke it up, puke it up,
Janitor will have a job.

I come back from lunch with a stomach ache
Gotta tell the teacher I don't feel so great
I walk up to her desk and say, "Oh, Mrs. Jones --"
But then I get a funny feeling in my bones.
Try and stay cool now,
Tuna fish, here it comes.

I'm holdin' down the vomit the best I can do
But I think I'm comin' down with intestinal flu
And now I can't hold it back no more
And whaddaya know, it's all over the floor.

I hope that doesn't happen in the class no more
I still don't know the reason that I threw up for
But I tell you, from now on if I'm feelin' sick
You're gonna see me runnin' to the bathroom quick.
Clean it up, clean it up,
Janitor has done his job.

(repeat last line until fadeout, or ad nauseam)

[Jeffro]

Ahem--[cue the snake charmer music]...

Theres a place in France
Where the naked ladies dance
and the dance they do
was invented by Magoo

but Magoo wouldn't dance
so they kicked him out his pants
and the pants he wore
cost a dollar ninety four

Theres a place in France
where the naked ladies dance
theres a hole in the wall
where we can see it all

Theres a king with a ring
and a rubber dingaling...

I dont remember anything else but rest assured that Magoo and his amazing ability to invent and choreograph dance while being unable to actually perform his invented dances was certainly an integral part of the story and song. At least as far as my fathers singing was concerned while my brother and I were small children.

[Star]

The version I heard went something like this;

There's a hole in the wall
where the girls can see it all
and the boys don't care
if you see their underwear
and their underwear is pink
so they threw it in the sink
and the boys got mad 'cuz we sang this song
but that's okay, you can still sing along
'cuz there's a hole in the wall
where the girls can see it all...

My cousin told me about this about 2 years ago. She said she learned it at girl scout camp.

[George Reynolds]

From my childhood in Syracuse NY, it goes something like thi:
Oh they don't wear pants
on the other side of France
but they do wear grass just to
cover up their ass

[Ryu]

Taaaa-ra-ra-BOOM-dee-ay!
I lost my hat today!
I found it yesterday!
Ta-ra-ra-BOOM-dee-ay!

Lol, my friend taught me that. I think she learned it at Osrui, this Jewish summer camp.

ANYWAY!

There's a place on Mars
Where the babies smoke cigars
And the men wear bikinis
And the women drink martinis
Every sip they take
Is enough to kill a snake
And when the snake is dead
They put mustard on his head
And when the mustard dries
They put diamonds in his eyes
And when the diamonds break
It's year 3048

Though I think we in central Ohio got it wrong--the babies drinking martinis makes much more sense. Or nonsense.

[Ryu]

P.S. Lydia, thanks for reminding me! We had the "freeze" thing too, but we didn't do it much because the teacher got mad at us for yelling. This was in 1999, by the way.

[Charlie]

Okay... since I found this thread TOTALLY by accident, but couldn't stop reading it once i started... here's my contribution -

Everyone remembers the first verse to "Bicycle Built for Two" which goes -

Daisy Daisy, give me your answer, do
I'm half crazy, all for the love of you
It won't be a stylish marriage
I can't afford a carriage
But you'll look sweet
Upon the seat
Of a bicycle built for two

But, the second verse is seldom remembered -

Jimmy Jimmy, I'll give you my answer true
You're half crazy if you think I will marry you
If you can't afford a carriage
then you can't afford a marriage
And I'll be damned
If I'll be crammed
On a bicycle built for two

:)

[corina]

in the land of oz where the women where no bras
but the men dont care cuz they wear no underwear and the kids dont mind cuz their naked all the time
there once was a genie wit his weenie as his snake and a kid came up and hit the weenie with a rake

barney was a diosaur with no imagination big and fat and full of crap he died of constipation

there once was a ... NO then a big tiger NOO grr edward killed jacob... WHAT THE FUK NO then .. what the hell wheres this shit going,..... jacob rules!!!!

[Catherine]

Heres another one I use to sing as a little girl.
I dont wanna go to mexico no more more more
theres a big fat policemen at the door door door
if you pull him by the collar ooo you better hollar
if you pull him by the pants ooo you better dance
I dont wanna go to mexico no more more more
SHUT THE DOOR!
(while your singing you do a hand slapping type thing and when you sing shut the door you try to clap your hands aroung the others, whoever claps the others hand in theirs wins.