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April 14, 2005



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And once again, the blogGodess comes through for the boss.

Tell him you want a raise, nine weeks of paid vacation and a company WienerMobile

My little sister produced similar results by cramming an entire box of pop tarts into the toaster.

The smoke alarm woke my dad up and he saved the day.

CBS Movie of the week?

No links to the naked pictures?

I've yet to scroll down the blog to see where the concept for reprinting this originated, but I'm glad to see this column since I'd never seen it and I enjoy spewing coffee. One annoying thing about journalism is the level of follow-up on stories. Some are reported and never revisitied. Others, seem to be reported 24/7, whether anything worth reporting occurs or not. But this consumer affairs piece calls for a re-enactment to determine if Pop Tarts are still incendiary devices. What, if anything, has the manufacturer done to to improve safety to the product? Are there warning labels on the packaging? If my webhost ever heals maybe I'll try to reenact it and shoot some web accessible video. Finally, plans for the weekend.

How long until one of the "aggravators" complain about a link in the headline?

I say before 10:00am EDT.

One of my favorite Dave columns... my boss is now very aware that I'm not doing any work (people generally don't chuckle at a screen full of PHP code).

great column. laughing out loud again...

i love these old columns...wish Dave would remember some more.
( Thanx Judi!)

I use an "aggravator" to read this blog and I don't have a problem with the links in the headline. I like visiting the actual blog once in a while to see the comments (which don't show up in the newsfeed) and clicking again (in my aggravator, in my case Bloglines) to get to the site forces me to do this.

So, add one to the non-aggravated aggregator column.

*husky voice*
they have me ;)
close enuff, wouldn't u say?
*bats eyes*

Good thought, except the comments aren't RSS syndicated, so no one using an aggregator would see your comment.

mmwah! Kisses and hugs to judi for excavating and linking to the 20th century column.

My MOTW-sense is tingling. I think that when Dave returns, he'll find a box of strawberry Pop-Tarts on his chair waiting for him. Beware, Dave!

Sarcas' CBS Movie of the Week - Pop-Tarts from Hell

i have no idea what that means. were these aggregators part of Windows service pack 2? if so, i suggest y'all aggregated ppl exorcise ur pc.
*hands Doug holy water for sprinkling*

Sponsored by: SMUCKERS Real Fruit: jams, jellies, and preserves and killer Pop-Tart fillings

Or, so we can have gratuitous bikini-clad chicks:

Spring Break Tart Attack

MOTW..Pop Tart from Hell ...starring Britney Spears?

Bangi, are you interested in a starring role?

Ever hear of left-justification?

Seems to be an excess of whiners on the blog this morning. Maybe it's too early to be blogging.

*hides whip and handcuffs behind back*

now what makes u think i'm the attacking type?

That's the beauty of Spring Break Tart Attack, it doesn't specify if the Tart is the attacker or the attackee.

If you are a Pop Tart affectionado (?) please be advised NOT to buy the $1.25 Walmart brand because they suck, in addition to not being as flamable.

*hangs head in shame for being going to the place*

* ...for even going to that place*

tip: try the preview button

I agree, the Tarts at Wal-Mart leave much to be desired.

To Steve and the other whiners: this is what you sound like.

"Well, if ya'll don't already know, it's high time you learn....I am the most important person on the planet and everyone should just cater to MY wims. Once, somebody's link caused my computer to get an adware virus and another link caused me to get huge amounts of spam. So, from now on, I think Dave, Judi and everyone else on the planet should just consult with me before doing ANYTHING on the internet. If you are lucky, you will get my permission to do what I want you to do."

My advice, unasked for....get over it! Have fun! Double click! It really doesn't hurt that bad!

Hmmm... Maybe these Aggravators are to the ought-noughts ('00's) as the pop-tart/toaster issue was to the '90's. Maybe Dave needs to "investigate". If he gets one of those big toasters he can try toasting *four* Abrogators at once! If the Astrogators are espcially thick, though, he should probably get a bagel toaster instead.

Right on Casey.

Alternately, aggregator-users could use an aggregator like aKregator (Linux-only - ha!) that actually allows you to click on the link in the title (and the link actually works!). Also, alliteration aside, ask aggregator application programmers to fix the link in the header!

One important question (and I can't believe no one has addressed this pressing issue):


You've got it completely backwards. Dave, Judi, et. al. are effectively taunting a subsection of their readers by providing the content in the manner they have chosen. If they don't care about those who read the blog via RSS, they should disable the feed entirely. If they do care about RSS readers, then perhaps they should be slightly accomodating and put the links in the body of the entries instead of in the titles.

It's a simple change to ask for and, at least in most of the comments I've read, the requestors have been polite and simply requested that Dave and judi not put the links in the titles. If they're content with saying "buzz off" to a selection of their readership, fine.

Geez, make one little suggestion...

Congrats, all, for reacting just about the way I expected you to. And even with the stoopid links in the stoopid headings, it's still a great blog.

I remember that one!

(not really)

Huh? Why don't people read the comments through the blog? I don't have any idea what an aggregator is.

Maybe an agressive alligator?

I have aggravating students I'd like to toss to the gator.

Hey, why don't they just re-publish all the old DB articles à la Charles Schultz of ‘Peanuts’?

I thought it would be funny to read the comments associated with this entry, since this is one of my favorite Dave Barry columns. I am a loyal Dave Barry blog reader, but I never comment. I never read the comments either. Now I know why. Sheesh, what a bunch of whiners.

Doug, your article MAY have been interesting, but there were waaaay too many initials!!

Could you please ask your aggravator to fix that?

Thank you.

For those of us who have no idea what an RSS or aggravator/ feeds or what ever the hell you're whining about,
STOP. (read SHUT yer pieholes)
Some of us just like a good *snork* in between moments while going through the horror of employment.

Sorry for the outburst, but c'mon.

I'm confused. These malcontents are upset because they have to depress the button on their mouse One extra time? Is that it?

They never play games on their computer? Pushing buttons is too much work?

Wrap RSS Abominator in a falafel, stick it in toaster for 5:50 minutes, and watch it smoke.


Just say no to center-aligned text...

*pushes buttons*

some things to consider:....

1) The Blog is essentially free entertainment, you don't pay anything above whatever you're doing to get on the Net. I wager very few of the bloglits subscribe to the Herald (I don't, but my parents do.) If you're blogging at work, then it is virtually free.

2) Dave doesn't have to do this, he could be off writing more books, movies etc. or just be retired

3) judi doesn't have to do this, the Herald can find enough for her to do.

4) I know it isn't November, but try to be thankful for something, o.k ?

This is all painfully obvious, and I deserve to get flamed for it. It reminds me of Comic Book Store Guy kvetching about the 'Itchy & Scratchy' cartoons . When Bart says, 'They given you hours of free entertainment.', he says 'I feel they owe me.'

Finally as Comic Book Store Guy would say, "Worse post ever, insomniac."

Steve, I will concede that your requests have been made politely!

Insom, would you prefer your flaming to be with a strawberry pop-tart or blueberry?

We'd never flame you, insomniac.

At least, not in a bad way.

Ok folks,
back to boogers, boobs, and
tasteless commentary.

*thinks of Rodney King and realizes, "we CAN all get along!"*

I suggest we all get nekkid in a swimming pool full of crisco and duke it out. Last one standing gets an BS Agravator Service X pac III micro mini Humiliator.

Did you guy know that "Steve and Doug Stewart" can be rearranged to spell, "RSS ADEEEGRSSTTUVW"?

You didn't?

Okay, I still enjoy this blog.

mmm.. blueberry pop-tarts ... do they still make grapefruit-flavored Tang ? Any geezers out there remember Instant Breakfast ?

new topic (though quasi-related): Sentences you don't want to wake up to: My wife once was greeted by her son in bed with, "Don't worry, Mom, the fire's out." (it was a toaster fire, but not I think Pop-Tarts).

Steve, you actually anticipated that I would react by drinking 74 Guinness Extra Stout and drawing pictures of your sister on my thigh?

You're amazing. Maybe we all should look into getting a Blurghasnator!

By the way, I'm just kidding, you know. The picture looks more like your mom.

MKJ Hey, why don't they just re-publish all the old DB articles à la Charles Schultz of ‘Peanuts’?

They do, every week.

The picture looks more like your mom. Only when you flex your thigh, C-Bol.

Insom: With #3 above, are you saying that someone does have a clue what judi's job is?

"Leilani Margarita"="AAAAEIIIGRRMNT."

Which is a fate I would not wish on anyone.

"Leilani Margarita"="AAAAEIIIGRRMNT."

Which is a fate I would not wish on anyone.

MKJ - That is, in fact, what the local paper here does.

Also "Illustration: color cartoon" is a nice touch at the bottom of the story. Dave's articles are always enhanced by illustrations.

MO: thanks!

MTW: "MKJ: Hey, why don't they just re-publish all the old DB articles a la Charles Schultz of Peanuts"

They do, every week"

Shouldn't we wait until Dave dies before we do that?

Wow. I was slower and less helpful than MOTW.

*smacks own forehead*

Lessons time:
An Aggregator is a program that collects information from RSS and Atom feeds and presents them in a way that you can view your whole collection at once. It can collect them from multiple sites.

RSS is a summary feed, used by blogs and websites. When Dave or judi create a new entry for this blog (using Movable Type or similar blog software), an RSS entry is created along with the blog entry. That's what the little RSS button way up there on the left side is all about. There are many different versions of RSS, most incompatible with previous ones.

Atom is another type of feed, similar to RSS. People annoyed with the 31 flavors of RSS and the incompatibilities created this other format. (That's my opinion, not fact). It uses XML format. That's what the XML button up there by the RSS button is all about. [Yes to all of those in the know, I'm aware that RSS is XML, too. But the Atom feed says XML on the button, so I wanted to explain the difference]

The idea is that, if I like to read 42 different blogs, all I have to do is configure my Aggregator to collect the new entries for me and send them my way. That way I can keep up without having to visit the sites all the time.

If you are using an RSS aggregator (one that doesn't know nothin' about Atom), then all you get is an entry that says "WE GOT YER LINK RIGHT HERE, SIR". The word "here" is NOT a link. So, you click the entry in the aggregator, and it brings you to this web site. You then click on the word "HERE" to follow the link to the article. If, on the other hand, judi had crafted the entry as "I'VE GOT YOUR LINK RIGHT HERE, SIR" and then added in the description "Follow this link", making "link" a link to the article, then the RSS aggregator would have included a link.

If your aggregator is an Atom aggregator (Akregator as mentioned above), then you got the link the first time.

That said, I would in no way suggest that Dave, judi, or any other blogger change his way that he blogs. I, personally, would find it very presumptuous of me to do so. Feel free to disagree with me, but recognize that I'm not interested in your opinion. *snicker* I especially would not ask a Pulitzer Prize winning humo(u)r writer to change his style. I would assume that he knows better than I do about all things funny (except maybe boogers, since I'm a certified boogerologist).

Sorry to go on and on, but I thought maybe there would be at least ONE person who really wanted to know what an aggregator was.

IN REF to Judi's job:

If Dave told MHPC that he wanted three assistants, he would get them. The fact is, Judi is sooooo good, he only needs one.
Judi, on the other hand, would probably like to have three assistants of her own, and she might pick actual male persons for this job (based on their intellect, I'm certain).
*has set up perfect photo link op for Judi*

Poop Dogg: LOL for Did you guy know that "Steve and Doug Stewart" can be rearranged to spell, "RSS ADEEEGRSSTTUVW"?

Bangi, we know you are hotter and sizzlier (how's that for a new word?) than any old Pop-Tart.

If you don't believe me, ask this Pop Tart.

Wow, for as much as I typed, that really wasn't clear at all, was it?


Lab: got as far as "An Aggregator is a program . . . "


Hey Lab, that was great. I really didn't think I could get any more confused, but, as happens all the time on this blog, I was proven wrong!

Lab, where'd you say the RSS button is again?

Look, something shiny!

MKJ, then you missed the best part: "(except maybe boogers, since I'm a certified boogerologist)."

Where does the line to see Cbols thigh start?

Hi Steve and Doug Stewart!
My name is Jack.
I don't like RSS/XML whiners.
See this bat?
Guess what I'm gonna do it?
GUESS THE F%$#%^ $%%^$$ ($(^%$## WHERE I'M GOONA PUT IT!
Heeeeeeeeere's Johnny!

Really, let's see some of that!!!

Yikes... I was talking about C-bol's manthigh, not what Jack's gonna do.

Well, I'm still sitting here nekkid in front of my crisco pool. Where the heck is everyone? I know I've gained a pound or two lately, and I'm not 19 anymore, but hey, I'm not all that bad! You guys are really giving me a complex.

Guess I'll start by myself. Now that I think about it, I usually do anyways.

Wish I'd thought to write that.

So Lab, if I am reading your explanation correctly, that lady who showed up at my house and made me dance naked with a llama was not, in fact, configuring the RSS aggregator for XML on my sofa.


Here's to five miserable months on the wagon, and all the irreparable harm it has caused me.

C-bol: Stop letting strange people into your home.

HTML: Hey! There's My Llama!

Cbol.. don't listen to Lab. I have cams to update and rehide.

More about c-bols thigh, less about whatever that other topic is, please.

Or hopefully a new post that we can digress from.

I bet that judi would also like to see C-bol's thigh.

I sure would.

lol to all :) lab: what i don't get is, why the herald (which obviously would like more hits to the site) (as opposed to fewer) makes the rss feed available because every explanation i've ever read or heard sounds like yours, that is: that the people aren't actually clicking ON THE BLOG at all when they read the posts. is that not correct? so all the people using rss aggravators don't actually count as traffic to the blog, right? or not right? they tell me that's not correct, but i don't get how.

Hey, people, if C-bol likes to get high, he should be able to do it in private. No need to have everyone line up and have a chance to see it.

*drops Cherry Pop-Tarts in fan slots of RSS Gangrenator's computers*

Is that Judi's Assistant #1?

D'art ~ we will settle for yours instead. *grins*

And do body builders know that when they make their thighs that large, that other things kinda look smaller? I realize it's just a perspective thing, but still, shrinkage. Not that I've looked that closely or anything.
*adjusts halo*

judi, the aggravator counts as a "hit" to the site when it reads the RSS feed, I would guess. So, the Herald gets to count that as a hit and report it to the sponsors, even though the person reading the blog never actually sees the adverts on the page. Don't tell the sponsors, okay?

"It was cold that day, I'm jus sayin' is all. "

Speaking for myself, clicking buttons and following links has definitely become WAY too taxing. So, I have decided to hire CBol's thigh to read this blog to me.

No, seriously...


My toaster is waiting in suspense.
(My thighs, however, are completely disinterested.)

Jack Torrance,

When you wrote,

"Hi Steve and Doug Stewart!
My name is Jack.
I don't like RSS/XML whiners."

I thought you meant Jack Bauer was going after Steve and Doug for being international blog terrorists. NTTAWWT.

God, I'd give anything for a drink. I'd give my god-damned soul for just a glass of beer. And a flaming Pop Tart.

Uh ... doesn't get all this aggregatevator jibjab. Go to the blog website and read the blog comments and click on the links to read the item which is being blogged. Why does that cause such hypertension in these annoying people?

UNFROSTED (blueberry) -- warmed, but not toasted to a delicate crunch... just warm.

i dont know what this aggregator thing is, but i know that blueberry poptarts are noxious, even unflaming.

a haiku

ignite the pastry
suspicion, malice and dread
of course, Leetie poots

Hi BlogGoddess judi!


Could you put the links only in the headlines? I don't like moving my mouse down two inches to click on the link.



the blog blunders on
snapping, biting it's own tail
the topic left behind

The Llama Song!

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