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April 20, 2005


SWAT-Team monkeys

(Thanks to Ted Habte-Gabr, Dave Barry for President Field Coordinator and Aljazeera liaison)


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"Everybody laughs about it until they really start thinking about it ... it could change the way we do business," he said.

Did we learn nothing from watching the Superbowl commercials?

Apparently the people in the grant process didn't see the episode of "Malcolm in the Middle" where the trained monkey assistant for a temporarily wheelchair bound character turned to the dark side and took two people hostage.

Heh, heh, he said "capuchin."

Heh, heh, he said "capuchin."

I swear I didn't hit the post button twice. It's a monkey conspiracy.

Remember last week in the Capitol when swat took down that guy. They sure could have used a monkey then.

professors have been training monkeys for years.

just look at the DNC.

Sean Truelove ?

Forget the little monkey fatigues, what about the little monkey Kevlar vests?

"The capuchin monkey is considered one of the smartest primates."

Going into buildings, looking for bombs? Hope they catch on quick.

"Does this mean he's going to have on little black fatigues?"

I think tutu's would be better. In the humour of it all the hostage takers could be subdued.

Imagine expecting a SWAT member storming through the door and, instead, there's a monkey in a tutu - dragging a music box!

"Truelove told local newspapers that the idea came to him in a dream about 18 months ago."

I dunno.. I dreamed last night that I held up a convenience store and then won $150 000 in the lottery. It's a sign!

Please bail me out.

Hey we've got a well-trained monkey running the white house.

Being a military person... I think those monkey's could be trained to replace some of our not so smart enlisted persons... or officers..

oh crap....the buddy cop movies of the future are really going to be strange... I don't care how many thumbs are up who knows where, I'm not going to go see a movie about a monkey partnered with a squirrel.

Is this your minkie? -- Inspector Clouseau

Liberal - If by 'well trained' you mean house-broken....

Back to the news, it's only been a couple of weeks since I read about monkeys being trained to aid disabled people to masterb...I can't finish. You know what it's supposed to say.

Oh, man. That linked to Aljazeera. Big Brother just added us to a watch list. Watch your back.

Also - MKJ, you're not kidding. That's creepy.

Thanks, MKJ...With all of the Simpsons references going on around here...doesn't anyone see a striking resemblance between the Fresh Pope, and a certain beloved Villain?

Just wait til PETA gets wind of this! You know those wimpy whiney bleeding hearts are sure to complain about these lovable critters being put in harms way (as though they are more valuable than human life!)

Great. Now the government is spending $100,000 to try to train a single monkey that might not even be trainable?

This just sounds like a whole lotta mishmash, jibba jabba, fiddle-faddle, balderdash. The proof is in the banana pudding - the day I see a monkey running around performing heroic acts during a 24 episode is the day I change my mind about this.

Oh, wait... Bauer. OK, I'm sold.

They'll get all the money invested in this project back when they sell the rights to produce a sitcom... or fodder for an entire season of 24.

"Dammit Jack! Don't shoot the monkey!"
"But he's a secret double agent monkey working for the terrorists"
"No he's not"
"Yes, look at him! He's got a banana!" *draws gun*
"Stand down Jack. He is going to eat the banana."
"It's a BMD!"
"Banana of Mass Destruction!"
"He seems to be enjoying it"
(to be continued)


Hum, I like that word!

*makes a bladerdash for the restroom!*

Is the monkey going to be issued one of those black SWAT jackets and utility belt with all the zippers and snaps and velcro and stuff? And SWAT on the back in big block letters? I mean, if you're going to be on a SWAT team and you don't get that stuff, what's the point, really?

SWAT CAPTAIN (arriving on the scene):
"What's the situation?

SWAT Officer: Sir, we sent in the SWAT monkey, but the suspect had an unbelievably huge Johnson. Sir, we're going to need another monkey...

So I'm reading this article and I'm thinking to myself, "I wonder what a capuchin monkey looks like. I think I'll google it."

So off to Google I surf and do an image search on capuchin monkey... "Awwww... they're so cute!"

But there's this weird thumbnail picture of a bruised leg... "What the heck is that?" I said to myself... Click:

Yikes! I think they'd might make much better terrorists!

Reruns, of Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp...again?

Thank you, D'Art - I don't see how we could have lived without seeing those pictures - nice work!!!

in other words

I hope I've clearly stated my position in this matter.
That is all.
Carry on.

MKJ- Holy Crapamole, that's gonna give me dreams -- and not about a monkey either!
*puts 100w bulb in night light*

Much of this site (Witchie's) is quite bothersome to me, but there's a phrase used that bothers me even more.

When someone says a pet has been (or will be) "put to sleep" ... do they really know what is done to terminate the life of the animal?

I think not.

I will not describe it here. If anyone wants a more enlightening description, I will email them a personal narrative, along with my philosphy of ending the life of a pet in (what I consider to be) the most humane and (one hopes) painless manner possible.

end of rant

tnx4 listening

Let me see...she had his testicles removed AND all his teeth pulled out and she didn't know why he was upset???????

U.O.- My sweet cat (14 1/2) had cancer and stopped eating. She was in pain and I felt it was time to have her put to sleep. I was in the room with her. I put her blankie up on the table with her. The vet tied a rubber tube around her paw & put in the needle. I was stroking her head and telling her what a good cat she was and how much I loved her. Her head slowly lowered into my hand and she died. It was peaceful and humane. She was purring when she died.

I don't know what your vet did but euthanasia, done properly, is humane and definitely much better than letting them suffer.

OK Zoodie, I stand corrected, in your example.

However, it is not always "painlessly going to sleep."

Some of that may depend upon the animal type, and upon the vet ...

Our guy was with us 17 years ... among other things, he never liked going to the vet's office ... and I felt as if I had betrayed him by taking him there, instead of handling the job myself, as a responsible pet owner should do ... (but the owner should be willing to ask for help, if it is needed) ...

'nuf said ...

Thanks for correcting my goof-up D'Artagnan!

... especially, since I didn't get a chance to read the blog again until this morning *sheesh!*

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