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April 18, 2005


The Wholphins.

(Thanks to Lairbo)


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Sick stuff...just really sick stuff


Still better than "The Dolphales" tho . . .

"Although false killer whales and Atlantic bottlenose dolphins are different species, they are classified within the same family by scientists."

Could have said the same thing about my middle child and the Hard-headed Idioticus - classified in the same family by scientists.

Did this just happen, or was it done on porpoise?

*sorry 'bout that*
Oh, and way to go Lairbo!

Hey hey, we're the Wolphins..And people say we wolphin around..

I called someone a bottlenose once.

I still have the scars to prove it.

I suggest from this article AGNF(whatever the hell MC 900ft Jesus is)an MC?.

"MC 900 Kilogram False Killer Whale"

Wow - that worked out way better than the Monkeyphin experiments of the early 90s.

Kekaimalu, whose name means “from the peaceful ocean,” was born 19 years ago after a surprise coupling between a four-metre, 900-kilogram false killer whale and a 1.8-metre, 180-kilogram dolphin.

"Surprise"? Well, I reckon!!

Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout falsifyin' fish and the girls they've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo

There was Kekaimalu, he met her down in Madagaskar
She would kiss him, any time that he would ask her
Then one evening her flame of love blew out
Blow me down and pick me up!
She swapped him for a trout

Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls they've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo

There was Killer Whale, he met her on the coast of Java
When they kissed things bubbled up like molten lava
Then she gave him the scare of her young life
Blow me down and pick me up!
She was a dolphin's wife

Got a whale of a tale to tell ya, lads
A whale of a tale or two
'Bout the flappin' fish and the girls they've loved
On nights like this with the moon above
A whale of a tale and it's all true
I swear by my tattoo

There's some mating rituals I just don't want to visualize.

u.o.: I hear sea shantys are making a comeback, what with the spongebob theme song 'n all, you might be able to make some money with your talent . . .

u.o.: I hear sea shantys are making a comeback, what with the spongebob theme song 'n all, you might be able to make some money with your talent . . .

Montague & Capulet,
Hatfield & McCoy,
False killer whale & Dolphin

Oh, the taboo!

I find this article VERY disturbin on too many levels to even mention - Naprimer:
1 - How can a killer whale be a "false killer"?
2- Who's humping whom?
3 - The mention of Adam Sandler in this article is totally gratuitous and is only there to titillate, which in an article about wholpin sex is inappropriate.

A 180 kg female dolphin mated with a 900 kg whale? Hmm...apparently, size REALLY matters to female dolphins. Note: Kekaimalu is grinning in the photo.

The Wholphins have the second pick in the draft, don't they?

click. cliiiick. bzzzzzzzzz.click

Wait - the whale-dolphin offspring was fertile? Doesn't that mean that they're actually in the same species?

Wait, UO, was that "a whale of a tale" or did that dolphine get "some tail from that whale"?

Sorry. Someone had to say it.

And remember, say it, don't spray it.

UO - I'm old enough to know where you got that song. Ol' Kirk would be proud!

Not necessarily, just that there is (obviously) some interspecies cross-fertility ... or sumpin' like that ... or mebbe it's the Dred Scott decision ... or W.C. Fields ... I fergit right now ...

Oooooh! Shiny fish!

Well, that blows a hole in the theory of inter-species mating. Or maybe it was just a fluke? Personally I'd baleening to Darwin on this one. Okay, okay, I'll just krill up and die now.

Doppler Effect! Doppler Effect! That's what I was trineta think of ...

elle -- musta been something to do with a whale, which is a mammal ... 'cuz if it'd been a fish, his pickup line woulda been "Hey, cutie, how about a little piece of scale?"

Do you suppose that these watery critters work at these places for -- I gotta say it -- scale ?

(Tnx Pogo -- [esp. for sumulpost] --- I, moi ownself, am also that old -- or even older -- and ... that's why I dismembered the original ...)

Balanchine --

Musta been a Sperm whale ... ya think?

Overheard during a dolphin-whale date:

"No,no,no! your supposed to blow!
Suck is just a fiqure of speech.

Here is a timely quote:

The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.
Dave Barry

To be serious for a few seconds ... okay, that's long enuf ...

No. Not really.

If we consider that the mule is the offspring of a horse and a donkey, the "interspecies" viability of the sperm/ovum-to-zygote is not unheard of ... the fertility of the resulting female, however, is a bit unusual, one must admit ... freemartin females are often a result of certain conditions [e.g. non-identical, opposite sex twins, for just one example] even within the same species, so the fact that she's been knocked up at least three times would indicate the presence of some degree of aberration from the "usual" norm ...

(sorry about the technical language ... couldn't think of anything else besides "pregnant" ... )

U.O.- Very True. I think I'm gonna give it a go.


"Hey, cutie, how about a little piece of scElle?"

*swims away quickly to avoid being pummElled*

In researching dolphins, I found out that I wish I HADN'T been researching dolphins:

There are various ways a dolphin has of showing that she or he is interested in sex. Males are probably the easiest to detect. They will swim around, sporting an erection (anywhere between 10 to 14 inches long for a Bottle-nose), and will have no bones about swimming up to you and placing their member within reach of your hand.

Yea, I know. Omgwtfbbq.
Sorry kids.

Mr. Fishair --

You're lucky you din't get nickElled ...

Night John-boy.

Park researchers suspect the wholphin’s father is a 4.5-metre-long Atlantic bottlenose dolphin named Mikioi.

“He seems to be totally oblivious to this happening,” Lenzi said.

False killer whales do not closely resemble killer whales. They grow to six metres, weigh up to two tons and have a tapering, rounded snout that overhangs their toothed jaw.

Atlantic bottlenose dolphins reach a maximum size of 3.5 metres and can weigh up to 300 kilograms.

Ok, so wait. They suspect the father is a 4.5 meter long Atlantic bottlenose, but then say that Atlantic bottlenose reach a maximum size of 3.5 meters. Something else funny is going on here, and its not just cetacean mating.

Not to go off thread or anything (when did that ever stop me before?) but I just watched (again) one of the Top 100 Best Movie Lines Ever ...

You want me to hold the chicken?

I want you to hold it between your knees!

U.O.: Yeah, yeah... I just remembered hearing once that species was defined by partitioning organisms by "can produce fertile offspring with" equivalency classes, at least where sexual reproduction is involved. There, how's that for technical language?

Captain Platypus: Can scientists hire you to name their discoveries?

... uh ... Huh? ...

'scuse me ... I was taking my nap ... did you say something?

Oh ... sexual repercussions? No, not at my age ... but if you need more members for your patriotic organization, then hold a dance or a raffle ... people like dances, and raffles ... and beer ...

reneviht -

I was only kidding ...

You heard that once and remembered it? I am impressed!

"Equivalency classes" raises some interesting questions, however ... I don't think mebbe I should oughta go there ...

I mean ... goats and sheeps? Deer are ovidensis so would that mean that a pygmy goat could mate with a Moose (the largest member of the deer family), and produce fertile offspring?

And then there's swine ... and ... um ... no, I recall too much from Biology 164 and Anatomy 305 ...

Um ... which reminds me of the old joke:

Little girl: Mommy, how do lions make love?

Mother: I'm not sure dear, most of your father's friends are Kiwanis.


I keep suggesting names but they never listen to me. It will take a buzz generated by the internet (assisted by a well-known respected author who has championed other movements like international talk like a pirate day, know anyone like that? hmmmm)to get the wholphin (terrible name, ugh!) renamed.

Who will help this poor creature in its hour of need, just not tonite because 24 is on?

Damn wacky Canadians and their metric units.
I'm too lazy to convert to English units, but I did get the gist that the GrandDaddy-whale's heckuva lot bigger than GrandMa-dolphin.

So, would that be like a healthy, big black lab and a chihuaua - spelling?? (ah, and now the speeeling's gone to pot, as well).

O.U, is it true you have an autographed copy of the Bible?

Couldn't these aquarium folks be charged with transporting whales across state lines (not to mention international date lines) for immoral porpoises.

why do humpback whales do baleening?why do humpback whales do loud noises to each other example males do loud noises but when a female comes it just quiet it self down?are scientist studing humpback whales that way us kids can learn more about them.because I have annsigment on humpback whalesto say why we should not be the ones who extit the humpback whales be sides scientist still have questions on humpback whales. thank you, please inform me with more information please and thank you for your kind help.

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