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April 22, 2005


Otherwise you might see a link to this.

(Thanks to Natalie W.)


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Why do you think she volunteered?

This could last a while . . .

This could last a while . . .

BAHHHAAAHA!! I think the Atkins diet didn't work and this is her fallback plan.

There must be some mistake. I think she ate the hunger striker.

So the photo shows this woman in her front yard, yet I see an entire living room full of possessions and creature comforts. 'Splain please.

(Also, she might want to exponentially increase the setting on the right side of that Sleep Number bed).

Note the TV strategically placed so she doesn't even have to get out of bed...

You have to keep your strength up....

Your mama's so fat, when she goes on a hunger strike, McDonald's stock price plummets!

Hillary will be well into her second term as POTUS before this person is in need of food.

Uh, Dave...I mean your Daveness...I think you are treading some dangerous waters Today. Religion, Immigration. Are you getting your Plank together for your 2008 campaign?

*editors error in the first paragraph. Should read "His Daveness(El Supremo Ruler of all he surveys) will be well into his second term as POTUS..."

"Yo mama's so fat, I had to take two trains and a bus to get on her good side."


I bow to your superior "yo mama"-ness.

"Yo mama's so fat, her buns are in two different area codes."

In honor of Mrs Buddhapest 1974, and thanks to a couple of very grungy Seattlites.

Hunger Strike

Well, I don’t mind stealing bread
From the mouths of Mexicans
But I can’t feed, and I'm showerless
Cuz my cup’s already overfilled
But just incase I brought the table
I can almost smell the fire cooking
And they’re farming rabies
While the Border Patrols are working
Put the TV on the table
And their chickens are all choking
But I’m growing hungry
I'm growing hungry

"Yo Mama's so fat, all the restaurants in town say 'Occupancy: 240 patrons or Yo Mama'."

"Yo Mama's so fat, she's, really quite fat."

Hmmph. Harder than it looks.

Diana Ponce has now gone an incredible 5 days without food, to protest vigilante border patrol activities.

Of course, she does drink one gallon of sausage gravy every fifteen minutes.


How 'bout this one:

"Yo mama's so fat, if fatness were bricks, she'd have plenty."

you're right, it's pretty tough.

Try this Cbol.

*covers self in Humice and gargles with Aqua Velva*

"Yo mama's so fat, she fell in love and broke it."

There, see that wasn't so hard.

Cheers Mr. Fishair, on the similar thought process.

Yo mama's so fat, she bought a new couch and WORE IT HOME!!

"Yo mama's so fat, when people see her, they have a difficult time not making fun of her, you know, because she's so fat."

Dang it!

"Yo mama's so fat, when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to drag her ass back in the water."

Oooo! Lemme try:

"Yo mama's so fat, she should go on a diet!"


*tosses C-Bol 'Yo-mama jokes for white boys' book*

"Yo mama's so fat, she has to buy big clothes."

"Yo mama's so fat, when I looked up fat in the dictionary, it pretty much described yo mama."

"Yo mama's so fat, she's the subject of a 'Yo mamma's so fat' joke."

This is hard.

Wait, Sean: If yo mama was so fat, wouldn't EVERYONE ON EARTH be able to talk behind her back (being as it's so wide)?

Please explain. Only 1/4 into first cup of coffee.

Yo' mama's so fat her blood type is chunky-monkey

yo mamma so fat, last night she said to me, find a fold and do something to it that isn't appropriate for this blog, baby

"Yo mama's so fat, I wonder about her thyroid."

"Yo mama's so fat, she is the Border Patrol"

Ok, I've lost it.

Or not so much lost it as much as Sarcasmo took it.

And he won't give it back.

Waah! Mama! (my mama's so fat she eats Wheat Thicks, which aren't all that easy to find, btw)

*pats C'Bol on the shoulder affectionately*

It's okay Chris, some of us are so white, we're clear. Here's a complimentary Members Only jacket. Wear it with pride.

"Yo mama's so fat, when people see her on the beach, they try to divert their eyes as to not make her feel uncomfortable."

and, my final one for the day,

yo mamma so fat, kids run after her shouting "Kool-Aid Man!"

Sorry, I'm no better at this...

OK, stupid people of this blog, you better quit your disparagement of us right now, or some of us are just going to have to sit on you.

We'll get up to make it happen! Oooh, we'll get up if we have to! Don't you tempt us!


"Your mother is really rather obese, I tell you."

here you go Fishair, I'm done with it now.

yo mama's so fat, she eats a LOT.

"Yo mama's so fat, when she stepped on the scale, she realized she needed to lose some weight."

(These stupid jokes are making me laugh more than the 'originals'! Thanks C'Bol!)

it: Hey! Don't I get a say in this?

"Yo mama's so fat, it takes her a half an hour to eat minute rice."

Kyle: Cartman, you're [not your] such a fat ass that when people go past you they say, "GODDAMMIT! THAT"S A BIG FAT ASS!"
Cartman: No. They don't!
[man walks past Cartman; looks at him]
Cartman: Hey!

-Courtesy, Southpark

I'm with you, Lou, the lame jokes are cracking me up.

Wheat Thicks?!?! Still laughing at that one. (not that it's one of the lame ones).

Try and put it in a kinder light, like:

"If fat were a mineral, she'd be a diamond."

"Yo mama's so fat, I bet even very large panties end up riding up into her crack at some point during the day, and then she has to pick them out, I bet."

All right, all of you stop it right now! You're disturbing my students while they are trying to take their midterm exam (and my monitor is getting covered with mountain dew).

C'bol, you're killin' me. i bet.

Brainy Jello - a positive light, hmmm?

"Yo mama's so fat, I bet she never has to ask your dad whether or not some piece of clothing makes her look fat, because she already knows the answer."

"Yo mama's so fat, when people stare at her, she says, 'TrimSpa Baby!"

(what the he** did I just write?)

"Yo mama's so fat, I would not like to sit next to her on an airplane."

Yo mama's so fat, i bet she has low self-esteem.

Yo mama's so fat that when she steps on the scale, the needle points to the larger numbers, rather than the smaller ones.

You people suck at this game.
And it's making my tummy hurt from trying not to laugh.

wheat thicks *still snorkin*

I can't take this insensitivity anymore.

you thin people just don't understand.

where is the compassion?

where is the understanding?

it's not our fault, you know.

it's actually a fast food conspiracy.

they put pictures of all of those big, juicy hamburgers dripping with cholesterol all over their stores and expect us to NOT eat them.

see? SEE? now you people got me so stressed that I have to go to dairy queen and get a blizzard.

it's okay though - the government will take care of me and my lazy fat arse.

"Yo mama's so fat, I bet the lights were off when you were conceived."

If fatness was a sporting event, she'd be the superbowl.

"Yo mama's so fat, she should probably see a doctor"

"If obesity was funny, she'd be Dave Barry."

If skinny were dangerous, she's be the safest person ever.

I'm really freakin' fat.

"If being overweight was a hunger striker, she's be Ceasar Chavez. Or herself."

If fat was a politician, she'd be the President of Earth.

If fatness was water, she'd be a rain forest.

Or maybe an ocean.

If stupidity were bricks, I'd have plenty.

"Yo mama's so fat, if she were a joint, we'd all be eating Mac n' Cheese, Dorito's, cupcakes, Captain Crunch, pizza, Oreos, Taco Bell, and Edy's ice cream."

Illegal immigrants, the Minutemen would greet'em
Until this lady decided to beat'em
She'll just sit on her ass
Until they let them pass
And if that doesn't work she'll just eat'em

"Yo mama's so fat, the Bloglits can't get enough of her."


*feels a little badly for pouncing on an easy target*

*remembers quote from Planes, Trains & Automobiles*

"You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right, I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you... but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me; I'm not changing. I like... I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get."

If fat were a buzzkill, she'd be in therapy.

If fatness were a shower curtain ring salesman, she's be John Candy.

If fatness were a spellchecker, eye'd bee scrood.

I did a hunger strike, once. Didn't eat for twenty-five days. Had whatever I wanted at night, though.

"Yo mama's so fat, I would pay good money to see her try to do a somersault."

Yo mama so fat, when she sits around the house, she really doesn't move much.

"Yo mama's so fat, she follows Domino."

ok, this is startin to get a little harder.

If obesity caused kleptomania, Diana Ponce would possess all of my old college furniture.

Hoo boy, there's some mighty fine Yo Mama So Fat going on 'roun heah.

My cheeks are sore from laughing. People are starting to look at me. I would try my hand at this but my attempt would be so lame it would need some sort of walker. (See what I mean)

Last one.

Sorry mammas (and the pappas)

"Yo mama's so fat, when she declared a War on fat, it said "Hey no fair, you got weapons of mass destruction.""

"Yo mama consumes considerably more calories than she burns, doesn't she?"

"Can I have fat, fat, fat, fat, fat, baked beans, and fat?"

"Baked beans are off."

"Can I have fat instead of the baked beans, then?"

New resolution to self:
Do not attempt to sneak peeks at Blog while students are taking tests. (Too hard to maintain proper "teacher-image" while rotfl with mountain dew coming out of nose.)

"I bet yo mama's BMI would be close to normal if she were only three feet taller."

Flash - now if it were coffee coming out of your nose...

...it would be called a Snotte'.

Your mama is so fat, she might have a thyroid condition.

"Yo mama's so fat, she beeps when she backs up."

Her therapist says she swallows a lot of aggression...along with a lot of pizzas!

Adapted from John Candy line in Stripes.

"Yo mama's so fat, I don't see how she can possibly wipe effectively."

"Yo mamas so fat, if she were the new Pope, you'd only be able to see her pinky in the Vatican window"


Alright, alright, I quit.

*holding a cracker under mama*

Jabba no like Minuteman.

She's, um, er, doorframe-challenged!

Yo mama's so fat, her doctor advised her to lose weight and get more exercise.

I CAN'T STOP!!!!!!!!!

In a tragic twist, three illegal immigrants were discovered smothered to death in the "jelly rolls" of Diana Ponce when she stood up to address reporters.

"Yo mama's so fat, she wrote a fat joke, then ate it."

I tried.

LOL - mayo on aspirin

OMG, I feel so bad...I'm tryin ta stop laffin but I can't. I guess I'll see you all in hell...at least we'll be havin fun there.

I CAN'T STOP!!!!!!!!!

Greenpeace has dipatched it's
ship in an effort to save Diana
Ponce from any harm.
In a related story, the Bush
Administration plans to take over
Ponce in an attempt to gain more
oil resources.

Yo mama's so fat yo daddy ain't never talking about submission to her.

Yo mama's so fat, an entire village could live off the crumbs in her bra.

You people are so mean.
I am trying to do some good here.
What is wrong with you?
This is who I am, and I am a good person.
Shame on you. If you want to apologize,
I'll be waiting. I've got nothing to do
here but dream of food.


"Yo mama's pretty much the final arbiter on when something is over, huh?"

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