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April 30, 2005


(Thanks to many people)


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this is, sadly, a prime example of the state of our union. that a boy cannot bring an oversized burrito wrapped in tin foil and a white t-shirt into his school without being reprimanded is a travesty! i demand ... salsa. yeah.

That is a great story.

1) Did the metal detectors go off? ...No...
2) Was the package shaped like a gun? ...No...
3) Like a sword? ...Well, not really long enough...
4) Like toenail clippers? ...A little larger...
5) *gasp* Not box cutters?! YES, YES! He could have GIANT BOX CUTTERS! CALL 9-1-1!

But inquiring minds really want to know... Is he gonna eat all that?

"We suspected terrorist activities when we began receiving reports of large numbers of students feeling hungry well before the lunch hour."

A thirty-inch burrito. D'ye think he's compensatin' for somethin'?

*refrains from making "party-size taco" comment*

I'd expect this in South Florida schools, but not way over there. Also, how the heck can a middle school kid eat a 30-inch burrito?

You have to admit, under certain conditions, a large burrito CAN be considered a weapon....eventually.

"They searched the premises and determined there was no immediate danger."

No immediate danger?! Do they have any idea of the potential for destructive flatulence in a 30-inch burrito? What if that school had (cue chilling music) an elevator? Someone could have been killed!

Also, some really great lines in this story:

'Oh, my gosh, they're talking about my burrito.'
(That happens to me all the time.)

'Oddly Large Burritos' (GNFARB)

And my personal favorite:

"The police saw it and everyone just started laughing. It was a laughter of relief"
(I get that one a lot, too.)

slyeyes...time to hide the matches and TP..

sanity is for those who don't understand the true power madness provides.

-shifty eyes-

... um ... kid, are you gonna eat the rest of that ???

Burrito Boy is a much better nickname than the Booger Bandit. That kid should count himself lucky.

This is great. It's not everyday someone gets to say, 'Oh, my gosh, they're talking about my burrito.'

Alex (yeah, that feels weird saying my own name), you obviously haven't seen me eat dinner before. Of course a middle school kid could eat a 30 in burrito. In fact, that's just a snack for me, now.

Actually it's perfectly legal in New Mexico to carry a concealed large burrito as long as there's no guacamole in the chamber and it's properly registered to El Torito.

Who needs, Spiderman, Superman, Batman or even Wonder Woman when you have (sorry Jason) BURRITO BOY!!!!!!!!!!!

"There needs to be security before the kids walk through the door," said Heather Black, whose son attends the school.

I agree. We need to be able to stop those kids before they walk in to school with their abnormally large food items.

Won't somebody please think of the children??

More powerful than a chimichanga, faster than a case of Montezeuma's revenge. Able to cause acid reflux in a single burp... It's a nerd, with some stains, it's Burrito Boy!!

Yes, it's Burrito Boy, strange visitor from another culture who came to this country with powers and abilities far beyond those who eat Wonder Bread.

Burrito Boy who can change the course of a single schoolday, who can bend school rules with his bare hands, and who, disguised as Michael Morrissey, mild-mannered middle-schooler fights a never-ending battle for spicy food, justice, and La Vida Norteamericano!


Isn't Burrito Boy one of those animated, masked wrestler kids on Mucho Lucho?

If not, he should be.



ALRIGHT!! That's IT!!!

I'm stampin' my feet!!! HRUMPH!!!

BUUUurrrrpppp ...

S'cuse me ...

"They searched the premises and determined there was no immediate danger."

They didn't find the burrito, but still made the determination that all was well.

What if the Burrito had had Beans on it?

A thirty-inch burrito. D'ye think he's compensatin' for somethin'?

A thirty-inch burrito. D'ye think he's compensatin' for somethin'?

D'ye think he's compensatin' for somethin'?

D'ye think he's compensatin' for somethin'?

I dunno, killy. He's only in 8th grade. 8th grade. 8th grade.

HA! Even the spammers cannot escape the dreaded multiple post. :-)

And they just f*cked with the wrong guy. I reported the spam to their host server.

Oddly Shaped Food. Mishapen food. Shapley food. Food in the shape of food. Booorito shay-pito.

What do you expect from a town named "Clovis"?

1) Is that a 2 1/2 ft burrito in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

2) Who buys a 2 1/2 ft burrito? How hungry is this kid?


Hibbert: By all medical logic, steam should be shooting out of his ears.
Krusty: His ears if we're lucky.

Back at my old high school, at Pencey Prep -- before I got kicked out and all -- one of the guys in the room across the hall would eat a jumbo burrito every goddamn day. His name was Ackley. Old Ackley. Ackley kid. Well, anyway, Ackley would alway come into our room whenever my roommate, Ward Stradlater, was out, probably giving the time to some girl. He was goddamn handsome, Stradlater was. I have to admit it. He was always giving the time to some girl. Well, old Ackley kid would just barge in and all, without knocking, and he'd lay in Stradlater's bed and just fart. Goddamn. You'd think he was going to blow the roof off or melt the windows or some goddamn thing. He smelled bad all the time anyway. He never brushed his teeth, either. It made me a little sick to my stomach. It still does, if you want to know the truth.

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