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April 15, 2005


Lobsters With Hairballs


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So THAT'S what happened to Bubba. Choked on a T-Bone

Some lobsters have developed hairballs after eating chunks of cowhide in traps used by fishermen.

That may be the most to-the-point opening sentence I have ever read. This is a writer who does not believe in messing around.

The green stuff you ordinarily find in a lobster is almost enough to kill my appetite in any case. It's bad enough that I have to clean up the hairballs my cat horks up. I do not wish to order a very expensive lobster at a resturaunt and find one in my dinner.

Surf and Turf?

Now we're all going to get mad-lobster disease!

I wasn't aware that lobsters had balls. Much less hairy ones.

"Want some lobster?"
"You know, really I don't. I've always thought of them as a giant, saltwater cockroach."
"But this one has been lovingly hand-fed hairy hides and offal."
"Oh. Well then. By all means, put some on my plate."

Next time you order lobster, make sure to ask for extra butter on the side to help those hairballs go down.

*after fencing match at bottom of the ocean*
"You know, Daedalus, I've gotta stop having cowhide, it's just killing me."
"I know what you mean, have you tried the hairless?"
"Yeah, I don't know. I'm switching to herring, I think."
"You have expensive tastes."

"When serving lobster, be sure to place the lobster fork and comb at the head of the plate."

Chapter 3 Stylish Dining by Ms. WellMannered

Is Alternative Bait too obvious as a grnfarb?

customer - "Waiter! There's a hairball in my lobster!"
waiter - "Quiet, Missus, or everyone will want one."

wife - "This is one offal dinner. Can't we just go to Wendy's, Dear?"
husband - "No, I think not. There's something wrong with Wendy's, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Oh, that's right! Their chili's pretty offal, too."

customer - "Waiter! There's a hairball in my lobster!"
waiter - "Quiet, Missus, or everyone will want one."

wife - "This is one offal dinner. Can't we just go to Wendy's, Dear?"
husband - "No, I think not. There's something wrong with Wendy's, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Oh, that's right! Their chili's pretty offal, too."

Really, how long do you figure we have until the lobsters begin leaving the ocean for their cow fix?

MKJ - I think that might be more of an Abraham Lincoln hairball. Either way, it made me throw up a little.

MKJ - That hairball lady was funny. Thanks for the laugh.

Sarcs: we aims to please

(I ♡ ebay)

lol, so I guess if the lobster eats a hairball and then we eat the lobster, we'll be hacking up a lobster-ball later that night?

still laughing. my co-'workers' are wondering what is going on. i'll tell them its just a hairball.

That was truly offal.

Sounds like a hairy situation to me(sorry couldn't resist).

Dedicated to our beloved MKJ -

You ain't nuthin' but a hairball
Hackin' all the time
You ain't nuthin' but a hairball
Hackin' all the time
Well, you ain't never caught a lobster
And you ain't no friend of mine!

* can't believe somebody else hasn't come up with this yet *


we DID already come up with that - we just had enough sense to NOT post it on the world wide web.

Good one MO! Who knew there was a link between Elvis, Lobsters & hairballs?

Yeah! Yet another reason not to eat those disgusting things. (Besides bacterial infection, being related to cockroaches, etc.)

Which brings to mind that Infectious Cockroach could be a gnfarb.

MOTW is thankful that she has such allies as LLKB and other sensible bloglits who correct her in her lack of sense and stream of consciousness.

He's just jealous . . .

Lobsters eat cow???? Who knew??? When I started reading the comments here I had an incredibly witty, funny, brilliant comment to post, which is gone!!!

And so am I!

*zips out*

I've been a long time, underground supporter hairy hides and offal. I don't normally confess this secret because...well, just because. But I feel like you guys are all my friends and I know you won't judge me too harshly, right? Right? Hello? HhheellllOOOoooo?????

Scuse me....hhhaaact, hhhaaaact, hhhaaaaacccttt, BLECH...Ok, sorry bout that, now, where was I?

that would be "...supporter OF...."

When it comes to names of rock bands, I kinda like The Smoking Chimpanzees.

On the other hand, who would go to see a band called Vagina Phone?

Jeff: There used to be a female chimp in the Baltimore zoo who loved to smoke, someone taught her and she was hooked. I guess if you jail 'em you might as well let them have some enjoyment.


Chapter 3 Stylish Dining by Ms. WellMannered

Has anyone told the Chick-Fil-A cows about this? They better get some waterproof signs.

MKJ - I agree totally, and I hope if I ever go to jail you'll bring me cigarettes, or if I'm ever caged in my own home!

Remember the Twilight Zone?

Too bad the phone wasn't on 'vibrate'. They still might've found it, I guess . . .

I've heard lobsters make a sound similar to a scream when you toss them into boiling water...
I wonder what it sounds like when they hack up a hairball?


*beginnings of an idea for a new line of cell phones . . . *

MKJ--let me know if you need someone to test your new line of phones. All very scientific, of course.

Can't we just get the guy from Colorado up there to give all the lobsters some mouth to mouth. If the chickens didn't attack him with their large talons, a lobster pincher is nothing to worry about.

Doug: can I use your UUUHHHHHHRRRRR....GHMMMMMM for something? Just wonderin' . . .

Do the Chickens have large Talons?


MKJ--would you consider a joint venture with the Orgasmatron® folks?

Just a thought...

MJK- It's all yours, babe.

Just to let this blog know when carl's jr. gives a value meal it is so much so your coke is prepared with the taste of week old brown and black lard same as the hot spicy chicken things and fries. NEVER do carl's. Ever!

Anon: hardcore links are not cool, even if apropos . .

in re: MJK's ebay "Elvis hairball" link.
disturbing item number 1: IT'S CAT GACK!
disturbing item number 1: it looks like they actually -twitch- played with it to get it to look like that -looks for a bucket
disturbing item number 3: SOMEONE ACTUALLY BID ON IT!!!

lobster hairballs? -shudder- i never eat anything that looks at me as i'm putting it in the pot anyway.

in re: MJK's ebay "Elvis hairball" link.
disturbing item number 1: IT'S CAT GACK!
disturbing item number 1: it looks like they actually -twitch- played with it to get it to look like that -looks for a bucket-
disturbing item number 3: SOMEONE ACTUALLY BID ON IT!!!

lobster hairballs? -shudder- i never eat anything that looks at me as i'm putting it in the pot anyway.

Key Quote: The cowhide is being used because it is durable and the lobsters were attracted to it. "But is it detrimental to the stock?

No, dummy. The cows are dead! They do not care any longer, about losing a little hide ... if it's for a good cause ...

Key Quote (from link): ... the owner of the phone had refused to take it back, claiming it was damaged goods, and had filed a claim with his insurance company for a new device. ...

So, something that has been placed in ... er ... this location ... is damaged goods? And you can get a new one???!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!

(Calls insurance agent ...)

If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes...

"no, don't pick up that stray cell phone. You don't know where it's been. Really."

"The outright prohibition on hairy hides would go into effect Jan. 1, 2006..."

There's some guys I know who might have a problem with this...

[ignores cell phone video]

"Cow Eating Lobsters With Hairballs" WBAGNFAscifi movie.

"Lobsters with hairballs," said George to Saddam, "anagrams to slow as stillbirth rehab."

What happened?

The entire comment section of Ban on Chickens and all but about three of the comments of Higher Education have disappeared!!!

Is it just my crappy ISP ... or did this happen to everyone?

I'm going to bed ... try again in the morning ...

Yup, it's back. Gotta be the el-cheapo ISP piece of defecationalisticitis I'm using ... just decides it do not wanna ... so it do not ...

Very selective ... only quits on SOME stuff ...

OK, U.O.'s gone to bed. Y'all can come out now.


Tnx ... I needed that ...

I want to see legislation baning lobsters from eating disgusting things like hair, hide and offal. If this overdue law is not on the statute books real soon I'll switch to eating eggs!

Many diners find lawyers to call
When confronted with Elsie's hairball
Hold onto your wrath, the
Is a much worse fate to befall!

I recall an early Dave Barry column about Larry the Lobster getting in some guys pants. And something about a Hoover vacuum cleaner.

Anyone remember that?

Of course, I could have just been hallucinating.

*and whose idea was it to feed cowhide to lobsters??*

ScottMGS -- merely idle curiousity on a Saturday afternoon, but I'm wondering what the "MGS" means ...

My only guess is MonoGodium Slutamate ... ???

Close, Unc. Monoglodium Sudafed.

Or maybe "My God, the Stars!" (a misremembered quote from 2001: A Space Odyssey).

Actually, it's dull and boring and related to my actual name.

Okay, I like yours better ... mine is merely one more bit of evidence as to the weird channels into which my mind will jump ...

without any warning whatsoever ...

I akcshully thot about monogluteus sodomite
[which, when you think about it, is another one of those anatomical impossibiities] ...

but din't know if that one would pass the censors, and then there was ...

no, even I won't let that one out of the dark cages ...

NEway ... tnx for clearing that up

BTW, not to brag or complain about being old, but I remember reading the original short story that became 2001:ASO when it was first published ... it was a great story then, and when it expanded into a full novel, and I hafta admit that Hollywood din't do too bad a job of butchery on it as well ...


That Falik (musician) stuff is really interesting ... and I am not making this up ... I've said for much of my life that musicians are different from other folks ... not intended as a putdown or slur ... it's just that they hear things we don't ... but we get to appreciate some of it when they share with us ...

So, U.O., does this blog conversation count towards cutting my degrees of separation with Dave down to two?

*plots ways to draw Eleanor into conversation because she also lives in San Diego*

U.O. - Re: Monogluteus Sodomite (WBAGNFARB?) sounds like I'd be half-gay (NTTAWWT) which, given that the woman I married almost 18 years ago is now a man (I am not making this up), would be about right!

Look at that, will ya! I managed to legitimately work three Dave Barry memes into one run-on sentence!

Ring ring ring ring ring ring Vagina Phone!
....its vaginular...

ScottMGS -


Nice job you've done with the Dave references/allusions ... and don't worry about run-on sentences ... whatever works is what goes here ... and I'm not wearing my English teacher/editor hat ... I don't do that except when we get a link to "professional" writing, such as newspapers or magazine ...

U in SD too? Well, I've got some kinfolk there, and so with all that, I'd say you sure could cut down the degrees of separation ... to Dave ... if you want to ... altho I'm guessing your degrees of separation to your (former) bride would be more likely to increase ...

BTW, I barely managed to avoid covering my display screen with breakfast cereal when I read that ... tnx!

Life is sorta ... interesting ... innit?

However, my MGS concept conveys images (to me) of a person with only one buttock, therefore, no place for an anal sphincter, hence not possible to consider being from the Gomorrah neighborhood ... UNLESS, OF COURSE, the boss has recently "reamed a new one" ...

See, I told you my train of thot gets derailed with great regularity ...

tnx also for the other music reference, but I've already got 20+ hours on my iTunes, and tho my tastes are eclectic, I'm not really looking for broadening my horizons much any more ... not enuf time to enjoy what I've got ...

Sheesh! Way too long ...

U.O.: "bride" may no longer fit but "(former)" doesn't - we're still married (unless the neocons really do win)

U.O.- The Clarke short story that became '2001' was 'The Sentinel' (basically finding the monolith in the moon crater).

I read the novelization of '2001' on the day I saw the movie...

ScottMGS -

Well, I wondered about the PCness and/or logisitics of which I spoke/wrote ... but did not know (not knot no) how best to approach the question, so I tooken a chance ... and learned more ... Cool!

Cool, as in "gaining insights and knowledge" ...

I'll leave judgemental processes to others ... I've also gotten more "mellow" (?) ... as I've become less inclined to place my personal values upon someone else's behavior patterns ... (that means "less judgemental" in nineteen syllabiles)

[I got delayed by a phone call in the midst of this ... so it took an hour longer than it should've to answer)

'niac -

Yeah, I gnu that (The Sentinel) ... I think I was about 9-14 years old when the anthology with that story first crossed my reading space ... still ranks as one of the 10 best ever ...

and, the "short story" origin illustrates how some of the best efforts of Hollywood (that adhere most closely to the original story) are based on short stories ... Shawshank Redemption is another example that "proves" this ... King's original story was Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption, and tho more of a novella/novelette, still was a "short" story ...

The best of tale-tellers are able to do the job with the fewer words, leaving much of the story to the readers' interpretive and imaginative skills ...

(I din't see your post earlier -- delayed by phone call, as mentioned above ...)

the novelization of 'Fantastic Voyage' (switching to the ridiculous) came out long before the movie did, although the movie was conceived earlier.

the movie did have the benefit of Ms. Welch, though.

That's quite a significant benefit ... definitely some prime assets ... and ... other stuff ...


D.C. -- cellorrhea ... HAHAHAHAHAHA!

So, one curved and the other one was straight? A lot of pitchers survive in the bigs by having those two pitches (curve -- or "deuce" -- and straight -- or "heater") in their bag of tricks, but fans are often those of us who are not able to perform at that higher level ... so, did your friend try out for the show?

(And yes, I'm aware of all the potential for double entendres in that paragraph ... enjoy!)

U.O.: No problem. Your reaction was quite normal and your unjudgemental-ness is appreciated!

U.O...way to go! Yeah, he tried it in the BIGS, and is currently on injured reserve (a hanging curve ball, I think). Film at 11!

U.O, way to go! Octuple entendres, I think! Yes, my friend made it to THE BIG SHOW, but is currently on injured reserve (due to a hanging curve ball, I think. Or maybe he took a catnap and coughed up a fur ball).

Also, I couldn't decide if it was cellorrhea or phoneorrhea. My Merck Manual is out of date.

DC -

... which is prolly better than a dangling curve ball ... or a dangling modifier, for that matter ... I think that MLB outlawed the dangling modifier about the same time they made the spitter (?!?) illicit ...

... I also thot about "ringtoneylis" as a possible complication from that cell phone episode, but they've got shots for that, don't they?

... I s'pose we gotta worry about WTDs now, huh?

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