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April 18, 2005

24

To bring everybody up to date: At the end of last week, the president of the United States, after two months of being in Danger, got into Grave Danger, followed by Really Bad Shape. So now the acting president of the United States is Vice President Nervous Breakdown, and we do not trust his top advisor at all because he is Evil, as indicated by the use of red lighting. Speaking of Evil, the evil terrorist Marwan, who beats Jack to everything, needless to say beat Jack to the nuclear football and is now about to do some horrible nuclear thing that will make everybody look back with nostalgia upon the early episodes of this season, when all we were worried about was the simultaneous meltdown of all U.S. atomic reactors.

So in summary: We have a lame-o acting president with an Evil advisor, and terrorists about to launch nuclear missiles, and even Jack may not be able to stop them. The obvious question on everybody's mind as we go into tonight's episode is: Will there be another commercial for the Victoria's Secret IPEX brassiere?

So stay tuned. Although not necessarily to this show.

Update: They're going to Fast Track this.

Update: Marwan has a WAY cool computer.

Update: President Breakdown is moving to the bunker. Wimp.

Update: The bunker looks like a Ramada Inn lobby.

Update: They found one of the terrorist guys, and they're going to take him down. Hey, do you think Jack could be anywhere in the area? Nah.

Update: Tony and Michelle have tension between them. Tony wants to leave the past in the past.

Update: Bill thinks Tony is uncomfortable with the configuration.

Update: Somebody is going to get shot at the marina and JACK IS NOT THERE.

Update: Joe Prado shot the terrorist screwup guy, who screwed up right to the end.

Update: There's a convoy missing!

Update: Jack has not shot anybody yet. And still no IPEX commercial. The situation is becoming critical.

Update: Dodge is having a Spring Sales Event.

Update: The terrorists have a nuclear warhead in a pickup truck. I bet that is some kind of moving violation.

Update: Edgar would like to get Joe Prado in a room. Yuck.

Update: Not the needles!

Update: A bald snotty lawyer! Even for Marwan, this is LOW.

Update: The Sprint guy? Who's always in a suit? He's creepy.

Update: Gillette has a new product called M3 Nitro, which has three blades and a battery. God help us if Marwan gets hold of THAT.

Update: Maybe Jack will shoot the bald snotty lawyer.

Update: I'm beginning to like Evil Red Light Man. He's for torture.

Update: Still no word on the new pope.

Update: Audrey wants Jack to help her with the DoD interface (nudge, nudge).

Update: Joe Prado is not going to be playing the piano any time soon.

Update: According to the scenes from next week's episode, they're bringing back... President Allstate Insurance Spokesperson!

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Be advised. Graphic violence ahead.

Dun Dun DUUUN!

Oh my God, they're DOUBLE SOURCING THEIR INTEL!!!

Am I interrupting something? Chloe is the queen of observation.

Wait. The terrorists can tell where the warheads are from the book, while they're in transit?

Didn't the gov't make another copy of this freakin book? Jeeeeeez!

Wow. Even Marwan's cell phone ring is sinister!

That's true terrorist dedication.

ImhoTerrorist told you not to use that card! Don't you know what the over-credit line fees are?!? YOU FOOL!!!

He doesnt know the protection level of his own bunker? pfffttt. Way to be informed.

I'm depressed that even the bunker is better than any home I've ever been in.

Don't ya like how the lighting is *always* sinister, no matter where the veep and his evil advisor go. Even in the elevator.

Wow. The president makes the name Marwan sound like something you throw up after eating.

Funniest line I've heard on 24 yet-"Does anyone feel uncomfortable about what they've just heard?"

"Wait a minute! Doesn't anyone else get the feeling that the veep is a pants-wetting weenie?!"

You da man, Tony.

Oh no! They're having a hard time keeping Paul stable! Is anyone uncomfortable with that?

Not a three-way beween Tony, Michelle and the other guy! Ugh!

oooooo. It must be critical. They are moving to the situation room.

Maybe he needs a hug.

I think Buchanan needs red lighting. Am I wrong?

Michelle wants Tony's input. Innocent choice of words? I think not.

Hey, isn't that Sonny Crockett on the sailboat back there?

"We have his cell phone. We'll see if we can pull something off it."

"Cool! It's got Tetris!"

I always knew those peaceniks were up to no good! They're going to picket CTU! Go, ImhoTerrorist, go!

And now a nuclear warhead is missing! Oh no!

"What do you want to do?"
"Control the situation..."

well, duh.

The terrorists get one chapter of a book they've never seen before, and withing 15 minutes, they've located the 'nukular convoy' AND disappeared it!

Meanwhile, the US gov't, who owns the convoy, told it where to go, and wrote the friggin book that gives exact coordinates for where it'll be at any given second, is busy playing with some dead terrorist's cell phone.

You mean all the resources weren't into finding the missing warhead before?umm.. priorities

They better not have an open container in that truck! I mean, how stupid could they be, getting pulled over on an open-container violation and missing their chance at ImhoTerrorist-style mayhem!

Yeehaw, boys!

Dave, in Texas, having a nuclear warhead in your pick up is technically a moving violation, but they usually let you off with a warning.

Has Jack been in this episode at all? I had a critical shower to take.

Don't use Richards! Use Edgar! He wants to go all Drunken Master on that Mickey Rourke wannabe guy!

We should just give up and let Marwan be president. He is soooo much more organized and efficient than our guys.

A lawyer! Noooooooooooooooooo!!!! You can keep the nukes, do what you want....but NOT THE LAWYERS!!!!!

Now that the lawyers are involved, this show is going to draw on forever......it'll be 25...then 26...then 27...

Wow. This place has a really crappy bereavement policy if your Mom dies.

Edgar's going to kill him. You know he is.

Jack's back! He can shoot the guy now! And the guy the lawyer's there to "protect"!

Anybody happen to watch TLC during the commercial and see the doctor stripping cuz the cockroach went up his sleeve? I think they should work that into 24 somehow...

Back room with a rubber hose. Har har.

NOOOOOOOO!!!! He still trusts the Evil Adviser Man

If this is over in twenty minutes, next week's episode is going to suck.

Well, I certainly feel good about the new President. Tough, quick-thinking, and willing to make the hard decisions. Yep, life is good.

It won't be over that soon. Jack and the other CTU people are always underestimating Marwan. He's got some tricks up his sleeves.

Wait! Evil Advisor's not really evil?

Is there NOTHING we can trust?!!

Jack Bauer: Private Citizen
"You know you're safe when Jack's at your back!"

ImhoTerrorist can always get into all the "cool" clubs! I'm jealous!

Uh-oh... more Jack/Audrey tension

Sure, that'll work as long as they don't want to actually convict him of anything.

Oh goodness, that didn't look like fun.

Sorry, Audrey, can't talk now...gotta go break some thumbs.

yeah, Jack! way to save America single-handedly again!

Jack is certainly good at his job.

To all those who will undoubtedly complain: Jack left the guy with atleast 6 unbroken fingers...but you can also consider that the guy just got 4 more opposable thumbs!

Despite Jack getting medieval on Sleezy Lounge Terrorist, I have to say I found this episode rather unfulfilling.

BUT WAIT! PALMER'S BACK!!!!

We're SAVED!

Was that DENZEL WASHINGTON that's gonna advise the vice president next week?

Was that DENZEL WASHINGTON that's gonna advise the vice president next week?

Well, thank goodness. Palmer's back. We're in good hands with President Allstate.

Next week on 24: Jack is...I don't know, it looks like he's at Lazer Quest or something. and former president/car insurance spokesperson comes back

Jack's Torture Tip No. 17

When your Tazer runs out of juice while torturing a low-level weasel terrorist suspect, hook his pride up up to the SUV's starter coil. And start er up.

I'm hoping they can undead Sherri Palmer. They can do that on TV, right?

What happened to terrorist boy? We miss him.

Sure they can, s.b. Why do you think they brought in The Mummy as head evil terrorist?

"What happened to terrorist boy? We miss him."

Didn't he get shot a few weeks ago when Marwan swapped him for Jack?

Terror Boy isn't dead yet, and he didn't get shot.

Other thoughts:

Someone told "I'm Frightened" that the missle was taken in a mountain area. THEY WERE IN ILLINOIS
AND IOWA.... THERE ARE NO MOUNTAINS!! Hell, they hardly have any good hills in that area.

Dave, if you're reading this, I have to go into super-double-secret spy mode here for a minute.

The starting point of that missle was in Illinois, near Arcola. I think you know what this means. ...Maybe instead of Terror Shovels, Marwan is going to be done in by brooms.

Long time Dave fans, you know what that refers to. Get your lawn mowers ready.

That is all.

Here I always thought that Dick Chaney and Karl Rove were always in red light cuz it was some sort of Republican thing. Now I get it!

When going after a man who is linked to head terror guy CTU sends a freaken army to arrest him but when going after the "football" which contains all the nuclear info for this country. they send Jack and some other guy. Ok, they had a helicopter and satalite survalience on the "football" in the desert but did they really think that would work?

I hate to spoil what happens next week, but this thing with the football was obviously a naked bootleg. Mar(a)wan(a) does not have the football. He only thinks he has it. Meanwhile the President still has the football and is gonna nuke Marwan's ass from the other side of the field.

Meanwhile, Jack will try to get rehired by CTU but will refuse to kill anyone unless he is guaranteed a pay grade raise, a promotion, and fresh red lipstick on his ass served each morning with his coffee and donuts.

Finally, the Family Guy is going to continue reading this blog and come up with witty lines that nobody outside of this blog ever thunk of. Like, how does Jack go 24 hours without having "to go"? Family guy is funny guy, real freakin original. Really cutting edge stuff Fox. Next thing you know, Bart Simpson is gonna be asking for a pay raise and a promotion before he calls Mo's Bar.

"Lois, I need you to get the dictionary and look up fork and lung."

(Why?)

"Time's a factor, Lois."

thank you for sharing.

What??? no Pope????..sh@#T!!!

Evil Advisor (Red Light Man) may not really be evil, despite the fact that he was cast as a Dick (Dick) Chaney look a like. I think he is just freaked out about this weak-ass, wimpy new prez.
****
How about casting Charles Nelson Reilly for the new president?

julietine!!!!!!!!!!!!

Como esta?

Donde estaba???

I've missed you!!!!

Just one problem - he's dead.

Damn. Marwan got to him first, huh?

While I do not usually have much to say on this (repeating) thread, I feel there might be something to add at this point.

If the (various) presidents, et cetera are so doofusey (?), then there should not be anything wrong with using Charles Nelson Reilly in the role, despite his earlier demise ... it would be intuitively obvious that his performance could not be any worse than those appearing now.

This concept opens up an entire new area of casting.

We could use Paul Lynde, Pat Paulsen, Yakima Canute, John Wayne ... wowser! The list goes on ...

While I do not usually have much to say on this (repeating) thread, I feel there might be something to add at this point.

If the (various) presidents, et cetera are so doofusey (?), then there should not be anything wrong with using Charles Nelson Reilly in the role, despite his earlier demise ... it would be intuitively obvious that his performance could not be any worse than those appearing now.

This concept opens up an entire new area of casting.

We could use Paul Lynde, Pat Paulsen, Yakima Canute, John Wayne ... wowser! The list goes on ...

SH!!!!!TTT ...

I knewed that was gonna happen ... this crappy ISP gets hung up, and to escape, I gotta click (NOT on the "post" thingy) and it makes for a double ... dang!

That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it ...

To continue: T.J. Walsh, George "Gabby" Hayes, Andy Devine, Humphrey (Where is it free?) Bogart ... now, I ask you, who could do a better job in the role of president (deceased class) than Bogey?

C'mon, name six!

The IPEX is practically obsolete. Bra technology changes almost as rapidly as computers these days, and we are now starting to have a serious environmental problem with B-trash clogging up our landfills. Scientists the world over are desparately trying to come up with ways to most efficiently recycle unwanted hi-tech MSDs (mammary restraining devices).

Check that. It should have been "MRDs", not "MSDs". The editors regret the error.

Matt -

good to see that you're keeping up with the Times in correcting your errors ...

Matt -

good to see that you're keeping up with the Times in correcting your errors ...

Crap!

Rotten ISP.

My Bad.

Dodge is having a Spring Sales Event??? Am I too late???

So, if I am following the plot correctly, the terrorists' "To Do" list for the day included: crash a train, THEN kidnap and execute the Secretary of Defence, THEN melt down all the nuclear reactors in the US, THEN steal a stealth fighter and assassinate the US President, THEN steal a nuclear warhead to blow up any smouldering ruins that might be left over. And would they call it a day at that point? Heck, no. Apparently they would then get SERIOUS.

I am glad a new Doctor Who episode airs tonight in Canada, because I feel the need for some gritty realism.

As long as we're hypothetically casting deceased actors for the President role, how about the great Frank Fontaine, who played Crazy Guggenheim on the Jackie Gleason show?

While we're casting, we could have three more terrorists. They enter and introduce themselves to Marwan: "Hi, I'm Mohammed, this is my brother Mohammed, and my other brother Mohammed."

In many ways this season is the best '24' ever. In others it's getting ridiculous. In the first season I griped about such innocuous holes as the 10 minute car drives across LA and how the police arrive at a crime scene and have the bodies carted off all within the closing credits. However this season is really asking us to buy into a lot.

For a few examples, here is a To-DO list for Marwan. Notice how almost ALL of these require Top-Secret information and/or double agents within the Federal, Local, and Military chain of command. Others require knowledge that is impossible to know in advance.

- Plant yourself at a defense contractor as an engineer on the Override program
+ Find out how the Override is being transported
+ BTW, the defense contractor should ideally have a commando team on 24/7 alert minutes from downtown LA
- Car bomb a train. Find the Override in the wreckage before the police arrive
- Kidnap the SecDef (have to have inside information on his security and location)
- Overload the internet by hacking thousands of servers to stream out a video signal of the SecDef
- Recruit a group of American businessmen to help you with your computer hacking
- Plant a double-agent at CTU (this seems to be the easiest part based on previous seasons)
- Recruit an informant working for the LAPD
- Have a scanner which can detect a subcutaneous tracking transponder so you can remove it
- Find a jet fighter pilot, kidnap him, and kidnap his family
- Contract an American jet fighter pilot to be part of your plot
- Bypass base security via dead pilot's thumb. (BTW, the thumbprint scanner manufacture's web-site claims this trick will not work, but you know better.)
- Steal a jet fighter
- In all of US airspace, find Airforce One and shoot it down. (BTW you can't predict in advance where it will be in advance, but hopefully it will be very close to Los Angeles, which is where you will be.
- Position yourself such that you can arrive at the Airforce One crash scene before the authorities. (BTW you can't predict
in advance where the Airforce One crash wreckage will land.)
- Obtain a double-agent in the pentagon who knows the transponder frequency for the nuclear football. (BTW you can't
predict if the nuclear football will survive the crash of Airforce One.)
- Know how to use the contents of the nuclear football (easy, just get the above double-agent to tell you)
- Be able to passively track a cell-phone signals via a hand-held scanner
- Intercept a missle convoy before the Pentagon orders increased security, even though they will have 90 minutes of warning before you arrive.

Next the terrorists will hack into the President's Blockbuster.com account and release on the internet all the porn titles he's rented.

In many ways this season is the best '24' ever. In others it's getting ridiculous. In the first season I griped about such innocuous holes as the 10 minute car drives across LA and how the police arrive at a crime scene and have the bodies carted off all within the closing credits. However this season is really asking us to buy into a lot.

For a few examples, here is a To-DO list for Marwan. Notice how almost ALL of these require Top-Secret information and/or double agents within the Federal, Local, and Military chain of command. Others require knowledge that is impossible to know in advance.

- Plant yourself at a defense contractor as an engineer on the Override program
+ Find out how the Override is being transported
+ BTW, the defense contractor should ideally have a commando team on 24/7 alert minutes from downtown LA
- Car bomb a train. Find the Override in the wreckage before the police arrive
- Kidnap the SecDef (have to have inside information on his security and location)
- Overload the internet by hacking thousands of servers to stream out a video signal of the SecDef
- Recruit a group of American businessmen to help you with your computer hacking
- Plant a double-agent at CTU (this seems to be the easiest part based on previous seasons)
- Recruit an informant working for the LAPD
- Have a scanner which can detect a subcutaneous tracking transponder so you can remove it
- Find a jet fighter pilot, kidnap him, and kidnap his family
- Contract an American jet fighter pilot to be part of your plot
- Bypass base security via dead pilot's thumb. (BTW, the thumbprint scanner manufacture's web-site claims this trick will not work, but you know better.)
- Steal a jet fighter
- In all of US airspace, find Airforce One and shoot it down. (BTW you can't predict in advance where it will be in advance, but hopefully it will be very close to Los Angeles, which is where you will be.
- Position yourself such that you can arrive at the Airforce One crash scene before the authorities. (BTW you can't predict
in advance where the Airforce One crash wreckage will land.)
- Obtain a double-agent in the pentagon who knows the transponder frequency for the nuclear football. (BTW you can't
predict if the nuclear football will survive the crash of Airforce One.)
- Know how to use the contents of the nuclear football (easy, just get the above double-agent to tell you)
- Be able to passively track a cell-phone signals via a hand-held scanner
- Intercept a missle convoy before the Pentagon orders increased security, even though they will have 90 minutes of warning before you arrive.

Next the terrorists will hack into the President's Blockbuster.com account and release on the internet all the porn titles he's rented.

You've given this a LOT of thought, Jeff.

Jack totally dissed Audrey. And DOD Heller is still awol. How many episodes has he been gone? Where is he and what's he up to? He can't be tucking Liberal Son into beddy bye, can he?

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