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March 24, 2005


For some mysterious reason, each month my wife receives an issue of Outdoor Life magazine. My wife never subscribed to Outdoor Life; in fact, she has never hunted or fished.

But still the magazine comes. I have started looking forward to it, because Outdoor Life makes every effort to give the impression that hunting and fishing are exciting and sometimes dangerous activities, as opposed to what they actually are; namely, hobbies that consist largely of sitting around smelling your own b.o. while you wait for something to happen, which it rarely does.

Anyway, I thought I'd share the cover of this month's issue, which has two exciting stories:

SPECIAL REPORT: Inside the Dark World of Antler Thieves

Deep in the Amazon for Fish that Eat Deer!

I immediately turned to the story about the deer-eating fish, which was hugely disappointing. There was only one brief and vague reference to deer being eaten by fish, and no pictures of it – just the usual photos featuring a guy holding a dead fish, with neither party looking like a rocket scientist.

I didn't read about the Dark World of antler thieves, because I want to be able to sleep at night



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Forget the antler thieves and the deer eating fish, I want to know about the $1 million bass..... I could use a little extra spending money....

"How to track wounded deer: :I actually saw a product in walmart(sucks) that illuminated deer blood for night tracking... kind of a redneck luminol from CSI.

10 Tips for Late Season Turkeys?

ALL the turkeys I know are late season ones. They should be reading this too.

Now, if they're referencing the other ones, how do we know they read? Yet alone subscribe?


You have to read it. We must know. Are our long-held suspicions correct? Is it the deer eating fish who are stealing our antlers, or is it Carrot Top?

*kicks work filters*
I love the Darwin awards. Gives me hope that not every moron is allowed to pee in humanities gene pool.

Can I see the article on the newest lures please btw? I need the help.

I want to see the photo spread of "spring's hottest new lures." Ooooo baby ...


Here is your deer eating fish.

'Outdoor Life' is a better mag than what I get, 'Outdoor Wife.' It only has articles about ratty-haired women that constantly twirl, eat only grains and don't bathe.

Forget about the million dollar bass. I already caught and ate it, before I knew what it was. If I'd known what I was eating, I'd have had a good bottle of wine to go with it.

(Funny, I caught the bass using venison for bait.)

Antler thieves are right on par with 'house thieves' and Dave/Judi, if you are reading this, then you should go to my latest informative e-mail in your inbox, as you will find the link I am talking about, or should be I wasn't giving convoluted directions here.

Christobol, I hesitate to ask what mortal danger you placed yourself in just to snap that riveting photo.
Dave, thank you for dedicating an entire blog thread to The Source for Hunting and Fishing.

Antler thieves have their own molls who wear fancy feather boas . . .

Antler thieves have their own molls who wear fancy feather boas . . .

R@gaf8*aga@#$#@$!! double posting!

MOTW - suffice it to say that the mortal danger was of a very mortally dangerous type. I had thought the fish would be full from the deer, but I was mistaken, and wound up having to feed it several baby seals. On the plus side, those photos turned out pretty good, too.

Hehe, MKJ- nice 'rack'.

MKJ - I'm not sure I agree with her referring to ramparts as "junk"

Although that is a nice rack.

Some take the skull too . . .

Some take the skull too . . .

I was going to request, but then saw you posted it.
Please pub a photo like the shark/helicopter one on your blog. I sent it to a bud who flies blackhawks in Iraq, and it is making the rounds.

"deer found dead...almost full skull...little bit of the front nose is gone"

WHAT could they possibly be doing with little bits of deer noses?!

Wow-MKJ is rack'n em up! Nice work 'busting' those antler theives.

Thoughts upon reading this thread:

1 - You can only sell antlers if your wearing a bra and have lots of cleavage -

2 - Tracking wounded deer - a truly humanitarian sport!

I think the feather boa lady has a nosebleed or something

Eleanor--I think you mean "deeritarian"

In the latest issue of RS (the subscription I got by telemarketing but haven't paid for), the late Hunter S. Thompson is identified as a "antler thief". While working on an article about why Papa Hemingway swallowed lead shot, he saw a set of elk antlers in Hemingway's lodge and liberated them.

Dave ...don't go into "the dark world of antler theft."

And not to forget the anglers among the outdoorsey types (scroll down)

was that bass made before they had strings or something?

Arm the deer. Make hunting more of a challenge

*munches on bambi burger*

Dave, I thought Antler Thieves opened for the RBR, or was that Antler Fish?

Doug's link

Anyway Dave, don't feel bad, I've started getting an unsolicited subscription to Jewish Week. Talk about your riveting reading!

I'm glad the cover specifies "Fish That Eat Deer", otherwise if it had just said "Fish Eating Deer" I wouldn't know if it was fish that eat deer or deer that eat fish. It COULD go both ways. It COULD be fish that eat deer, like a school of Piranha and some poor hapless deer who hasn't seen "Jaws" and therefore wouldn't know Roy Scheider from Tom Cruise and goes for a dip in the Amazon river and promptly becomes an hors dourves.

OR.. it could be like those "paintings" of poker playing dogs, except they're paintings of fish eating deer, depicting a bunch of deer sitting around the dinner table dining on a Friday night supper of Halibut (or salmon on the Fridays that fall on a payday).

How does this bass stack up against the singing one-on-the-board bass?


But you can get them for $19.95.

This ain't your Momma's Cosmo.

MKJ - do you think her boobs were "Bonus #3'?

D'Art - I see you are up to your usual standard of cleverness today - *snork* - very funny:)

Scoop: Black market antler thieves are supplying great demand for the hottest new lures, deer-like 'ant-lures' to catch the elusive amazonian fish- Ginormousgoldfishium Deereatamus(see c-bols exclusive shots).

Eleanor: and #4!

"Click to view supersized image"

ha. outdoor life... haaa. the members of my tribe tend NOT to be hunters. if we need meat, we go to the store.

Super Bass-o-matic ’76 ™
We've got bass here, fast and easy and ready to pour, mmm-mmm! Super Bass-o-Matic '76 comes with ten interchangeable rotors, a nine-month guarantee, and a booklet: 1,001 Ways to Harness Bass.

Super Bass-o-Matic '76 - it's clean, simple, and after five or ten fish, it gets to be quite a rush!

ha. outdoor life... haaa. the members of my tribe tend NOT to be hunters. if we need meat, we go to the store.

Or we go to a restaurant!

Feel free to insert reservations joke here!)

I actually read an article once about a doe deer that had a taste for fish. She would catch and eat them. THis was a wild deer, not penned. I think the fish were brook trout.

Come to think of it, if deer are eating our brook trout--that in itself is a reason to kill them. ;-)

- Kent

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