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March 18, 2005

ONE PROBLEM WITH APARTMENT LIVING

The neighbors.

Comments

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First!

Hey, it's the weekend, lighten up and have a drink!

OK, Rabbit, you were first, now you have to write a really dum... er, thoughtful comment like the rest of us.

Well, like the rest of us sometimes.

whoa, the dancing monkey is making me dizzy...

guess i'm out on the thoughtful comment competition. ^^

After a few phone calls, I have learned the "more appropriate home" is, just as Dave wished, Donald Trump's hot tub.

The other, worse problem with apartment living is the shared laundry facilities.......I don't even want to think of my clothes in the same washer as the drawers of some of folks that lived in my old building........

*shudder* *blerggggg*

Am I on the right thread? What is everyone talking about? Leave The Donald out of this - how many times do I have to say this??!?!?!?!?

OK - *breathing deeply to regain equilibrium*

Comment:

A snake with a monocle that causes instantaneous death - wow!

I know - it was a lonb trip for nothing, but I'm sitting here in SoCal waiting for the impending rainstorm!

How does the cobra keep its monocle on? *tries to visualize snake doing Hercule Poirot impersonation*

that would be a long trip -

Thank you.

That is all.
Carry on.

Candy Tutt - you worked it much better than I did- congrats!

Eleanor,

You cannot tell me that the Donald is hotter than Sanjay...no you can't!!!

No julietine - I would never say that - Sanjay is the hottest -

I wouldn't even put The Donald in the "hot" category - I just enjoy him and he has asked me to defend him when his name is taken in vain and he's not around - it's just a personal favor thing!

Eleanor, is that a blank check signed by The Donald and made out to you I see in your blouse pocket?

Or am I just happy to see you, D'Art?

No, or would you like to have direct deposit access to my bank account?

Perhaps if I got zippy again we could work something out.......

I wonder if the monocled cobras hiss with an English accent.

SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS - WOT!

Or not.

Wow - I feel a lot better now about filling in the holes in my wall with toothpaste when I moved out of my college apartment

One other time, the doorknob fell off the bathroom door, and sort of became a part of my "bathroom stuff." The next 3 times I moved, the doorknob moved along with me. I simply could not bring myself to throw it away.

*ring*

"Hello, Snake Experts Inc, LLC, ABCDEFG"
"Yes, hello? We have a snake problem!"
"You've called the right place. What seems to be the problem."
"What seems to be the problem is this moron tenant of ours, whom we have asked repeatedly to get rid of his snakes, but who would not, and we could not force him, because he had the licensing, and .... I'm lost."
"You had a snake problem."
"Right! One of the moron's snakes escaped when he tripped and dropped the box it was in."
"The box in which it was kept."
"Yes, that's what I said."
"No, you ended with a preposition."
"What? Is you a snake expert or a grammarian?"
"Actually, my degree is in Political Philosophy. Tell me about the snake."
"It's monocled cobra something or another."
"Ahh. Very dangerous. If it bites you, you're dead, almost instantly. Well, after quite of pain."
"What should we do?"
"Evacuate."
"The apartment?"
"The building, the block, maybe even the town."
"And you'll come catch it?"
"Hell no, weren't you listening? Very deadly. Painful! Thanks for calling, though."
"

When I hear the word "monocle" I can only think of 2 things:

*Colonel Klink
*Mr. Peanut

**Esther slowly turns and shuffles towards geezer bus ...

Geez. These landlords have no sense of adventure. Next thing you know they'll be saying no tigers, aligators or mothers-in-law. At least my rabid weazel and I have nothing to worry about. We're grandfathered, just like idiot Swedish snake guy.

Rabid Monocled Weasel-cobras wbagnfarb

a monocled cobra from Asia? what, the British colonized the snakes as well?

El---who's Sanjay?

Graz...ewww

thanx for the scare, Dave....

8>

could somebody 'splain to me why anybody would want a dangerous snake as a 'pet'? just askin.

Bangi, Sanjay Gupta is a doctor who serves as a medical consultant for CNN. He also stars in the fantasies of many female Moaties (maybe some male moaties as well...notthatit'sabadthing.

Wow. That Sanjay is hot!

Say it again, lab!!!

*breathing heavily*

Serpentine neighbors in Sweden
Aren't exactly the ones that we're needin'
And, not to be jocular,
But 'Cobras monocular !'
Is a warning well worth the heedin'

Insom: excellent, but this only is what I've come to expect from you!

Apparently Gupta, Sanjay
Is widely enjoyed here today
By bloglits female,
And what? Even male?
Say it ain't so, TonyB DJ!

Oh my, look who took Sanjay's picture!
( right side of pic)

*clasp the poets*
encore!

claps for...claps for... not clasp

*joins Bangi in clapping for poets - not clasping*

Jeff and Jackie went to Macy's to see their spring flower display so I e-mailed him to check out the above suggestions when he returns.

That is all.

Carry on.

Ooops - posted on wrong thread.


Never mind.

I just love those Scandanavian names ... Kristian Saukkonen ... but it looks as if he's got snakes crawling up his arms ... not that there's anything wrong with that ...

BTW ... um ... Dave ... I've sorta got a copyright filed on the use of Uh-Oh, here on the blog ... so when you use that arrangement of letters to introduce a link/post, I feel I should receive royalties ...

You can mail me a check ...

Or ...

You can visit us this summer, at the home of the 7-gallons-to-flush toilet ...

I just love those Scandanavian names ... Kristian Saukkonen ... but it looks as if he's got snakes crawling up his arms ... not that there's anything wrong with that ...

BTW ... um ... Dave ... I've sorta got a copyright filed on the use of Uh-Oh, here on the blog ... so when you use that arrangement of letters to introduce a link/post, I feel I should receive royalties ...

You can mail me a check ...

Or ...

You can visit us this summer, at the home of the 7-gallons-to-flush toilet ...

Why is he wearing a monocle? Does he have a sight problem in one eye? And how do you ask a snake to read an eye chart?

On one of my first leases that I signed in Norfolk Virgina it read no hippies, snakes or sailors.
I wonder if they amended that?
I mean so that they could have snakes and all.

D'Art - Ehhhh, he's not that hot.

thr's no one like Strider
*blank look of puppy luv*

"no hippies, snakes or sailors"??

Are these the same people who arrested Arlo Guthrie?

*guides Bangi to a comfortable chair to daydream about Strider*

Don't worry, folks, she does this all the time. She'll snap out of it in a little while.

*clings to DJT in state of stupor*
Striderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I'm living in the Norfolk area at the moment, and can't see how anyone could possibly find a renter in this town without allowing hippies or sailors. It's kinda all we've got!

sly' --

Must be ...

I'd guess that Officer Obie took a "retirement" job farther south, where it's warmer ... especially around Thanksgiving ...

Cokie,
A snake with a vision problem in one eye would probably slither around in a circle so he shouldn't have been that hard to catch!

This snake though slithered himself UNDER a concrete floor! That is a very disturbing thought. An even more disturbing thought is that brainiac was carrying a potentially lethal animal around in an unsecured box. He is very lucky that the thing didn't take offense at being dropped on the floor and turn around and give him a chomp!

There hasn't been any updates in...awhile. What's up, Dave n' Judi?

I'm with Sam here... the complete and absolute lack of updates is getting old.

C'mon...c'mon Dave. You know I need that update. You gotta gimme some updates Dave, you gotta. I swear I'll pay you later. You know I'm good for it, man! Dave, man...Dave! I need my fix, Dave...Dave?

[curls up in corner, clutches knees, and rocks back and forth]

Dave... Just learnt of your existence sometime last week. It's bad enough I've missed out on great humour for the past 17 years of my life, excluding the 3 years I couldn't read. So please update. I've hardly been here and I'm already experiencing major withdrawal symptoms.

*fervently hopes that she's exempted from the wrath of the witty but ruthless commenters here, unlike the guy who has issues with double-clicking and that god-awful spammer*

Hi all,

Dave is in Rochester NY for a benefit event. He *is* the event of the evening for the fund raiser honoring Bunny & Mort Skirboll. Now, I don't actually know Bunny or Mort, but if Dave is going to be there so am I.

Maybe he will tell you all about it on another thread. :)

Remember parking is free and they're serving sea bass... so come on over !

P.S. I am not making this up! Dinner at 5:30, Dave at 7.

Ms. V --

Hang around for awhile, you'll be fine, just don't take any crapola from ... well ... everybody ...

When you feel as if you've got something to say, go ahead ... the worst that will happen (as long as you're not spamming) is that you'll get laughed at ...

One hazard of the blog is having a really killer response all set, scrolling down, and then finding that someone beat you to it ... possible hint ... ally your ownself with them, for the moment ... tell them how much you like their stuff, and that -- sadly -- they beat you to it -- and sooner or later you'll get your first FIRST, and you'll get some lines in, and in a few days or weeks, you'll belong to this nuthouse ...

An advantage is that you can always wander around in the archives, and pull up old columns of Dave's ... however much time you have to waste -- er, "invest" -- you can fill it here, if Dave's writing is what you really think you need (You Fool, YOU!!!)

BTW - I'm the old guy ... at least that's what they keep telling me ... I'm s'posed to drive the geezer bus, but I forgot where I parked it ...

stick around ... you'll enjoy it

Er...Uncle Omar...am I the only one who finds the archives...disturbing? At least all of the comments in the archives? Maybe there's something with my computer, but in the archives, lots of the comments are spam and porn. I'm kinda new, so this may have already been discussed.

Sam G. --- OMG! Your tender, innocent 15-year-old eyebones!!!

I am so sorry! Shoulda warned you, but after awhile, one assumes (never assume ... only leads to misunderstanding ... and often, trouble ...) that everyone here knows how bad it used to be ...

Yes, we discuss it when the problem resurfaces ... hang in there, ignore the bad stuff ... and yes, it disturbs me -- tho I can't speak for the others, I think it bothers them a large bunch also ...

Yup. That's pretty much the deal ... the spammers were able to get in -- even tho blocking was attempted and fixed and attempted again, and such -- for quite a while, until St. Judi and them others managed to make it spam-proof of lately ...

Most of us (whilst cursing the evil spammers) have adapted to recognize almost instantly what is not desired around here ...

personally, I just zip past it ... it's not a whole lot worse than my "screened" main mailbox, which still gets about 75% of it's business from Something we're sure you'll be interested in buying from us, just send us your credit card number, and we promise to make you very happy type of crap ...

I can delete (and erase the trash can contents) of a dozen or more items in less than a minute ...

Of course I'm a computer dummy ... I use mine mostly for blogging, photos and writing --not necessarily in that order -- so mebbe I could do it better, but I don't let it bother me ...

I know, I'm old, older than vous, and I don't shock as easily ... tho I gotta admit, some of that crap is pretty disturbing ...

Just lie down, deep breathely, and think good thoughts ... after awhile you'll erase those unwanted items from your mind ...

Unless that's what you were looking for?

Nah ...

Again, yes, all blog sites must be carefully monitored, 'cuz the spammers -- many from overseas, and not subject to some or our regulations and policing -- are very crafty about how to wreck your day ...

er ... Sam G. ... I'm not sure on protocols here, but are you supposed to be here?

Don't get yerself in trouble ... mebbe best stay out of the blog archives, and just read Dave's old columns ... they're in different files ...

Don't worry, I wasn't stupid enough to click on anything.

Well, I hope I'm allowed here...it's the only way I'll get to hear from Dave every day! Just because I'm younger doesn't mean I can't appreciate him. I come to the blog every day after school, and many times during school.

a possible followup story:


SUNDSVALL, Sweden (APee) -- A man whose missing pet cobra temporarily emptied an apartment building earlier this week told police Sunday someone broke into this apartment while he was away and apparently left a hungry mongoose behind. He claimed a fat mongoose bolted from the apartment as he opened the door after a short absence, escaping into the darkness.
The man said he entered the apartment to find all three of his cobras dead and partially consumed...

Sam G. --

No. Welcome, and enjoy. Enrich your mind.

All I was thinking of was that some places want a person to be 18 (or older --- wish I could be 18 again) before they let you sign in ...

It's been long enuf ago that I got in here, that I've forgotten what their preferences are ...

NBD ... do not let it worry you ... open books (or any reading) lead to open minds, closed books (censorship) lead to closed minds ...

I made that up? Can you tell?

Enjoy.

The neighbor should like to get along with

wow, snake in neibourhood! Please take my compassionate feelings :) I couldn't sleep at night if I were you.

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