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March 23, 2005

BURNING EDITORIAL ISSUE OF THE WEEK SO FAR

Where do YOU stand on urchin decisions?

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Urchin' is something respectable people do not mention in public, Dave . . .

I thought urchins were usually poor street children in Dickens novels. And now they are being overfished??

And here's a phrase you don't usually hear every day: "highly touted lobster zone councils"

I'd rather not stand on urchins.

Thank you/

Urchin Decisions = Crush Indecision = Induce Crisis, Hon.

You asked where we stood, Dave.

*zips in*

Good one, D'Art - you are ON today!

*zips out*

Why, thank you, Former Criminal Defense Zipper.

*snork*

I urchin you to write to your local lawmakers and in turn, urchin them to decide intelligently on this urchint matter.

My stance is that urchin harvesting should be strictly regulated.

However, you should be allowed to gratuitously kill them and leave them where they lay anytime you want.

The one time I tried urchin, at a sushi place, it put me in mind of nothing so much as a small pile of baby crap on my little roll-o-rice.

Disgusting.

Kill 'em all, so that the sushi chefs of the world will no longer be able to fool the unitiated into paying $7 for soiled diaper contents.

We should ask Stephen King. Doesn't he live in Bangor?

I thought urchins had poisonous spiney things, so how do you eat them?

Or maybe they're like fugu.

I thought urchins had poisonous spiney things, so how do you eat them?

Or maybe they're like fugu.

I say the h*ll with it. Let the fisherman have a go until there is nothing left in the ocean and then they can become congressmen instead.

And Canadians view urchins as annoying creatures you step on accidentally. What are the fisherman doing fishing them anyway?

Isn't it time to stop eating things we don't have to. Just because it can be consumed doesn't mean it should.

Sea Urchin
Spiney slow grazer
Eat it not

"There is already a model for this type of management in the state's highly touted lobster zone councils."

So true -- you can't go to Bangor without someone touting the lobster zone councils. As lobster zone councils go, Maine's are technically considered wicked good. Next time I go to Bangor, I fully intend to tout one.

Baron Kraft von Easy-Mac:

You crack 'em open and take out the roe. Think of them as extremely hurtful chestnuts.

Ode to My First Colonoscopy

They’re no aid to my ailing colon—spoiled sushi, hot peppers, salami or Spam.
Such delicious delights spawned many woeful nights in a slew of horrible ways.
When a nutritionist type begged me to eat right, I told her I don’t give a damn.
Cramping, farting, bloating and pain would sorely vex me the rest of my days.

“A colonoscopy’s due for you,” said the doc, “because of your dreadful behavior.”
I naively paid heed to a specious source. “It’s a pain in the ass with a wretched end.”
If he’d added such hurt would subside in a while, he could’ve become a true savior.
Had he given me some hope to go under the scope, he would’ve turned into a friend.

In spite of this dope, I opted to cope with what I expected to be a scary ordeal.
The nurse gave me a needle with a drug to doze, and I departed this world to dream.
In a flash it was over and now wide awake, the room spun around like a whirling wheel.
When all motion had ceased, I asked the doc, “Why’d this process become so extreme?”

“Effects of the sedative,” said he, “but results of this test would’ve been hard to ignore.”
“How so?” asked I, then I got his reply. “It turned out better than we could’ve expected.
You’ve got an ulcer, erythematous mucosa, diverticulosis and protruding polyps galore.
But there’s no cancer of your colon, and all these other ills will shortly be corrected.

Doc scheduled one more, plus an endoscopy too, but only after another three years,
with a routine of Prilosec plus Hyoscyamine to relieve my tender gut’s displeasure.
‘Twas a wee price to pay for not having to endure the throb of such previous fears.
This colon screen taught me, while yet unseen, peace of mind is my greatest treasure.

This poem doesn't line up very poemly, but I hope you get my gist. If you get bored, check out other cool stuff at ibeariter.com

Axel Shillers
ibeariter.com

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