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March 28, 2005

ATTENTION, LADIES TRYING TO RESIST THE ALLURE OF A MAN FROM INDIA

You might as well give up the fight.

Update: Ooops. There's more.

(Thanks to many many many people, starting with someone named HospSlsGuy)

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EWWW! Urine, cow urine

Ah, there's nothing like the smell of cow urine in the morning...

At least, God, I HOPE there's not. Blech.

Foreign Babe: Oh, Mr. Bond...wait, what's that smell?
Pierce Brosman: My aftershave, darling. Made from the finest cow urine.
Foreign Babe: Take me now!

Sorry...overactive imagination.

Mouthwash comes in one liter bottles, or you can just get it straight from the "tap".

Pisser, man. Just pisser.

Is there small print on the label about what to do after accidental ingestion?

It's like that old saying: When life hands you lemons, sell people aftershave and lotions made from cow urine and poo.

The version I heard was When life hands you lemons, at the end of a long day spent selling people aftershave and lotions made from cow urine and poo, use them to wash the stench out of your hands. The lemons, that is, you moron, not the cow urine and poo. But the gist of it is similar, I think.

Thanks for sharing, judi!

*pours out her bottle of apple juice - bottled in India*

goratna products are quickly outselling "badges, flags and saffron-and-green plastic wall clocks with the face of former prime minister Atal Behari Vajpayee." What, nobody wants a clock with Atal Behari Vajpayee on the face?

Key quote - “The constipation medicine is a hot seller.” Cameron Diaz bought bottles for everyone involved in her new movie, including the wildlife.

But the biggest seller is a “multi-utility pill” that claims to cure anything from diabetes to piles to “ladies’ diseases.”

You're on to something, Chrisobol. Let's see, dairy farmers here would probably pay us (by "us" I mean the guest workers we'd hire) to collect the urine and poo, then we turn around and sell it on the web. We'll need a slogan and a positioning statement...hmmm...

Most of the stuff for sale is silly except for the "Cow Dung" toothpaste.
This little ditty is for the Geezers...

♫Brusha, Brusha, Brusha
With the new Excreta
With the dark brown color
It's dandy for your Teeth♫

Think...Bucky Beaver

CALCUTTA's Telegraph has got hold of an answer paper of a candidate at the
recent UPSC examinations. The candidate has written an essay on the Indian
cow:

"The cow is a successful animal. Also he is quadrupud, and because he is
female, he give milk,but will do so when he is got child.He is same like
God,sacred to Hindus and useful to man.But he has got four legs together.
Two are forward and two are afterwards.

"His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the milk. What can it do?
Various ghee, butter,cream, curd, why and the condensed milk and so forth.
Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally.

"His motion is slow only because he is of asitudinious species. Also his
other motion is much useful to trees, plants as well as making flat cakes in
hand and drying in the sun. Cow is the only animal that extricates his feeding
after eating. Then afterwards she chew with his teeth whom are situated in
the inside of the mouth. He is incessantly in the meadows in the grass.

"His only attacking and defending organ is the horn, specially so when he is
got child. This is done by knowing his head whereby he causes the weapons
to be paralleled to the ground of the earth and instantly proceed with great
velocity forwards.

"He has got tails also, but not like similar animals. It has hairs on the
other end of the other side. This is done to frighten away the flies which
alight on his cohoa body whereupon he gives hit with it.

The palms of his feet are soft unto the touch. So the grasses head is not
crushed. At night time have poses by looking down on the ground and he shouts
his eyes like his relatives, the horse does not do so.

"This is the cow."

P.S.: We are informed that the candidate passed the exam.

Bangi - Huh?????

* - pfffftttt - * (sound of beverage spewing onto monitor)
Bangi your best work yet. LMAO!

not mine not mine...

'This is the FUNNY essay on "The Cow" which was (supposedly) written by some student in the course of completing the "Indian Civil Services Examination" '

Thankyou so much for that enlightening essay. I can now fully understand why Tech support for Dell Computer Corp is so hard to understand. They all must have passed the above test.

Decaf poopacino and now cow urine aftershave. I sense a trend. And Bangi - I will second that since I work for a university that routinely passes people whose language of communication bears no resemblance to the language of instruction (English).


After I graduated from Law School I was asked to grade Blue Book exams - the pay was great(!) $1.50 per book - but I thought it would be fun to do -
I was told that I was not allowed to deduct points or lower grades for bad spelling, or grammer - unbelievable - and what was also unbelievable was how bad the spelling was - I never did it again!

How can I get my hands in one of those???...I need something to cure my hysteria!!!

To combine judi and julietine's posts, I submit:
The Allure of a Man From India - Hands in Cows.

Gee, thanks for the information. No wonder this panchgavya spread melled kinda funny.

I guess that WI will be the new Beverly Hills now. Can't wait for the State Fair!

I guess that WI will be the new Beverly Hills now. Can't wait for the State Fair! :)

Once we get rid of the echo echo echo echo

Actually, being from India, this does not surprise or amuse me at all. To Hindus, the fact that you guys eat beef would be equally disgusting. We live in a weird world and that's how Dave makes a living.

JERUSALEM: In a highly unusual wedding, a 41-year-old British millionaire has tied the knot publicly with her 35-year-old sweetheart, a dolphin from the famous Eilat dolphin reef, a media report said.

Sharon Tendler, a British rock concert producer, met the dolphin, Cindy, 15 years ago and developed a liking resulting in two to three annual visits every year to spend some time with her underwater love, daily Yediot Ahronoth reported.

"The peace and tranquility underwater, and his love, would calm me down," the excited bride reportedly said after the wedding.

Following the long romance Tendler last week approached the dolphins trainer, Maya Zilber, with the extraordinary request

WAKE UP FOLKS...THIS IS YOUR FELLOW NETIZEN CALLING..!

While the we humor India and its cow urine products or the Chinese, our own US jobs are quietly being siphoned off. Just go to your nearest Target, or Walmart, or Sears, and hope you atleast notice it now, if you did not years and years ago, where all the quality products you so lovingly purchased were manufactured at...I distinctly remember making a comment to my friend years back even when the US economy was in full throttle, that its odd that everything I buy here in the US is made somewhere else in the world, including Nike shoes, etc. I told my friend that this is not a good sign..that the US needs to grow and foster its own manufacturing and export, rather than import...

All this state of bad affairs has been made possible by none other than people like Dave Barry themselves, who really lend their support in the background, by keeping the minds of the average US employee on issues like cow urine and such, when it would really have helped if Dave and his likes had brought the attention of all of us to the amount of engineers and Phds countries like India and China pump out every year, and compare it to what we here in the US do, or to bring attention to the fact that India and China and Korea has some of the best technical institutes (stem cell research is now in full force in other countries around the world except here in the US) that have been recognized world over, or to bring to the fore as to how much academics and education is valued in the minds of people in other countries, or to the fact that the only students you notice in the Graduate and doctorol classes in some of the best, if not all universities here in the US, are faces from China, Korea, Russia, India and everywhere but the US.

HAD THESE ALL BEEN BROUGHT TO THE ATTENTION OF AN AVERAGE US PERSON, INSTEAD OF THE COW URINE AND SUCH ISSUES WHICH CONCEAL REALITY, MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, WE AND THE US WOULD HAVE BETTER PREPARED OUR CHILDREN FOR BETTER EDUCATION, PREPARED OUR WORKFORCE FOR SKILLSETS THAT ARE CURRENT AND NOT OUTDATED, PREPARED AND MAKE AWARE OF, TO OUR FACTORY UNIONS BY BRINGING THEIR ATTENTION TO THE COST EFFECTIVE WORKFORCES THAT ARE AVAILABLE ALL OVER THE WORLD TODAY, AND THAT IT IS RIDICULOUS TO PAY AN ASSEMBLY WORKER 80+ $$ PER HOUR, AND THEN MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, THE STEEL UNIONS HERE IN OUR COUNTRY WOULD NOT HAVE TO REQUEST THE PRESIDENT TO OFFER THEM SUBSIDIES SO THEY CAN COMPETE WITH STEEL IMPORTS FROM CHINA, ETC.

GET REAL PEOPLE, SEE WHATS HAPPENING OUT THERE, GETTING REAL WILL ONLY HELP YOU AND NOT SOMEBODY ELSE....YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO WASTE YOUR TIME WHINING AND TALKING ABOUT COW URINE AND PROVIDING FODDER TO DAVE BARRY'S BLOGS, START DOING SOMETHING BETTER FOR YOUR OWN GOOD...START BY GETTING A GRIP ON REALITY AND START DOING SOMETHING TO BETTER THAT...REMEMBER, 'SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST' IS NOT ONLY APPLICABLE TO NATURE, BUT ALSO TO BUSINESS AND ECONOMY. REMEMBER, THE DEFINITION OF BUSINESS IS PROFIT, AND BUSINESS GRAVITATES TO PLACES OF HIGHER AND HIGHER PROFIT...AND BETTER AND BETTER QUALITY...DID YOU EVER NOTICE THAT TOYOTA IS ALL SET TO BECOME THE BIGGEST AUTOMAKER, THANKS TO ITS SALES HERE IN THE US.....AND THAT THE BIG THREE US AUTOMAKERS ARE NOW FIGHTING BANKRUPTCY....
PLEASE, LET US ALL DO BETTER FOR A BETTER USA, LETS ALL PUT OUR TIME AND EFFORT INTO MAKING THE U.S.A, A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE, LETS MAKE OUR COUNTRY BE PROUD OF US BY WAY OF OUR CONTRIBUTIONS TO A BETTER HOME ECONOMY AND SOCIETY...

No wonder these Indian stores stink of shit/urine!

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