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March 29, 2005

ANOTHER SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE: WING DOES ABBA

1. Go here.

2. Click on "Dancing Queen."

3. Shoot yourself in the head.

("Thanks" to Sacha Denison)

Update: This is also very moving.

Comments

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WHERE'S MY GUN????????????

Ouch!
Will someone please dial 911

We need to start using this against those terrorist bastards.

That's it - I'm off to listen to the bananaphone song again - it's either that or I have to remove my brain with a spoon....

Key Quote: I have worked hard and I hope you have all found I am improving.

If this is improving, boy, am I glad I missed the early stuff.

I was gonna say -- before today's posts -- that I've got more important things [NOTE: I did not say better] to do than sit around waiting for new posts on the blog ...

After this one, I may hafta reconsider, and actually do some chores ...

OUWITCH!!! That hurts!

We should be using this against those terrorist bastards.

This reminds me of college when someone gave me a copy of Yoko Ono's Plastic Ono band's album "Season in Glass" or something like that.....

It was as bad as this if not worse. I later gave it to someone else, who gave it to someone else, etc. I ended up getting it back as a gift two more times.... I don't know who finally ended up keeping it or burning it in effigy....

Suddenly, that "She Bangs" guy seems promising....

O!M!G!

The update is even worse!

I hate to flaunt my CDL for driving the Geezer Bus, but can someone please bring back Tiny Tim? He, at least, was more or less on key ...

(does that make Wing a don key?)

Oh, Wing....not Wings.

Completely different. And it's not a good thing.

Tiny Tim meets Lorena Bobbitt

Wing Does Abba = So, Be A Windbag.

Why Wing doesn't do any Bee Gees songs is beyond me. It would probably sound too unremarkable.

"I do performances in Rest Homes and Hospitals..."

Is she part of some Kiwi Euthanasia program?

D'Art' --

I'm not a big fan of the Bee Gees, tho I enjoy some of their stuff on occasion ... but I'd listen to theirs 30 hours a day and nine days a week before I'd survive the torture of this crapola ...

No Manilow or Cher? What up with that.

Still, you gotta admit, she's one sexy woman.

i wonder how many deaths at nursing homes she is responsible for. Crikey. and the recording engineers, what rest home are they in?

Wow, my computer screen just cracked!

I just emailed the American Idol producers, begging them to raise the age limit. We gotta get this gal an audition.

Her bio sorta reminds me of the old pilot joke, when they talk about someone "flying Chinese" ...

One Wing Low.

Sorry, I know this is a "family oriented website" but I just have to say - OMFG!

"Hi, I am Wing! I immigrated to New Zealand with my family about ten years ago from Hong Kong. I have been learning singing in New Zealand and I do performances in Rest Homes and Hospitals and occasionally promotional concerts as I go along.

This explains the sudden rise in the death rate at rest homes and hospitals in New Zealand.

I feel the need to go home and put a cold cinderblock on my forehead.

Wing was on southpark last week. classic!

g'widow --

TY!TY!TY!

L!O!L! L!A!L!

Wing needs a prayer ....

something like : please, oh please, give me some talent.

i'm in love with wing. the best part of "dancing queen": wing sings "yooooooou can dance/youoooooo can...(?)..." she turns "you" into a three-syllable, five-note mess. sure sign of the apocolypse. brilliant.

bookfraud, it's 'acopolypse'. A-CO-po-lypse.

Geez.

A new lead singer for the Rock Bottom Remainders!

I also find her rendition of 'Fernando' to be very special. it really seemed like there was something in the air...

Did you notice in the About section that she has done this with the help of a GOVERNMENT GRANT?!?!?

...like helium!

OWWWWW!!! MY EARS!!!!!!!!! Somebody please crush my skull to stop that awful noise!

*fetching gun*
BOOM

There - I feel much better.

on 'i wanna hold your hand'...there's one note that's so far off, it's not even in the vicinity of the right note... ya wonder who picks the clips, don't you? i mean, could there be worse clips than that one?

The South Park episode was funny. I figured that they were doing a parody of Wing's voice. I checked her website and found out that it was actually her voice on South Park, which made the episode *HILARIOUS*. I don't think she realizes she sounds like a litter of kittens going down a garbage disposal.

Don't bother practicing your singing, just wing it.

Okay people...really... put some kind of warning if you're going to link to winners of Chinese Idol... this triggered flashbacks to Yoko or as I like to call her, "John's Madness"

Uh, D'Art? A-p-o-c-a-l-y-p-s-e

Apocalypse
Great or total devastation; doom: the apocalypse of nuclear war, e.g.: Wing's rendition of ABBA foreshadows the coming Apocalypse.

Guin, k-i-d-d-i-n-g.

Darn it is such a shame that I don't have speakers for my computer.

*does happy dance*

*slinks into corner, mortified...*

Guin - I think D'Artagnan was making some sort of political statement - right, D'Art??????

And D;Art - good anagram!

My Miniature Schnauzer is now worm free!

Mama Mia!
There she goes again!
uh uh
Sounding like a choking hen!

Hey! On the bright side - she could be the next Cher!

Just wait till she starts her Farewell Tour.

Laugh all you want - her recordings are now in use at several major airports. They do an incredible job of scaring the seagulls away!

Maybe if Wing and William Hung had a baby, it would sing in key? Or maybe the baby would grow up to kill his/her parents.

I really don't see a down side with that scenario.

Witchiecoo,
Should William Hung marry Ms. Wing, and then kill her by strangulation I imagine the guilty verdict would be announced in the headlines something like this...

William Hung Wing!

*igloo heads to reserved seat on Geezer bus*

Dave, you are a brave or foolish man. It would be prohibitively expensive and difficult to fly most of the way around the world to shoot Wing.
Florida, on the other hand, suddenly seems nearby.

*Wanders out into the hallway to see if any of the psychiatrists offer lobotomy...*

The funny thing is I was actually listening to ABBA Gold when I checked out the blog and clicked on our girl, Wing's link. She's special all on her own ... but juxtaposed against the real deal really elevates her specialness to a whole new level ... that's "short bus" special.

You can tell igloo's reserved seat on the geezer bus: the gold-plated, velvet-covered throne with his name engraved on a plaque ...

.*. wicked grin .*.

DANG! A self inflicted earwig!

*gets out earwig medicine kit*

*opens instructions*

1. Remove rubber protection from the tip of the applicator.
2. Position applicator at opening to ear.
3. Poke ear drum repeatedly with sharp end of applicator.
4. Continue poking until earwig stops.
5. Repeat steps 2 thru 4 on other side.

For added use, the applicator can now double as an ice pick - first wipe off blood.

Yikes.

It was worse than I imagined it could possibly be.

You know, Susan, the imagination can be a daaaannngerous thing.

Best not fool with it...

Don't miss. S.O.S. There's the additional element of a blues piano riff, which when juxtaposed with Wing's delivery creates, uh...an aneurism.

I am soooo sad the link to "Let it Be" didn't work. I was really looking forward to hearing her rendition of that one!

I thought at first it was Michael Jackson...

Then imagine my shock to find out it was a real person...

Wonder if she could do 'In A Gadda Da Vida...'

*waves hat to flag down Geezer Bus*

*random thoughts: American Idol... Wings... no Wing!... *

Please standby for appropriate pun...
crunch, crunch
PING!

Wing over America

Hey! *flagging down the Geezer Bus*
Wait for me!

Dave, I know I'm a geezer but before I shoot myself in the head as instructed, I have to ask two things:

1. Who the f#*k is Wing?

2. Why you do this to me, Dimmy?

... featuring the hit:

Band on the run

... and I think we all know why!

phantom of the Opera used to be a favorite of mine -

Thanks Dave -
It's ruined for me now!

I feel kind of sad for this lady. I think she really thinks she sings well. Or do you think she's in on the joke?

For all you victims of Wing, try this: Maim That Tune.

It will get the earwig out of your head.

Geezer Bus is here ... driver not impaired (much) ... Welcome aboard !!!

(Jeff M. -- GREAT SITE! Not enuf selection tho ... so I can always go to my itunes and after the 17+ hours I've got on there, I should be rid of undesirable earwigs ... tnx tho, it's a neat-o place)

Ah....

Thank you, Jeff. That is better.

I wonder if the Kiwis know what they were in for when they let Ms. Wingnut in. And have they reappraised their immigration policies since? That sound is pure torture.

Her rendition of the Beatles I wanna hold your hand is probably the worst song I've ever heard. Much worse than her horrible ABBA songs.

I don't know why everyone is complaining. Just take two sharpened pencils, jam one in each ear and rorate, and that awful sound will stop.

Clearly, she was a Chinese opera star somewhere...if you've missed out on that "art" form, you are one lucky b#$%!@#!

Of course, now you've heard Wing...so maybe not.

It tellibre! It blake grass! It hult my eals!

I think I've been sterilized. *Pulls pin on grenade - inserts grenade in mouth*

I feel kind of sad for this lady. I think she really thinks she sings well. Or do you think she's in on the joke?

So do I, Janette - and I think she believes she's doing something worthwhile by visiting nursing homes, etc -

But that doesn't mean she doesn't sound awful - but maybe she's happy!

Congratulations Ms. Wing! You have been selected to perform at the Annual "Concert for the Deaf" along with Cher, Barry Manilow, and the Numa Numa Guy.

And I thought the Ten Tenors (Aussies) rendition of Dancing Queen was way out there. What's with that part of the world?

I just sent the link to Wing's music around my office and I can hear the responses echoing through the building.

Oh the humanity!

kiwi euthanasia program

[wiping tears & trying to breathe]

Igloo!

Is it me, or does her "musical accompaniment" sound suspiciously like a kareoke track? And how can one hit notes so wrong and save the recording--nay, post the recording online?!?!

[waves at elle]

Okay, who cloned Yoko?

Somebody take that terminally wounded animal out back and shoot her please!!

I think she sounds great! Y

I think she sounds great!

I dunno Debbie -- it says "You cannot open this application because it may be damaged or incomplete."

for both of them, HDN and Downtown ...

Is that for real, or merely my computer acting as a critical reviewer?

I'll take that dare, Debbie.

*Aaaaaiiiiihhhhggrrrr*

OK. I gotta say, Mrs. Miller is rhythmically retarded (quite literally, folks, so no persecution from the handicapped seats).

But Wing is fundementally incapable of grasping the concept of pitch. So Wing is worse, hands down.

This challenge makes me wonder if a "musical smackdown" event wouldn't have the same sort of sick appeal that fear factor does.

U.O.: Your computer may be smarter than you realize...

They just worked fine for me, though.

(The files are in RealPlayer format. That could be your problem....or your saving grace.)

I agree Deon, but Mrs Miller at least helped to pull up that awful shuddery feeling I got after listening to Wing - you know the feeling, like when someone drags a fingernail down a blackboard.

That, and I'm now up for dentures having ground my teeh to powder after the first verse of Dancing Queen. And a new set of headphones having destroyed the last set while thrashing around the floor at work like someone who had been freshly tasered....

Still, I agree that she means well and is genuinely trying to be helpful.

Perhaps we should recommend her CDs to Dr Kevorkian as a public service?

That's REAL terrible.
If that's improvement, at her age, well...
It's time to SHOOT her.
Now is the time.
Right now.
It's right now.

My netbrower crashes at the attempt to play it. Do you think it's become self-aware.

U.O. what your browser means to say is that YOU may be damaged by listening to this. I personally am in physical pain. It's gonna be a hard day's night here, I can tell you that much.

Uris, your netbrowers has a strong self-defense mechanism. I wish I had the same.

And Wys? I agree that Mrs. Miller was soothing compared to Wing...but that isn't enough to recommend it.

Debbie 'n' all ...

All I can say about the "rejection" of such stuff by my computer is that ...

It's A MAC!!!

Macs RULE!

Sorry ... end of rant ...

Deon, I agree, I wouldn't recommend Mrs Miller - unless you had first listened to Wing. ;0P

Jamester -- one lobotomy, sunnyside up....

I'm picturing Clint Eastwood, with Revolver, squinting, while voicing,.."Make my Day"... to Ms. Wing-nut......

Actually, a Lobotomy sounds like a really good idea right now, someone do it before I take a State job again.....

E.B. --I thought if you got a lobotomy the state recruited you. Be careful!

No. They can't be serious. That is the most hideous thing I've ever heard.

Judi's right - that one note was way off. Very painful. I had no gun, so I just dealt with it by falling off the bed, and then quickly turning it off. That was the ultimate torture.

What did the Beatles ever do to deserve this?!

Has anyone noticed that Wing singing Dancing Queen sounds remarkably like Adam Sandler?

OH GOD!!!! MY EARS!!!!!!!!

DAVE: YOU REALLY SHOU.... (sorry) really should have included a warning that one should not listen to this through ear phones.

Don't cry for me, Wing of New Zealand!
The truth is, I never stomached you!
All through my blog days,
My sad resistance.
Your music pains me!
Not merely in this instance!
I know you love karaoke - but you abuse its power,
So now I am writhing, for one hour. Yes I am writhing!

EEEEEEEeeeeeeewwwwwwww...............!

Oh, no. I see a duet with William Hung in her future. Then a mass suicide involving a "common sense" cult.

I live in Dallas and one of the radio DJ's (talk show, not a music artist) actually called her while on the air and talked to her and she is very serious about it. Now he even plays clips of her songs in his commercial bumpers. Funny shtuff.

Being from New Zealand, I have known about the *magic* of Wing for some time. She is a Absolute National Treasure. She Makes those "unforgettable" American Idols like William Hung look like Babies in Diapers. My favourite is "Memories" - the cats theme!! Who needs fingers running down a blackboard!

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