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February 18, 2005

THE REAL REASON FOR THE BLOG'S HIATUS?

Stiff competition.

(Thanks to marvin the paranoid android)

Comments

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Yeah - that "throwing the Christians to the lions" bit always cracks me up....

This gives a new perspective to "The Sermon on the Mount".

Well guys and girls,

We are in trouble....the competition will be tough!

"These witticisms may not have modern readers rolling on the floor."

Scribe1 You bletching this latest item into your stone bloglet?

Scribe2 Naah...I doubt future readers will ROTFL over these zany escapades.

And all this time "Begat" actually meant "Booger!"

That God guy is HILARIOUS!

The burning bush always cracks me up!!

*no puns intended but double entendre allowed*

Uh, El, I think you should get that checked....

sodomites...*snork*

laughter and comedy are a danger to the church as they are considered a potential antidote to the fear of God's wrath and power.

Dave Barry is Satan.

Two apostles walk into a bar. They buy a jug of wine and then just sit there quietly sipping it and munching on figs.

Finally the inkeeper sayeth unto them, "Say, we don't get many apostles in here."

And one of them looks up and says, "And what with the prices you make your customers render to you, you won't get many more."

ps: Eleanor, "Burning Bush" WBAGNFARB. Lots of Biblical phrases WBGNFRBs.

Another great one:

Nun: You don't believe in God because of Alice in Wonderland?
Loki: No, "Through the Looking Glass". That poem, "The Walrus and the Carpenter" that's an indictment of organized religion. The walrus, with his girth and his good nature, he obviously represents either Buddha, or...or with his tusk, the Hindu elephant god, Lord Ganesha. That takes care of your Eastern religions. Now the carpenter, which is an obvious reference to Jesus Christ, who was raised a carpenter's son, he represents the Western religions. Now in the poem, what do they do...what do they do? They...They dupe all these oysters into following them and then proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures en masse. I don't know what that says to you, but to me it says that following these faiths based on mythological figures ensure the destruction of one's inner-being. Organized religion destroys who we are by inhibiting our actions...by inhibiting our decisions, out of...out of fear of some...some intangible parent figure who...who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago and says...and says, "Do it--Do it and I'll f%*$n' spank you!"

I can't stop

Cardinal Glick: Fill them pews, people, that's the key. Grab the little ones as well. Hook 'em while they're young.
Rufus: Kind of like the tobacco industry?
Cardinal Glick: Oh, if only we had their numbers.

Did you know that PMS is described in the New Testament? "Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem"

Another interesting tidbit...

Methuseleh died at age 969, 1656 years after the creation of Adam. He was Noah's grandfather. Noah's father Lamech was alive for the last 56 years of Adam's life. The great flood happened 1656 years after the creation of Adam. Did Noah let his grandfather drown?

Last one, I promise:

**crosses fingers just in case he finds some other good ones**

Gun Salesman: We call this piece the Fecalator. One look at it and the target s#@$s him or herself. Try it on.
Loki: Well, it's a lot more compact than the flaming sword, but it's not nearly as impressive. Just doesn't have that wrath-of-the-Almighty edge to it. I mean, come on, how am I supposed to strike fear into the hearts of the wicked with this thing? Look at this...
Bartleby: Well, then, you know, don't use a gun. Just lay the place to waste, like.
Loki: Easy for you to say. You get off light in razing. You got to stand there and read at Sodom and Gomorrah, I had to do all the work.
Bartleby: What work did you do? You lit a few fires!
Loki: I rained down sulphur, man, there's a subtle difference.
Bartleby: Oh, yeah, I'm sure.
Loki: You know, f$%k you, man, any moron with a pack of matches can start a fire. Raining down sulphur is like an endurance trial. Mass genocide is the most exhausting practices one can engage in.....Next to soccer.

Brian B: that sounds like a Wayne and Shuster sketch!

*Beep-beep!*
Oh! There's the geezer bus... gotta run...

*not that I'm expecting anyone to be back to read this, but....*

I've always thought Abraham's haggling with God to try and save Sodom was rather humorous.

If there are 50 good men, would you save the city?

Yes

OK, if there are 40 good men....and on and on until he got to just needing 10 good men.

Alas, there weren't.

*zot*

Dogma is an awesome flick.

Marvin!!! Congrats on being blogged!

sly -- thanks. I thought it was funny that Abraham thought he could bargain with the Master of the Universe, too.

So two priests walked into a bar...

*zot*

Hey! Let's try again. So a priest and a rabbi walked into a bar...

*zot*

What did I do this time? Ok. Fine. Real joke:

Three priests and a nun got into a theological argument. The three priests agreed; the nun didn't. Then, suddenly, the clouds split open, and a disembodied voice bellowed

"SHE'S RIGHT."

So the priests tell the nun,

"Well, that makes 3 against 2."

The funniest story in the Bible is the story ab out Balaam's talking 'ass!' It beats them all.

Alex D./ -
r.e.: "3 to 2 ..." LOL! But NASTY! (Spoken as a dues-paying RC.)

sly' -

yup, the haggling is just a tad amusing, and the bit has actually given rise to format for several stand-up comics' routines ...

kat -

Okay, Balaam's Ass is funny, but if I think awhile I might come up with a better one ... no rush, not trying to top your offering, just sayin' ...

Then there's the seemingly contradictory passages that almost carry a black humor ...

I don't remember exact locations, but one is about the bald man teased by the children so he sics the bears on them ...

another is Lot (?- I think) bargaining with some ? soldiers? ... offers them his daughter (to do with as they please) if they'll let him alone ...

ok
a priest, a rapist, and a child molester walk into a bar and sit down.

then the SECOND guy walks in.

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