SPEAKING OF HAMSTERS
Who's up for Gerbil Roulette?
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February 16, 2005
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quick call PETA
Posted by: cubie | February 16, 2005 at 05:47 AM
Don't make a move, or the gerbil bites the Big One.
Posted by: MOTW | February 16, 2005 at 05:54 AM
I used to follow this, before it was all about the money!
And, anyway, I heard it was fixed.
The races, not the gerbils.
Posted by: insomniac | February 16, 2005 at 05:58 AM
Hey, that house kinda looks like...
*squints*
Richard Gere?!
Posted by: elle | February 16, 2005 at 06:03 AM
Carl: My name is Carl and I'm a gambling-aholic.
Group: Hi Carl!
Carl: I started small. A lotto ticket here, an office pool there. Then we got satallite and that damn Gerbil Roulette got ahold of me and I never looked back. I blew through our savings, pawned the furniture, and finally lost the house. Now I sleep on the streets but I still see that stupid gerbil going into the wrong hole EVERY SINGLE TIME. I HATE THAT GERBIL, DO YOU HEAR ME!?!? DIE GERBIL!!! DIE AND ROT IN HELL!!!
Posted by: Powerhungry | February 16, 2005 at 06:26 AM
I realize sometimes I am dumb as a box of rocks, but when I click on the above link, I get a site dedicated to some game involving "Quick Fire Balls" and "Average BAlls".
To hijack julietine's favorite line...
"I don't understand".
Posted by: igloo | February 16, 2005 at 06:27 AM
igloo,
ha,ha!..very funny!...
Posted by: julietine | February 16, 2005 at 06:48 AM
Scroll down a little bit more, Igloo, and you find out that "it couldn't be easier."
Posted by: HisBillness | February 16, 2005 at 06:53 AM
igloo
11:00 - 12:00
Gerbil Roulette - Press red now to play Gerbil Roulette. When the wheel stops turning its up to you to decide which house our talented little rodent will choose to enter. It couldn’t be easier.
Posted by: MOTW | February 16, 2005 at 06:55 AM
You guys should switch over to the more violent channel 182 for Gerbil Russian Roulette, or the adult channel 183 Gerbil Fetish Roulette.... or even illegal pervo channel 184 for Gerbil Fetish Russian Roulette - not a pretty sight
Posted by: Writer's Cramp | February 16, 2005 at 07:13 AM
Well(channeling julietine) I give up. I don't have a red button. I have a red nose, but, alas, I haven't a red button. And besides, I will not patronize these cretins that are exploiting gerbils.
I have it on good authority, that there is a growing black market in gerbils, hamsters and turtles, as evidenced by the crime spree currently running rampant(not ramparts) in The Windy City. Di, who seems to be our on the scene reporter, will fill in the sordid details.
Posted by: igloo | February 16, 2005 at 07:20 AM
The gerbil story about me is totally false and I will sue anyone who mentions it and also sue Dave for giving them the opportunity!
Posted by: richard gere | February 16, 2005 at 07:36 AM
Now if we could only get lawyers to stay still long enough, we could assemble
A cardboard tube
Gerbil Colony
Kitchen Matches
Tis what dreams are made of.
Posted by: igloo | February 16, 2005 at 07:46 AM
Eleanor,
Step away from the Nickle Sock. Leave the paddle where you found it.
Posted by: igloo | February 16, 2005 at 07:48 AM
Yeah, that Richard Gere story was completely fabricated.
Frankly, I've come to expect more from this blog, taking such a cheap and easy shot at a guy who, after all, just wants the same things from this little old life that the rest of us want. Do we really want to examine everyone's particular path to g-spot nirvana?
Anyway, according to reliable sources, it was a chipmunk up his arse, and it was part of his method acting preparation for a film subsequently not made (due to poor initial screenings): Guy With A Chipmunk Up His Arse.
Posted by: Christobol | February 16, 2005 at 08:46 AM
From the snopes site:
But, as a reporter from The National Enquirer found when he attempted to track down the gerbil story, there were no facts to be had.
And that stopped him why? Just what kind of reporters is the Enquirer hiring these days anyway? Sheesh.
Posted by: Mike "Mad's Dork" Weasel | February 16, 2005 at 09:01 AM
Who wouldn't be willing to pay big money to see a game of gerbil roulette where, instead of running into a normal everyday hole, the gerbils run into, uhm, a differnt kind of hole.
Celebrity Arse's (or is it Arsees)(Arseses?)
Posted by: powerhungry | February 16, 2005 at 09:05 AM
...I remember the affecting scene from The Gerbil Hunter with Christopher Walken.
Posted by: insomniac | February 16, 2005 at 10:35 AM
Gerbil Roulette is cool, but you really haven't gambled until you play Rabid Squirrel Roulette. Proven resistant to the Balkan Laser-Assisted_Not-Quite-Cheating Crew's dirty rotten schemes.
Posted by: philintexas | February 16, 2005 at 10:36 AM
If I had "Quickfire Balls" I wouldn't advertise it on the internet or on Satellite TV.
Posted by: notme | February 16, 2005 at 11:04 AM
* sigh *
Posted by: Trystan Shout | February 16, 2005 at 11:12 AM
Trystan - do you get the Andy Borowitz newsletter? There was one the other day that I think you may enjoy - if you're interested, let me know and I'll e-mail it to You!
Posted by: Eleanor | February 16, 2005 at 11:27 AM
I don't think "quickfire balls" are something to be very proud of................
Posted by: akgirl | February 16, 2005 at 12:34 PM
or playing with............
Posted by: akgirl | February 16, 2005 at 12:39 PM
I used to have "quickfire balls" but now I think about baseball....
Posted by: Higgy | February 16, 2005 at 01:39 PM
Is Richard Gere gay?? OMG, nooooooo!
Posted by: Clueless Giddy | February 16, 2005 at 02:51 PM
Well, I guess Gerbil Roulette is better than Gerbil Craps...
Posted by: Corn | February 16, 2005 at 03:41 PM
That's why the Roulette wheel is round ... so the gerbils can't crap in the corners ...
Posted by: U.O. | February 16, 2005 at 08:24 PM