SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE NO. 34,919
Key Quote: "I think an 'Idol' is someone that you can look up to, someone who carries herself in a way that people will look up to her," Barrino said in a statement.
Look up to her? Look UP to her?? I live in a household containing, by conservative estimate, 17,000 Barbie dolls, and just for the record:
1. They are all very short.
2. Most of them, most of the time, are naked.
Disturbing Update: Moments after I wrote the post above, I went to check on my 4-year-old daughter, who was, as usual, in her room playing with her Barbies. She had one Barbie who was wearing a wedding dress, propped up next to Ken, who was... also wearing a dress.
"Why is Ken wearing a dress?" I asked.
My daughter only laughed. It was not a reassuring laugh.
Another Disturbing Update: The news keeps getting worse. It makes you wonder who will be next.
You've got a Naked Barbie Doll Army!
Posted by: Leetie | February 20, 2005 at 05:16 AM
Does Barrino "think" that's the definition of an idol or did she get a dictionary as a parting gift from Simon Cowell.
Speaking of America's Inexplicably Popular Bitchy Boy, Mattell should make a talking doll of him; call it "Simon Says", you pull the string and he spews hatelful, dismissive, sarcastic remarks about you. Everybody's favorite: "That was just awful!
Posted by: Lairbo | February 20, 2005 at 05:21 AM
Lairbo, that comment reminded me of an evening on a discount cruise ship. Simply dreadful. Honestly.
Posted by: mudstuffin | February 20, 2005 at 05:27 AM
Someone told me there's another doll named I think Brat that has made a billion dollars to Barbie's 1.7 bill.
Posted by: Balanchine | February 20, 2005 at 05:32 AM
My nephew (then 8) told me "I made Barbie and Ken naked, and I made Ken hold Barbie". I told him that was a very popular Barbie game.
Posted by: Mrs Mary Mac | February 20, 2005 at 05:35 AM
I'd have expected Ken to be more of an American Idol devotee, not that there's anything wrong with that.
mdstfn
A discount cruise ship?!? That sounds like sign No. 34,920 of the coming apocalypse. I just hope it wasn't a 3-hour tour.
Posted by: Lairbo | February 20, 2005 at 05:39 AM
The Barbies at our house were out yesterday, and I didn't notice until last night as we were headed up to sleep that they were arranged in front of the TV, in their cars, as if they were at a drive-in.
This morning I half expected to see other TVs all over the place, simulating the Swap Shop down in Ft. Lauderdale (Does that still exist?). Then I realized, to be truly a truly authentic Swap Shop, there would have to be a hundred little tables with a bazillion junk items on them, to sell to all the other dolls in the house.
Posted by: Steve | February 20, 2005 at 06:04 AM
Um, Dave, I'm pretty certain your daughter has it right. Ken has been a little "light in the loafers" and wearing dresses (not that there's anything wrong with that) for a very long time.
Posted by: SteveB | February 20, 2005 at 06:09 AM
Be afraid, be very afraid.
Dave, does she have a Chucky doll?
As if that story wasn't bad enough, did you see the ad at the top for the DVD of Nick & Jessica: The First Season? Ay, carumba!
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | February 20, 2005 at 06:10 AM
Ken in a dress? Dave, your daughter has figured it out! Don't worry, she's just come to an early realization that Ken is gay! (not that there's anything wrong with that.[Will it bother the Bloglits if I abbreviate that to nttawwt?]) Smart kid!
Posted by: Arcane Jill | February 20, 2005 at 06:10 AM
As an experiment, maybe Dave should introduce GI Joe to Barbie and Ken and see how she dresses him.
Posted by: everysandwich | February 20, 2005 at 06:27 AM
Wasn't there a thing a while back where someone supposedly found a Ken In a dress (nttawwt) in a Toys R Us?
Posted by: Arcane Jill | February 20, 2005 at 06:42 AM
Maybe he's wearing a dress because she was actually "American MIDOL Barbie" and she hadn't taken any. (He's hoping she won't notice him.)
Posted by: bbescuela | February 20, 2005 at 06:51 AM
And now from sweatshops in Malysia
Idol Barbie will truly amaze ya
Its wardrobe is heavenly
It sings songs from the Seventies!
And best,it's been blessed by Fantasia!
Posted by: insomniac | February 20, 2005 at 06:54 AM
A whole line of "Reality Show Barbie"s would be truly horrifying. Can you imagine what The Apprentice Barbie's hair would look like?
Posted by: Lairbo | February 20, 2005 at 07:30 AM
Maybe your child was playing with Ken and Barbie like they were Madonna and Dennis Rodman. Never know...
Posted by: Cokie Eddy | February 20, 2005 at 07:35 AM
"It makes you wonder who will be next."
OW, my freakin' eyes!
Posted by: Mrs Mary Mac | February 20, 2005 at 07:36 AM
One of the more painful experiences in the world is stepping on a Barbie high heel shoe in barefeet. YOWIE! What are those things made of?
Re the Lindsey Lohan Barbie Doll, comes with . . . and her very own velvet rope What, exactly, is that doll into?
Posted by: slyeyes | February 20, 2005 at 07:56 AM
Last summer, Mattel came out with a Barbie 'Call Girl.' The ad appeared in a two page spread in "Better Homes and Gardens," a family type magazine. Hard to believe? (Money makes the world go round)
After viewing the talking 'Donald Trump' doll, I'm sorry, but I will have to go now.
*sick in the loo, again*
Posted by: kat | February 20, 2005 at 08:14 AM
Ha ha! Yeah, Barbie... and Ken... funny...OK, I got nothing. I shouldn't force it.But I'm not supposed to have anything anyway; it's Sunday.Shame on you people for blogging on the sabbath!
Posted by: reneviht | February 20, 2005 at 08:30 AM
Slyeyes, they make them out of somekind of polymer that makes them 1. Very painfull to step on, and 2. Very attractive to cats. My cat ATE most of the Barbie shoes I HAD.
Posted by: Arcane Jill | February 20, 2005 at 08:31 AM
Reneviht, He whos throne is in heaven sits laughing.
Posted by: Arcane Jill | February 20, 2005 at 08:32 AM
"Call Girl Barbies" would be a good name for a punk girlband.
Posted by: Arcane Jill | February 20, 2005 at 08:36 AM
Sorry for the multiposting, but Barbie as an Air Force pilot?! As a dedicated Stargate/Air Force fan, I think I need to go be sick. *waits for Kat to get out of the loo* Stop admiring the fashion hatbox, I can only swallow so many times!
Posted by: Arcane Jill | February 20, 2005 at 08:40 AM
Marvin...sounds like a matter of personal taste.
Posted by: Arcane Jill | February 20, 2005 at 09:13 AM
It's the new "Copaca-Barbie & Ken" playset!
Fun tropical nightclub setting with play shotglasses!
Three new playmates -- Lola, Rico and Tony! (sold separately)
Full wardrobe of cheesy white suits!
Ken now has a 25% bigger nose!
Girls, be sure to ask for it for your birthday! It's a gift that your friends will never be able to comprehend!
Posted by: Corn | February 20, 2005 at 09:16 AM
how can ken be gay? he has no genitals.
and it cant get worse. there is already a cher doll.
Posted by: queensbee | February 20, 2005 at 09:34 AM
My niece has 7 billion Barbie dolls. I had none when I was growing up. I'm surprised I didn't grow up to be some kind of doll-deprived freak.
Posted by: Angie | February 20, 2005 at 09:39 AM
Say, that reminds me. When will we finally get the Dave Barry action figure that we all have been pining for?
Posted by: Angie | February 20, 2005 at 09:41 AM
Just imagine: one day we'll be looking back at these times as the Golden Age.
(oh and Jill, I didn't catch the hatbox reference...?)
Posted by: Balanchine | February 20, 2005 at 09:43 AM
Balanchine, it was a refference to the designer toilet thread a few days ago.
Posted by: Arcane Jill | February 20, 2005 at 09:50 AM
So long as they don't come out with a Barbie that you can lick in order to get high, I'm OK with them taking over the world, for the most part.
Because that's just what we need, catnip for the young ones, you know?
Posted by: D'Artagnan | February 20, 2005 at 09:57 AM
Barbie is a comely wench, my young Musketeer friend.
Posted by: Porthos | February 20, 2005 at 10:02 AM
How come Barbie can decide which career to stick with?
I didn't have many Barbies that survived during my childhood (my brother was always setting her on fire) which back then was very upsetting to me but not all I think is cool.
Posted by: opiesgirl | February 20, 2005 at 10:36 AM
Sorry if they above post came out distorted I am sick and all hopped up on cold medicine.
Posted by: opiesgirl | February 20, 2005 at 10:37 AM
Jill - ah, ok. It was the S word that got me all giddy.
Posted by: Balanchine | February 20, 2005 at 11:58 AM
sly. - the 'velvet rope' for the LL Barbie is for the Barbie nightclub, where GI Joe, who can't get a real job after his discharge, works as a bouncer, and Ken can't get in, even though he pathetically wails, "But I used to live with her!"
Posted by: insomniac | February 20, 2005 at 01:08 PM
Balanchine: Is the S-word in question Stargate or Swallow?
Posted by: Arcane Jill | February 20, 2005 at 01:18 PM
Um, not Stargate. See? I can't even type it!
Posted by: Balanchine | February 20, 2005 at 02:07 PM
*laughs and shakes head* Sorry, been hanging around the Fandom too long. And no, I would NOT like a turkey sandwhich. *grins*
Posted by: Arcane Jill | February 20, 2005 at 02:13 PM
Me neither, Jill. Never touch the stuff!
Posted by: Balanchine | February 20, 2005 at 03:28 PM
Does the Lindsey Lohan doll come with a dad doll in handcuffs?
Posted by: slyeyes | February 20, 2005 at 03:33 PM
Does anyone elses cat eat Barbie shoes and upchuck them on the rug? Mine used to, when I was little.
Posted by: Arcane Jill | February 20, 2005 at 03:47 PM
My cat used toi eat Barbie shoes and then throw them up on the rug. Does any one else have a cat that does that?
Posted by: Arcane Jill | February 20, 2005 at 03:50 PM
I hate Aohell!
Posted by: Arcane Jill | February 20, 2005 at 03:51 PM
I'll take three American Idol Barbies and one William Hung Ken.
Don't worry about Ken in the wedding dress. I'm sure she was just playing Lord of the Wedding Rings and he was Kendolf.
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The best ones, except the precious prizes of our sponsores, will get an icon which they may emphasize somewhere on their blog.
Posted by: adm | February 20, 2005 at 04:53 PM
The new Ken should resemble William Jung.
Posted by: Diana | February 20, 2005 at 05:06 PM
I wasn't allowed to have a Ken doll growing up. My parents had a true horror of the possiblity of me taking his clothes off and seeing him naked. They looked at each other in shame and fear when I even dared to ask for something that wasn't fit for 'a little girl'.
So, in my house, Barbie dated Barbie.
(Which, if they knew, would have certainly caused a fit of apoplexy--or at least an apocalypse. So I just didn't mention it)
Posted by: marlodianne | February 20, 2005 at 05:10 PM
Isn't an apocalypse worse than apoplexy?
Posted by: Arcane Jill | February 20, 2005 at 05:28 PM
Talk about dredging up suppressed memories. I used to have a "girl friend" that lived next door when I was in second grade. She used to play with Barbies and undress them in front of me. I would run like heck to get out of there. She would actually tease me with them, "Look, look Barbie's getting naked..." No wonder I am so messed up. I think I need to make an appointment with a therapist. I guess Barbie pretty much messed everyone up.
Posted by: ford prefect is now matt neffer | February 20, 2005 at 06:12 PM
Noooo...! More crapweasel spam!
Am I the only one who solved the problem by pretending that Barbie never existed in the first place?
Posted by: Alex D. | February 20, 2005 at 06:40 PM
Arcane Jill: Not if you're in denial, and think such apocalypse will take everyone else out, but you'll be fine.
Posted by: marlodianne | February 21, 2005 at 05:37 AM
Ford: My neighbor did the same thing, but she'd try to put them down my pants. I think we were both six at the time.
Posted by: notme | February 21, 2005 at 08:00 AM
notme,
Scarred for life I bet. Looking back it is remarkably funny.
Posted by: ford prefect is now matt neffer | February 21, 2005 at 08:27 AM
About the Ken in the doll dress does the older brother(if there is 1)collect or have G.I.Joes?I think that a one of his Joes might be having a gay wedding...
Posted by: zaza | June 21, 2005 at 05:21 AM
About the Ken in the doll dress does the older brother(if there is 1)collect or have G.I.Joes?I think that a one of his Joes might be having a gay wedding...
Posted by: zaza | June 21, 2005 at 05:29 AM