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February 16, 2005

SIGN NO. 237 THAT A HUSBAND IS WHIPPED

He allows this to happen.

(Thanks to Claire Martin)

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Either that, or he just likes playing "dress up."

OMG,

That's too funny!!!

I've never even heard of a husband allowing himself to get pregnant before.

Ew. Not buying that one. Not even for the "Guess how I got this great maternity body suit" story.

Maybe he was drunk? And there were criminals in the house (stealing his hamster) who made him try that on at gunpoint? And maybe it was for charity, and, because of his efforts, a puppy found a home?

Still, if he was my friend, he wouldn't be.

I was worried once when I missed my period, then my girlfriend reminded me guys don't get those.

So I asked why I was always PMSing, and she said it's just 'cause I'm an asshole.

Is she sure he was smirking because he felt "maternal"?

He does have kinda nice legs but he really lost all dignity with this one...

Somehow, maternity or no, I'd be disinclined to purchase any woman's-style bathing suit based on how it looks when a man wears it.

Husband not included. Har!

In this case, "goofy."

Either he lost a bet on the gender of the child, or wife is playing the guilt card..."I carried around this child for 9 months, the LEAST you could do is put this on for two minutes!"

As my son would say, "Dad, that's just wrong on many levels. Please don't do that again."

I would hate to see what this gentleman would have to do if he lost a bet on a Wales vs. England rugby match.

* Honey, where ya goin' with those shears? *

God bless crap cams everywhere. We have been mercifully spared a high resolution version of this aberrant mishap.

JU

I can see it now:

Wife: Honey can I buy this maternity bathing suit?
Husband: But you're not pregnant
Wife: Yes, but if it makes a hairy man look sexy then think what it could do for me.
Husband: Well, it has been a while since you waxed....

NOT a contender for the SI Swimsuit Edition.

Size "small"???

Not anymore . . . at least in some ways.

Sorry about the crap-cam, guys. I'll buy a better digital camera next payday. Deal?

DUCK!!

Hey, dude, you are missed.

hey JU. Good point. It helps if you adjust the tint of your monitor.

Oh, and why is it significant that the home is "pet free"? Would they have had their dog or goat or whatever model it since they don't have opposable thumbs and would have definately lost the "rock paper scissors" contest?

Damnit. That's the last time I bet on the Eagles.

Stooooopid DoNOtknowhowtorunavan, the no huddle.

Does it make my ass look too fat? And does my ass even have eyes?

Gross! Who wants to wear a bathsuit that a harry man wore? Have you seen the typical male's hygiene habits? Ick. Ick. Ick.

Thanks Slyeyes! I miss you all too.

I've switched to a much more active job, and I don't get the chance to blog as much as I used to. I still blurk a lot though.

Can someone email me the list of moat addys and etc. important things? My hotmail account got wiped for some reason.

BTW, what's the 411 on our Memphis extravaganza? Am I still bringing the bikinis and body butter?

[pulls wedgie out with one hand while digging booger nuggets out with the other]

Hi Punky.

[goes back to business, but switches hands first]

Way to be Sly, Sly.

;)

Fed- we have no idea what you are talking about, please go drink heavily, rinse, and repeat. Thank you.

SteveB - Exactly how many maternity swimsuits have you modelled on eBay to elicit such a response from your son?

Oh, and Yes, Lathering is optional in case you were wondering.

Punky - you'll notice that the converse is not true - there's plenty of hairy men (or even harry men, if you want to be particular) on this blog that would happily wear your bathing suit when you were done with it...

Preferably as an eyepatch....

Or perhaps as a bib....

He also lets her paint little flowers around the light switches.

Unless she makes him do it for her.

JU

That woman didn't know how to call a bet. I'd have had him wax or shave the chest and legs first before modeling.

Sheeesh. She's an amateur in making a man whipped.

Duck? Missed? Who's been shooting at the poor duck?

Okay, I feel like, because we are all friends here, I can take a wild leap and open up to you.

In my college days, as part of our "Gender Issues Awareness Workshop" protests, a few friends and I started a running bet on who could manage to pick up a woman using the lamest possible method.

So, for one of my entries (not the winning one), I would go to a bar and start crying in my beer (not too difficult, it was domestic). A friend would then go over to my "mark" once she noticed my antics (often I had to wail loudly) and apologize for my behavior, and explain that I had lost my young bride due to a dare, actually a double-dog-dare, and missed her terribly.

He would be holding a maternity swimsuit, and would explain that, before she was taken away by the motorcycle gang, my bride's favorite kinky game was to model a maternity swimsuit right before she'd let me hmmmm in her hmmmmmmm.

So then he'd explain that, no matter what everyone kept trying to tell me, I was crazily blaming myself for losing her, and just wasn't to be consoled, unless, well, could she put on the swimsuit and, well, would it be too much to ask if she'd...

Granted, this only worked right about half the time. The other times my friend would end up arranging an orgy, which for some reason didn't count on the bet.

So, now that I've shared. Ladies, what is the worst pickup line / method you've ever let yourself be picked up by?

He's not whipped! Just sensitive!

JU, don't forget to bring home the roll of chenille ball fringe for your little felt vest project.

*resumes painting little flowers*

Leetie, I bet he is not living with his wife, he is just selling her stuff

NO bids yet.... interesting. I am glad she was specific about her husband not being included in auction. Until it was specified I was wondering.

Is it just me, or does anyone think that a swimsuit, no matter how good it lays, will still look different on a non hairy pregnant women????? Just curious.

"that a swimsuit, no matter how good it lays"
Never done that before. Of course if I had a good pick-up line, I might get the chance.

Christobol! That was you??!!

igloo:
I don't think you need a pickup line to lay a swimsuit. I think you just need to pick it up.

I meant - insert hand and pick it up.

Leetie, are you trying to mask toddler boogers on the light switch by disguising them as flowers again?

No thank you!
The last time I tried the "insert hand" during a pick-up I got 30 days in the local lock-up.

"Hey, I see you disguised the toddler boogers on the light switch as flowers again. Clever."
"Not exactly. I live alone now."

Nose nuggets add wonderful texture.

PS: Switching hands is really gross.

Ah, yes, I have the deedle balls for my Ale Chugging Vest right here in my Speed Racer lunchbox.

JU

*BRAAAAAAAAHHHHLLLLLLCH*

JU

*deeply disturbed by that image*

Kudos JU! Nice pull!

I was going to offer advice for you, but I see you are doing just fine and demonstrating you still got the huavos needed for Leetie's needling.

Leetie: Johnny! Where are the huavos I need for my needling?

Johnny: Left 'em next to the stack of porn mags.

Leetie: Got 'em. Thanks!

I take back everything I said about not liking Chicagoland and the quacks we have here... there are much stranger weirdo's living on the East Coast... (no offense to fellow Bloggers)

*starts singing "Sweet Home Chicago", while coworkers look thru office window and roll their eyes*

Fed Duck
*clings pathetically*
come back soon
*ends hugs*

eew. They're sticky.

Ouch! Stop needling me!

I am not surprised that there are no bids yet.

Just the repulsive thought of having seen it on him would make it impossible for the buyer to wear it.

I wouldn't be able to, and I am even a guy.


Now, if someone purchased it for his wife and she never saw the pictures . . . no, it would still be a problem.

I'm not surprised at all that there were no bids on it.

Di - I love it when my coworkers take out their glass eyes and roll them.

Not so much when they take out their real eyes though. They just don't roll right. It's like trying to roll a grape with cooked spaghetti glued to it (and you KNOW how hard that is).

Cbol, I normally adore your witty musings; however, your earlier diatribe was utterly disturbing...I would never put on the bathing suit of a man's dearly departed merely because he was crying in his beer. Now, if YOU were wearing it and crying in your beer, I might consider it.

Shortty - she wasn't dead, just gone, with a motorcycle gang.

And I couldn't wear the suit, because it wouldn't fit over my penguin thong.

C-bol, rolling a grape with cooked spaghetti glued to it is easier than you make it sound.

*grabs a grape, wraps wet noodle around it*

*dips entire thingy into a tub of oil*

*rolls it down the hallway*

*giggles gleefully*

See! I told you!!!

*picks up another grape and repeats*

*Wwwwwhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeee!!!*

(*snickering in the background is coworkers debating whether busy season has finally taken its toll on mental stability*)

Cbol-penguin thong? Because it makes you waddle or because you have a short beak?

Don't come down on the all-powerful penguin thong!

Harry / Hairy ... Ha! I'm an idiot.

Anyhoo ... Leetie and JU ... you two are way too cute. Sticky balls, Speed Racer and booger enhanced flowers on your lightswitches ... does it get any sweeter?

It's also good to see that Duck is, in fact, still alive.

Shortty - it doesn't make me waddle. I just choose to waddle, because it looks cool.

Cbol-penguins have always been my favorite animal. They are extrememly versatile and wear the cutest little suits. Wait...I think I just described Mr. Thread Subject.

Penguin Thong
*check*
Wriggly live dachshund slippers
*check*
Maternity Swimsuit
*check*
TK-5000 Shovel
*check*
Assortment of Genitalia including fake penis filled with Hershey's Chocolate Syrup
*check*
Processed Squid and Canned Frog
*check*
Plastic Banana Protector
*check*
Toilet Seat
*checks top*
Toliet Seat
War wingers, battle noogies and swamp wedgies for whoever took my toilet seat!!!

Anyone?

Careful, Di. Last time I "dipped my entire thingy into a tub of oil" at work they put me on double secret probation.

But I did get a raise.

C-bol, I don't have a thingy of my own, mind if I borrow yours??

You might get another raise...

So, now that I've shared. Ladies, what is the worst pickup line / method you've ever let yourself be picked up by?

Well, there WAS this one time... in college... I came home from class early to see my man trying on my swimsuit, and so I had to dump the guy. I went to the local watering hole to "drown my sorrows" and saw this poor guy litterally SOBBING into his beer.

I started to criticize the guy for alcohol abuse, but the anguish on his face stopped me, and I asked what was wrong. I guess it was his friend that told me the story, about how he tragically lost his young bride to something called "Doubledogdare", and how heartbroken he was.

The guy had me when he held up the bathing suit and I saw that yet another couple had been broken up over a swimsuit and I wanted to do anything I could to make the poor guy feel better - even allowing myself to be led back to his place.

After we got there the story kinda changed though, and between the Dominatrix Midget and the Camels in the hot-tub I realized I'd been conned into joining an Orgy.

I would have to say THAT whole scenario was the Worst Pickup Method I've ever had used on me. If the guy just wanted to get in my pants all he had to do was ask and I woulda gladly handed them over AND provided my own butt-butter(TM Thingy).

The Midget was kinda a nice touch tho....

Ilove this blog.
And buying second hand bathing suits is just gross. Who knows where that guy has been.

Let's hear it for the whip!

Size Small?!
This guy must be.. tiny?

DOH

apologies to the vertically challenged

-Big Amazon Woman

I don't get the logic here, she wants to show how the suit would "lay on a person". A maternity swimsuit would "lay" in different places for a pregnant woman.

Unless they realize that the target audience may include people other than pregnant women...

He should model it with a basketball or something

The real challenge would be if he could pick up anyone in a bar wearing the bathing suit, with or without a basketball

Thanks Mme Martin, I needed this . . .

They should have had a guy with a huge beer belly modeling the suit ... THAT would have made a hell of a lot more sense.

punky,

bid on it, win it, and have'em drop ship it to Leet&JUville.

i'm sure we can find a beer belly around here somewhere, and make sure you get a nice photo spread in return.

JU

*notes full battery charge on crapcam*

*wonders how bad waxing can really be...*

JU, trust me, it's bad.

I'm still in therapy.

just ewwwwwwwwwww

Trust sly on this one, JU ...

I'll do my best to get the suit ... you do your best to trim up that hair with some nose hair clippers or Leetie's old Epilady. ;)

DI!! NAUGHTY!!!

...But if C-bol does let you borrow, may I please watch?






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