SCIENCE LUNGES FORWARD

This important discovery cries out for a LOT more field research.

(Thanks to Ted Habte-Gazomba, and we are sure many others)

Update: Ted has been working hard in this field for years.

Comments

[Alex D.]

FIRST!

Hey! I got my link posted! Cool.

[philintexas]

I've been doing breast research for years and it's true... the bigger they are...well...wait and read my "report."

[igloo]

"A woman with pineapple breasts... "
Since silcon implants were so problematic, I reckon pineapple might be a reasonable substitute. Although the outer covering seems to be awful rough.

[Gary]

Lemon-breasted or not, how the h*#& can someone "...look erotic, but in reality (be)...homely." ?

[julietine]

That report is very accurate!...

[Gary]

Lemon-breasted or not, how the h*#& can someone "...look erotic, but in reality (be)...homely." ?

[Blogfly]

How does he convince women to let him ogle their ramparts?

"It's for research. Really."

[editor]

From Melons To Prunes would be a good name for a Dave Barry column.

[Lairbo]

Well, duh.

Also true is that the size of a woman's breasts determine the IQ, will power, ability to think clearly and spending habits (at least temporarily) of any man she encounters.

[igloo]

So, if life hands you lemons, you make lemonade?

[dennis]

the bigger they are the farther they fall ...right?

[Tamara]

Bogus! For so many reasons! Here are two:

1. This is the dumbest thing I have ever heard in my whole entire life so far today.

2. A REAL scientist would have been able to come up with many more categories of breasts than that!

Does anyone here have a truly comprehensive list of breast types? Anyone? Come on; fess up, bloglits!

[PhD]

tamara, it is apparent that you suffer from breast envy.

[philintexas]

Tamara..I think all straight guys have a built-in "truly comprehensive list of breast types".

[BarryFS]

Dairy cow?

[Mr.Fishair]

Lady with breasts: "Um, excuse me? Do you mind not staring at my breasts?"
Fishair: "Sorry. I was just trying to decipher your personality."
Lady with breasts: {{SLAP}}
Fishair: "Aahh, Quick reflexes; Athletic.....nice"

[D'Artagnan]

Lairbo knows what he's talking about.

[pogo]

As far as I know they only come in small, medium, and "Let's trip her and watch her try to get back up!"

[julietine]

Pogo,

That was funny!

[insomniac]

This guy must go to the produce department to get 'happy'.

I, on the other hand, classify fruit according to breast types.
"Honey, could you pick up some Pamela Andersons at the market ? What you think there's too many chemicals in them ? "

[julietine]

So Ted...doing anything tonight???...would you like to go out with a lemon???

[judi]

didn't anyone notice that they're almost all described as "pert"? clearly the man is not interested in the personalities of older women.

[Blogfly]

Has anyone conducted personality profiles based on male anatomy? Seems like an area of research Punky might like to explore...

Who's up for being profiled?

(Pun firmly intended. That one, too.)

[julietine]

Hey I would like to volunteer to be Punky's research assistant!

[Blogfly]

Judi,

Seems that's where U.O. was going with his banana reference in the Boise, Idaho art/strip club comments. Seems like he, at least, may have an interest in, shall we say, women with less than perky fruit...

[Meg]

Gary
Originally, homely used to mean something like "home-oriented" rather than plain. So when the article says women with grapefruit breasts are "bashful and homely", I think they mean she isn't interested in going out and socializing and stuff.

Thus ends the "Useless Information in Meg's Head" section of today's blog.

*returns to lurking, wishing she was funny like you people*

Meg

[cubie]

Is it true what they say about mens shoe size? How about it guys?

[igloo]

Cubie,
It is true what they say about mens shoe size.
"The bigger the shoe, the bigger the sock.*"

*This is spelled correctly

[random thunking]

What about banana-shaped breasts? You know, the ones that are easier to grab like subway handles. Is there a difference honey-dews and cantalopes? Are kiwis fuzzy thinkers? Are star fruits more likely to gravitate toward careers in entertainment? Would Charo's breast be classified as ugly fruit?

This guy's list is wholely inadequate.

[Blogfly]

Scat' - Let's let science answer that question. Punky and Julietine need some volunteers.

[cubie]

I wonder if guy's penis size equates with his intelligience, personality, horoscope, etc.

[igloo]

While julietine and punky try to handle the male anatomy question, I'll try to stay abreast of the fruit issue.

[bronxilla]

I think this guy just got caught molesting fruit at the super market and he made up the research stuff.

[igloo]

Cubie,
The intelligence of the male is inversely proportional to the state of his errr...standing quotient.

[cubie]

oh yes judi I agree with what you said, pert breasts are a naturally occuring phenomena that only lasts about 15 minutes

[maglizrd]

I think the whole thing with most categories of breast "not being very interested in sex" is best summed up by adding two words: "with him".

I think he just took the 6 or so women whose breasts he's seen in his life, and assumed them to be representative.

[Blogfly]

Jeff... care to volunteer for research purposes? Punky, Julietine? We may have your first subject.

[Arcane Jill]

Maglizrd: I think you're right. And Bell-shaped, which, btw, I've got, aren't even on there.

[Balanchine]

I volunteer as well to all these clearly dedicated women researchers. No sacrifice is too great for the advancement of science.

Balanchine (size 12 shoe)

[horned frog]

Julietine, I LOVE lemons.
Thay make me pucker.

[horned frog]

MY LIPS! MY LIPS is what puckers, you perverts.

[cubie]

I am glad you clarified that, horny, I mean horned

[julietine]

Horned frog,

for someone who's new on the blog you are kinky!!!...You belong baby!!!

[julietine]

Balanchine,

size 12!...hmmm....I like it!!!

[horned frog]

I'm new to the blog, but the kinky is decades old, darlin'.

[al gore]

You're welcome.

[al gore]

You're welcome.

[djtonyb]

Aha - Mr. Habte-Gazonga makes an infrequent appearance! How goes the Coordination of the Field, Ted?

[Higgy]

Size 13 and sadly, no - it's not true....

I'm a white boy and equipped similarly...

Think "baby carrot and two peas", ladies...

[horned frog]

Great, Higg, now I have to go put some ointment in my mind's eye.

[Christobol]

I have tried this, and I really don't think it works.

*grabs melon breasted woman*
*slap*
"Ok, mark that down for bitchy"
*grabs orange breasted woman*
*slap*
"Ok, mark that down for bitchy"
*grabs grapefruit breasted woman*
*slap*
"Ok, mark that down for bitchy"

[horned frog]

I used to get weekly gring, but not since I quit sniffin' glue.

[Balanchine]

And Julie, being a vegetarian I enjoy fruits and vegetables of all types.

[igloo]

"Ted has been working strong>hard in this field for years."
Ted must have some of those rogue Viagra pills.
Plus, he must be awful lightheaded.

[igloo]

"Ted has been working strong>hard in this field for years."
Ted must have some of those rogue Viagra pills.
Plus, he must be awful lightheaded.

[horned frog]

He's faking; He got hisself one of them banana-bunker deals and painted it flesh-colored.

[Uncle Omar]

Tamara - OK, the list starts with "Two eggs, fried."

Blogfly - Yup. Gotta confess ... HOWever, the list goes on ...

Cubie & Igloo - The inverse square rule applies -- the larger the (individual) item grows during certain events, the dumber the individual ... as in: if the volume of the "ordinary" size is two cubic inches, and the volume of the "special" size is eight cubic inches, the difference (six) squared, would mean he is 36 times as likely to do something really really stoopid.

Arcane Jill -- "Bell" as in ... ding-dong? Or as in Peppers? (Just pure scientific research going on here ...)

[Mike "Mad's Dork" Weasel]

Actually your math is flawed there. It's not the difference squared, but the quotient. Since eight is four times as large as two, it's four squared, or only sixteen times as stupid.

I'm such a geek.

Anyway, Mad should get a kick out of all these sciency posts.

[Arcane Jill]

They don't ring, Uncle Omar, but yes, bell as in ding dong.

[Uncle Omar]

M"MD"W - Ooooh, you must be using Base 10 ... I guess I was influenced by that item about the guy with 12 toes and 11 fingers, so I was using Base 11.5 ...

Arcane Jill -- TNX Muchly for that info ... I've got several directions I could go with the imagery you've instilled in my thought processes ... including memories of long ago, and such ... but perhaps the best thing to say at the moment is ... um ... never mind ...

[Zuzanny]

Hello. Hares can gambol over the body of a dead lion.
I am from Mauritius and learning to speak English, tell me right I wrote the following sentence: "That nerve is cut to permanently stop the signal and to put an end to the excessive sweating."

Thanks for the help ;), Zuzanny.