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February 23, 2005

REASON NUMBER 9,327 NOT TO OWN A CAT

(Thanks to julietine)

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woohoo, comments

BURRRRRRRRP. Er, FIIIRRRRST.

Er, SECONNNNND.

Didn't they learn anything from Pet Cemetery?! Never bury your cat in your backyard if you don't want it coming back and terrorizing you ... same goes for the squirrels in the freezer.

I can hear the call to the constables..."My pussy is out of controll! Dooo something! Send a couple of constables over right now to calm it down..All my husband can do is stare at it! He can't even touch it! I need help!

Sounds like a sweeps month news report:

"Tonight at 11. Cats on crack!"

Cats on Crack wbagbfarb, nearly as good as TacoCat.

How long befoe they declare "open season" on cats? And what will be the bag limit? Legal hunting hours? Will they require a license? Where can I get one?

Sounds as if the cat was on PCP ...

(NOT Pussycat Control Prescription ...)

way to go, julietine!
* hands her a dozen virtual roses *

“We have heard stories about people not being able to leave their homes because their cat was blocking the doorway. So some cats can be aggressive.”

Oh, come ON. Cats blocking the doorway? With what, their shopping cart? (nods in Dave's general direction) What would you call that, Kitty Litter Rage?

I with you Roman Clue. I believe a search of the house will uncover some uncontrolled substances like pcp, crack or even the dreaded "Toad Slime".

way to go, julietine!
* hands her a dozen virtual roses *

“We have heard stories about people not being able to leave their homes because their cat was blocking the doorway. So some cats can be aggressive.”

Oh, come ON. Cats blocking the doorway? With what, their shopping cart? (nods in Dave's general direction) What would you call that, Kitty Litter Rage?

Sorry about that MOTW, I didn't mean to interrupt your double.
I guess that makes me guilty of Blogus interruptus.

igloo, Darlin', I don't mind.
* what IS it with the post hiccups these days? *

I was wondering if said daughter didn't make up the whole "Oh, poor pussy went into the basement and came out fighting" story. Maybe she slipped one into Mickey, you know what I'm sayin'?

*ducks*

Sounds like Mickey found their daughter's stash of crack. Tip to parents - check the basement for the drugs.

Sorry, that was "wbagnfarb.

*thankful she remembered to give plenty of treats to Mack the Cat before she left for work this morning*

*makes a note to open door and let Mack the cat have a good view and smell of freedom, if he makes a go for it, will quickly slam said door shut, never to allow him to return again*

As a "noobie" (derisively), please explain wbagnfarb ??

Maybe Mickey just wasn't the most observant cat. Like after that overnight trip to the vet:

Seven years later...

"My testicles! Where the hell are my testicles!"


(WBAGNFARB - Would be a good name for a rock band, like Feline Testicle Fury WBAGNFARB)

"Okay, ma'am, what's the deal here?"
"Sissy was just petting the cat, then it waltzed downstairs and came back crazed and attacked everyone."
"I see. Did anything else happen in the intervening moments?"
"No! Why do you ask?"
"Well, for example, do you have any idea how your cat got that knife rest in its ass?"

"My testicles! Where the hell are my testicles!"


*sigh* I ask myself that every day...

I had a friend who experienced the same problem. Her cat also had to be shot, but they wanted to find out the cause. Turns out, the cat had a brain tumor. Too bad these people don't care about what exactly happened to their cat, with more information out there, these cat attacks and shootings could be avoided.


Aww, Rose. You're sweet.

*said sans sarcasm*

THANK YOU Writer's Cramp !!!!

Thanks MOTW!...I am moved!!!...

Angry Feline wbagnf..um...Nah. Never mind.

* sound of cool 24 phone ring *

"CTU."

"This is Jack Bauer. I need a run down on all suspicious feline activity near the 2200 block of Elm Street...STAT!!"

"No can do, Jack. We have a meeting. Sucks to be you."

Rose, as an avid cat lover...

*stops herself before getting struck by lightening*

Ok, lets try again.

I love my cat. No one elses cat, just my own. All others scare me. Some women are okay and love on other womens cats, but cat love sharing is just not for me. I trust that my cat will be true and loyal to me, never forsaking me, and always being there when I need a cat to pet.

*shakes her head*

No no... this sounds all wrong...

*goes back to the drawing board*

This is a good CSI episode. Where Sara finally discovers that Sissy is the illegitimate daughter of her mother and the devil and Mickey is the devil coming to reclaim his...

Isn't this a new series? Looks like it was based on true life...

Rose,

I also had a freind who had this same thing happen to her. Only instead of her cat it was her mother, and instead of coming back from the basement all crazed she came back from the kitchen, and instead of attacking her and running around screaming she offered her some soup.

Still, they had to put her down.

Turned out she liked soup.

*wonders why all the smart, witty and handsome ones have to be gay, or named C-bol and taken*

igloo -

Blogus Interruptus ... LOL!!! LAL!!!

C-bol, your friends are altogether too normal, almost bland.

We need to hook you up with some off-the-wall whackos, just to balance things out a little. Whaddayasay.

igloo - there is no doubt in m mind that you're right - either meth or cocaine, I say - probably meth - found a little piece on the floor, ate it and...........

THE END

I hope the daughter had enough sense to flush the remainder down the toilet - if she didn't, someone tell her to call me!

*makes appointment to have cat CAT-scanned for tumors*

She's declawed, but she can really bite when she sets her mind to it!

*makes sure meth and cocaine is in a safe place*

*looks behind catbox for itty-bitty crack pipes*

"I would tell anybody who has a cat that starts acting odd to take it seriously.”
As anyone knows who has had cats, when do they not act odd?????

As a former cat owner, Amen, Jt!

D'Art - I really should stop meeting people at "Bland Camp"

"One time, at bland camp, we ate some vanilla icecream and then nothing interesting happened and we fell asleep around 7pm."

I like cats! They shouldn't have shot it. They wouldn't shoot a human who did the same thing. Just arrest him. And what's this about killing a horse just because it's leg is broken?

I abruptly woke back up 15 minutes later and asked, "Was this flute in my ass when I laid down?"

I too, like cats, and I wouldn't have shot it either. Spoils the meat*, and .40 cal ammo ain't cheap.

*receipe in my book "4000 Things That Taste Like Chicken"

James Trofe:

So what you are saying is that they should have arrested the cat?

*officer returns to the scene next day*

I wonder WHAT was in the basement that could have freaked out the cat so much?

*investigates basement, discovers lots of exploded cats*

*returns upstairs and slaps the cuffs on the husband*

OK bub, you're coming downtown with me! There are LAWS against roo-rooing animals....

antiroach - Jack Bauer ... that was a good one!

Jack Bauer: "Here, Kitty Kitty"

horned frog "was this flute..."

Bwahahahahahahahaha!

One time I had a girl friend do the exact same thing. One minute she's fine. Next she's foaming at the mouth; screaming, yelling, biting, and scratching. The neighbors called the cops. A cop showed up and tried to calm her down but finally the officer had to pull a gun! I begged her... I pleaded with her. I used every bit of persuasion and reason I could but she wouldn't listen. No matter what I said she just wouldn't shoot my girlfriend. She just handcuffed her and took her away. I'm glad the cat's dead.

Kilgore, for a moment I thought you were going to say she cut off your penis.

Man, I wanted to go to Alaska, but until I can find me some of them Kevlar condoms, I'm staying in Texas.
At least here women use knives the way God intended: for fileting bass!

kilgore trout - LOL!!! (When I got to the poster's name ... COOL!)

Horned Frog -- I am trying to come up with a come back....but your code name made me laugh, and I didn't come up with anything. Kinda unrelated, but stay posted. I will see what I can come up with.

OtherDave's link.

In regards to Dave's other link

The back-and-forth motion may activate the dog's instinct to chase prey, he said.

back and forth motions make we want to chase things too

I'm that way about up and down motions.

Damn, another premature blog. What the hell is up with this computer today. I'm not sure I have finished a sentence all day.


**stomps off to find sledge hammer***

Don't worry Horned Frog I didn't say knife.

akgirl - don'tcha use knifes up there for stuff like skinning seals and whales and salmon and stuff like that ???

Just tryin' to help with your riposte to h.f. ... don't mind me none whatsoever ...

Viruses spiruses....
Mickey had to have licked a poisonous toad in the basement.... it was “ ... a different animal ... it looked as though it was possessed.”
Ears flat back, hair standing on end and eyes bulging. "

Staring contests with dad and the county mountie. Takes a 40-cal. bullet in the chest and jumps in the bathtub...

Poison toads are loose in Canada...

Did the cat's head spin around 360 degrees and puke up green hairballs before it attacked?

Key Word: Constable

Well I guess they ain't from around these parts.

Beretta .40 one - cats nil
Here puss puss puss.

James Trofe- May Sekhmet the Cat Goddes Bless You.
And, whoever said 'they wouldn't have treated a person like that' -- obviously doesn't read the news. Law enforcement does EXACTLY that all the time, especially with people who are mentally ill. Sorry for the rant -- but, to paraphrase Ghandi, You can judge a civilization by how it treats animals.
OK - rant over. BTW one of my cats had a brain tumor but she expired quietly without histrionics.

U.O.
I don't know about others up here, but I stopped skinning whales and seals along time ago. As for salmon, I will catch them but I don't clean them. (I leave that for others) Unusually enough I don't live in an igloo either. I just recently moved from the back woods out of eskimo land into a new house with running water, and a toilet with a snake skin toilet seat cover. Yeh, no more pooing in the woods!

**Please feel my sarcasim! Alaska, like the rest of the world is fairly civilized! Except for those who feel the need to whack off others one eyed winky wonders.... and she didn't even speak Alaskan.**

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