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February 28, 2005

PACK THE BAGS, HONEY

We're going to the Snake Expo!

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Firssst?

Good morning Dave. Nice to see you up so early.
After last weeks snake in a toilet article, I was just getting around to using my own commode again, when I read this article. Well back to the slit trenh I dug in the back yard. (ome military skills never go out of fashion.)

In what was described as a premier reptile show, organiser of the event, Kynan Moffitt of Ultimate Exotics, said the main aim of the Durban Reptile & Exotic Pet Exhibition was to showcase the different species of snakes, geckos and crocodiles.

Why just premier reptiles? This does not sound very inclusive to me. What about the regular ol' reptiles? Shouldn't they also have a show?

And what is an Exotic Pet? Are they like Exotic Dancers? Do they have a place I can slip the $20 dollar bill I found at the "Rose Bowl Parade"? What about lap dances?

"Moffitt added that the keeping of reptiles as pets was one of the fastest growing industries in South Africa."

If that quote is correct, South Africa is in deep sh!t!..what happened to good old fashioned diamond smuggling!

"We also have an anaconda, a copper python, an albino corn snake, a brown house snake and a night adder," he said.
==

"mom, can I spend the night at Glahflkwl's house this weekend?"

"isn't that the punk kid with all of the poisonous snakes and the meth lab?"

"yep, and his parent are going to be out of town this weekend too!"

"well, okay, but clean your room first so we can rent it out quicker once we get THE CALL."

"cool! thanks mom!"

Ew! Ew! Ew! I'm with Igloo...my phobia is running full-strength today!

"the main aim of the Durban Reptile & Exotic Pet Exhibition was to showcase the different species of snakes, geckos and crocodiles."

Yeah right. They make all their money by putting all these exotic animals in one pit for a no-holds-barred cage match. The snakes eat the geckos, the crocs eat the snakes, and the cheese stands alone.

I'd pay a dollar.

"he main aim of the Durban Reptile & Exotic Pet Exhibition was to showcase the different species of snakes, geckos and crocodiles"

(shudder) Geckos...

phil,

it's G-E-I-C-O

Melissa,
Maybe Dave is just trying to prepare us for tonights class assignment...24 HRS!!!!!!!
I saw some previews last night and it appears that Jack is going to severly reprimand someone for shooting a ceiling. Since I don't know what the ceiling did or even if the ceiling is a cleverly disguised terrorist, I am definitley going to watch tonights show.


Or clip my toenails. Still undecided. When it's time to turn in the class assignment tomorrow morning (24 hours later...coincidence(I think not)) maybe I can get a break if I claim my "Great Anaconda" swallowed the cable box.

I did not know South Africa had rednecks.

i thought the reptile convention was in new york, last august.

Rednecks & Snakes?

I'm thinking of a Nascar event:

The Snaketona 500!

Come and witness the greatest National Association of Snake Car Auto Racing event ever held!
For 500 miles, you'll see cars flying around the track at speeds over 200 miles per hour! AND you'll witness the track and infield covered with LIVE Snakes.


"Dale, go low, you've got an anaconda in the outside lane"

"I can't see a damn thing, some cobra spit all over my windshield. Pull the tear-off when I come into the pits"

"Uh, about that pit stop Dale, its not going to happen"

"WHAT!"

"Fatback found a rattler in his toolbox and Stinky got bit by a corn snake"

"I'm gonna run out of gas. You need gas to win the race. It sort of helps the car move. Not to mention, all four tires are covered in snake guts and I've got a cottonmouth stuck in the grill"

"You're screwed"

"Can someone at least help me out of the car?"

"Somebody?"

Durban snake expo = urban naked poxes

(no, I didn't rearrange many letters, it's Monday after all!)

"Pack the bags, Honey. We're going to the Snake Expo!"

"As in 'Snake Exposition'? Are you crazy, Dear?! Exposing your snake in public, for profit? It's not even exotic, for pete's sake!"

"Well, there will be crocodiles and geckos there, too."

Also - KwaZulu-Natal Wildlife gnf somethingorother, I'm sure.

Crocodiles, geckos, and snakes, oh my!

Key quote "..attracts crowds of visitors."

I'm sorry - but Billy Bob and his sister/wife Betsy Sue with their three kids (Glahflkwl, OneEye and Billy Bob Junior) do not constitute a crowd.

And that poor family of 4 that stopped in to use the restroom (thus constituting the "other" crowd) will be needing some serious therapy...

Those in need of snake catching services can get Zimmerman at 082 894 6783.


Hey Zimmerman, the DB blog needs you!

bo,
In Texas, we spell Gecko, 'GECKO'. We have enough of them around to float a 'battleship!' They have a football game every night on my back screen window. (Night Critters 0, and Geckos 200)
In the daytime, the lizards play 'Go In and Out the Window' with the insects in my flower beds.
(So far, I haven't seen any injuries on the field.)

"Don't ever cut and try and suck the poison out of the bite," he said.

Dang, that is the best business advice I ever heard, period.

Don't ever cut and try and suck the poison out of the bite," he said.

That is sooooo not a problem. Not gonna do that!

Several years ago, a copperhead bit a friend of mine on his finger. On the way to the hospital, about a half hour away, he was complaining about the pain. We had a cooler in the car, so I suggested he put some ice on it to numb it.

After we got to the hospital and into a room, I was reading the info that was faxed over from poison control. This sentence jumped out at me "Do not use cryotherapy as it could further damage the tissue, thus requiring amputation."

"Uh-oh" I said.

Which got his attention. I never told him, made something up, and he still has all of his fingers.

Whew!!

Is the World Famous snake authority going to be there?

I am soo there.

ig' -

Yah, shure! Like I'm gonna let an albino Burmese Python do a lap dance ... your lap, mebbe, but not mine ...

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