LET'S PUT IT THIS WAY

It sounds as if he's in the right city.

(Thanks to many people)

Comments

[igloo]

with a name like OJ, is it any wonder he doesn't get any?

[igloo]

How did they transport him to the zoo? In a white Ford Bronco.

[Tamara]

He's gay! What is with these zoos and their left-wing conspiracies?! Let the poor guy be who he is!

Tonight, I am so going to rush by my husband with my lips tensed and my hair erect. And if he doesn't get it, then he won't get it!

[julietine]

Judi,

What do you mean many people???...You meam I did not send it first???...Darn it!

[igloo]

"spurned repeatedly by the four females in Buffalo, who preferred a short, dumpy ape called Omega."

Well of course he would be spurned. After all "Omega" would the last. The final. The end.
Poor timing on his part

[Di]

"Throwing dirt doesn't work"

That statement alone shows that these so called experts know nothing about love makin'...

[igloo]

"...Oscar let 6-year-old Nneka chase him around, pelt him with clumps of dirt and hit him with branches."
Sounds similar to my second marriage. No wonder he probably prefers SpongeBob.

[julietine]

Tamara,

You read my mind...I was thinking about doing the same next time I have a hot date...how can you go wrong with your lips tense and your hair erect???

[antiroach]

I'm thinking O.J. (Ogles Johnsons) oughta be caged up with the "wimp"y pandas!!

[julietine]

Key Quote:
"He's very interested in human males," she said.

[igloo]

"Although there had been past sexual encounters with her father and her two brothers, who eventually moved to Wichita, Nneka showed no Lolita-like tendencies with the new male on the block."
Are these like from the "West Virginia" branch of the Gorilla family?

[Di]

Julietine - You beat me to it!

I'm curious though,do you think the males he's interested in tend to have a very good fashion sense???

Thats usually my problem too.

[julietine]

Di,

Honey it sounds like you need to get a "gaydar"..

[Di]

*Off the subject, but equally important*

Judi-
Thank you for giving us bloglits something new to post and read about... I was doing entirely too much work.

Grazie!

[igloo]

"...She's waiting for him to show his masculinity,"
I can tell him from experience that "showing your masculinity" won't work. I tried that at the mall last week and all it got me was thrown in jail and a blind date with "Bubba".

[Tamara]

Julietine: No! Stop! Geez, now you've got me picturing you rushing past me...with your lips tensed...your hair in a Texas-sized beehive... Oh, crap! Now the whole blog is picturing you that way! Too much sexual energy on the blog! Not enough bandwidth to handle it! It's gonna explode! ABANDON BLOG!! *grips desk and gets funny looks from employers*

[Di]

*paddles herself for being dumb*

D'oh! I forgot to check the batteries!
Thanks Julietine!

[julietine]

Tamara,

you are crazy girl!..LOL

[Christobol]

"She's waiting for him to show his masculinity."

Unless they've started giving gorillas pants at the SF Zoo, he's already showing his masculinity.

Have they considered spiking his bananas with cialis? I mean, a 36 hour pegleg might get him a different kind of attention.

[Tamara]

Yes. Yes I am.

Di, can I borrow the paddle when you're done?

[BarryFS]

The only thing I got from this story is that Nancy Chan likes it rough.

So forget the ape, lets hear more about Nancy.

[punky brewster]

That story was chock full of things to comment about ... holy crap. He's a virgin ... and gay ... girls are hurt because he won't flirt with them ... he's too nice to get laid ... gorilas are sleeping with their own fathers ... the girls are getting catty ... It's like the gorilla version of The OC ... and probably much more interesting.

[antiroach]

Key Quote: "...or emitting a smell that's like a mix of skunk and human male sweat."

Oh dear, I believe some of my co-workers are hitting on me!

[Mark Trail]

Sheesh... give a gorilla a break. Maybe he just wants to take his time and not rush into a sexual relationship with a female who isn't the real magilla. Considering Nneka's history, she sounds like she's going to be really needy and where is a guy going to go if things turn ugly? "Rich" is using his head for more than a banana rack and I for one think he deserves some credit.

[Trystan Shout]

Yes, Oscar IS in the right city, 'cause trust me the gay gays in SFO - aged 23 or otherwise - are NOT virgins! (I've helped make sure of that a few times while visiting there myself...)

[slyeyes]

He's probably saving himself for Jane Goodall.

[Di]

*passes the broken paddle to Tamara and runs away blushing*

[punky brewster]

Oh, he is SO gay ... look at the photos.

And then there's the whole penis thing ...

But I digress ... maybe they should try the tried and true "say it three times and it's true" rule ...

"You're straight. You're straight. You're straight."

[igloo]

Poor old Oscar. What with females chasing him with sticks and tossing dirt on him. Having to watch and listen to others engage in sex. This guy has lived the life of a "Jerry Springer" guest. Or maybe a weeks worth of "Jerry Springer" guests.

[punky brewster]

Aww, Mark Trail ... that's sweet. Now snap out of it. He's a 350 pound gorilla with a forty pound penis and a brain this size of Dubyas ... if he got sick of his woman he could just sit on her or toss her into the cheetah's cage. He's definitely light in the paws. :)

[julietine]

All of you are too much!..I cannot stop laughing...This is best blog EVER!

[Rainy Daze]

No, actually it would be just a 'regular old tuesday' Springer guest. I just saw the "I'm A Gay Ape, So Get Off My Silverback!" episode last week.

[Lairbo]

Say what you will but his cage looks just fabulous!

Maybe they should name him Mr. Doubtfire.

[antiroach]

Punky,

Light in the claws! Hilarious!!

Maybe he should be a Rainbowback Gorilla?

* memo to self: need to borrow paddle *

[antiroach]

Oops! Sorry for the misquote, Punky!

* memo to self: YOU SUCK!! *

[Bangi]

Di--i believe that paddle should now go to trystan shout.

[Tamara]

Agreed, Julietine. Was this Judi's plan all along? To frustrate the bloglits into even greater creativity than usual? Well, it didn't work on me, but perhaps it has for the rest!

Di, I couldn't even duct tape that paddle back into shape! Holy cow!

Mark, that was funny.*
*Sorry this isn't funny.

Go, Punky, go!

[golfwidow]

"... Oscar let 6 year-old Nneka chase him around, pelt him with clumps of dirt, and hit him with branches ..."

It's enough to make a man put his wedding band onto a sailfish.

[igloo]

"...with Kubi before his death last May from a diseased lung"

Probably all of those post-copulation cigarettes.

[igloo]

"by the four females in Buffalo, who preferred a short, dumpy ape called Omega."

If they had added "bald" in the description, they could have been describing me.

[Oscar (a.k.a. OJ, a.a.k.a Rich)]

"He's a 350 pound gorilla with a forty pound penis and a brain the size of Dubyas.."

I'll have you know, I do NOT weigh 350lbs, I weigh 306lbs. I've been on Jenny Craig and enjoy Tae Bo, thank you very much. Yes my penis is quite impressive, but I keep being told it's not the size that counts, it's how far you can toss your feces. And as for Dubya, I believe I finished 3 spots ahead of him in our graduating class at Yale.

[Christobol]

Hank is visiting San Fran for the first time, and enjoying himself quite a bit, though he has yet to get "lucky".

By the second week there, he knows he's running out of time, and begins to get desperate. He sees an ad in the SF Chronical: "Sex With Gorilla: $500"

He decides to check into it. Nancy Chan of the SF Zoo explains that their new male Gorilla, Oscar, has failed to show any interest in the females with whom he is kept. Some are beginning to think he is gay.

So, they're hoping to get a man to go in and try to have sex with Oscar, so that they'll know one way or another.

"Ok," says Hank, "but do I have to kiss him?"
"No. Gorillas aren't really into kissing so much."
"Fine. Now, about the money."
"Yes?"
"All I'm going to be able to come up with is $300, take it or leave it."

[Eleanor]

Every sentence is this article is a Key Quote

Only in San Francisco, where you would think they could figure out that he's gay - not that there's anything wrong with that!

[Di]

*glowing*
Thanks for the compliment Tamara!

[antiroach]

Zoo Keeper 1: Where did all the bananas go?

Zoo Keeper 2: OJ took them all.

Zoo Keeper 1: Wow, he must be hungry.

Zoo Keeper 2: Umm, not really. Have a look.

Zoo Keeper 1: Well, he is to hungry! He just keeps shoving those bananas in his mouth! Wait...that's the same banana...nevermind.

[Tamara]

C-bol! Ow, my everything hurts!

[Rainy Daze]

Tamara,

Rub some ointment on it. Nice and slow. And don't forget the paddle as well.......

[Tamara]

Ointment? On my everything? Won't that make the label start peeling off?

[Rainy Daze]

No, no... Not unless you're going to soap yourself up first. You're not going to soap yourself up first are you? Because, I mean...if you are.....I just want to know.......ya know....for research.... purposes.... and... stuff.

*quakes joyfully at the thought*

[Tamara]

I know, I feel the same way; I love research too!!

[Rainy Daze]

Sometimes I wish I could do a little more research, but work and social life keep getting in the way. Now if I can find a group of people who would be into researching socially, now THAT would be something.

[Lairbo]

So, these days when someone in San Francisco "Goes Ape" what, exactly does that mean?

[Rainy Daze]

I think it means "to eat a turkey sandwich". But I'm a little hazy on the French.

[Writer's Carmp]

"We're trying this new experiment to see if he will trade his juice for pictures of female gorilla butts"

"The 145 gallons of juice he has in the corner?"

"We give him a gallon a day. It hasn't been working"

"Well he just gave me a gallon of juice"

"You didn't drink any did you!"

"It was pineapple"

"Now he thinks your going to have gorilla roo roo with him!"

"Not on the first date"

"He take take any more rejection! This will ruin him!"

"He is quite a dancer"

"So you'll consider it?"

"Well, it is San Francisco"

[igloo]

This just in.
Oj, formerly a respected commercial actor has been found in a zoo in San Francisco. The former star was tragically injured in his youth during the filming of a Samsonite commercial. He has eschewed all female compansionship since the incident.
Dr. Phil, of TV(not transvestite)fame, has volunteered his services and his own special brand of "Tough Love" in hopes of returning OJ back to mainstream life.

[candy tutt]

...it means that OSCAR is really WILDE...

[D'Artagnan]

On Thursday, three days into their new life together, there were no sparks flying -- just piles of straw, tangerines and other objects not conducive to romance.

Such as what objects, exactly? Therein might lie the answer to the whole (not hole) gay question.

Not that there's anything wrong with th...*slap* OK, OK, fine. Welcome to San Francisco.

[nomad]

"I hope the girls in this joint are better than that last place they kept me"
"Hey what's wrong with her? why is her hair standing up like that? Get her away from me before I catch something."
"OUCH!"
"Hey, quit hitting me"
"OUCH!"
"HEY! You guys up there..Hey! Help me out here will ya. Where can a guy meet some nice girls around here? Hey! c'mon guys, don't leave me here with these crazy bitches"

[blurkerette]

point for candy tutt!
(where's arcane jane when we need her?)

[Uncle Omar]

Tsk, tsk ...

Amorous Bouts in Buffalo wbagnfarb

C'bol - a variation on that story:

No boyfriend for the female gorilla, so the Zoo advertises ... "Meet new friends. Love interest a possiblity. $500/week."

Unemployed (insert ethnic character here) really needs a job, so answers the ad.

Ethnic Character: "I hafta do what? No Way, Josie!"
Zoo Keeper: "We really need help here. Lucy is lonesome, and she won't eat, she needs someone to love her. Just a little."
EC: (Thinking it over ...) "Well ... $500 a week? For how long?"
ZK: "Just until she starts acting normally ..."
EC: "Well ... you gotta promise me three things ..."
ZK: "Anything!"
EC: "I don't hafta kiss her ... on the lips."
ZK: "No problem ... gorillas aren't much into kissing."
EC: "Nobody can ever hear about this."
ZK: "Absolutely. We can just let you both sleep in the cave, and close off that portion of the primate house."
EC: "And ... the kids have gotta be raised Catholic ..."

[shaay]

T. S. - I love that penguin story! I can just picture them all in their little tuxedos, waddling around hoping to get very lucky. I wonder if anyone has told Opus about the possibiliuties of gay penguin love? He might change his luck...