FACTS YOU'LL BE GLAD YOU KNOW
Just in case you ever come across a flirtatious lobster.
(Thanks to Jim Baxter)
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February 17, 2005
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" Hey, babe, come here often?.....Um, napkin please...."
Posted by: Graz | February 17, 2005 at 09:04 PM
The last time I tried flirting by urinating in someone's face was 25 cent Tequila shot night at the Rough N Ready....
Posted by: Higgy | February 17, 2005 at 09:05 PM
So they grow by ripping off their entire skeleton and stomach lining? That explains why boiling isn't much of a problem for them.
I'm also very glad I'm not a lobster.
Posted by: Alex D. | February 17, 2005 at 09:20 PM
Guy Lobster: "Hey babe, come here often?"
Gal Lobster: "Piss off....hey, stop that!"
or
Guy Lobster: "Hey babe, you're lookin' hot tonight."
Gal Lobster: "Stop, you're making me wet."
Posted by: bbxl | February 17, 2005 at 09:50 PM
Exactly how is it that these "scientists" were able to determine that urinating on each other was flirting?
Posted by: SchadeBoy | February 17, 2005 at 10:18 PM
I meant the lobsters. Urinating on the lobsters. No, I mean, the lobsters urinating on each other. Wait...
...oh geez! I need to go to bed!
Posted by: SchadeBoy | February 17, 2005 at 10:20 PM
*thinking of Lobster the hubby had for dinner*
EWEWWWWWWWWW!
Although it would be pretty cool if MY babies could fly... would save my back a lot of pain!!!!
Posted by: Just | February 17, 2005 at 11:51 PM
I did not need to hear this after getting taken to Red Lobster and trying just a little ocean roach.
Posted by: Arcane Jill | February 18, 2005 at 01:16 AM
"Flirt with each other by........Deja Vu, Baby
Posted by: Urin8r | February 18, 2005 at 01:53 AM
Grow by ripping off their own skeletons -- including the lining of their stomachs?
Isn't that an act in the WWF?
Posted by: slyeyes | February 18, 2005 at 03:16 AM
Grow by ripping off their own skeletons -- including the lining of their stomachs?
Isn't that an act in the WWF?
Posted by: slyeyes | February 18, 2005 at 03:16 AM
See, this is why I refuse to eat the nasty things! 20,000 eyes? AACK!!!
Posted by: Cin | February 18, 2005 at 03:46 AM
See, this is why I refuse to eat the nasty things! 20,000 eyes? AACK!!!
Posted by: Cin | February 18, 2005 at 03:47 AM
Ooops, sorry! Stupid lobsters.
Posted by: Cin | February 18, 2005 at 03:48 AM
Many of these fine traits actually describe my family...And I suspect some of the participants of this great experiment in journalism we know as the Dave Barry Blog.
Fight constantly -- and play a deadly game of chicken called "claw lock"?
Flirt with each other -- by urinating in each other's faces?
Dance during courtship -- and make love in the missionary position?
Anything familiar?
Di? Tamara? sly? C'bol? DAVE???????
Posted by: igloo | February 18, 2005 at 03:53 AM
"No, honey. Hold your leg like this, so that it looks like the main tower. Your other leg needs to go like this, like the pantry. Look at the picture."
"I don't think you understand what they mean by missionary position."
Posted by: Christobol | February 18, 2005 at 04:09 AM
Hey! Remember that old story about the woman who masturbated with a lobster???
*runs away*
Posted by: Leetie | February 18, 2005 at 04:35 AM
*at La Surf du la Plage*
"Gee, honey. When you said you were going to have the lobster, I didn't realize you meant you were going to have the lobster."
Posted by: Christobol | February 18, 2005 at 04:47 AM
For some reason this thread reminds me of the Orthodox detective. His business card reads "Available 24/6".
Posted by: Balanchine | February 18, 2005 at 04:48 AM
That's strange ... I wouldn't imagine that lobsters who enjoy golden showers would also enjoy the missionary position. Those two don't typically go claw 'n claw, ya know?
Posted by: punky brewster | February 18, 2005 at 04:58 AM
So that's what my last date was doing!..flirting!...I totally got the wrong message!...I need to give him a call...
Posted by: julietine | February 18, 2005 at 05:00 AM
La Surf du la Plage = Purge A Full Salad.
Posted by: D'Artagnan | February 18, 2005 at 05:01 AM
Minnesotans have had more practice. I mean, technically their summers would be considered winter in a lot of the country.
Oh - and continuing my train wreck of thought re: the missionary position.
"Okay - so now your arms need to go like this...man, I don't think this is going to work."
"You don't like the missionary position?"
"I do, but, frankly honey, your boobs are making this look more like a mosque."
Posted by: Christobol | February 18, 2005 at 05:12 AM
Flying Lobsters and Claw Locks definitely have a WWF feel, don't they? I'm trying to work out a Urinating Flirting rock band name but it's too early to get that gross.
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | February 18, 2005 at 05:46 AM
shouldn't it be called the 'lobster' position? They had it first!
Posted by: insomniac | February 18, 2005 at 05:50 AM
For some reason this thread reminds me of the Orthodox detective. His business card reads "Available 24/6".
Hilarious!!! I'm e-mailing it to my rabbi - or maybe I'll just have business cards made up for him that say this for him to pass out at Friday night services!
Posted by: Jewish Princess | February 18, 2005 at 06:08 AM
For some reason this thread reminds me of the Orthodox detective. His business card reads "Available 24/6".
Hilarious!!! I'm e-mailing it to my rabbi - or maybe I'll just have business cards made up for him that say this for him to pass out at Friday night services!
Posted by: Jewish Princess | February 18, 2005 at 06:09 AM
Maybe Golden Lobster would be a good name for a Chinese Restaurant (*Grolden Robstah)
Posted by: CodyPendent | February 18, 2005 at 06:32 AM
"So that's what my last date was doing!..flirting!...I totally got the wrong message!...I need to give him a call..." Hahahahahahahaha oh wow that was great julietine.. lol
Posted by: screamingcow | February 18, 2005 at 06:35 AM
No wonder all those amorous lobsters came out the last time I peed in the ocean!
Posted by: Writer's Cramp | February 18, 2005 at 07:23 AM
igloo, sounds like you're describing "Happy Hour" here at the tavern...
Posted by: moe the bartender | February 18, 2005 at 08:25 AM
Sounds like my kind of establishment, Moe. Save me a seat at the bar and pour me a Black & Tan with a shot, and I'll be right down.
Posted by: igloo | February 18, 2005 at 08:36 AM
OK, I admit, I spent WAY too much time on this lobster site. I even went to the "lobster blog". On the other hand, if I hadn't, I would have missed THIS:
"the female correspondent...steered the conversation toward the male lobster's double endowment.
"Yup," Bruce declared, "it's enough to make a man jealous." He hefted a large male up to the camera. "They've got two, and they're always hard."
Note: they are not referring to the lobster's claws.
Posted by: Debbie | February 18, 2005 at 08:43 AM
JP: glad you enjoyed. hope the rebbe has a sense of humor.
oh and btw and distinctly OT, assume you know the definition of your namesakes' dream house....
Posted by: Balanchine | February 18, 2005 at 08:47 AM
Soooo...
Get some musical condoms, and you get a duet. Get the Lester Flatt & Earl Scruggs set and they can get it on to The Beverly Hillbilly's theme.
Posted by: igloo | February 18, 2005 at 08:52 AM
How do they know what the lobsters call their chicken game? Or their children?
Posted by: Aaaargh | February 18, 2005 at 09:21 AM
Hatch babies called "Superlobsters" -- because they can fly underwater?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this called... swimming?
Posted by: Mike "Mad's Dork" Weasel | February 18, 2005 at 10:35 AM
balanchine - I'm not going to give you the set-up line, but proceed anyway:)
Posted by: Jewish Princess | February 18, 2005 at 11:02 AM
Oh, man! I didn't have a chance to review this thread till just now... You guys are TOO FUNNY!!
Posted by: Tamara | February 18, 2005 at 11:57 AM
JP: 3000 square feet, no kitchen and no bedroom.
Posted by: Balanchine | February 18, 2005 at 12:44 PM
Oh, and doubtless you know the definition of Jewish foreplay....
Posted by: Balanchine | February 18, 2005 at 12:45 PM
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Posted by: Jewish Princess | February 18, 2005 at 01:18 PM
Q: What's the best way to kill a lobster?
A: Before putting lobsters in the pot, I kill them quickly so they won't suffer in the boiling water. I use a technique taught to me by a professional chef. It may seem a bit gruesome but it's effective and more humane than boiling them alive. Place the lobster upside down on a cutting board, and position the tip of the largest, heaviest kitchen knife you can find between the legs, about halfway down the body, edge of knife facing the animal's head. In two swift motions, first plunge the knife into the body and then pivot the knife edge down sharply to split the animal's head in half. The lobster's nervous system has no brain but rather a string of connected ganglia. The ganglia that control the rear legs and tail won't necessarily be completely severed by this process, and there may still be some reflexive movement, but the animal is no longer alive.
What the f#*k? After read this if I was a lobster, I want to be boiled. Thanks.
Posted by: alixky | February 18, 2005 at 01:39 PM