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February 17, 2005

FACTS YOU'LL BE GLAD YOU KNOW

Just in case you ever come across a flirtatious lobster.

(Thanks to Jim Baxter)

Comments

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" Hey, babe, come here often?.....Um, napkin please...."

The last time I tried flirting by urinating in someone's face was 25 cent Tequila shot night at the Rough N Ready....

So they grow by ripping off their entire skeleton and stomach lining? That explains why boiling isn't much of a problem for them.

I'm also very glad I'm not a lobster.

Guy Lobster: "Hey babe, come here often?"
Gal Lobster: "Piss off....hey, stop that!"

or

Guy Lobster: "Hey babe, you're lookin' hot tonight."
Gal Lobster: "Stop, you're making me wet."

Exactly how is it that these "scientists" were able to determine that urinating on each other was flirting?

I meant the lobsters. Urinating on the lobsters. No, I mean, the lobsters urinating on each other. Wait...


...oh geez! I need to go to bed!

*thinking of Lobster the hubby had for dinner*

EWEWWWWWWWWW!


Although it would be pretty cool if MY babies could fly... would save my back a lot of pain!!!!

I did not need to hear this after getting taken to Red Lobster and trying just a little ocean roach.

"Flirt with each other by........Deja Vu, Baby

Grow by ripping off their own skeletons -- including the lining of their stomachs?

Isn't that an act in the WWF?

Grow by ripping off their own skeletons -- including the lining of their stomachs?

Isn't that an act in the WWF?

See, this is why I refuse to eat the nasty things! 20,000 eyes? AACK!!!

See, this is why I refuse to eat the nasty things! 20,000 eyes? AACK!!!

Ooops, sorry! Stupid lobsters.

Many of these fine traits actually describe my family...And I suspect some of the participants of this great experiment in journalism we know as the Dave Barry Blog.

Fight constantly -- and play a deadly game of chicken called "claw lock"?
Flirt with each other -- by urinating in each other's faces?
Dance during courtship -- and make love in the missionary position?

Anything familiar?
Di? Tamara? sly? C'bol? DAVE???????

"No, honey. Hold your leg like this, so that it looks like the main tower. Your other leg needs to go like this, like the pantry. Look at the picture."

"I don't think you understand what they mean by missionary position."

Hey! Remember that old story about the woman who masturbated with a lobster???

*runs away*

*at La Surf du la Plage*

"Gee, honey. When you said you were going to have the lobster, I didn't realize you meant you were going to have the lobster."

For some reason this thread reminds me of the Orthodox detective. His business card reads "Available 24/6".

That's strange ... I wouldn't imagine that lobsters who enjoy golden showers would also enjoy the missionary position. Those two don't typically go claw 'n claw, ya know?

So that's what my last date was doing!..flirting!...I totally got the wrong message!...I need to give him a call...

La Surf du la Plage = Purge A Full Salad.

Minnesotans have had more practice. I mean, technically their summers would be considered winter in a lot of the country.

Oh - and continuing my train wreck of thought re: the missionary position.

"Okay - so now your arms need to go like this...man, I don't think this is going to work."

"You don't like the missionary position?"

"I do, but, frankly honey, your boobs are making this look more like a mosque."

Flying Lobsters and Claw Locks definitely have a WWF feel, don't they? I'm trying to work out a Urinating Flirting rock band name but it's too early to get that gross.

shouldn't it be called the 'lobster' position? They had it first!

For some reason this thread reminds me of the Orthodox detective. His business card reads "Available 24/6".

Hilarious!!! I'm e-mailing it to my rabbi - or maybe I'll just have business cards made up for him that say this for him to pass out at Friday night services!

For some reason this thread reminds me of the Orthodox detective. His business card reads "Available 24/6".

Hilarious!!! I'm e-mailing it to my rabbi - or maybe I'll just have business cards made up for him that say this for him to pass out at Friday night services!

Maybe Golden Lobster would be a good name for a Chinese Restaurant (*Grolden Robstah)

"So that's what my last date was doing!..flirting!...I totally got the wrong message!...I need to give him a call..." Hahahahahahahaha oh wow that was great julietine.. lol

No wonder all those amorous lobsters came out the last time I peed in the ocean!

igloo, sounds like you're describing "Happy Hour" here at the tavern...

Sounds like my kind of establishment, Moe. Save me a seat at the bar and pour me a Black & Tan with a shot, and I'll be right down.

OK, I admit, I spent WAY too much time on this lobster site. I even went to the "lobster blog". On the other hand, if I hadn't, I would have missed THIS:

"the female correspondent...steered the conversation toward the male lobster's double endowment.

"Yup," Bruce declared, "it's enough to make a man jealous." He hefted a large male up to the camera. "They've got two, and they're always hard."

Note: they are not referring to the lobster's claws.

JP: glad you enjoyed. hope the rebbe has a sense of humor.

oh and btw and distinctly OT, assume you know the definition of your namesakes' dream house....

Soooo...
Get some musical condoms, and you get a duet. Get the Lester Flatt & Earl Scruggs set and they can get it on to The Beverly Hillbilly's theme.

How do they know what the lobsters call their chicken game? Or their children?

Hatch babies called "Superlobsters" -- because they can fly underwater?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this called... swimming?

balanchine - I'm not going to give you the set-up line, but proceed anyway:)

Oh, man! I didn't have a chance to review this thread till just now... You guys are TOO FUNNY!!

JP: 3000 square feet, no kitchen and no bedroom.

Oh, and doubtless you know the definition of Jewish foreplay....

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Q: What's the best way to kill a lobster?
A: Before putting lobsters in the pot, I kill them quickly so they won't suffer in the boiling water. I use a technique taught to me by a professional chef. It may seem a bit gruesome but it's effective and more humane than boiling them alive. Place the lobster upside down on a cutting board, and position the tip of the largest, heaviest kitchen knife you can find between the legs, about halfway down the body, edge of knife facing the animal's head. In two swift motions, first plunge the knife into the body and then pivot the knife edge down sharply to split the animal's head in half. The lobster's nervous system has no brain but rather a string of connected ganglia. The ganglia that control the rear legs and tail won't necessarily be completely severed by this process, and there may still be some reflexive movement, but the animal is no longer alive.

What the f#*k? After read this if I was a lobster, I want to be boiled. Thanks.

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