« Previous | Main | Next »

February 17, 2005

EXCITING BREAKTHROUGH DISCOVERY IN LOBSTER SCIENCE

No word yet on what lobsters have to say about scientists being boiled.

Key Quote That Reminds Us of Our College Days: "No brain, no pain."

Comments

Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

Do they like butter and garlic as well?

first?

I can sleep now..

Scientist says lobsters likely don't mind boiling.

When I stand there and boil a pot of rice, I don't feel pain. I don't really see why a lobster would either. Lbbsters have dinner parties too, don't they?

But then again, what do I know. I'm not a scientist.

OK, that was pretty lame, but I choked when I saw the empty comments.

Sorry...

The study also revealed that lobsters like to play on pianos..And that crabs like to play on organs..

"No brain, no pain." Sounds like a male trait to me.

tweety, you were so first, it's not even funny, so don't apologize...

tweety, you were so first, it's not even funny, so don't apologize...

However, the surveyed lobsters did request that the hot tub be turned down a little.

Sean - what's better than roses on your piano?


Tulips on your organ...

Thank you - I'm here all week.... Tip your waiters...Try the veal...

Quadruple simul-double post, ah, it's time to turn this thing off and go boil for a while.

Quadruple simul-double post, ah, it's time to turn this thing off and go boil for a while.

D'Art,
Quadruple simul-double post including a double-entendre...

I am getting a headache...

Higgy, HAHA! Next time your spouse says that you need flowers around the house ask if they would like to plant tulips..And,well,ya know..

So the Cockroaches of the sea don't feel pain?
That probably comes in handy when we rip of their heads and shove their own antennae up their intestines to devein them.

Sorry, that's actually pretty gross now that I'm writing it.

*polite golf clap*

Well done, Higster.

Now, on to those poor little lobsters. Of course they feel pain! As do insects. Ever pull a wing off of a moth?? It hurts the moth. Trust me. Why the hell else do you think the lobsters scream when they get placed in boiling water ... or why the moth runs around in circles when you pluck their wing clean off ... he's not celebrating.

*hangs head in shame*

Yes, this is what we call "news" here in Chicago. Pretty sad for a big city.

But I really like the new Red Lobster commercial...

"When life gives you lemons... Squeeze them on lobsters!"

Excellent! Boil the lobsters! Bring on the lemons!

Years ago I had a friend who was a chef at a seafood restaurant and one day he decided to cook lobsters for a bunch of us at my apartment...

I was clueless about the whole process of boiling lobsters alive and so I was a little shocked when he showed up at my door with eight live lobsters....

For some reason, he had trouble getting the huge pot of water to boil properly on my stove so he ended up heating the water on my grill on the deck outside so it took quite awhile...

Meanwhile, I'm staging lobster races in the living room. We had named them all and were placing bets and everything. It was all going great until my friend started coming in to grab the lobsters... taking one at a time every few minutes....

It was like Dead Man Walking for lobsters. I was protesting that he couldn't kill the winner but to no avail since there were eight of us eating and eight lobsters....

When it came time to eat, I couldn't do it and I haven't eaten lobster since... It was just too weird....

The moral of the story: Never bond with your food before eating...

Hey Punky,if moths felt pain,they would stop flying BEFORE they went into a flame,don't you think? Ya know, they would feel heat..

Yeah, I made the mistake of playing fetch with a hamdog for like half an hour before we deep fried him. I was gonna eat of him too, but the crispy little fetch stick was still stuck in his battered little mouth. I broke off the head and gave it to my buddy. He used the fetch stick as a toothpick.

eat "all" of him... damn terrorists

I have heard that some ladies `bond with bananas'.

Can they eat them also?

I was watching a cooking show the other day,I think it was Ming, and he was making lobsters and what he said was the humane way to boil them was to first take a knife and stick it through its back so it kills it and wont feel pain when you throw them into the boiling water...Swear to God..But whats worse? A knife through the back or boiling water..

This is all making me mighty hungry for some juicy, pain free lobster. I wonder if they mind being poked in the eye.

I volunteer Punky for that experiment, as she already likes plucking moths wing off, and watching them squeal.

Was that chef, Ming The Merciless?

*Sorry for the Geezer reference*

Do you think Fat, slippery long worms feel pain when they are being boiled?


**akgirl makes small effort at humor and returns to waiting patiently for coffee and brain delivery**

Is this Dave's way of celebrating Lent? Yesterday it was clams,and now its lobster...How 'bout a snarky flounder post Dave?

yea, I got a primitive nervous system and underdeveloped brain too !
*launches sock full o'nickels at Higgy*

Igloo - You mean people can hear the name Ming and not think of Flash Gordon? I mean if you think of a Chinese dynasty, you are way past the geezer stage.

Hey igloo,yeah! He makes a bitchin' vase too...Now I'll have that cheesy Flash Gordon flying spacship image in mind for a while..

I don't eat lobsters; they look too much like bugs.

Bananas?! What's wrong with a good old-fashioned cucumber?! Or a rutabaga!? Well, maybe not a rutabaga...unless you whittle it into a more cylindrical shape first...which isn't too difficult once you get the hang of it.

*should have kept her big mouth shut*

Lobsters' reactions are escape mechanisms....

You mean, like trying to escape the boiling hot water and a painful death?!?!?!?!?

Sean,
I was trying to plant the "Cheesy" song as an earwig to the blog. Definitely a twofer if the image makes it as well.

♫Flash - ah - Saviour of the universe
Flash - ah - He'll save ev'ry one of us
- Seemingly there is no reason for these
- Extraordinary intergalactical upsets
- What's happening Flash ?

We were at a party
His ear lobe fell in the deep
Someone reached in and grabbed it
It was a Rock LOBSTAH!

I'm worried about those Canadian gay bananas.

For the record ... I'm not a moth wing plucker ... but I play one on the blog.

As for moths feeling the heat before they put their little insect feet on a searing hot light bulb ... their feet are made of Kevlar.

I always try to bring a lobster to the brink of orgasm just before I throw it into the boiling pot.

Of course, it always ends up tasting bitter.

As for moths, it's not nice to pull their wings off, unless you first knock them out with a tiny, tiny hammer.

punky - please don't make me laugh while I'm smoking a cigarette and drinking Diet Coke -

*cough, cough*
*spew, spew*

Kevlar! *just wanted to laugh again*

Remember that story about the woman who masturbated with a lobster tail? Good times!

It's SOOOOOOOOOO gross, but whomever came up with it put alot of detail into it.

CAUTION: REALLY GROSS

I didn't even know lobster tails masturbated.

No wonder we boil 'em.

Yum... lobster. Ultimately who cares if they feel pain? Then I have to start worrying about those cockroaches I step on and the ants I spray lethal chemicals on and the mosquitoes I burn alive. That is way too many things to worry about.

At least the lobster tastes good after the torture. I can't say the same for the cockroach.

Leetie,

Don't talk to me ever, ever, ever again. Ever.*

"Disgusting" doesn't even begin to describe it; I think I'm scarred for life! YUCK!!! At least it wasn't a true story though, eh?

*Okay, so you weren't actually talking *to me* anyway, but that is so-way beside the point... BLEHH!!!

too late Punky, "moth wing plucker" went on your permanent record

*and it's a good name for a band*

Christobol
If it tastes bitter it must be faking orgasm.

Christobol, I'll bet your comment went way over most peoples' heads (except for akgirl)
*you go girl*

thank you moe.... i will let you help me finish now.....

As I was scrolling to read, I came upon this line . . .

"I always try to bring a lobster to the brink of orgasm just before I throw it into the boiling pot."

Is it sad that I knew exactly who wrote it before I even scrolled to the name at the bottom of the post?

Somewhere North, try wraping the cockroach in a beef patty that's deep fried, covered with chili, cheese and onions and served on a hoagie bun, topped with a fried egg and two fistfuls of fries.
(it's a moe's deli speciality)

Bet'cha never look at shrimp etoufee the same way again.

*flip*

Roach surprise... should make for nice breath

aahhh geeeezzz, akgirl, you're makin me blush...

Moe, we're not all as dumb as we look. We just have short atten- Hey! something shiny!

Scooby: Ruh Roh Raggy, Robsters!
Shaggy: Yeah, like lets boil 'em!
Scooby: Ruhn Ruhn
Shaggy: No?
Scooby: Rey're Rasturbating
Shaggy: Rasturbating? I don't understand.
Velma: Ok Scooby, show us what you mean
The Gang: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

WC: giggling

wags tail

WC:
heehee *snort*

***office next door "shhhhh laughing and snorting at work is not allowed"

WC! Twice in one day, you have made me laugh out loud! Nice.

*pouts*

Why do I always leave the blog when things get good??

Or, is that things get good because I leave the blog..?

Di, without you, this blog is not even possible! --No, wait; without Julietine this blog is not even possible.
And where is Julietine today?

Di, when you're not around, I have to post twice as much to make up for the lacking (although I'm only making up for the quantity, not quality, which is readily apparent anyway; I didn't even need to say it, did I?), and it wears me out. So please glue your fingers to your keyboard while I go take a nap.

*giggling and blushing*

Awh! Thanks Tamara!!!

*runs up and gives Tamara a hug*

Where is Julietine anyway? Day off? Who authorized that??

*giggling and blushing*

Awh! Thanks Tamara!!!

*runs up and gives Tamara a hug*

Where is Julietine anyway? Day off? Who authorized that??

*overly excited*

Do you see what happens when you make Di happy? She has multiple blog'asms!

*runs away before bloggers begin throwing tomatoes at her*

Well, I see you two changed the subject from lobster masturbation awfully quick...... a thanks is in order.

I blogged to soon

Blog'asms!? WOW!!

*hits Di with a pillow instead*

*slow-motion pillow fight begins*

Hey guys...I am here...I just do not have any witty comments today..not that I ever have any...that Lobster masturbation story is so gross I cannot even believe someone would make it up!...

HEY! YOU TWO (not to or too): May I suggest a pillow fight? While bouncing...on a bed. With a lobster?

Julietine
No need for wit, we are easily entertained.

**Goes back to watching slow moe pillow fight

*hits Julietine with a goose down pillow to get that feathers-everywhere effect*

*turns on cold-water hose to spray pillow-fighters in their tight white t-shirts...*

*hits Tamara back playfully*

Hi Julietine - I don't have anything witty either... see... this post proves it.

*blowing feathers away from her mouth*

"Pppppppppplllllllpppppppphhhhhhh"

Tamara, I dont think getting feathers all over the blog was such a good idea...

*sneezes*

I'm allergic.

tweety,

You are a pervert!...I love you!...

*hits Tamara back playfully*

Hi Julietine - I don't have anything witty either... see... this post proves it.

*blowing feathers away from her mouth*

"Pppppppppplllllllpppppppphhhhhhh"

Tamara, I dont think getting feathers all over the blog was such a good idea...

*sneezes*

I'm allergic.

I vote we find something even less appropriate to do to the lobsters instead, like poke them with coat hangers or drown them in chocolate pudding. Mmmm. Chocolate pudding...

*Oooh, something shiny*

Allergic to goose feathers? That's not sexy!

Sigh... Well, I guess we could use Imitation Goose Feathers? Tell you what, you run out and buy some Imitation Goose Down pillows and some dry white t-shirts, and I'll stay here and vacuum the wet feathers off the blog. When you come back, we'll start all over again, ok?

WHOOOHOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Cat Fight

Tamara, you haven't checked your blog weather report lately have you?

Todays weather in Chicago:

Expect snow this morning during your commute in to work, not enough to stick, but just enough to mess with all the drivers and make them ride their brakes the entire drive in. The high temperature of 19 was reached at 6am so expect that to drop throughout the course of the day.

You wanted me to go outside covered in feathers and wearing a white t-shirt in this weather? Hun, my coworkers will all think I've lost my mind and think I'm a... a.... a Canadian Goose!
Yeah.

(sorry, I couldn't think of any other bird that would be stupid enough to hang out here during these frigid months)

Sorry, I thought we were in Texas today!

How about Duck feather pillows? As in, Federal?

Run, Duck, run!

*looks around her*

*realizes it wasn't a dream afterall*

*grabs the pillows and starts playfully swatting at Tamara again*

Everythings possible in "Dave's Blog World" ;)

I was going to talk about the fried cockroach but I see that after the lobster masturbation post this turned into a little private moment for Tamera and Di. I'll give your own private room for this and I shall return and chat about drug abusing dogs now...

*blinks*

Private?

*lobs a pillow at Somewhere North*

*gets Di in a headlock & gives her a noogie as punishment for causing a pause in the pillow fight*

*OUCH*

*whispering*

Shhh, I'm trying to listen in on a co-workers convo with one of the head honchos.

*lightly whacks Tamara with the pillow, across the bum as punnishment for noogie*

yea Somewhere North, I too think Di and Tamara need some private time. I was just thinkin...do you suppose when the space aliens are running a drill into an abducted persons eye and pulling out his spleen for experimentation, they are commenting...

"they have a primitive nervous system, underdeveloped brain and have some capacity of learning, but it is unlikely that they can feel pain"

yea Somewhere North, I too think Di and Tamara need some private time.

I was just thinkin...do you suppose when the space aliens are running a drill into an abducted persons eye and pulling out his spleen for experimentation, they are commenting...

"they have a primitive nervous system, underdeveloped brain and have some capacity of learning, but it is unlikely that they can feel pain"

*grabs hose, aims and waters down Moe*

*hands hose to Tamara*

*points at Tamara when Moe looks back to see who did it*

*sprays Moe again so he can't see*

*runs*

*true to Real Life, slips in wet feathers, scrapes chin, sits on the sidelines for the rest of the pillow fight*

*mopes*

Well Moe - I would answer that but first I have to whack Di with a pillow. Then I need to hand Tamara a lobster tail, deep fry some cockroaches and lick a toad....

MMmmmmm... what were we talking about?

From now on, anytime "lobsters," or especially "lobster tails" are mentioned, my Special Area is going to detach itself and run away shrieking. If it were a male Special Area, it would recoil in terror, possibly turning itself inside out in the process.

I mean, that lobster tail stuff is just nasty!

*blocks Somewhere Norths attempt to whack her with the pillow*

*hoses Moe and Somewhere North down till they fall over from laughter and shivering*

*tosses a big bucket of orgasmic lobster tails on them*

*joins Tamara on the sidelines to watch the show*

*whips out his fat slippery long worm to distract
Di and Tamara*

Hmmmm Moe... here's a lobster tail... We could oil it up...

I prefer caterpillars, but, Di, why don't you go have a look?

Ok, DI,
It's been 20 minutes. What were the co-worker and head honcho(one of several) conversing about?

masturbating with a lobster tail?? OUCH! Holy tiny little paper cuts in my hoohaa. That tail is NOT ribbed for my pleasure!

...then Moe we could add a beef patty that's deep fried, covered with chili, cheese and onions and served on a hoagie bun, topped with a fried egg and two fistfuls of fries.

Wasnt' that your specialty? Or was it C-Bol's?

Special Area

**falls off chair laughing. Boss starts composing memo against laughter in work place.
Snorts and tells boss she has to go home early, her special place needs attending.**

*ignoring Moe and Somewhere North romp in a puddle with feathers stuck to them and their long slippery worms*

Tamara I dont like worms (I like THE "Worm") either. I prefer snakes.

Igloo - One of the newest members of our management team is "An In the Closet Televangelist"!!!! It all makes sense now, the Rolex, the stay at home wife raising the 7 kids...

Not to mention the obvious difficulty of lighting a flame between your legs to torture the lobster whilst inserting it.

That is just not safe sex at all.

1 2 »

The comments to this entry are closed.

-
 
Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | Copyright | About The Miami Herald | Advertise