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February 28, 2005


The statute of limitations on assault is 5 years.

(Thanks to Alecia Elliott)


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Obviously, Rubber Band wmaBADnfarb.

On the other hand, Level 4 Offense wbaGREATnfarb.

And to continue the Dave cliches - When they outlaw rubber bands, only outlaws will have rubber bands.

"No child left behind", this does NOT include those who shoot rubber bands

That rubber band could have hit that teacher in the EYE! It could have hurt really bad, or WORSE! Worse like her EYEBALL could have fallen out, and then she could have DIED! She could have died a THOUSAND DEATHS! So I hope that juvenile delinquent ROTS IN OFF-CAMPUS SUSPENSION!

Sure, it's all fun -n- games till someone loses an eye.

Interestingly enough, an instance similar to this happend once before. In 1958 Hoover High School in Fresno, CA, a young Rupert Turpentine was suspended for the EXACT same offense. He eventually dropped out of school only later to become a multi-multi- millionaire after inventing bungee jumping. Legend has it that he thoroughly enjoyed having the last laugh on his teacher and the school system.

Sadly his wealth was short-lived. On his second attempt at bungee jumping, he leaped from a 100-foot high bridge. Unfotunately, his bungee stretched to 101 feet.

I was vacationing in Florida for 10 days in August, 2003, and I distinctly do not recall meeting a single person who, as part of the welcoming process, did not threaten me with, at minimum, an AK-47.

Could you imagine the punishment if the student had that rubber-band Gatling gun from the previous post?

He'd have been shot in front of the monkey bars...

To continue along Zaphd's line,
""They'll only get this rubberband when they stretch it off my Cold, Dead Wrist!

too funny Tamara!

But seriously, can we really allow children to walk around with weapons? If you think about it, at least if you think about it the way I do after a gallon of schnapps, almost everything we send our kids to school with is a dangerous weapon.

HAMSTER GROIN, IA - Police today arrested 3rd grade student Alice Aviolentwench on charges of 9th degree naughtiness.

It seems she had glued her entire class to their seats and had been poking them with sharpened #2 pencils (a class 5 weapon). Her greater crimes were reserved for her teacher, Mr. Wigglypants, whom she had tacked to the wall with a compass. She was wiping peanut butter on his cheeks, even though he "wasn't sure whether he might be allergic to peanut butter."

Prosecuters expect to seek the ugly pants penalty in this case.

* steps up on soapbox *

This one hits home a bit with me. My son has ADHD. One day, the new teacher placed him at a desk at the front of the classroom. At the end of class when it was time to leave, his classmates began to crowd the front of the room, kicking his backpack, stepping on it and spilling its contents. There was a whoopie cushion in there. A girl picked it up and announced, "Look what he has!" The teacher told my son to toss it to her. She said she would sell it on eBay and make a little money for the trouble. He tossed it about six feet to her. She wrote him up, stapling the cushion to the referral (ruining it), and he was suspended for two days. I was not happy. I mean, it was not a croquet ball he threw, it was an empty whoopie cushion. And the teacher said to toss it.

And what happened to the students who were kicking his backpack and taking out his personal stuff? Nothing of course.

* steps off soapbox *

oh man. i'd be in the office the next day demanding an apology from the teacher AND having him moved to a different class. but i'm contentious like that.

I'm with you guys. I would show that fathermopping (or mothermopping) teacherhole a thing or two.

judi, you forgot to ask for (no, demand) a replacement whoopie cushion, without staple holes in it.

I would. But I'm annoying like that.

A similar thing happened to my son.

He brought a yo-yo to school, which apparently is against the rules. So, he was playing with it at recess, in the usual way, the yo-yo would drop down to the ground, fail to come up, and he'd wind it, then repeat the process.

A teacher saw him playing, and informed him that yo-yos are against school policy. So he goes to put it away, but the teacher says he must confiscate the toy, according to the rules. No problem says my son, and shoots the teacher in the knee with a small pistol.

They made such a big deal about it.

I would show the teacher what noises I can make without a "whoopee Cushion" and would threaten to continue until they returned, in working order, the original "whoopee cushion".+

"They said if he would have aimed it a little more and he would have gotten it closer to her face he would have hit her in the eye"

oh my!

just imagine the damage he could do with a paper clip, if he threw it in the right direction, while the wind was blowing, but only at the front lobe of her brain while there was a thunder storm

C-bol, your son sounds absolutely darling ... just like you.

Son's former teacher did her Master's on ADHD. She has a son and two older brothers with ADHD and knew better than anyone how to handle it. I'm of the belief that the replacement's idea is to expel the problem out of school.
It can be very frustrating trying to educate teachers about ADHD. Most just want conformity to their standard. The former teacher adjusted her teaching style to students' needs. She moved on to another school to pursue becoming a principal. More power to her, I say. Schools are in desperate need of administrators like her.

* okay, seriously, I'm off the soapbox now *
* bows gratefully in bloglits' and judi's direction *

coulda,woulda, shoulda.....

The omnipotent "What IF......."

MOTW - my son is great, so obviously that's coming from the wife's side. I'll bet he'd be willing to send you either his yo-yo (which didn't get confiscated after knee capping the teacher) and/or his pistol, which doesn't exist anyway. Sounds like you could make better use of them!

A_Jill - have you seen this for treatment?

That teacher stinks butt.
I (accidentally) threw a knife at my teacher.

Wow, expulsion is pretty harsh. When I was in elementary school (in the liberal days of the late '90s) I conceived of the delightful prank of concealing metal pins in someone's food. To some, this might seem slightly more threatening than tossing a limp rubber band in someone's general vicinity, but I merely received a two-day suspension. In fact, my boyish pranks included punching a girl in the face, using a metal scooter as a blunt object and hacking the school computer system, yet that remained the maximum punishment for each offense. The difference could have been my tender age and presumed naivete, as well as my angelic countenance, of course.


At my high school, the teachers threw stuff at us when we weren't listening.

No seriously.

I had my volleyball coach throw a volleyball at my head because I didnt turn around when she said to. One of my English teachers threw a dry-erase marker at me because I was flirting with some guy. and another English teacher threw an eraser at me because I did something that I don't remember.

My high school was so cool.

We threw stuff back at the teachers, in case anyone is curious.

And no, no one ever got in trouble, because we knew the right teachers to mess around with, and we never threw anything terribly big.

OMG ...

I remember classmates who exhibited some of those traits on MOTW's post ...

Now, this was the good old days ... before "learning disabilities" and even before "Political Correctness" were even heard of ... (remember, I'm very old ...)

They were the "class dummies." We didn't really do much to them -- after all, they were our classmates, perhaps even relatives (since everyone in a small town eventually ends up related to everyone else, through marriages and other recreational mishaps) -- but we snickered at them ... or were embarrassed to be seen socializing with them ...

Well, there was this time when a bunch of the guys (all of us but one) were picking on a newcomer (and perhaps not quite "the sharpest knife in the drawer" -- tho I doubt it was ADHD.) ... a little push, a little shove, and since I was the smallest, he chose to react/defend his honor by fighting me ...
except for Rusty, the asthmatic, the smallest in the "gang" ...

So, after we both took off our glasses (we were "honorable" -- and besides which, if we broke our glasses, we'd be in BIG trouble at home) ...I defended myself with a sock full of marbles ...

Yup. I "won" ... but T-R-O-U-B-L-E doesn't begin to describe the rest of it ...

Ah, the good old days ...

We were terrible!

[... he's gone on to be a success in life, with a decent education and a good job -- and look at me, a bum on the road ... all I've got is a lot of fun memories (or other parts of life), an adequate income and a ton or so of guilt ... I hope to be able to apologize to him at the All-School Reunion this summer ...]

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