« Previous | Main | Next »

January 31, 2005


Since when is accordion playing worth more than stripping?

(Thanks to Bob Hopf)

p.s. to commenters: No, it is not funny that the tiger hurt them. At least no one involved in this story was watching porn (as far as we know).


Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

I can think of safer things to do with my family, perhaps, skydive? No tigers up there!

I think the tiger should have received some sort of medal for removing at least one accordian player from the world. One less stripper is never a bad thing, either.

Strippers date accordian players?

I've never heard of an accordian player making 1.7 million playing the 'squeeze box!' (and now he can't play the accordian, anymore. Was the money a reward for 'not' playing anymore or what?)

Yeah Judi,

I agree...why was her loser boyfriend given more money???...I think it takes more effort to shake your booty in front of strangers than play some darn accordion...

This just in, an accordion player bags a stripper! The terrorists have won!

Personally I think accordion playing should be incorporated into more stripping acts. 'Squeezing the box' could become an euphemism for so many new and interesting things.

judi said "p.s. to commenters: No, it is not funny that the tiger hurt them. At least no one involved in this story was watching porn (as far as we know).

Hmmm... using my Judi Deciphomatic Decoder Ring©, which I got for sending in 12 Fruity Pebbles boxtops, I can translate that as follows:

"If you don't think this post if funny, just move along to the next thread. Of course, if you feel you must complain, please consider smothering yourself with Kirstie Alley's camel toe instead."

I have never, not even once, seen anyone slip a dollar into an accordian player's g-string. And I went to some pretty interesting off-campus parties.

This comes to mind.

Mommas got a squeeze box, Daddy never sleeps at night!


Ahh, much better. Now my mind has returned to BLANK.

No, Peri, but in all fairness, it's hard to get at the g-string with that big hunk of metal, plastic and fabric hanging out in front.

Probably easier to get at a bagpipe player's g-string, would be my guess.

I can understand an Accordian Player in Canada and I can understand a Stripper in Canada. Wha I cannot fathom is a Lion Country Safari in Canada. Isn't Canada a whole lot colder than Africa?
Perhaps the Tiger in question just trying to get the people out of the vechicle, so the tiger could get inside and warm up.


The blog clock will be corrected in 62 days.

That is all — you may now resume on-topic blogging.

When I go to Oktoberfest this year I'm going to keep a very close eye on the oompah band. After my fifth stein I'm also going to see what can be done with my bratwurst. I'll report back with my findings on accordian players' earning potential. To obtain a valid comparison and test D'Art's theory, I'll also attend the 'Highland Fling' this summer and conduct the experiment with grogg and hagis.

Hey Peri,accordians don't HAVE strings...Duh!

I've been wondering for awhile now, what exactly does "OIYDWYMTTY(NY)G" mean?

igloo, Toronto just doesn't think that anything about Canada applies to them. If they want to build a Savannah, they'll darn well build one!

So, I guess that was the end of the traveling accordian strip show?

"You know, I think we get more money from people paying you to stop playing the accordian than I get"
"Whatever... we're getting paid..."
"I don't know about working the drive through safari crowd though... don't you think we should roll up the windows"

I think I met that 'Accordian' player in a Greek Restaurant in D.T. Minneapolis. He had his 'trained' Stripper with him. He would play Greek and Israeli Folk tunes and she would do an Arabian Belly dance at the tables. (cooperation in the middle East, by 'dangies!)

Peri,isn't Savannah in Georgia. What are those crafty Canadians doing? Is this paypack for the War of 1812?

Erica, I thought the blolits would be all over that one, but since they are being remiss:

Or If You Don't Want Your Mother To Think You're (Not Your) Gay.

I just don't know, igloo, but never confuse Toronto with Canada. They'll start mailing you poisonous spiders if you do. Did we have a war in 1812? If so, I'll bet Canada never noticed. Hint to anyone who wants to invade Canada: Attack at 0200 hours - that's closing time at the bars and Canadians never leave before last call.

I think you are all missing the most important factor here, which is fine by me.

*flips through yellow pages in search of accordian lessons*

rhealist, is it too late to apologise to you? You know we love Toronto! We know you can take a joke and I won't even mention that winter you called in the Army to chip you out of the ice and then called them back the following summer because it was too hot.

Upon reflection, that wasn't very funny. People died in both cases (ice and heat) and it's just a very graphic example of the ridiculous extremes the Canadian climate reaches.

I'm with Lab Specimen. The most important aspect of this whole story is that a stripper is dating an accordian player!

Of course, no one ever said the stripper was good looking. Maybe they're a fetish act. You know, an act geared towards those really odd people that like to listen to Neal Diamond songs played on an accordian while watching a 500 pound woman "shake and quake" across the dance floor.

The stripper was an innocent victim. the cat had to go through her to get at the accordion player

I'm afraid you missed my point, Steve, although you do raise a possible side-benefit. My point is that I have more earning potential if I learn to play the accordian!

"It is one of the safest activities you can do with your family."

I assume that refers to stripping.

*snork* (BarryFS)

Try being a stripper who plays an accordian.


Her musician boyfriend, David Balac, won C$1.7 million, because his injuries left him unable to work as an accordion player ...

well, at least SOME things worked out for the best..

Accordian players are good with their hands ... a stripper's squeeze box knows this ... hence the unimaginable union. Girls will date a polka dancer if we know he's good in bed.

So Todays Lesson Is:
1) Learn to play the Accordian.
2) Move to Canada.
3) Drive through family safari place with open windows and fresh meat.
4) Get rich.

I think it sounds totally do-able!!!

Punky - I prefer male ballerinas! ;)

But I think male ballerinas prefer other male ballerinas. :(

Too bad. They all look very well endowed. Must be the tights. Then again, Robin Hood didn't look all that good in his.

So, Punky, a polka dancer might be good in bed, in which case girls will date him, and we know the accordion player was good in bed because he was good with his hands.

I think I've solved this one. I say it was the polka dancer in the kitchen with a squeeze box.

I quit playing the accordian during puberty. I went from a 32 AA to a 38DDD.

I can imagine the terror these poor people went through. Just yesterday, I was in the pasture during practice for the super bowl halftime show with Tit and Tat, Jersey Janet Jacksen's children, and they threatened to maul me if I didn't quit stealing their dinner for my Jersey Janet Juice.

I wonder if I can get 1.7 million for damages--but I only play the oboe.

I'd attack too if i heard some1 play the accordian, and cats have sensitive ears...dont they?

HEY! I'm from Toronto. *gives Peri a playful slap*

The deal with the accordian player being worth more than the stripper is that the judge ruled that strippers have a career life expectancy to about age 30. In other words, the $800,000 (they had a different number in the article, but it was $800K CDN, I suspect the $650K is USD) was for about 7 years of stripping, because the judge suspected that by the age of 30, things would have sagged too much for the chick to make a viable living on stripping. And for the record, I believe her job title was "Exotic Dancer". :)

So when you think about it, she was awarded about $115,000 per salary year in damages, while he was only awarded about $42,500 per year ($1.7M over 40 years).

Does that make more sense?

*throws calculator at Rachel*
( but in a playful and non damaging way)
arrgh! maths!

I wonder if my HR dept. will go for that?

"Yeah, Chris, it's about your check request..."
"Oh that? It's just my expected earnings over the next forty years. If I could just get that in one lump sum right now, that'd be great."
"Okay, but you PROMISE to keep showing up for work?"

Let's pet the nice kitty! More stupid human tricks. Let's believe that the window was up. yup.

D'art: Bagpipers dinna have g-strings, laddie...slip a pound note inta his sporran!!

because the judge suspected that by the age of 30, things would have sagged too much for the chick to make a viable living on stripping

But do Implants actually sag ????


According to the Russian-living members of the blog, Male Ballet dancers there really *DO* dig chicks!!!

Mebbe I need to move there?

Tigers in southern Ontario
Like to choose victims in stereo
Whether they're strippers
Or accordion grippers
Just make 'em young,dumb and rare-io.

The Reuters version of this story missed some important facts that were included in the original report in the Globe & Mail on January 28. While the injuries caused Mr. Balac, “who had been an accomplished accordion player .... to turn into an unemployable recluse” Ms. Cowles “....did manage to get a job at a Mississauga strip club that allowed her to perform wearing a hat and a skirt. After the attack, she changed her stage name to Dominique and performed with an S&M theme, wearing black clothing and using whips and chains as props.” I promise you, I am not making any of this up.

"Dominique, the dominatrix
lived not so long ago
in 'le bourg d'Hamilton'
She took up whips and chains
When a tiger caused her pain
And her stripping days grew short"

(anyone else remember "the singing nun"?)

Tiger: These humans are delicious, but I hate all this packaging you have to unwrap...

*smiles and vanilla smarties for Rachel*

Sorry, cutiepie, I forgot you were one of the Toronto elite also. I was offered a job in Toronto awhile ago but I couldn't possibly have afforded the rent on even a crappy apartment there. How do you do it? Are you all cocaine dealers? Not that I'm implying Torontonians are coke heads. They're more like the Certified Public Accountant of the Canada Family.

Eleanor: Stop complaining Jeff, I've never had anything posted..
Jeff: How many things have you sent in, Eleanor?
Eleanor: Three - how many have you sent in Jeff?
Jeff: Four thousand seven hundred eleventy two.
Eleanor: Oh.

I know the finish was lame, but I was in too deep to stop.

I've never heard of an accordian player making 1.7 million playing the 'squeeze box!' i'll second that, kC. this angers me.

on-topic blogging? Wazzat?

r.e.: Accordian player makes $1.7 million?

Two words: Lawrence Welk.

Two more words: Florian Chimelewski.

Two more words: Jimmy Surr.

Dandy Candy: Old Scots joke, about kilts & stuff.

Young lady asks older Scots gentleman (who is wearing kilt and has been playing a bagpipe),
"Sir, I've always wondered, is anything worn under that kilt?"

"Nae, Lassie, it's all as good as it ever was."

How small minded of all of you. Maybe these people see more in each other then their jobs? Ever think of that?

How small mined of all of you. Maybe these people aww more in each other than their jobs? Ever think of that?

You know, guys, Happy's right. These two people could have been linked by the most powerful emotion in the world:


Sure, the window was up.

The comments to this entry are closed.

Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | Copyright | About The Miami Herald | Advertise