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January 21, 2005

TENNESSEE: SHALLOW END OF THE GENE POOL?

We report; you decide.

(Thanks to Claire Martin, and of course julietine, without whom this blog would not even exist)

Update: judi informs us that, in addition to Claire Martin and of course julietine, this item was sent in yesterday by "2,038 people." We apologize to all of those people. We have got to start paying more attention. It's just hard to concentrate when we're coordinating the exclusive coverage of the exclusive Triump nuptials.

Comments

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Best line:
Another would-be juror said he had had alcohol problems and was arrested for soliciting sex from an undercover officer. "I should have known something was up," he said. "She had all her teeth."

Donald Trump, denied today that it was his sister who used the brick. Meanwhile, the wedding will continue, but has been moved from the trailer park to a less volatile location.

Gotta remember to hop myself up on morphine before going to jury duty... it's an easy out.

"Tennessee trailer park violence."
Something just resonates with that sentence.

So maybe the would-be juror was trying to solicit sex from the defendant’s brother’s girlfriend, who obviously lost a few teeth when her face was done smashed upside with a brick. (two syllables - BREE-yuk)

So, to get out of jury duty in Tennessee, pretty much all you have to do is stand up and recite the punchline to just about any joke from the Blue Collar Comedy Tour?

That ain't dumb. Nosir.

*C-bol's comments is cause of yogurt-covered computer screen*

"The case involved a woman accused of hitting her brother's girlfriend in the face with a brick."
Coincidentally, the alledged attacker is also the sister of the girlfriend.

Dave,
OMG I sent this TW DAYS AGO!!! and again NO CREDIT!..Claire Martin this is war!!!

This is another place I'm DEFINITELY not going to...

I'll take my chances with the mile long snake, thank you very much.

julietine, not to worry. On DBT(Daves Blog Time), TW DAYS AGO, is not until next Tuesday.

and they dont want anybody to make fun of them?

Dave,

That was so funny...I am having a crappy day at work so you made my day..Thank you!...

Just great. Coupla rednecks in Memphis get in the news, and suddenly all of Tennessee is the low end of the gene pool. Now i have an idea what it's like to be from Jersey.
But, yeah, everybody knows about them yahoos down in Memphis. Bad combination of proximity to both Arkansas and Mississippi, and The Whole Elvis Thing.

Jeff - I preferred "tarnado" - gave it a good twang to the joke...

for the record, several THOUSAND people sent it in two days ago...

julietine - you are becoming an icon of the blog!!!!! Congrats!

As a former criminal defense attorney, I would like to point out that in spite (or because) of it all - ba-ba-dum The defendant was acquitted!
Way to go, Atty. Ballin!

Wasn't Ballin one of the dwarfs in The Hobbit?

Even though everybody knows if you get Ballin you're guilty! Guess the jurors that eventually got picked didn't live in the right neighborhood, to be privy to that helpful info.

'Course, anybody not smart enough to get out of jury duty, is also not smart enough for jury duty.

Jeff,

I swear to God I did send it to Dave with the subject "Great story for the blog"

judi: I'm curious...on average, how many emails a day come into the daveblog@herald email address?

hmm, about 50-75 a day, i guess, that are not spam.

Eleanor,

That's the point...I am trying to overthrow Claire Martin as queen of the blog...and then ultimately get Judi's job and take control of the blog!...

Judge: Clem do you know why you were arrested and are now having to appear before this court?

Clem: Nope!

Judge: Well, you have been charged with 'beastiality.' Do you know what that means?

Clem: Sure don't!

Judge: Well, Clem, that means having 'sex' with an animal such as a sheep, a cow, a goat, or a chicken.

Clem: Uh CHICK-EN?????

Being called up for jury duty in Tennessee would be similar to being a cast member in a cheap knock off of Days of Our Lives.

Sally Jo: She done hit me inna face wit a brick!

Candi Anne: Ah did not!

Boyfriend: They wuz fine last night when I slept with them both.

Jurist: Recess! I need another heroin fix.

Somehow, I'm convinced that the defendant was let off because everyone in the courtroom was related.

I'd say the defendant was let off because everyone else on the jury is next on the docket and needed Ballin as their lawyer.

Either that or they've all slept with the girlfriend and figured she deserved being hit in the face with a brick and it really didn't do that much damage anyway...

I would say that we need proof of Tamara's prettiness, but considering I've already found a picture of her, I can concur that she is pretty.

I would like to thank Deon for marketing the "Lil Blog Stalker's Detective Kit" which allowed me to find the picture.

**picture not linked to in order to preserve Tamara's unfounded sense of anonymity**

HAHAHAAH!!! I love it. The whole family including the preacher is facing assault charges.

Nobody told me about the jeans & Satan connection... *takes off pants at her desk*

There! Demons are all gone. Why is everyone staring at me?

And those aren't even my best photos!

Tamara,

Does DA and Bidelle ring a bell?

Feel free to email some of your best photos ;)

Btw, Brian loves hockey, lives in a city that starts with a "C," is married, and enjoys a good claret. Hahahahahahaaaaa!

Also plays video games and knows how to google.

You wanna piece o' me, biaaaatch!?

cherie - best part: The Judge is now busy trying to find lawyers for everyone!!!

I see that Tamara also purchased Deon's stalking kit! Bravo!

The worst part is that I have no idea which profile that is in.

By the way, that DeadBone platoon thing isn't me. Someone is infringing on my username.

Granted, I do play video games, just not online.

Tamara,

I want to see a picture!

"It's just hard to concentrate when we're coordinating the exclusive coverage of the exclusive Triump nuptials." Damn, for the last several days I thought this blog was concerned with the Trump® nuptials.
So Dave, is this why you have been sooo moody lately? Jumping on Julietine for merely asking for her just recognition. We thought it was because Trump® disinvited you, not because you weren't invited to the Triump (not®) wedding? I hate to tell you, but the Triump wedding was postponed due to an altercation between the Bride and the Grooms Sister.

So... being from Canada, human rights tolerant, sure you wanna worship goats go right ahead, defender of all things liberal, yes you have the right to belong to that terrorist group.... I have to ask:

WHY are women not allowed to wear jeans to church? Does this mean men can wear jeans to church? Are they allowed to leave their jeans at the door? What about Spongebob who doesn't even wear pants?

So many cultural questions....

Defendant's girlfriend is allowed in to visit him; bailiff opens door five minutes later and finds them Playing Hide the Salami...
"Awright, whut's goin' on here?"
Girlfriend (slightly out of breath)"He jus' tole me he wuz guilty, an' said I better get Ballin'!"

fade to gray, as in gray-bar hotel...

On the one jury I had the misfortune to be on, one potential juror was excused because the trial conflicted with his court date for DUI. One gentleman was excused (and this, if planned, was inspired) because while he was seated in the jury box provisionally, he was working on a crossword puzzle. When the judge suggested politely that he pay more attention to the proceedings, he said, 'Oh that's okay, I can do both'. He was gone in the next round of challenges.
Another thing you can do: Join the ACLU.

OR...pretend not to speak English OR Spanish...that's the best way to get out of jury duty!...

Remember, wearing purple is a sure fire way to not be selected for a jury. Try it!

Jeff M. -

r.e. ... lose a trailer ...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

A friend once told me that it's a well-known meteorlogical fact that trailer parks cause tornadoes ... was he funnin' me?

The link to the lost-pants story has been lost...boo.

From my days as an Asst. Public Defender, I can almost assure you that that one juror was lying when he said he'd been charged w/ soliciting, given the simple fact that preferred prosititutes don't have teeth, if you get my drift;)

I don't know, nikib. In the criminal court where I work, the undercover cops pick up about 50 unfortunate johns in an hour on the street, despite having all their teeth. I wonder, do the johns think, "hot damn, this one's pimp has a dental plan"???

Yes, you read that right. Two women working the street picked up almost one guy per second. I can't figure out how they got them in the police wagon fast enough that the next guy didn't notice the police activity.

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