HEADLINE OF THE DAY, SCARY DIVISION
(Thanks to Alistair Coleman)
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Your Blogging Staff
Contributing to this blog:
- "Dave" is Dave Barry, who is a humor columnist and presidential contender.
- "judi" is Judi Smith, who is Dave's Research Department, as well as being interested in men.
- "Walter" is Walter, a bone from the penis of a walrus.
- "Dave" is Dave Barry, who is a humor columnist and presidential contender.
- "judi" is Judi Smith, who is Dave's Research Department, as well as being interested in men.
- "Walter" is Walter, a bone from the penis of a walrus.
Same thing happened to me New Year's Eve
Posted by: Mahatma Kane Jeeves | January 03, 2005 at 09:50 AM
The thief will be the guy asleep in his driveway with this remote pointing at his garage door.
Posted by: Lairbo | January 03, 2005 at 10:02 AM
My device is made by Johnny Walker..I wonder if she has the same...
Posted by: julietine | January 03, 2005 at 10:05 AM
I'm sure her husband is devastated by the loss of the "mute" button on the remote control......
Posted by: elle | January 03, 2005 at 10:18 AM
So, she's saying that after tens of thousands of dollars of delicate brain surgery, it's all wasted because of something as simple as a garage door opener? Why can't she just get a new one from Radio Shack?
"Hi, I'd like a new remote control for my brain."
"Yes ma'am. We have the brain remote in kit form (some assembly required) for $19.95 or the deluxe pre-assembled brain remote control for $99.99 but that one will also open your garage door"
"I'll take the deluxe pre-assambled one."
They're right over here. Let me just demonstrate it for you."
"Ma'am? Ma'am? Hey Lady! You're sleeping in the capacitor aisle! Wake up!"
Posted by: SteveB | January 03, 2005 at 10:18 AM
I, for one, would never steal anything from a woman who can carry a 600 pound purse.
Posted by: charleyfoxtrot | January 03, 2005 at 10:19 AM
Sorta gives the phrase "put to sleep" a whole 'nother meaning ... don't it?
Posted by: Uncle Omar | January 03, 2005 at 10:21 AM
Now this is not a funny story and Vicky Tisdial should jump right on it - unless of corse she's snoozing somewhere, remote in hand -
Posted by: Eleanor | January 03, 2005 at 10:30 AM
Why was the device in her purse? Does she take frequent naps while shopping? She also might want to look into getting a debit card, cash doesn't require a pin number.
Posted by: BMX3 | January 03, 2005 at 10:32 AM
c'fx'trot AND Eleanor --
LLLL!!!! OOOO!!!! LLLL!!!!
BOTH OF YOU!
TNX!!!
MUCHLY!!!
Posted by: Uncle Omar | January 03, 2005 at 10:48 AM
Whoa! How much to get one of those babies installed on my wife?
Posted by: mudstuffin | January 03, 2005 at 10:56 AM
That's why I insisted on TWO remote controls for my brain. I keep them duct taped next to my bladder control so I won't lose them.
Posted by: Christobol | January 03, 2005 at 11:04 AM
She sounds like a real Head case to me.
Posted by: Mr.Fishair | January 03, 2005 at 11:10 AM
Bladder control to Major Cbol
Bladder control to Major Cbol
Take your saltpeter and put your foil hat on
Bladder Control to Major Cbol
Chugging beerdown, toetapping on
Check proximity to nearest tree, May Dave's Humor be with your neighbors (as they watch you pee)
Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five,
Four, three, two, one, pissoff
um yeah. Righto! Sorry, Back to work it is.
Posted by: Mr.Fishair | January 03, 2005 at 11:27 AM
Was her name Abby Normal?
Posted by: Jeff Meyerson | January 03, 2005 at 11:48 AM
Sorry for posting something serious here, but -- What? They don't have backup remotes for people like this, in case her primary one is lost or (for reasons unfathomable), stolen?
"Sorry, Ma'am, but we don't have another one to give you. Try your garage door opener clicker; maybe that'll work."
Posted by: Corn | January 03, 2005 at 05:33 PM
Maybe her next remote control can come with a "brightness" option...
(stolen from Gallager)
Posted by: jamester | January 04, 2005 at 06:55 AM
**smashes watermelon**
Posted by: jamester | January 05, 2005 at 09:00 AM