« Previous | Main | Next »

January 19, 2005

ADVICE FOR MEN

Always keep an eye out for the little guy hiding his masculine fourth arm.

(Thanks to Theresa Hogue)

Comments

Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

Sounds like girl cuttlefish heaven!

OMG!! First?!!!

(*happy dance happy dance - my second even F----!)

Dang....


*sniff*

Damn Metrosexuals... they're everywhere

Sorry morty - but I've been at this for months and that was only my second time ever. I can call myself an "expert" now...

... or perhaps seasoned - like battered deep fried squid rings with rock salt and a touch of lemon sauce..... MMMMMMMMM!

wysiwyg

It's (not its) sad that one of my goals in life is to have a "Frist" on this blog.

I'm not a very active bloggite but I am a big fan of
all of you who are. You guys kill me sometimes.
Even if the Post is lame (not that there ((not
their)) is ever anything lame posted here)you guys make it funny with all the great threads.....
Keep 'em coming (not cu....nevermind)

*sigh*

Sounds like a typical Saturday night bar scene.

*sits back with moatarita and popcorn for C-bol's story on this. It oughta be good.*

Keep at it morty - I don't play here as much as I used to due to time constraints, and I generally never get a crack at a First because I live in Australia and the time-zone difference normally means I'd have to be up at around 3am.

So getting two in the one day is like the golden ring at the carousel! But I won't be as greedy next time....

Of course you know there is a rule - you have to actually read the link and post an appropriate comment, not just say "First". But by the time you actually do that, then wait to see the result, your adrenaline levels have you jumping around like a gazelle. So beware - its more addictive than crack cocaine!

We found that female mimickers could successfully deceive the consort male and that they were able to position themselves near the female in 30 out of 62 attempts.

This kind of thing happens on a regular basis in bars and clubs all across dry land every single night of the week. Buncha copycats is what they are, those diminutive giant schmuttlefish.

How exactly can anything be a 'diminutive giant' anything, anyway?

Acutally, Sly, given the comment in the article that "...they were able to position themselves near the female in 30 out of 62 attempts", sounds like a damn good bar to me.

Squid pickup line: Hey baby, wanna see my fourth "arm"....

Hey, it worked so well in "Bosom Buddies." Anyone remember that? Hello? *prepares to board geezer bus*

wys, you know, one time (last year) I did get the golden ring at the carousel. It wasn't that great. I guess when you get the ring, you win a free ride, but gave it to some little kid. He said, "What am I supposed to do with this?"
I think you should have used a different example.

Wys; if the "third arm" is that clearly visible....ain't sticking around to see a fourth!

You have apparently recovered and are feeling better!

*gurst*

...but then again, you need to be able to position readily given "In a competitive dating environment, female giant Australian cuttlefish could afford to be choosy, rejecting 70% of mating attempts, said the researchers.

Sounds like the bar ain't so hot after all.....

This article is the exact story line of Some Like It Hot starring Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon.

OK, I admit I'm riding the geezer bus but it's a damn funny movie.

Sly, I am sittling up in bed still snuffling, but feeling like I'd like to bound around like a gazelle due to the improving gursting levels.

Gawd only knows what gurst level I'll get back to once I fully recover, it was already getting off the scale when I went down....with the flu that is....

So the researchers first call this manuver "frequently successful", but parsing the numbers only 2 out of 62 actually mate successfully.

Well, yeah, OK, that's better than my ratio in the bar when I was single, so ok...

"surprised there is no counter strategy for the larger male."

There is - it's called beating the sh*t out of the mimic when he's smoking a cigarette after mating with your cuttlefishbabe.

I be sure to follow the rules wysiwyg. I was not aware of that one.


Cuddlefish pick up line 'Hey there little chicky, wanna have a little fu..what the...IS THAT A FOURTH ARM!! I'm gonna kick your....hey come back here!!!

But there were risks attached. Some of the larger males got a little confused - researchers saw 41 attempts to mate with the fake females.

This happened to me once in a football locker room when I'd dressed up in a pleated skirt and pom poms. It was worth it, though, because I was able to successfully mate with the head cheerleader.

But there were risks attached. Some of the larger males got a little confused - researchers saw 41 attempts to mate with the fake females

And how many of THOSE were successful?

(notthatthere'sanythingwrongwiththat)

Where is Christobol?! We're waiting!

This oughta be gooooood.

*checks watch, taps foot impatiently*

*mimic squid enters a bar and sildes up to large female squid*

So, baby, wanna see my fourth arm?

*large squid reveals fourth arm*

Calamari anyone?

So a texan, a midget and a mimic squid enter this bar see, ....

dang it! can't think of a good punchline.....

So a texan, a midget and a mimic squid go into this bar, see.

Texan: Make mine a straight whisky!

Midget: Make mine a double straight whisky! I have a lot of making up to do to counter being vertically challenged!

Mimic Squid: *looking around nervously at large male squids in the bar, and adopting a high pitched voice*

Um....just a small glass of wine please.

Texan: *slams down his glass* I'll fight any man in this bar! *spits on floor*

Midget: *slams down his glass and breaks it* I'll fight any TWO men in this bar! *spits twice*

MS: *spotting attractive female squid in the corner, and calling to big squid in the bar*

Any of you like to start a fight between yourselves, while that cutie over there and I "position"?

OK, not great, but better than nothing....

Why don't you try again, wysiwyg. This time, it's a rabbi, a priest, and a mimic squid and they're in a lifeboat.

sandy, actually that was voted the funniest movie of all time by the AFI. dunno how i feel about that, since i've never seen it.

That sounds like a good place to pick up a babe, or a mate ... under a rock!

Counterstrategy? Roo Roo!

...and the Texan says, "what's that behind your back there little fellow?"

The midget says bluntly, "the orgasmatron 35000"

And the squid blushes and says, "it's nothing, just out for a night with the girls"

The Texan squints at the midget and says, "I was asking the squid, ya can't ever tell if them squids is a guy or a gal"

"It's all the same to the Orgasmatron 35000"

"Whaddaya mean? I got no interest in the Orgasmatron?"

"You've obviously never heard of the 'Roo Roo'!"
"Roo Roo?"
"Roo Roo"

"Holy Armadillo nuts on a stick! That squid's got a fourth arm! It's a he!"
"He looks like he's taken care of all the lady squids while we were busy talking about the 'Roo Roo'"

"Lemme have it"
"The orgasmatron?"
"No, the Roo Roo"
"I can't"
"Why not"
"Guess he stole the orgasmatron while I wasn't looking"
"Would ya look at that... he got past us and we don't have a counter strategy"
"That's why I carry the orgasmatron"
"I'm gonna need a bigger belt buckle"

So a rabbi, a priest and a mimic squid were in a boat lost at sea, see.

Rabbi: I'm hungry

Priest: Me too!

Rabbi: You know what I'd REALLY like right now?

Priest: I think so....

Together: Calamari!

Mimic Squiid: *ink*

*sits back with moatarita and popcorn for C-bol's story on this. It oughta be good.*

This is a great story and I, for one, am a better person for having read it.

*fixes herself a moatarita and joins sly to wait for C-bol*

judi-it features those two fine actors in drag, plus Marilyn Monroe. Rent it!

This is FUN! Sitting up in bed, too sick to go to work, but well enough to post with a clean conscious!

Well, perhaps not an entirely clean sub-conscious...but hey, you can't have everything.

*gurst*

Wys, it's definitely got possibilities but you're not quite there yet. Maybe the priest likes female squids and is enraged when it turns out to be male and then eats the calamari?

Just thinking out loud here...

I'm writing undre pressure here Sandy - plagerism works for me under those conditions. But I'll work on a better one for you.

Plagiarize freely. Then it's a "folk tale." Better yet, "oral tradition."

Yeah, blogging is the new oral tradition!

*hopes Kaye Trammel sees that--would make a good thesis*

*ears perk up*

Oral tradition?

Oh, that. Something different

Never mind.

Yeah, sly, no knee pads needed here. This is a clean, family-oriented blog. Or it was before that American Idol thread.

...and some people started to gurst....

...and infected some others who will remain nameless, eye-slay....

*blush*

OK Sandy, try this one:

So a rabbi, a priest and a mimic squid were in a boat fishing, see, drinking beer and chatting about guy stuff, as you do when you go fishing. A key secret never revealed to female kind is that is what fishing trips are about. Actually catching fish is secondary.

So there they were, in the boat, fishing, and chatting.

Mimic squid: So, either of you guys ever "make it" under a rock?

Priest: Of course not! I'm cellibrate! I don't "make it" anywhere!

Rabbi: Under a rock?!?

MS: Yeah, best place. Safe from the big squid, and you just whip out your fourth arm and WHAMMO!

Priest: *showing interest despite himself* WHAMMO? What's that?

MS: You know, WHAMMO. Stuffing the turkey.

Priest: What?

MS: You know, porking the trouble and strife.

Priest: What?!?

Rabbi: I think I can help here. You know roo roo?

Priest: Of course.

Rabbi: Well, like that, but with girls.

Priest: Ahhhh! Go on then.

MS: *a little confused with the roo roo reference* Yeah, well, anyway, I met this GREAT looking squidette in a bar once and....

Priest: I didn't realise girls LIKED roo roo.

Rabbi: Well, its not EXACTLY like roo, roo. You see they have a taint.

MS: A WHAT?

Rabbi: Well, taint the one in the front, and taint the one in the back.....

MS: Oh. Well, squids are set up a bit differently you see. The girls only have three arms and.....

Priest: Sooooo, girls have a separate, um, roo roo "port", I suppose you could say, seeing as we are fishing.

Rabbi: Precisely!

MS: Yeah, well, anyway, there was this great looking squidette under a rock at a bar and....

Priest: Wow! An extra port. Who would have thought it.....

MS: *pressing on, determined not to be interrupted again* ...and so I positioned myself next to her, you know, and......

Rabbi: Well, you know, the Lord moves in mysterious ways.

MS: ...and you know, showed her my fourth arm. And she....

Priest: Of course. Of course. But it seems so superfluous, an extra port for roo roo.

MS: *losing patience* Will you PLEASE tell me what "roo roo" is?!?

Priest: *with broad grin on his face* You REALLY want to know?

MS: YES!

Priest: *grabbing squid by tentacle* Better if I SHOW you.....

Rabbi: Sooooo. Calamari for dinner then....

Bravo, wysiwyg! You wove together all of today's themes and masterfully.

See, nothing like a little pressure to bring out the best in us!

*hmm... wonders whether sly can find some innuendo in that statement*

wys' --- Muuuuuch better ... very good work.

Personally, however, I'm confused (why should today be any different?) ... I always thought it was something to drink ... (guess I wasn't watching the list of spelling words as much as I thought) ... you know ... Calamari and soda ... ?

Thank you. Thank you. I wrote the entire thing without any idea of the punchline until about the least three or four exchanges, when I realised the full meaning of "roo roo" would fit after all. Was fun....

This just in:

We have an update in the case of missing Dave Barry bloglit Christobal.

Apparently, he was last seen wearing a squid costume at a local bar. We have live footage. Please stay tuned.

Frightened, disheveled woman: "He--he tried to hit on me. He was gesturing wildly with three tentacles and saying something about...about tampons. He wanted me to think he was a woman, or something."

Detective: "Yes, and then what did he do?"

Woman: "Well, all of a sudden, he whipped out another tentacle and said he wanted to mate with me."

Detective: "Ma'am, did he harm you in any way?"

Woman: "No, sir. The tentacle was limp and lifeless."

Detective: "Then what happened?"

Woman: "He saw a bigger man coming my way, and he screamed and ran for the door."

Detective: "Do you have any idea where he might have gone?"

Woman: "Well, he did yell something about there being more squid in the sea."

Detective: "Well, that doesn't narrow things down very well, does it?"

Woman: "He did say it with an Australian accent."

Detective: "Aha! He must be headed for Australia and the cuttlefish population that resides there!"

Watson: "But sir, how can you be sure?"

Detective: "Elementary, my dear Watson. You see, Christobal tried to conceal his fourth arm, a technique used by Australian cuttlefish."

Watson: "But what is the meaning of all of this?"

Detective: "Clearly, he has been spending too much time on Dave Barry's blog. Some time in a rubber room is in order."

There you have it, folks. The mystery of Christobal's whereabouts appears to have been solved. Thank you for watching, and good night.

No, was always deep-fried octopus rings for me Roman - as in Calamari and two-veg - the popular Australian kids dinner.

*gets out innuendo detector*

tee..tee...tee...TEEDEEDEEDEEDEEDEEEEEEEE

Yup, there's innuendo there.

.....then there's the whole fourth arm thing....

yep. DEFINITELY gursting....

Ah, wys, you missed out on a good intrajoke lame joke.

"Priest: I didn't realise girls LIKED roo roo."

Rabbi: Well, maybe not at first, but they like it in the end.

*smacks Marvin with sockful of nickels*

*hands slyeyes a sack of nickels*

Here. Get him once for me, too.

rats, I forgot to run away.

Well, done, Christobol, and well worth the wait.
(Sry I spelled it wrong before.)

*choking on popcorn inadvertently inhaled while laughing*

Please....heimlich...

*cough*

Whew!

Sly-- Are you sure it's "heimlich?"

I learned it as "heinilich," which, obviously, is much more fun.

Fortunately, although I am fully certified, I have never had to use my skill in that department.

Karlota, I've twice used it on my youngest daughter; once when she was about 3 and it was the day after I got certified (Thank God!) and the other time when she was 16.

She finally learned to NOT talk with her mouth full.

BTW -- after the first time, someone told me that with a 3 year old, I should have just held her upside down. I told them IT WORKED!! Quit critiquing!!

It's not fun, I bet. At least it really isn't the hineylick...

And, there are indeed different methods depending upon the size of the victim, but in an emergency you can only do what comes to you. Good job. I probably would have just stood there and freaked out.

Lol. I just reread the article (glutton for punishment?) and I don't think it says squid anywhere, so either I got that from the picture or I've been reading to many squid articles. Maybe I should join Christobol in the rubber room, then.

Oh, and if it makes you feel any better, Sly, I constantly remind the kids I work with not to talk with their mouths full (of course, I had never thought of it as a choking issue, it's just that I don't really enjoy "seefood.")

Oh, and if it makes you feel any better, Sly, I constantly remind the kids I work with not to talk with their mouths full (of course, I had never thought of it as a choking issue, it's just that I don't really enjoy "seefood.")

:(

I didn't do anything different...

*Goes to cry into her pillow in double-post shame*

Nimble wanks ... ???

... and ... the "heinlich"/heinylick reminded me of how to tell a boy any from a girl ant ... the boy has a teeny wienie, and the girl has a tiny heiny ...

(sorry ... REALLY old joke ...)

Nimble wanks ... ???

... and ... the "heinlich"/heinylick reminded me of how to tell a boy any from a girl ant ... the boy has a teeny wienie, and the girl has a tiny heiny ...

(sorry ... REALLY old joke ...)

Sheesh!

a double AND a typo ...

still asleep, I guess ...

[s'posed to be boy ANT ... but mebbe you gnu that?]

Sheesh!

a double AND a typo ...

still asleep, I guess ...

[s'posed to be boy ANT ... but mebbe you gnu that?]

r.e. "nimble wanks" ...

no, I ken it (grok it? Anyone remember Valentine Michael Smith?) ... I was just trying to place the reference/allusion ...

I think it's Act III of either As you like it or Much Ado About Nothing

C-bol?

r.e. "nimble wanks" ...

no, I ken it (grok it? Anyone remember Valentine Michael Smith?) ... I was just trying to place the reference/allusion ...

I think it's Act III of either As you like it or Much Ado About Nothing

C-bol?

Close u.o. (and after I've bastardized it, who knows?) - Act V, Scene III All's Well That Ends Well

By the lesser known Wilhelm Shakesbeer.

I love how you all anticipate the humor of the great C'Bol. Reminds me of that old Dana Carvey standup routine where he mimics the overly-anticipatory sex partner. "You're gonna be SO GOOD! Ohhh, I CAN'T WAIT!!" *rubbing hands eagerly, as severe perfomance anxiety creeps in*

Oh, and for the love of God, will someone please define 'gursting' or 'to gurst' for me?

Couldst thou be any gayer?

Oh!! My boss walked by as I was reading that! I am sooo lucky he didn't look over at me, because he'd have thought I was having a seizure, or needed the Heimlich... I was trying SO HARD not to laugh!

Ohh, that was good. Ranks up there with "Cough on my wank" or "Stuffed it and we hope you understand."

Can I get C-bol's writings made into posters? I don't know where I would put these posters, but it would feel good just to have them. Or how about using a size 6 font to fit the texts onto bookmarks? C-bol merchandise! Posters, bookmarks, exciting lingerie, mugs, t-shirts, pens, cod pieces and other penis things, hats, key chains! Chris, you'll be fabulously wealthy!

I too was wondering about "gursting"...

Gursting, I believe, started out as a typo and evolved to mean to be so full of life that one is both bursting and gushing at the same time.

Somehow, it also developed sexual over/undertones as well. Go figure, it's the blog.

What a great idea Tamara.

**jumps up and down wildly waving arm in the air**

Pick me, pick me. I want to purchase Christob....

ohhh, Christobol merchandise .... nevermind.

Tch! TargetGirl, you must keep in touch with the back posts girl! I explained gursting waaaaay back when you originally asked the question on the blog time warp fix post, and have also left the odd message for you as well along the way, like the ones on the bottom of the glider squirrel post.

Some of us time-zone challenged people have trouble catching up with the more flighty of you bloggers over there.

But sly has the essence of the term, and, um, it may have been me that started all the innuendo stuff. Sorry, but I'm gursting and couldn't help myself.....

I remember Valentine Michael Smith, and I think Masculine Fourth Arms wbagnfarb.

The comments to this entry are closed.

-
 
Terms of Service | Privacy Policy | Copyright | About The Miami Herald | Advertise