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December 15, 2004


I won't be blogging for a week or so. You crazy guys 'n' gals have yourselves a Cool Yule, OK? OK.


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Thirst - for Daveness.

Great... It's only a matter of moments before we start seeing Santa Claus with his belly button hanging over his boxer shorts posts. Thanks Dave.

Great. Just great. First he announces retirement. Now no blogging for a week. Just what the (twitch) heck am I supposed to do for my (twitch) fix now?

Oh, by the way...

Rum-pa-pa-pum! (Dreidel! Dreidel! Dreidel!)


This is the closest I've ever been to first ... and it's a downer blog ...

Just a reminder of who owns a seven-gallon flush toilet, Dave.

Not U.

Moi ownself.

neener, neeneer

My Cool Yule will be in Kona ...

no neener, just have a nice holiday season


OK, I've moved, but it was a long day and I'm going to get some real food before I do any more blogging.

(So, my narrative was REALLY off the subject ... why should today be any different?)

Checking back in about an hour ...

and checking the rest of the new ones for today ...

We'll miss you. A lot. Probably start grieving publicly and wearing all black (including a black armband which won't show up but we will all know it's there), and when people ask, saying, "I'm too distraught to answer!"

Here's hoping there aren't too many smartasses out there who'd point out that, uh, but we did answer, but we'll be too distraught to answer, so it'll be a jumbled mess of sobbing and throwing ourselves on the ground.

Based on the level of the last couple of blog posts ("ColonBlow?") I suspect that the blog is in serious need of a vacation. Besides, he has to rest up for his retirement. (A brief digression... He may be retiring, but I happen to know that the man is going to be doing a live show in the spring. Cerritos Performing Arts Center, for you SoCal blogglitts. I've got my tickets!)

Uncle Omar, A seven gallon toilet! Dude! That's almost better than a dual processor G5!


You're (not yore, or your) in SoCal too?


If you din't notice prior (and no reason you should), I'm here ... working ... but the real home is in Nodak.

That's where the toilet is.

A family heirloom ... inherited from my folks.

Besides which, I prolly couldn't have brought it with me into CA ... some neener would've likely seized it at the border.

Cerritos PAC? I drove past there today. So, define "spring."

If I stall around long enuf at the job, I might even be here ... What's the date?

Happy Holidays, all :)

i'm pat.

I think "daveness" should be acceptable in Scrabble.

I also think Scrabble is evil.

I would also like to challenge Dave to a game of Scrabble after his little vacation.

"a week or so"... OR SO? Just a minute, we don't get a chance to vote on letting Dave not blog for "a week or so"? hellfire.
But a Cool Yule to you, too, and to all of us also. (Possibly) our last together... *bursts into tears*

Okay, here's the deal:

First, I hit a deer with my car the other day. I'm now carless (it's in the shop getting a new fender and hood) and dependant on the kindness of my co-workers to drive me back and forth from home to work.

I've spent the last three days trying find a f*^*!n' Nintendo DS for my youngest child. If I knew who the genius was at Nintendo that decided to manufactur only ten or twelve of those damned games, I'd grab him by the b@lls and squeeze until his eyes popped out.

And now I find out that Dave won't be posting any witicisms or informative links.

Man, this just keeps getting better and better. What's next? Is senior management going to give all of us "Daddles" in case they get a sudden urge to "giddyup"?


Gut Yom Tov to you and yours......

Merry Christmas!

Happy Hanukkah! (belated)

Happy Zwanza!

Happy Boxing Day!

And a very Happy New Year!

And when all the holidays are over and you realize you've gained 10 pounds ... remember the average human stores 9 - 11 meals (all of which you consumed on December 24th and 25th) in their colon ... so get yourself some good ol' ColonBlow and you'll be back down to fighting weight in no time!

Have fun storming the castle ..........

Merry Christmas Dave!

There's no reason we can't amuse ourselves for "a week or so" - I think we've demonstrably demonstrated that ability many times.

The message says Dave wont be blogging. It says nothing of Judi.

JUDI! Hey, Girlfriend! YOU'LL be here, won't you?
(please say yes, please say yes, please say yes)

SteveB - you say nothing of the deerly departed. Hope things turn up for you real soon, Darlin'.

beep beep beep (cement mixer full of eggnog backs up to the MOAT)

"Okay, let 'er rip!"

"Who's got the rum?"

mudstuffin - there's something just so fitting about hearing you say "Okay, let 'er rip!"
(you know I love ya, right?)

oops, sorry I forgot this.
M-E-R-R-Y C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S DAVE! \(^.^)/

"Humph!" (Crosses arms, sulks in corner)

Will judi still post?????????

Good morning everyone, and a special g.m. to u.o.

*passes out Xanax to all those having an anxiety attack because of Dave's news*

Oh, good grief! Now I've done it: I've gone and offended mudstuffin. Just when he was making posts and everything. I'm sorry.

*grovel, grovel*

(Sidebar) MOTW: I should explain. back in June I got transfered to a different department. Since then I have shared an office with my boss. So, I have blogged a lot less frequently for that reason and no other. I didn't suddenly mature or get abducted by aliens or anything. He (my boss) will be out for the next two weeks so it would be real sad if there were no blogging.

Eggnog! I hope it is sweet and spiked.
c[_] fill my cup, please!

Waxwing: Sorry, no-one has shown up with the rum.

(drums fingertips on the side of the MOAT)

dum de dum dah dum de dum....

Here's some rum!! Merry Christmas Dave and everyone else too. No Rum for me...baby on the way.

I have missed all of you, but having pneumonia will put you somewhat behind at blogging!

*skips in with gallon bottle of Bacardi*

Is this what you were waiting for??

(Takes big swig from one bottle, wipes mouth with back of hand, belches, dumps rest in moat)


Merry assorted December holidays. You all gotta keep blogging, cuz this is, terrifyingly enough with two small children, the closest I come to adult conversation.

As a harried and vastly disorganized working mommy, I've got a killer stash of spiking materials for the above mentioned egg nog.

Or maybe we could skip the nog and head straigh to mud slides? With red Hershey's syrup on top to make it legit for the occasion?

Hell just dump it all in there *hic* (falls over backward) *splash!*

So Dave, I just read your Gift Guide in the Chicago Tribune and I have a question.

I wasn't able to find a "...picture that illustrates the item, while at the same time, if at all possible, gratuitously featuring a hot babe" of any of the items. Would you pleas post said pictures here.

Happy Holidays to you, Judi and all my fellow bloglits.

straight, even. Good thing I'm not an editor. I blame it on the red dye in the syrup.

*hands some Extra Strength Ghiradelli Special Dark to tech writer*
There, there. It'll be all right.

I still have an old birthday card from my best friend, a single mom of FOUR (who are all teenagers now) who has a fabulous sense of humor.
"For your birthday, I hope you have a couple hours all to yourself."
* open the card *
"I hide under the kitchen sink. It usually takes the kids a couple hours to find me there."

*Brings More Rum* Rum! Rum! For Everyone!

Slurs a "shank ya" MOTW's way. If you need me, I'll be under the sink.

I will be off this week also...Christmas and all...

Hugs and Kisses,


Here, for your holiday bemusement is a top ten list:

Top ten NFL running backs whose name sounds like a fart:

10. Patrick *Pass*
9. Justin *Fargas*
8. Jim *Kiik*
7. Eric *Metcalf*
6. Mike *Pruitt*
5. Greg *Pruitt*
4. Jim *Thorpe*
3. Kevin *Mack*
2. Amos *Zereone*
1. Tim *Biakabutuka*

(blinks crosseyed, falls back into moat)

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Cool Yule

It's beginning to look a lot like Cool Yule
On Dave Barry's Blog;
Colonblow for women and men, and bras that will burst open
And massive glasses of rum spiked blognog

It's beginning to look a lot like Cool Yule
Squids, Lap Pillows, and more
But the happiest sight to see is a festive Dave Barry
At your own front door.

He'll wear a coconut bra and a hat made of straw
The gallons of which equals ten;
Then he'll ask for a drink, maybe wiz in your sink
And then fall asleep in your den;
You can be sure that when he stirs the fun will start again!

It's beginning to look a lot like Cool Yule
On Dave Barry's blog;
Though he's taking a little trip, Judi won't let things slip
With naked Santa's and his elves agog!

It's beginning to look a lot like Cool Yule;
Soon the fun will start,
And the thing that will make you laugh is the thong wearing giraffe
In your shopping cart

I think I'll pick all those guys for my fantasy team next year.

Anyway, the Dave event at Cerritos is April 2. I got a flyer in the mail a while back for the Center for Performing Arts. All it says was April 2: Dave Barry. I have no idea what the occasion is. Is it another AARP event like Vegas?

Anyway, happy holidays, Dave and family and Judi too!

We'll miss you Claire - Happy Holidays!

*is not surprised that if Dave won't be here, neither will CM*

C-bol, this is why you're not the best. We needed your keen mind to properly juxtapose the concept of "colonblow" with the concept of "bursting bras". Also, thanks for adding the word "blognog" to the lexicon. Now, sit down and have a cup.

*clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* *clap*

MOTW: take some antacids, dear.

I know we can all pull together (hehe) and get through this little sabbatical of his...
So Mikey, are you going to attend on 4/2/05?

Yeah, happy holidays...everybody who works for the county here [moi aussi] is getting a two-week UNPAID furlough for Xmas, starting tomorrow...now no blog to cheer me up...I may have to log on to stupidevilbastards.com...will be down at the coffeehouse playing Satanic Scrabble if anybody needs me...

Holy Cow! Can you imagine how productive I'll be this week? *pulls out the green eyeshade* But if I can find those darn moaties again??? *flings green eyeshade deep into the moat and whips out coconut bra*

mudstuffin - You have difficulty recognizing textual applause since you receive so little of it yourself, don't you Dear?
* splashes a little more rum his way *
Here, this may help slur(p) the pain.

April 2nd - hmmmm

*goes off to convince TCMH that we need to take a drive down south in April*

There's a better chance of me getting to this than to Memphis - sorry, Lab!

*starts X-mas cd*
"tis the season to be jolly..."

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

It's the most wonderful time of the year.
With the bloglits all yelling,
and Dave Barry telling you,
"Pass me a beer,"
It's the most wonderful time of the year.

There'll be stories for linking,
that might start you thinking you're
in a reality show
sponsored by products
designed for your buttucks such as
Super Strong Colonblow!

It's the most wonderful time of the year.
Once the blognog starts flowing
our hearts will be glowing,
and you'll hear us cheer:
It's the most wonderful time of the year.

Dang, I was just getting into this thing. Oh well, let's make this party interesting...

*adds Colonblow to the blognog...*

hee hee hee

Good thing I don't drink!

Jolly Old Dave Barry

Humor writer Dave Barry,
send your posts this way!
If you leave us all alone
We might go astray!
Christmas Eve is coming soon;
now, you funny man
Won't you find a link to squids;
tell me if you can.

Though the clock is striking twelve,
Bloglits never sleep
We'll be bouncing 'round the Moat
in jello three feet deep
And the bloglettes you will find
standing in a row
They all have a thing for you,
in case you didn't know

While we're partying so late
Avoiding the bed
Why not come and take a look
or perhaps instead,
you'll be writing us a song
that would be the best
We'll be sure to sing along
then give you some rest.

Wow, this sure beats that Bony M Christmas CD my parents trot out every year!

Happy Holidays, Dave, judi, and all the bloglits!

Have a good holiday, Dave. Enjoy!


Merry Christmas

Would that be low-flow or colonblow, cBol?

Let it Flow

Oh, my work inbox is frightful,
But the blog is so delightful,
Dave Barry has someplace to go,
Let it flow, let it flow, let it flow.

Why are the new posts stopping?
Is Judi too busy shopping?
My unease is beginning to grow,
Let it flow, let it flow, let it flow.

Guess I'll finally say good-bye,
How I hate going back to my tasks;
But I won't be too sad a guy,
With blognog sloshing 'round in my flasks.

This thread is slowly dying,
And, my dears, here's my good-bye-ing,
I say it again as I go.
Let it flow, let it flow, let it flow.

Wow, how'd I respond before cBol posted?

I dunno. good one, though.

Don't go back to work C-bol! I love it when you get on a roll.

BTW: no fears, C-bol, though the thread seems to be dying, it's only going to sleep. Keep one eye on it, and you will see it eventually roll over, hear it fart, etc.


From over hear Mud, that one sounded a little wet.

Course, just be all this water I'm swimming around in.

We just want Cbol to rest a while, it would be terrible if we burned him out.

Yeah, I think someone spiked the blognog with a laxative or something.

My Favorite Things

Raindrops on roses, and whiskers on kittens
Linkage to websites, where people been shittin'
Brown ones, and green ones, "and hoping for blue!"
Entire hours spent on the people who poo...

Christobol's writings,
and all of our dramas
Comings, and goings,
and crimes with a llama

Blogchik from Russia
and Marie out in Spain
when I snork out my nose you all give me a pain...

(all I have time for...)

Next verse ...
Dave’s words of parting and mudstuffin farting
Christobol’s warmed up and jamester’s just starting
Don’t let this thread die while Dave’s gone away
Bloglits, jump into the blognog to play

When the squid bites, when the bra breaks
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remember bloglits' sweet songs
And then I don’t feel – so bad!

(yes, this should be on the other thread)
to the tune of:Swing Low, Sweet Chariot
Try our ,new Colon Blow
Colon Blow will fix you right up!
Try our, new Colon Blow
Gets you pooping so that you'll never stop!

I'm sitting on my toilet and what do I see?
(Colon Blow will fix you right up!)
'Bout thirty pounds of crap come tumbling outta me!
(Colon Blow will fix you right up.)


So if last Thursday's pot roast ain't appeared
(Colon blow will fix you right up!)
Just scarf down some "Blow" ;no one will think you're weird.
(Colon Blow will fix you right up!)

*oh, reading this may slightly increase your chances of going to Hell- a warning from the clergy-in-general*

Fishair and C-bol are like my soul brothers
MOTW* she scolds me just like my dear mother

I'll dip my mug till its filled to the brim
strip to my shorts and in the 'nog swim

When my job sucks, when my brain's stuck
in mental morass
I simply log on to the blog, and I'm gone!
and then I emit some gas!

* pronounced "Mott-wa"


Woot! 30 out of 30!

Me too Marvin! Give it up for the Pingu U. diving team!!! Two perfect scores and we are bound for the winter olympics!

Or maybe just for the local bar - whichever is closest.

Can I get some blog-nog over here?!?

Careful, Jeff P, Tyler spiked it.

Yeah, I think someone spiked the blognog with a laxative or something.

ColonBlow: it's what's for dinner.

insomniac: LOL on "third pounds of crap come tumbling out of me!"

Yeah, I think someone spiked the blognog with a laxative or something.

ColonBlow: it's what's for dinner.

insomniac: LOL on "thirty pounds of crap come tumbling out of me!"


CBOL The Long Penciled Blogger

Cbol the Long Penciled Blogger
Had a very shiny something
And if you ever saw it
You'd forget what you were doing
all of the other Bloglits
liked him to parody songs instead of me
Can't say I really blame them
don't eat yellow snow, cuz it's pee
Then one dreary Thursday afternoon
Daveness came to say
Cbol with your pencil so long
in my absence, YOU better not let Fish try and write anymore songs
And of course all the bloglits loved that
as they farted simultaneously *reet,reet*
Cbol the Long Penciled Blogger
(I hear)You'll do go down for free

We're so glad you're our buddy
Don't dance naked near a Banshee
I like my bacon really crispy

Happy *hic* Hollindaise everybody!

maybe someone's applied some ColonBlow to the blog.

Does anyone else feel like ColonBlow needs an exclaimation point after it?


I feel much better now.

MOTW: Can I add some Crown Royal to the blognog? It just doesn't seem like the holidays without getting a little CR hangover.

Happy Holidays to all!


The penguin gets smacked 11-30-04.

Jeff M. Thank you and thank you.

Has anyone noticed that (I suppose you have and I am merely underscoring my geezerhood)the achived blog - I mean the comments in the blog archive have been taken over by spamming crapweasels? What can we do about this? I tried raging impotently, and almost pulled it off, but I pulled a hamstring instead and had to quit. Seriously - how can we wage war on the crapweasels?

I noticed that about the archives. I started clicking around in there and everything before last March is pure spam. That was before my time so I wasn't sure if real people just weren't commenting or something had happened after the fact.

Joshkr 12 10 05 Ok what is it. Setting a date?
Just Copycat or a significant date?

I think that they are AlQuaeda agents using the Dave's Blog to send secret messages as part of their next attack using pickles and/or sheep. (or pickled sheep...)

I will personally begin shooting any sheep or pickles I come into contact with.

or pickled sheep...

or sheepish pickles...

or anyone slightly sheepish or with a greenish tint...

lock and load.

I'll be leaving for the day in a few moments - almost time for the nightshift bloglits to take over. We currently have 98 comments on this sleeping - maybe comatose - thread. Maybe the kids will wake it up.

especially if we start shooting people...

I mean pickles...

I prefer to eat pickles.

"Hey Pa, if it's tourist season, why can't we shoot 'em?"

Rumor on the street is that the next terrorist action will involve sheep, pickles, and possibly ColonBlow! (Just for you Witchiecoo)

Possibly feeding sheep pickles loaded with ColonBlow! and turning them loose on an unsuspecting American public.

The average sheep has 20-30 pounds of undigested pickles in its intestines at any one time. Nothing more than a "dirty bomb" waiting to happen in my opinion!

I prefer to just have my pickle ate.

Definitely a terrorist plot.

Does anyone know Rumsfeld's number? I should give him a call. Maybe straight to 'W'?

to be more precise
Just having my pickle ate. ;)

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